Brittany opened her eyes, looking around the room she knew where she was instantly.
She gazed up at Santana who was perched on her hospital bed stroking her arm, Santana smiled warmly down at her but Brittany knew instinctively something was wrong. Brittany saw the fear in Santana's eyes as if she was hiding something, before she could question it the Latina tried to comfort her worries by lying down and pulling her into her arms.
"Babe, I haven't left your side, I've been waiting for you to wake up for nine hours… Rachel's already came by to bring you some lilies." Santana tried to smile whilst she clung to Brittany for comfort, so glad she was finally awake.
"All I remember is the bleeding, w-what happened?" Brittany stuttered, trying to brace herself, trying to prepare herself for what she knew her wife was about to tell her.
Santana took in a deep breath, trying to find the courage to tell her sweet Brittany what had happened in the space of the last twelve hours.
She was well aware that she was about to destroy her wife's beautiful, happy world brick by brick. "We were carrying twins and the placenta of one of the twins ruptured and it caused you to have a miscarriage, the other twin is still fighting though, hanging in there - the doctor said it's a miracle, you lost so much blood Brittany, you stopped breathing whilst you were unconscious and I was so scared you were going to-" Santana paused as she tried to steady her emotions, reminding herself that her wife was here now and that was all that mattered. "-going to not wake up, so they intubated you."
Brittany looked at Santana in disbelief, tears welling in her eyes as she tried to process what was happening.
"We- we were carrying twins?" she whimpered.
The tears cascaded freely from her blue eyes, she remained unable to stop them. She rolled on her side and trembled as she tried to focus on the little life fighting inside of her, but all her mind could focus on was the little life they lost, she tried to maintain her composure as she hid her tears from her wife, refusing to roll back over as Santana's hands tried to gently pull her back to face her, she wondered what and where the annoyingly loud noise was coming from, it sounded like a high pitched wail that didn't seem to end. Brittany realised it was the guttural screams from her own lungs as she fought a losing battle to force the pain back down into her chest.
"Hey, hey, hey." Santana hushed her, giving up on her attempts to gently pull Brittany back to face her, instead she climbed in bed spooning her from behind, holding her close to her in the hopes she'd soon calm down. It broke her heart in ways no one could understand to see her Brittany hurt, to see her fall apart and know there was nothing she could do to cellotape her fracturing pieces back together. She held on for dear life trying to tether Brittany to her own body afraid she would drift away, until the laithe dancer's body next to her started to kick and thrash, trying to pull the wires out of her arms as she finally caved in and lost it.
"Okay, okay. Brittany, Britt! You need to calm down!" Santana pleaded, aware that Dr Frears gave strict orders for Brittany to rest, the words 'high risk of miscarriage' replaying in her head. "I know it hurts, I know it hurts baby but we still have another child to think about." Santana pleaded as she held Brittany's arms to her sides so she couldn't thrash anymore.
Brittany's face grew redder with frustration as she tried to wriggle her way out of her wife's grasp,determined to leave this place as Santana's voice blurred in the background like radio interference.
the Latina became aware that her knuckles were growing white against her wife's skin as she held on for dear life trying to halt her meltdown. "Brittany, I can't keep holding you this hard, I don't want to hurt you or the baby and I really don't want them to sedate you again, just talk to me - I'm your wife B, just talk to me?" Santana pleaded.
"San, I've never felt pain like this, please make it stop." Brittany whimpered, unsure of what this burning ache in her chest was.
"I know your heart is broken, mine is too, but we're going to get through this together okay?" she comforted her blue eyed girl as Brittany finally turned over and crawled into Santana's arms, pressing her face into the crook of the neck as it seemed the only safe place in the world now.
"Everything is different now, nothing is going to be happy again San. We lost a baby." Brittany sobbed against the tanned flesh of her wife's neck, praying for something or someone to just put her out of her misery as she thought in her head how ridiculous it was people used the term lost baby. It wasn't as if her and Santana went to 7/11 one day and just forgot they were pregnant and left their baby somewhere neither of them were too sure of, their child died. died. There was no second chance, there was no hope of finding their 'lost baby' she thought.
