Aaaand
wa-la! Another full-of-fail chappy for you to eat. I mean read.
Yeah...
Sorry for the weird mood.
Also sorry for the delay. I
had expected this to be up by last week, but alas, things don't
always work out that way.
Ah well.
Life's a bitch.
..:o0O0o:..
Meanwhile, thousands of miles away…
..:o0O0o:..
"Ryuuzaki, I have to use the bathroom."
"I'm sorry, Light. Right now there is work to be done."
Light's face grew red. What could you expect? The poor guy was chained to a nonchalant insomniac who only let him take a piss every seven hours.
"I know that, Ryuuzaki; but I believe I would be able to get more finished if I didn't have to—"
"Kira would try to get out of his duties so that he may murder more criminals while he is alone. Suspicion has risen by 3%, Light Yagami."
"…"
L continued to stare ahead at the bright computer monitors in front of him. Light just stood still, trying to control himself from shaking with anger…and fearing that if he moved he would ultimately give in and pee.
A few moments passed, but to Light they felt like an eternity. The clock was stuck…it had to be. There was no other explanation. And L was just chewing on his thumbnail in slow motion. Right. That was totally logical.
Not wanting to increase L's suspicion of him any more than necessary, Light did a kind of shuffle-hop back over to his chair and—keeping his legs shut tightly together—slowly edged his bottom into the chair.
Today was going to suck.
..:o0O0o:..
"ZOMGNEARYOURSOSOFTANDFLUFFYANDCUTEANDADORABLE!!!!1!111ELEVEN1!"
"Nngh…" was all that Near could manage as his cheeks were being pinched and his hair was being pulled. Near never thought of himself as any of these things—ever—but to the two teenage girls he apparently was.
"HOLYBUNSNEARYOUARELIEKASOFTSQUISHYLITTLESHEEPYCREAMPUFF!!!!!1!!!!1ASDHFKJA!!1!"
"GAH!!" the white-haired prodigy let out a strangled cry as he was pulled directly into the young and still-developing chest of Linda. Having never been this close to a girl before (or any human for that matter) he had no control over what he did next. Or so he says.
Supposedly, his hands 'automatically' grabbed her chest on their own accord, but that remains to be seen. Whatever the reason, upon feeling her personal space being violated, Linda squealed and slapped Near hard across the face.
That little puff ball flew across the room and was slammed against the window. He hadn't even sat up when Mayhem began to advance towards him (wait, what had he done to her??). Desperately trying to get up, he clung to the bright pink curtain and attempted to pull himself up. All he managed to do was cause the curtain rod to fall down and hit him on the head; hard.
Linda and Mayhem glanced at each other as Near successfully tangled himself up in the pink curtain as he struggled to stand. Stumbling about, Near managed to trip over the curtain that had wrapped itself around his body. In mid-fall, his hands reached out in a desperate attempt to grab something for balance.
Unfortunately, Linda's boobs just didn't do the job, and Near came crashing down.
"AHHH!! NEAR!!! YOU ARE PERVERT!!" Linda screeched as she began to kick the pink and white bundle on the floor.
Squealing and squirming, Near tried to stand but failed many times. The curtain provided some protection from Linda's, but not much. Near was just thankful that he hadn't groped Mayhem…wait, wait, wait! He hadn't 'groped' Linda! It was an accident! Right?
'Wait, what am I arguing about? Obviously, it was a mistake anyone could have made. It is illogical for me to even think that I would want to touch the breast of—'
"GAAAH!!"
Linda had landed a sharp quick square to the groin.
Yeah.
Eyes bulging, cheeks flushing, knees collapsing, Near, the pink and white bundle, stopped struggling immediately and lay still. Linda and Mayhem shot each other a worried look, but both stifled a laugh as he curled up on the floor, his hands shoved between his legs.
After a minute of deep, labored breathing, Near forced the nausea in the pit of his stomach down and he warily brought one of his hands up. This was more difficult than you would think, considering he was still entangled in the shockingly pink window curtain.
With one hand still in the crevice of his legs and his head tucked down to his chest, Near grabbed the air around him desperately for a surface with which he could hoist himself up. The bedside table seemed a good choice, but as his arm was wildly flailing about in the air, his hand managed to grab a hold of the bedside lamp, not the edge of the table.
