Monday 15 July 2002
Camden Town, London
"Right, listen up you lot. It's a new week and we've got the following specials..."
Molly knows the specials list off by heart, not that it is too bleeding difficult, being on a strict three week rotation. She sighs, zoning in and out of Artan's tedious briefing lost in her thoughts. It might be a new week, but it's another soddin' St. Swithin's Day which means another year of the 'rest of her life' has passed. Another year, where she has achieved precisely nothing, having abandoned her hopes of finding a publisher for her book.
She suspects she's actually clinically depressed. She's sleeping badly, has lost her appetite and all interest in her appearance. She finds herself crying at random times for no apparent reason.
Jackie has been a good friend to her, but is soon going to be moving to Bristol to take new job which means that she's going to become homeless as well. She knows things must be bad, because even her parents are concerned about her, having suggested on more than one occasion recently that she moves back home.
She knows Charles is worried about her too and she's been avoiding speaking to him, recently screening his calls and ignoring his text messages. In truth, she hasn't completely recovered from seeing him with another woman on their last anniversary, although he's never mentioned that he's seeing anyone and doesn't really act like a man with a girlfriend. With the benefit of hindsight she wonders if perhaps she jumped to the wrong conclusion about what she thought she saw, but has not had the courage to fess up and talk about what really happened that day.
She'd felt terrible afterwards because as well as bolting instead of facing him, she'd done the unthinkable and not even called him to apologise for standing him up. She'd gone home, hidden in her room and drunk a bottle of cheap vodka. She'd passed out and completely missed his increasingly frantic answerphone messages. When he'd not been able to get hold of her, he'd called her parents and she'd been awoken from her drunken stupor by her mum and dad banging on her door in the early hours of the morning. By the time he'd eventually tracked her down the next day at the restaurant, he'd been furious and completely lost his shit with her. He'd told her that he'd been worried sick when she hadn't showed up, told her that he knew she was having a tough time, that he was trying to be supportive but that she was too selfish and self-absorbed to appreciate it. She'd never known him react like that to anything before and their relationship had been strained for a while after.
It was a couple of weeks later that a parcel, containing a mobile phone, had arrived.
She'd turned it on to find a text message.
[Dawesy
Now you have no excuse for ever standing me up again.
Love C x]
The only good thing, other than her first mobile phone, to have come out of the last year is Smurf. Although he's a cocky tosser, he's a kind and funny cocky tosser and they've become firm friends at work, unified by a loathing of Artan and the restaurant. Smurf has suggested on numerous occasions that he would like more from their relationship but she's made it clear that they're only going to be mates. Whilst she likes Smurf a lot, she has absolutely no interest in sex with him. She's even stopped fantasising about Charles in that way, a sure sign that she's depressed.
Artan is coming to the end of his briefing, "Finally, this place needs a decent clean today. Smurf. You're on toilet cleaning duty."
"You're fuckin' kidding me Artan. Why do I always have to do fuckin' latrine clean?"
She looks at him sweetly, "Because you do it so beautifully Smurf."
He swipes at her playfully with a tea-towel, "Ha, bloody ha, Molls. You're in so much trouble later."
Artan is looking at them distastefully, "And when you two have finished, Molly, I need to see you in my office."
As Artan walks away, she rolls her eyes because an encounter with Artan is just what she needs at this precise moment. Smurf is right beside her, "Shout if the slimy bastard tries anything. I'll save you Molls. You can count on me."
"Fuck-off you muppet. I can 'andle Artan."
She enters the office, which is actually the store room, carefully making sure that she leaves the door open.
"You wanted to see me Artan."
"Yes, I'll come straight to it. I've been promoted and I'm leaving. I'd like you to take over as manager."
"What?"
"I want someone who isn't going anywhere. Someone reliable who isn't going to run off without giving proper notice or drop it all for some exciting job. Someone I can rely onto stick around here for a couple of years and devote themselves to the place."
She's silenced by his words and she feels herself starting to cry. He wants someone who isn't going anywhere and he thinks she's just that person. The thought of spending another couple of years in this dump makes her heart sink.
"Are you crying? I'd expected you to be happy? This is a promotion, more money, you'll be the boss. You get your own office and to decide who cleans the toilets."
Shit, she realises he's coming towards her and looks like he's going to give her a hug. She quickly wipes her tears away and moves away from him and closer to the door, "Thanks. Can I think about it?"
He looks at her in a really creepy way, "I thought you'd be grateful. 24 hours Molly. I'll need to know in 24 hours."
-x-
She's sat in the staff locker room having a late lunch break, staring at the latest text message from Charles, sent a couple of days ago, which she still hasn't responded to.
[Dawesy. 2 days to go until our anniversary. We need a plan. Have news. I will come to you this time, so there is no way you can stand me up. C x]
She knows she's left it too late to respond as he always needs a few days notice to arrange time off-base. Although she's been foolishly avoiding him, she would love nothing better than to spend some time in his company right now.
[Sorry. I know I've been a bit shit recently. At work now, speak later. Would love to hear your news. M x]
She's just putting her phone back in her bag when it pings with a message.
[Well Dawesy. You are in luck. Get your arse out here now.]
At that moment, Smurf puts his head around the door, "Molls, there some guy here to see you."
She gets up and runs past him and out into restaurant. Before she stops to think what she's doing, she's launched herself at his chest. As he gives her a surprised hug, she starts sobbing into his chest.
"Hey Dawsey."