"We still have one tiny human who's fighting just as hard as we are Britt, we need to keep fighting for them okay? We still have one baby on the way." Santana whispered against Brittany's forehead as her lips pressed a long kiss to the freckled skin, her free hand stroking the trademark blonde ponytail as she willed her girl to say something. Anything.
"I'm sorry San, it's my fault." she broke another sob, albeit a gentler one.
"Don't you ever say that Britt. None of this is your fault, I was so scared you were going to die - I was so scared I was going to lose you and the baby." Santana calmly explained before quickly backtracking to change her singular to a plural. "Babies." she corrected herself. "but I have you, and I still have one baby to fight for - this wasn't your fault, I don't ever want you to feel that way, okay?" Santana began to cry as they clung to each other, not a word shared between them for a while as they just laid in each others company, united in their grief and joy that they still had one child left.
Santana gave Brittany some time to calm down, never letting her wife leave her possessive embrace as she decided the only option now was to protect Brittany with everything she had in her arsenal for the next six months.
"San." the broken voice piped up underneath her chin where Brittany had hidden her face. "Did they tell you anything about the baby we lost?" she asked, fresh tears falling from her cheeks and wetting Santana's neck as the Latina's heart broke into a million pieces again seeing her wife so damaged.
"They said the baby we lost was a little boy, I know they won't let us have his remains so I think we should at least name him, I mean, he had a heartbeat and fingernails and toes, it feels right that he should have a name." Santana suggested as she maneuvered Brittany higher up on her chest so they could talk eye to eye.
Brittany clearly needed a second to process the information. a little boy, she thought. The idea caused the voice in her throat to choke up, she wrapped her arms around her wife's neck and clung to her as tight as she could, aware that Santana needed her love just as much as she needed Santana's, the IV's coming from both her hands made it uncomfortable, but the familiarity of being in her wife's embrace outweighed everything right now as she needed the reassuring comfort.
"Why can't we take him home Santana?" Brittany asked with that broken and defeated voice that her wife barely recognised. It wasn't often Santana lied to Brittany, in fact she couldn't remember a time she ever outright lied to the blonde, but she couldn't bring herself to describe how their child was classed as medical waste and would probably be incinerated, in fact it was a thought she couldn't bare to linger on herself.
"He can't come home because the hospital takes their remains to a special place where they can all be together because they're so little… it's nice Britt, you'd like it, there's flowers and trees, and there's a playground nearby so he'll always be able to hear all the other children laughing, maybe he'll even get to play with them too..." Santana suggested as she rubbed the blonde's back as she softly hiccuped through her tears.
"I like the sound of that." Brittany admitted through a heartbroken sob as Santana tried her best to hold her together.
The next day they decided to name their unborn son Saulo Matthew Lopez. A name they'd never get to use but they didn't want their unborn child to remain nameless. Saulo meant prayed for and Matthew meant god's gift; they felt the name was apt to say the least.
Santana refused to leave Brittany's side for more than five minutes and as Santana was so well liked by her peers and seniors they turned a blind eye to Brittany and Santana sharing a hospital bed but clearly someone had forgot to remind the interns who Santana Lopez was.
Britt and Santana were exhausted, the night prior had been spent with no sleep, they had gently sobbed into each other's arms all night.
They both laid sleeping quietly in Brittany's hospital bed, Santana clung onto her like she might float away into the sky if she let go, they had been asleep for maybe twenty minutes when a young intern stormed into the room, both of them woke up slightly dazed as the Intern threw Brittany a venomous look. "You need to tell your little girlfriend to leave right now and come back during visiting hours, that's if I decide to not have her banned from the ward, I mean, what the hell do you think this is? A hotel?"
Even in her sleepy haze Santana knew her wife was being disrespected, and no one disrespected her wife. Ever.
