The Forgotten Child
Chapter 4: Explanations
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of JK Rowling's works. I wish I did, but alas, some things were not meant to be…
Warnings: some swearing, mentions of abuse, descriptions of self harm, may be triggering.
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"Harry. Harry dear, can you hear me? Don't worry, you're safe here, no one can touch you here. It's over you did it, he's dead, and he's never coming back. It's okay, no need to panic, just try to focus on my words and breathe slowly and deeply, that's it, in and out, in and out…"
It seemed to be working for Harry had regulated his breathing to coincide with Narcissa's instructions. Now he was just staring intently at the blond, obviously waiting for an explanation of some sort.
Narcissa turned to the rooms' occupants, waiting to see if any of them would say anything.
"Harry darling, Severus, Lucius and I have some important news to discuss with you, I think it would maybe be better if we were alone for this conversation…" she glanced at the rooms other occupants as she spoke.
"NO… please I would rather they all stayed…" the teen shifted nervously on the bed, barely concealing a wince as the movement caused his aching muscles to throb. Unfortunately for him his discomfort did not go unnoticed from the dark haired potions master.
"Potter, if you must insist on having all of your fan club around you for our explanations at least let us heal you before hand. I don't want to have to endure your constant shuffling and fidgeting." At those words Madame Pomfrey bustled in, and immediately started fussing about Harry, much to his embarrassment.
"What have you gotten yourself into now, Mr Potter, if you end up in here much more often I'll have to seriously consider dedicating a bed purely for you, for when you next land yourself in the Hospital Wing." She then waved her wand in a few complicated patterns over the child; it appeared the diagnostic spells were finally working. "Well the good news young man is that you are merely suffering from strained muscles and ligaments, nothing a mild pain-killing potion won't cure." With those words she walked off to a cupboard on the opposite side of the room and returned with a milky white potion, which she promptly handed to the bedridden child.
Harry quickly uncorked and downed the potion, unable to hide his shudder of revulsion at the horrible taste that reminded him of sweaty socks, and mouldy bread.
" Good, you should be all set now Mr Potter, all that I recommend is some rest and no strenuous exercise for the next few days, understood?" at Harry's nod she strode off to check on her other patients.
The 'fan club' as Snape had dubbed them, had remained very quiet throughout this whole exchange. They made careful note of how Harry's change of appearance was never mentioned. They were also very relieved to hear that the teen had suffered no real damage from his mysterious transformation.
Almost as one the group all turned to Narcissa obviously waiting for some kind of enlightenment as to the present situation.
"Harry" she started of uncertainly "are you absolutely certain that you want all of these people here to hear what I am about to tell you. There will be some information which may be quite upsetting for you." Harry looked a lot less sure of himself now, unhappy with the fact that some of the people he held closest to his heart may see him upset. After some careful deliberation he shook his head no. " Um, I guess I would kinda prefer it if you guys did leave. Not that I don't like you or anything!" he added hurriedly "It's just that I would like to hear it on my own…" the teen finished of in almost a whisper making those he considered family strain to hear him.
Remus smiled gently down at him " Sure cub, no problem, just know that we'll be right outside if you need us and that no matter what we will always love you."
The surrounding crowd all nodded their heads in agreement, murmuring words of encouragement and love before heading out of the infirmary doors.
Soon Harry was left with Snape, and the Malfoys standing around him, and to say he was nervous would be an understatement. He was bloody terrified! There, not two feet away from him stood two very tall imposing men, and he had no doubt that a blow from either would knock him out. And they were ex Death Eaters to boot. The only reason he hadn't panicked completely and demanded that his 'family' stayed with him as because of Lady Malfoy. She seemed awfully nice, and her voice was calm and soothing. It didn't mean he trusted her, just that he believed that she wouldn't hurt him, and possibly stop the men from hitting him if they got angry.
Of course his face betrayed none of his inner turmoil, conditioned through years of painstaking practice to only let the emotions that Harry deemed appropriate shine through.
The adults in question actually found it quite frightening to see the boy's face so emotionless but they decided to push on anyway.
Lucius spoke up first "Harry before we can explain properly you have to know a bit about us first. You know that Narcissa and I are married yes?" at the child's nod he went on "our marriage was not one of love, but of convenience. That does not mean that I do not love Narcissa, but more in the way I would love a sister, not as a lover. The truth is that I prefer men and always have. In fact I have been bonded to a man for well over twenty years, and I have loved him for each and every one of those years. That man, Harry is Severus Snape." At Harry's incredulous look, Snape scoffed. "What is it Potter? Didn't believe the greasy dungeon bat could ever be loved eh?" At his words, Narcissa and Lucius both glared at him, which promptly shut him up.