As he hugs her and soothes her, he can't help but notice how thin she's become.
"Charles, I am so 'appy to see you."
After a little while she pulls away and attempts to make herself look more presentable.
His face is full of concern, "How long until the end of your shift and we can get out of here?"
She checks her watch, "Give me 'alf an 'our. 'ave a seat at the bar. Do you wanna risk a coffee or would you prefer a beer?"
"Great sales pitch Dawesy... I'll have a beer."
-x-
As it is a glorious evening, they've settled on a picnic on Primrose Hill. They're sitting close together, both feeling comfortable and relaxed in each other's company, enjoying the time away from their respective lives.
"So Dawesy... I got you an anniversary gift... Well actually, it is last year's anniversary gift that I never got the chance to give to you..."
"You know I'm sorry about that. Not me finest moment. Will you ever let me forget it?"
"Probably not."
She playfully punches him on the arm as he holds his hands up in surrender, "I'm joking. I'm joking. You know you don't have to keep apologising. It is in the past."
He hands her a beautifully wrapped package which she examines, "You know I 'aven't got you anythin'."
He's laughing at her, "You never get me anything Dawesy."
She gives him a wry smile and carefully unwraps the present. When she realises what it is she promptly bursts into tears for the third time today.
She manages to sob, "It's beautiful Charles. Thank you."
After a little while she regains some composure, "I'm sorry, I'm don't know what I'm doin' anymore. I'm such a monumental fuck-up. Why do you bother with me?"
He puts his arm around her, gently pulling her towards him. She fits perfectly and he feels her relax into the hug.
"Because you're my best friend." As much as he wants to add, 'and because I love you' he doesn't, not wanting to add to her troubles.
She puts her head in her hands and lets out a frustrated sigh, "I just can't seem to get meself straight... since graduatin' I have achieved precisely nothin'. I look at you and everythin' you've achieved and I feel like such a failure."
"Hey, look at me." He reaches out and gently tips her head up. "You are not a failure. Yes, things haven't been great for you, but they will get better. You have to believe that... I believe that."
They sit in silence for a little while before she snorts, "Well I got offered a promotion to restaurant manager today... on the basis that I'm reliable and am goin' nowhere."
"Don't take it."
She's surprised by the force of his response, "What d'ya mean?"
"I mean, don't fucking take it. If you do, things won't change."
"It's more money..."
"Dawesy, if it is money that is holding you back, you know I can help." He knows she's not going to like this offer and braces himself for her response.
Her eyes flash with indignity, "I'm not a fuckin' charity case. I don't need your money."
He presses on, unperturbed, "I know you're not a charity case, but please think about it. I would be happy to help. It would only be a loan, you can pay me back".
She sighs heavily, "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be ungrateful. I just dunno what I wanna do. But yer right, I'm not goin' to figure it out workin' at Loco bleedin' Caliente."
He's not ready to give up on this conversation yet, "So, do you have any ideas about what you might wanna do?"
The truth is that she has thought about this in her better moments, but hasn't been able to see a way to make it happen until now and certainly hasn't shared it with anyone, "Well... I 'ave been thinkin'."
"Oh, Dawesy, that does sound dangerous."
"Oi, yer supposed to be encouragin' me."
"Sorry, I am. I am. Go on."
She takes a deep breath and knows that as soon as she says the words he will encourage and support her in any way she asks, but that she'll also be opening herself for the prospect of more failure, "Well... I was thinking I could do a PGCE and become an English teacher."
"I think that is a fucking awesome idea. I can help you with the applications or interview practice... I mean, only if you want... You will be brilliant. "
"Thank you... for believin' in me Charles. You're such a... good friend"
He sees that she's about to start crying again and pulls her into another hug, "Hey come here, no more tears." He hates seeing her so unhappy and wishes he could make everything better for her. More than anything, he wishes she saw him as more than a good friend.
She wishes she could stay in this position, snuggled in his arms, forever. It feels so safe, so right. She doesn't deserve to have him as a friend, nevermind anything else.
After a while of companionable silence and hugging, she remembers his text and that he had said he had news. She reluctantly pulls away and returns to a safer sitting distance.
"So enough about me... tell me somethin' excitin'... you said you 'ad news."
He's reticent about sharing his news given everything she's just said,"Yes, well... I've been promoted to Lieutenant."
She's genuinely delighted for him, "Oh Charles, that was quick. That's amazin' news. Well done. Let's toast that."
He's tempted to leave it there, but he knows he has to tell her the rest of his news. He's anxious how she's going to take it in her fragile state, but he knows it is best to do it face to face and he's not sure whether he'll get another chance. He take a deep breath, "There's more... what with 9/11 and the situation in Afghanistan, it also looks like I might be going on my first combat tour soon."
She's unable to hide the shock and worry which hits her with this news, "Oh."
He's concerned that she might start crying again, "Nothing is confirmed yet..."
She won't let herself cry about this too, it is not fair to him, despite wondering how she'll cope with him away. She's knows this is what he's always wanted and what he's been training for. She has to be brave about this, "I know this is what you want... I'm pleased for you... I really am. It's just I'll miss you."
"Christ. I'll miss you too Dawsey. We'll be able to write, text and call."
"Yes, of course we can."
She looks out over the view of London and resolves that she needs to get a grip of her life. She needs to make some changes, reset herself and take control of her destiny. Today, St Swithin's Day 2002 is the first day of the rest of her life.