San sat up, Staring like a lion eying up a gazelle on the Serengeti. "I want you to go and get your resident Dr Fabray right now before I page the Service Chief who happens to be a close friend of my wife and I." she growled as the young intern looked at Santana knowing he just picked the wrong fight.
Ten minutes later he returned with Quinn, looking at the floor like a schoolboy who was about to be scolded as he followed her into the room.
"Quinn he's your intern right?" Santana asked.
"Yeah San he's one of mine, why?"
Brittany had curled up on Santana's chest and fell straight back to sleep, she was too exhausted for arguments at this time of night. San sat up with her arm draped around Brittany pulling the blankets up around her, even if Brit wasn't awake to witness it - no one was going to disrespect her like that and get away with it.
"Your intern seems to think it's appropriate to storm into a hospital room at 2AM, waking us up to chastise my wife who hasn't slept since she's been admitted due to a miscarriage. Can someone please explain to me how she's supposed to recuperate when this asshole bursts in here like he owns the place?" Santana rhetorically asked as the young red-faced doctor in front of her struggled to keep his mouth closed from the dressing down in front of his boss.
"Hospital policy allows us to refuse treatment to abusive patients, one more word like that and you and your wife will be on a different ward!" the young man growled at her, so painfully unaware of who he was picking a fight with.
"I have razor blades hidden in my hair, try to move me, I dare you." Santana quipped as he turned a darker shade of red.
Quinn looked at her intern with a gaze that dared him to continue embarrassing her. "Michael, what is it you want to specialize in again?"
The young intern looked up to meet Quinn's gaze, uncertain of where this was all going. "Cardiology Dr Fabray. Why do you ask?"
Quinn cocked her head slightly, that familiar half smile she was famed for decorating her cheeks. "Read the name on the chart aloud for me." Quinn ordered.
The intern picked up the chart and began to read aloud as he remained in the dark to what was going on. "Mrs Brittany Lopez." he answered, waiting for her to clue him in to what he was obviously missing.
"Have you heard of a Doctor Lopez at all Michael?" Quinn asked the young man as a large grin covered his face, glad she finally asked a question he knew the answer to.
"Doctor Santino Lopez is the Chief Resident of Cardiology, apparently he did a TED talk last year that made Dr Frears cry so hard he had to go home on sick leave. They say he's going to be the next Cardiothoracic Attending Surgeon, I can't wait to meet him Dr Fabray." he grinned as Quinn couldn't help but burst into a laugh.
"Actually, it's Santana Lopez, although the part about Dr Frears crying at my TED talk is completely true." Santana quipped.
"You mean, you're the Chief Resident of Cardiology?" he asked, half convinced this was some kind of elaborate set up.
"Yeah, Sandbags is kind of your boss's boss, and she's a mean old bitch at that. Do you still have a problem with her sleeping next to her wife?" Quinn asked the intern as he stuttered over an apology.
"I'm sorry I didn't know who you were, I promise you won't have anymore trouble from me Chief Lopez-"
Quinn quickly interrupted him, eager to inflict more emotional turmoil on the smarmy baby doctor.
"Santana and Brittany happen to be very close friends of mine and of the Service Chief, Santana is going to be the Cardiothoracic Attending Surgeon of this hospital once her fellowship is complete, so just as a word of advice, don't fuck with her." Quinn smirked, as he nodded his head furiously.
Santana looked at the intern, the disdain apparent in her tired voice.
"Listen Mark or whatever your name is, I don't play games, unless they're the kind of games that involve handcuffs, but they're the kind of games I reserve for my wife. You step foot in this room again, or even so much as look as if you're going to speak to my wife again I will make sure every pacemaker fitting and pre-op colonoscopy for the next seven years will be assigned to you. Now go, and make sure the next time I see you is in an OR." she barked, the intern didn't need to be told twice as he scuttled out of the room as quickly as he scuttled in.
Quinn looked apologetically at San and let out a sympathetic sigh. "I'm really sorry about that, don't worry every case of explosive diarrhoea that comes through over the next fortnight I'll put him on."