"I'm sorry Harry, you'll have to excuse Severus it's been a very emotionally draining day. Now were was I? Ah yes, so I have been married to Severus for many years, and shortly after we got married we learned that Severus was pregnant with our child." Harry's eyes again widened in shock, a man being pregnant? This was completely unheard of and bizarre. That was definitely not normal, men weren't supposed to get pregnant.
Seeing that the child seemed completely lost Narcissa stepped in " Harry dear, in the wizarding world it is perfectly normal for men to be able to carry children. Some men are born carriers due to some type of creature inheritance, or they can ingest a potion, which will enable them to bear a child." The teen looked confused and hesitantly asked a question "But if men can also conceive, how come Lucius was forced to marry a woman. I assumed the purpose for the union was for the um, heirs…" he trailed of uncertainly.
"Yes Harry, under different circumstances your assumptions would be correct. Unfortunately Lucius came from one of the rare old blood families that looked down on same sex unions. Usually it isn't a problem, since as long as there could be heirs and the bloodline was kept pure it didn't matter. Lucius was unlucky and his father insisted he choose a woman to wed. I already knew of Lucius' relationship with Severus, and I agreed to marry Lucius.
We were all good friends and so living together was no problem. In public Lucius and I were the perfect pureblood couple, but in private, Severus and Lucius could truly be themselves. In order to quell all suspicious rumours Lucius gave me an heir." When she reached this part Narcissa blushed lightly, dusting her normally ivory white skin with the faintest hints of pink. "Just because Draco was not born of an amorous union does not mean he was any less loved and cherished. Lucius and Severus' child was born a few months after Draco. He was the most adorable baby, eyes the colour of liquid silver and Severus' dark hair. All of us loved that child and Draco as if they were are own."
Narcissa then stopped her tale and looked to the other men, silently asking who would go on with the telling of this wild story. Finally Lucius spoke up and continued. " The presence of the boy was kept very secret, only Narcissa, Severus and I knew of his existence, along with one or two house elves. By then we were both spies for the order and our lives were constantly at risk. We eventually made the decision to inform Dumbledore of the baby's existence; so that in the unlikely case of all our deaths someone would know of the child and be able to properly look after it.
What we didn't plan on was Dumbledore betraying our trust. When the boy was around one year old, Severus and I had to attend a Death Eater meeting. We left the child in the capable hands of our trusted house elf Dippy. On returning from the meeting we saw that Malfoy Manor had been broken into, we were straight away terrified for our children's safety and ran to the west wing, where the children were kept. Upon arriving we saw the corpse of Dippy and the empty crib overturned. We were distraught, barely able to keep standing with the grief that lay heavy on our hearts. Yet before we could go check on Narcissa and Draco we were stopped short by none other than Albus Dumbledore, the light's great leader."
You could hear the hate in the man's voice when he spoke of the Headmaster and Harry wondered what he could possibly have done to warrant such ire. The teen held an inkling of doubt in his mind at what the reason behind such anger was, but he dared not properly acknowledge the thought.
"I remember seeing the man and being relieved. He had somehow been alerted to the break in and had come to try and help us find our missing little baby boy. Oh how wrong I was." He said ruefully. "Dumbledore, the sick bastard, was holding our son in his arms. He then proceeded to tell us that he was taking the child. Believe us Harry; we would have done anything to keep that child, anything in the world. Sold our soul to the devil himself if it meant that he was safe and kept out of harms way.
However, before we could do anything, that sick twisted man then proceeded to obliviate Severus, Narcissa and I, so that none of us would remember, never mind think of looking for our forgotten child." Lucius sounded defeated as he spoke his sad tale, and Harry had the inexplicable urge to hug the man. He quickly shook his head to rid it of such thoughts. It wasn't appropriate. Freaks didn't get hugs, freaks didn't deserve love or to be cared for like that child in the story, the child that had been kidnapped. The child with the silver eyes.
Harry was snapped out of his reverie by Severus speaking. " And so we lived on for fifteen years, unaware that our child, our joy had been taken away. We had always felt as if something had been missing in our lives and now we know what."
"Harry, when Dumbledore was killed during the battle, all his curses, all his magic's that he had used on people over the years vanished. We remember. Lucius, Narcissa and I finally remember. It appears that the headmaster also had enchantments placed on you: a strong glamour on your whole body and multiple blocks on your core.
Your appearance has changed rather drastically Harry, which is the reason for your sore muscles, your body finally has its natural form, it's also why your voice is different. Would you like to see?"
Harry nodded his head shakily panic rising in his chest to claw at his lungs. What if he was hideous? What if he really looked like the monster he was told he was for all these years?
