Disclaimer: All recognizable characters and settings are property of their lawful owners. This story is written for entertainment purposes only and no profit is made. No copyright infringement intended.

A/N: A big THANK YOU to all my readers! I'm especially loving the "I don't usually read/like stories like this but..." -reviews. :D I get weird satisfaction when I know I made people step outside their comfort zone and they like it there.

I'm going away for a few days so there might be delays with the next couple of chapters. But you shouldn't have to wait longer than two days between chapters.

Oh, and many of you have commented about how calmly Jack is taking this all. I'm sure he has been panicked and freaked out but I decided not to write those moments.
I had several options how to write this story and I decided on the light and almost surreal way. I'm cutting corners a lot with this one and I know it.

I could have written a serious, thoughtful story where Jack makes peace with the memory of Charlie and decides he's ready to be a father again. But I felt like the mpreg fic was not the right place for that because the basic idea is so far outside the box that it's hard to take seriously.

So... This story is a light, slightly ridiculous one that doesn't aim to be moving or deeply analytical, its main purpose is to entertain.


CHAPTER 4

Jack stood in front of the mirror, shirtless, loose sweatpants hanging low on his hips. Yep, he definitely looked pregnant, stretch marks and all. Luckily he hand't grown breasts. That was something. He pushed his hand on the left side of the bump and a small foot pushed back.

"You hungry?" he asked and the kid gave him a couple of good kicks in response.

"I take that as a yes."

It had been pain to organize enough healthy food for the stay but having a little gray alien in orbit with beaming technology helped a lot. Since outside he'd be gone only a few days, Jack bought tons of fresh fruits and vegetables home and Thor beamed him a bag every five days or so in his time.

It was day nineteen now and so far Jack was doing fine. Biggest problem was his shifting center of gravity which left him feeling unstable on his feet. Sleeping on his back was off limits, his back and feet were sore and his bad knee was throbbing because of the gained weight but it was still bearable. He spent a lot of time swimming in the lake because in the water he didn't need to worry about tripping like he did on the trail that went around the lake.

Thor gave him a device that allowed him to beam himself up to the ship immediately in case of emergency so that made him feel a little better. They also kept up with the weekly check-ups but other than that he was alone. Or, well, with the kid.

"I'm surprised how much I'm enjoying your company," Jack said out loud as he made his way to the kitchen. The kid recognized his voice and reacted to a lot of things with kicks and shoves. Jack had already started to train the kid's taste of quality TV and watched a couple of episodes of The Simpsons every day after dinner.

The kid always got excited about the theme music and then calmed down, like she was concentrating on the show but probably she was just sleeping. Jack cataloged that information away for later use.


One downside about the local time dilation field was that it didn't affect the rotation of the planet so he was stuck with the day-night cycle of the rest of the planet. Except that for him it meant two weeks of daytime, followed by a week long night. It was boring, even more so than usually, because he couldn't go outside for the fear of tripping in the dark. One can only watch the Simpsons DVDs through so many times before even they become boring.

Another problem was that the temperature dropped at night. Jack hadn't really thought of that because usually he was under the blankets for that six to eight hours when it was too cold to walk around shirtless but now it was six days and he couldn't stay in bed all day, especially because his bladder seemed to be the size of a grape nowadays.

"Alright," he sighed and digged through the pile of clothes he had packed. He had grown out of his usual shirts already which said a lot because he usually bought them a size or two bigger than he needed. Finally he across the oversized T-shirts he had bought before he left. Three for ten bucks or some similar deal, so he wasn't expecting too much from them but they would hopefully keep him warm and look better than a toga like attire created from an old sheet, which was his option number two.

"A little on the plain side," Jack thought out loud when he stood in front of the mirror. The T-shirt was a little too short, forcing Jack to pull his sweatpants over the bump instead of shoving them underneath it like he had been doing so far. "But warm," he agreed. "Is talking to yourself the first sign of going insane?" he thought out loud and smoothed the shirt over his bump. His bellybutton had popped from innie to outie and was now clearly visible through the T-shirt.

"You know what, kid... I think this needs some decorating."

He took the second, identical T-shirt and spread it on the table, then started to go through the cabinets to find something he could use to decorate it.

"Oh, well," he finally gave in after an hour of searching. "Duct tape it is."

He cut pieces of the tape and split them in half, then started arranging the strips into the form of letters. A few hours later he was watching TV again, proudly wearing his new masterpiece. "BABY ON BOARD" it said with crude looking duct tape letters.

"You know what's saddest about this solitude thing, kid?" he asked and took a sip from his water bottle. "There's no one here to laugh at my great jokes."


Eventually even arts and crafts weren't enough to keep Jack entertained and finally he got desperate and beamed himself up to Thor's ship. It was halfway through the first "night", meaning third day of nothing but darkness around the cabin.

"O'Neill," Thor greeted and Jack wondered if the alien ever slept because no matter when he beamed up, he was always on the bridge. But then he remembered that for Thor it had only been a couple of hours since Jack last visited.

"Thor," he said with a little nod.

"Is all well?"

"Can you find Carter for me?" The more he thought about it, the better the idea seemed. Find Carter, tell her everything and guilt her into massaging his sore feet for the rest of the pregnancy so he wouldn't need to be miserable alone. Great plan! Why the heck had he kept the whole thing a secret in the first place?

"She is on P3X-522 with SG-1."

"She's off-world?"

Blink, blink. "Yes. I have observed their schedule in case you wanted to talk to her. Would you wish me to contact SGC?"

"Ah, nope... Let's not... Make this official."

"It will take us two days to reach the planet on ship. Do you require any supplies before we leave?"

Jack heaved a sigh and made his way to the window, watching the Earth underneath them.

"O'Neill?"

"Just... Forget it," he sighed. "I just had a weak moment there."

"If you wish to inform her about the child, I have no objections to retriving Colonel Carter."

"I know that, Thor. But I don't really want to tell her. I was just feeling lonely and miserable."

"Is there anything I can do to make your stay easier, O'Neill?"

He flashed a boyish grin at the gray alien. "You any good at foot massages, Thor?"


One good thing about the slowed down daily cycle was that sunrises seemed to last forever. Jack had been sitting on the porch for hours already, watching the colorful play on the sky. He was sipping a cup of tea and nibbling at the colorful cubes Thor had given him. The Asgard equivalent of pregnancy vitamins, he figured. After eight months he still hadn't gotten used to the stuff. It's not that they tasted bad, they just didn't have a taste at all, except for a little chemical aftertaste that lingered for hours. Bit like when you accidentally breath exhaust fumes when a car or a bus speeds away right in front of you.

He leaned back on his chair and put his hand on his stomach. The kid kicked back right away.

"I think you need a name," he said and got a swift kick in response. "Any ideas?" Surprisingly there was no movement. "Alright, how about I'll start listing options and you let me know if I find something you like, huh?"

"Caitlin?" Nothing.

"Jessica?"

"Mary?"

"Emily?" Jack felt slight movement. "You like that, huh? Emily. Can I call you Em?" the kid kicked him hard enough that Jack suspected he'd get a bruise.

"Right, then. Em it is. How do you feel about Janet for a middle name?" There was a gentle kick on the other side of the bump, or maybe it was a punch this time.

"Yeah..." he sighed. "I miss her her, too."


A/N: Thank you for reading!

And that T-shirt was all your fault, mmkbrook! I might have to add that "Bun in the oven" one to the next chapter.