Santana sniggered to herself, remembering how she did the exact same thing to Quinn when she was an intern for letting Rachel talk Brittany in to dragging the Latina to one of her Broadway shows.
"Quinn, your crueller than what I thought capable."
Quinn laughed along with her, before she noticed the deep bags underneath her eyes. "You should really get some sleep but is there anything else I can do for you? How is Brittany doing?"
Santana yawned and leaned back into the bed causing Brittany to move in her sleep, pulling her tanned wife tighter into her grasps. "You could hurry up and discharge her, she has a phobia of hospitals so that would be fucking stellar."
Quinn laughed again incredulously, knowing that of all people Santana would be aware of protocol as a surgeon. "She ran a temperature of 103°F last night, you know yourself there is no way she's going to be discharged until at least the weekend, and even if you wanted to discharge her, good luck trying to explain that to her parents, they will kill you!"
San accepted her fate and agreed with Quinn before her friend bid them both a good night.
"One last thing Quinn, stop fucking around with the HR system. Do you know how ridiculous it is when my interns here Dr Santino Lopez to Cardiology?" Santana growled at her friend.
"Okay, okay... I can't promise anything Santino, so get some sleep." Quinn teased, leaving the room before Santana could reply.
Santana went back to sleep, she woke in the morning to Brittany in her underwear putting fresh clothes on, Santana smiled as Brittany whipped her head up, clearly in better spirits now that she'd had some time to rest.
Brittany had been in bed for three days solid, she needed to get out of bed even if it was just for a walk around the unit. She argued with Santana about it for at least half an hour.
"Brittany, you heard what Dr Frears said you need to be resting. I nearly lost you along with one of our babies and I'm not risking the safety of you and our other unborn child." Santana put her foot down.
Brittany looked at her with pleading eyes. "You are a qualified doctor, I am surrounded by qualified doctors… in a hospital. What's the worst that could happen?" she pleaded, but Santana wasn't budging.
"You said that the first time and I thought I was going to lose you" Santana crossed her arms.
"Listen to me, I just want to walk down to the cafeteria, maybe get some real food and talk to Quinn. Come with me and you can keep an eye on me?" Brittany suggested as the Latina pondered and considered it for a minute.
"Okay but you're keeping the hospital gown on." Santana bargained, but Brittany looked at her like she was crazy.
"Santana I know more people who work here than you do, I'm not wearing a gown, it's embarrassing and plus I'm wearing my Dora the Explorer panties..." Brittany scowled, crossing her arms and pouting at the Latina as Santana sat back down in the chair.
"Fine, looks as if we're staying put here then." she said sternly, clearly not falling trick to her wife's cute puppy dog face.
"Fine I will wear the damn hospital gown!" Brittany relented as Santana's face broke into huge grin, she kissed Brittany so gently and passionately, Brittany forgot why she was irritated.
"You know I think you look really cute in your Dora the Explorer underwear..." Santana whispered in Brittany's ear, making her blush.
Brittany walked down the empty corridor of the hospital, seeing no familiar faces of her wife's interns or fellow residents relaxed her slightly.
"Nice panties Lo-Pierce."
Brittany and Santana whipped round so fast to see who mocked the Dora underwear Santana nearly gave herself whiplash.
"Quinn, you're just jealous because everyone wants a piece of my ass, especially in my Dora briefs." Brittany grinned before Santana gave her a scorned look, forcing Brittany to turn back to Quinn. "I mean, I mean you're just jealous because my wife is the only person who's getting a piece of my ass in my Dora briefs" she revised, causing Santana to smile again and nod her head in approval.
"Why would I be jealous of that when my wife is the hottest thing to come out of Lima since Jon Niese."
Santana laughed as Brittany stared vacantly trying to recall who Jon Niese was.
"The only thing Rachel and Jon Niese have in common is that they were both born male." Santana quipped as Quinn opened her mouth in shock at the insult.
"My wife is more woman than you could ever handle!"
Santana and Brittany both started to snigger at her response. "Yeah we know Dr Richards heard, quite literally. Apparently you authorized her into out of bound areas? Such as the on call room?" Santana suggestively raised her eyebrow as Quinn's face had panic written all over it that they'd been caught out.