As I assume you can imagine; when Near tried to pull himself up, he instead brought the lamp smashing down onto his head. Stars and spots ensued, as well as a burn from the (gasp!) hot light bulb. Yes, the light bulb was actually hot. INO RITE?!
In the midst of being really ticked off with him, Linda and Mayhem both gasped and shouted: "Are you alright?!" at the same time. They walked across the room to where the unconscious little fluff ball lay, and they both gasped. Again.
Lots of gasping.
Were they gasping at his adorable little probably-almost-dead appearance?
No.
Where they gasping at the single tiny microphone lying amongst the shattered and cracked remains of the lamp?
Probably.
..:o0O0o:..
Meanwhile, thousands of miles away…(just kidding, it's down the hall)
..:o0O0o:..
Mello and Matt sat opposite each other on their beds. Each had his lap top propped in his lap, while routinely ignoring the other. This was their 'study time'. Translation: Matt was playing World of Warcraft while Mello was looking up Asian pr0n.
It had been almost an hour since they had sent Near off to Linda's room, so naturally they had already both forgotten about 'Operation: Prom Wammy'.
Apparently even if your IQ is over 150 you're still liable to be diagnosed with ADD.
Ha.
So, as you can imagine, upon hearing a loud yelling and a crash coming from the hallway outside their room, the two immediately exited the screens that currently appeared on their computers and pulled up the camera monitor program. Both blinked in confusion as each of their respective computer screens showed nothing but white.
White?
"Yo, Matt! The hell's wrong with the camera? I thought this was state-of-the-art stuff you got," Mello scowled.
Adjusting his headset and clicking open another program, Matt shrugged.
Mello frowned, but went back to 'SUPER HOT: Two Guys Open Jar of Mayonnaise with Their Tongues'.
No one said he was looking at chicks…
..:o0O0o:..
Meanwhile, thousands of miles away…
..:o0O0o:..
That was it.
He was about to explode.
And it would be all L's fault.
Then suddenly, without warning, Light shot out of his chair—approximately three and a half feet high in the air—and ran faster than the speed of light (haha…speed of light…Light….hahaahahahahaa) to the elevator. Unfortunately for him, the closest bathroom was three floors below. And he also happened to be chained to a reclusive, sugar-obsessed detective who was under the suspicion that Light was Kira.
Yay.
L, as hard as this may seem to picture, was not exactly happy at being just yanked by the wrist out of his thinking position. And he had just gotten to the tootsie roll center of a red tootsie pop.
Did he ever finish his lollipop?
The world may never know.
But what we do know is that Light somehow managed to make it to the bathroom after almost taking a leak in the middle of the elevator. And L realized that when full-grown men say that they need to go, they honestly mean it.
Once Light and L were resituated back in the investigation room, L went back to his regular task of crouching within two inches of no less than fifteen computer screens, while Light sat a few feet away from him tapping away on his own computer.
After a few more monotonous hours, Watari walked in bringing with him two slices of fresh strawberry shortcake as well as two cups of black coffee.
"Thank you, Watari," said L, graciously taking the cake.
"Ryuuzaki, I have just received a call from the orphanage requesting if you could make your quarterly visit a month in advance."
L took a bite of his cake and furrowed his brow.
"You mean the end of this month rather than the next?"
Watari nodded.
L glanced at Light and shrugged.
"I suppose. Light, prepare for a trip to hell."
..:o0O0o:..
"Hey, Linda,"
Linda brushed off her hands and adjusted the blankets that were wrapped around Near's pale frame. A short while after the albino had fainted, the girls had switched the hidden microphone off and had tucked the cream puff into the frilly pinkness of their bed.
"Yeah, May?"
"Wanna screw with Matt and Mello's heads?"
Linda grinned somewhat evily.
"Love to!"
..:o0O0o:..
I
really hope you enjoyed this update. I really liked working on this
one.
Enjoy! And review, if you wish. It would definitely brighten
up my gloomy day.
And to all of you fellow Americans…Happy Late Thanksgiving! Hope y'all aren't in a turkey coma right now. If so, get better.
Much love,
~StrawberriBlood