Lucius conjured a full-length mirror, and placed it at the foot of the boy's bed. Harry had squeezed his eyes shut, in an effort to hide from his surely grotesque appearance. Narcissa seeing Harry's fright reassured him with gentle words that it was okay, that he needn't be afraid to look.
Summoning all his Gryffindor courage, Harry opened his eyes. Eyes that were no longer the colour of the Avada Kedavra curse, eyes that now matched the description of Severus and Lucius' child. His hair was impossibly long, pooling around his delicate frame in pitch-black tendrils, infused with the slightest hints of blue when the light hit it. Reaching up a hand, Harry touched his face; now filled with softer, more delicate features that gave him an ethereal quality, to make sure that they were, in fact, real. To his immense surprise they were, they felt solid beneath his fingers, more natural then his old face had ever felt. When he touched his hair he found it soft as silk and comforting to touch. Pushing the locks behind his ear he gasped in surprise when he felt a pointed tip. Staring into the mirror he could see that yes, his ears were now slightly elongated and pointed.
Harry had been confused as to why Dumbledore had put a glamour on him, but now he understood, he looked absolutely nothing like the Potters. That could only mean one thing… that he wasn't in fact a Potter.
The realisation hit him like a ton of bricks. He understood, he got why the Malfoy's and Snape were telling him that story. He was that child wasn't he? Oh god he was their child. The child that had been taken by Dumbledore. He was SNAPE and MALFOY'S child? This could not be happening. This wasn't possible. Hadn't he been through enough? Couldn't the universe just leave him alone? He just wanted to be left alone… Feeling the heavy gaze of his profe-no father on him, it was all too much. He couldn't stand to be there for another second. To have their pitying gaze on him. To wait to be told that they didn't want him and never would. Harry couldn't take it anymore. He just wanted out. And, to his surprise, his new more powerful magic complied and apparated him to the Forbidden Forest, far away from any prying eyes.
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Severus could see that the child was upset when he looked in the mirror. Who wouldn't be when they realised that the face they had lived with, the face the had thought of as their own was not theirs, but that of an imposter. The teen touched his face as if searching for some sign of fakery. When the boy's pointed ears were revealed he was also stunned. He hadn't thought this was possible. He knew Lucius and he both had some creature ancestry, thus permitting him to carry his own child.
But there hadn't been a person powerful enough in either of their lines for years to receive a full creature inheritance. His son must be incredibly powerful in order for him to be a creature. And what creature would he be? Oh the purebloods liked to think that they were absolutely one hundred percent wizard but the truth was that most pureblood families had multiple creatures in their family trees. He would have to do some research in order to find out exactly what kind of creature Harry was.
His thoughts were interrupted by the strong feelings of anxiousness rolling of the boy in waves. The piercing eyes travelled briefly towards them and he could see understanding flicker in them before they were quickly averted. It seemed as if the child had figured it out by himself. Now all they had to do was clear up a few more details and then they could see how the boy was reacting.
A loud pop that signalled someone disapperating echoed around the room. The adults stood stunned as Harry vanished from their sight to Merlin knows where. Their child had done the seemingly impossible: he had apperated within the walls of Hogwarts. Harry must have much more power then they had ever thought possible, however that wasn't a priority, what mattered was finding the distraught boy.
"What in Merlin's name happened? He shouldn't be able to apperate!" cried Lucius. "Never mind that, we should focus on finding your son, he could be just about anywhere, and maybe he splinched himself. I doubt the boy has had any training in apperition and he could potentially be scattered around all four corners of the globe." Narcissa's harsh words spurred the two anxious parents into action. They left the Hospital Wing hurriedly only to encounter the Weasley clan along with the godmut and the werewolf. Seeing their harried faces they automatically assumed the worst.
"What have you done to my godson you scum. If you've hurt a hair on his head I'll make you wish you'd never been born."
"Oh, do be silent Black, don't speak of things you know nothing off" hissed Severus in reply to Sirius' questioning.
Narcissa intervened quickly to avoid any conflict "Now all of you listen here, Harry just realised some very upsetting things and his magic reacted to his wish to get away and apperated him to some unknown location. Now before you all ask what it is that upset him we aren't going to tell you. That's Harry's prerogative and his alone. So don't any of you try and go forcing the information out of him. He'll tell you in his own time, if he decides to tell you. " The adults all looked slightly abashed at their behaviour and acquiesced to the scary witches demands.
"Alright, we have to organise a search party. We can hope that Harry is in the near vicinity, and so that's where we'll start. Bill, Charlie, check all the lower levels of the castle; Molly and Arthur check the main levels, Fred and George search the towers. Black and Lupin, you'll join us in searching the grounds and Forbidden Forest, hopefully your heightened senses of smell will help us track him down."