Brittany looked confused for a second, "San I thought we were the only ones who did that? Oh, remember the time you snuck me into the supply closet-" Santana put a hand over her mouth as her own cheeks turned a bright shade of red at the admission.
"Baby shh don't finish that story."
"Pot. Kettle. Black." Quinn quipped.
"At least Brittany wasn't dumb enough to practically tell my Attending!" Santana retorted. Quinn desperately searched for another comeback until she found just the one.
"We could have this argument all day but you're just sad and bitter because everyone thinks Rachel is hotter than Bri-" Quinn stopped herself the moment she saw Santana's eyes narrow. She knew that Brittany would take it in good humour, but she knew Santana would go all Lima Heights Adjacent if she heard what nearly came out of her mouth.
Santana's eyes narrowed further and her lips poised as they readied to spit poisonous words. "...Is this before or after they find out Rachel's a post op transsexual?"
Everyone within ear shot except Quinn began to laugh; Quinn breathed a sigh of relief though, Santana had said meaner things to people in Church so she knew she got away lightly this time around.
"She is not a transsexual! Besides how hot do you think people are gonna think your wife is in two months' time when the adjective "house" is what people use to describe how big she's got!" Quinn laughed, waiting for everyone to laugh with her, but the sound didn't come.
Santana knew Quinn meant it in good humour and gave a brief smile, normally Brittany would of laughed along too - she wasn't one to ever take herself too seriously, but Brittany looked at Quinn and her eyes glazed over and her bottom lip started to tremble. Oh my fucking god shes gonna cry was all that kept repeating in Quinn's head as she imagined the ass-whooping Santana would deliver.
Santana put her arm around Brittany's waist trying to work out what was wrong, gently stroking her hand over the curve of her bump as Brittany shuddered from her touch causing Santana and Quinn to look at each other in uncertainty of what was happening.
"If I get fat you won't love me anymore." Brittany cried, pulling away from Santana's touch as the tanned woman tried to pull her into an embrace. Santana's eyes widened before she turned to give Quinn the death stare. Asshole, she silently mouthed to her.
"Brittany, you could be the size of a taco truck and I would still love you." Santana tried to comfort her, causing Brittany to cry harder.
"You both think I'm fat! Quinn thinks I'm a house and you think I'm a taco truck!" Brittany looked at them both with a wobbly bottom lip as Quinn stared at her feet feeling guilty.
Nice one, Asshole." Santana shot between her narrowed gaze at the blonde doctor.
"What? It's not my fault she's hormonal!" Quinn walked towards Brittany, trying to undo the damage. "Brittany I don't think you're fat, you won't look like a house you'll look, radiant?" she said, which seemed to work as Brittany dried the tears on the back of her hands.
"Neither do I Britt, besides I love Taco's you know they're my favourite food." Santana admitted, squeezing her wife's hand.
Brittany looked like she was about to have a hysterical breakdown, terrified at the thought of losing her life long dancer's body and turning into a five ton whale who would never be able to chase their child around the park or teach them how to dance without getting out of breath.
"We need to get her back to her room right now!" Quinn said sternly as she steadied Brittany's shaking frame. Santana looked scared beyond words, she picked Brittany up wedding style and turned to Quinn as her wife sobbed on her shoulder.
"Oh god, what's going to happen to her? Is she okay? Is something wrong? Is it her blood pressure?"
Quinn calmly turned to Santana as she suddenly felt very guilty for worrying her best friend. "No San, the interns and junior residents are just about to finish their morning rounds and the wife of the Chief Resident of Cardiology is stood in reception in her Dora the Explorer panties hysterically crying looking like a giant asshole because her wife called her a taco truck... do you want them to call you Santino Taco for the rest of your career? Because that's what will happen." Quinn prophesied.
"You're right. Let's get her back to her room." Santana solemnly agreed, carrying Brittany back down the corridor as the blonde wrapped her arms around her neck.