With Narcissa's orders issued they all set of to find Harry, all they could pray for was that he was still in one piece and not at the other end of the world.
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Harry looked around in surprise. It appeared to be that he was somewhere in the Forbidden Forest. He recognized it due to the gloomy light barely penetrating through the thick foliage and the earthy and damp smell that permeated the air.
The relief he felt form being far away from his would be parents was immense. To have that kind of knowledge foisted on him was not good for his mental state. And it wasn't even sure that they were his parents. I mean come on, what are the odds of the dungeon bat and the Ice Prince's father being his real parents? No it surely couldn't be. He must've made a mistake, misinterpreted everything. Yes that's right, he had over reacted, it was all in his head. There was absolutely nothing to worry about.
Except there was something to worry about. No matter how much Harry wanted to deny it a small voice in the back of his mind kept saying that he was wrong. That he was in fact the son of Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape. That Dumbledore had tricked all of them, making them think he was some benign ruler always and unrelentingly working for the 'Greater Good'.
'Greater Good' my arse. The crazy old man left me at the Dursleys for years. I asked, no I begged him every single year not to send me back there; he would always smile sadly and say that I was exaggerating or outright lying to him, and that I really should be grateful to my Aunt and Uncle for taking me in. Grateful? I should be grateful for being locked up, starved, beaten, rap-no that didn't happen, I won't believe it happened.
The more Harry pondered Dumbledore's behavior the angrier he became. Who was he to have made Harry suffer all these years and apparently needlessly too. For if Snape and Malfoy were his real parents then the blood wards had been a lie. There wouldn't have been a reason why Harry had to go back to that hell each year. He could have easily stayed at an orphanage or at the Burrow or Grimauld Place. God he hated that man.
Suddenly it was all too much for the teenager; his anger faded to be replaced with a profound sadness in those silver eyes. The type of sorrow that you saw in hardened soldiers or torture victims. Not the type of expression you expected to see on a fifteen year old.
And it was too much. It was all too fucking much. All these feelings buzzing around inside his head, making him feel as if he was going to explode, as if he was breaking apart at the seams, he couldn't deal with them. And so Harry used the one method he knew how.
He didn't know when it had started, the idea slowly creeping up on him, like some dark poisonous plant festering in his mind, poisoning his thoughts until one day: he did it. He had heard of it sometime in his primary years, how one of the older students had been pulled out of school and moved to some special place because they liked to hurt themselves. He didn't understand why anyone would want to cause themselves harm when he was younger.
But he realized after one of Uncle Vernon's beatings, sometime during the summer after fourth year, that the pain made the thoughts stop. There would be blessed silence in his head. No voices saying he was a freak and that he deserved this, no dark thoughts on how he had killed Cedric, no conscience telling him that he didn't really deserve this, that he should tell someone. No, all there was, was nothing…calm, peace at last.
He remembered it vividly, the first time he ever did it. Taking Sirius's pocketknife out, late one night, sitting in his bed. He had silencing and locking charms all around his curtains, just in case he made a sound or one of his dorm mates happened to wake up. Pressing the small blade to the creamy skin of his thigh. He knew most people cut themselves on their arms but he thought that even with glamour charms, there was more chance of someone seeing scars on your arm then on your thigh. No, only if he were getting showered or changed would he have to be careful.
He was scared, was this really a good idea? Would this ever really help? But logic never fully coincides with emotions and so he watched in morbid fascination, as small red trails of blood would trickle over his skin. Crimson teardrops that he dare not shed himself. All his pent up emotions, free to run wild with the deliberate motion of cutting his skin repeatedly. And ever since that first time, some four months ago, he had never been able to stop.
It was just so simple. Whenever he was stressed or angry or upset, all it would take would be one little cut and he would be better again. He could face the world and smile and laugh, even when on the inside he felt like he was dying, like he was slowly withering away. Could none of them see? Were they all blind to the masks he wore? To the pain he felt?
To be perfectly honest he knew he was being irrational, he wore the masks to make sure that nobody knew, and it was his fault if his facades were so good that no one could see his lies. So why was he complaining? Nothing mattered anyway.
So once Harry had again completed his ritual, he cleaned himself up, put the glamours back up, hiding the white scars and the still not healed and fresh cuts. He slid his knife into one of his trousers' pockets and lay down to sleep. For he was weary, sick of the world, and tired of trying to be who he was not. Harry fell into Morpheus' realm to the soft sighs of the wind in the branches above, and the chatter of animals around him.
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AN: Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It was a pretty emotional one for me to write. Please review, I love them sooo much.
