Note: Okay, I really hate seeming like I'm begging for reviews, but in all honesty it's pretty depressing to spend a lot of time on it, see that you have 86 visits to a chapter and only one review. I can't really tell if I'm on the right track here or not... I hope you enjoy the chapter.


Barney's Cheshire-cat grin couldn't quite match how excited he was on the inside to show up Alistair. And, just maybe, to scare him a little bit. Better, the guy had stepped right into the trap himself. Ignoring the worried looks of his friends, he waved Alistair over to stand beside him. "Now, Alistair," he began, resuming shuffling the cards upside down in the air. "You may not know this, but some decks of cards are psychic."

"Oh?" Alistair played along. "I believe it."

Barney stopped shuffling for a moment and gave Alistair a 'please' look. "Let's not be patronizing. I know you don't believe me, but you and everyone else here," he gestured to the others, who still looked uncertain, "will in a minute. I'm going to ask you a question about you and Robin." He knew Lily was giving him a pleading stare to stop even without looking. That woman was so predictable. But Barney had started now, and you couldn't just stop a trick once it had begun.

"Ah," Alistair looked down at Robin, who merely rolled her eyes dismissively. In her mind, this was just Barney being his usual prying self. But at least she didn't try to stop him. "Okay."

"But, I should warn you," Barney said, holding up a cautioning finger. "If you lie, the magic gods are likely to get very angry with you. This deck will know if you're telling the truth or not. It can read even the smallest of minds," he said cheerfully, riffling the deck of cards against Alistair's forehead with one hand, the rapid movement making a satisfying thwack sound.

Alistair cleared his throat, seeming a little annoyed for the first time. He eyed Barney, sizing him up. Oh, so maybe there was some life in that airhead after all? Good. It was more fun to play with live prey than to just be fed a dead turkey anyway. "Brain size is one thing," Alistair said, trading annoyance for flippancy, "but I wonder if your psychic deck is used to trying to pick through the mind of a psychiatrist. We're trained to think in unnecessarily complicated ways." The others chuckled a little at this self-deprecating joke, but Barney was just confused.

"Psychiatrist?" Barney asked. "I thought you were a rugby player?" he looked at Robin questioningly.

"So I misled you a little," she admitted. "But I did say he plays rugby. I never said professionally."

"In university, and now just a club team here in New York. Bit of fun after all that blathering, right?" Alistair said.

"But still totally hot," Robin playfully batted Alistair's arm, and he grinned.

Barney now had multiple reasons to feel like he wanted to throw up. "A shrink. Great," he said through gritted teeth and a plastic smile. He wished he'd known that earlier. He never would have stayed in the same room as the guy. Those wackos were known to say the most ridiculous things about anyone within a 20 foot radius. But he couldn't leave now. He'd begun a trick.

"Well, have no fear. The deck's psychic powers even extend through gobs of bullshit to get to your 'thoughts'." Barney continued shuffling as he asked, "Now, Alistair. Would you say you're a shallow guy?"

"No. Of course not," he replied.

"And materialistic?"

Alistair shrugged easily. "No, kind of against all that, really."

Barney grinned. Hook. "So you're a man who's primarily concerned about the heart, are you? Good to hear. Now, the deck has this scenario to pose to you." He started Hindu-shuffling the cards now. "Say you had the chance to move back to Australia and take a lucrative job as, I don't know, a psychiatrist for the executives of a multi-national corporation."

"They have those?" Lily asked.

"Theoretically," Barney replied, avoidant. "Anyway, this job, it would pay well. Really well. Even considering it pays in Australian dollars, it's still a seven-figure job. But if you leave, you'd have to leave Robin." Barney pulled up his suit jacket sleeves a little and eyed Alistair, who was looking at him with slightly narrowed eyes. "So, the question is, what's really in charge of your brain- your wallet, or your heart? Be truthful, now. The deck will know your answer." He waved the cards in front of Alistair.

"No contest," Alistair replied instantly. He caught Robin's eyes and hooked a piece of hair behind her ear. "I'd chose Robin." The sincerity in his voice was more than Barney would have expected, especially considering the two of them had barely started dating.

But Barney, to his credit, kept cool about it. He handed the deck to Alistair. "Shuffle. And we'll see what the deck has to say about this." Alistair obliged like a good sport, shuffling along. The others were now looking on with a morbid curiosity to see where the hell Barney was going with this line of questioning. James looked less amused than pained, so Barney made a point of not looking at him. His brother had already promised to shut up already about Robin for the duration of the party. "Hand them back to me whenever you like," Barney said. Alistair handed the cards over and Barney cut the deck.

"Now, Lily, please blow on the deck to imbue it with the spirit of unbridled honesty. Only leave out the part of your breath that manipulates your friends' love-lives." Barney winked at Ted, who didn't look amused. Barney held the deck out to Lily, and after a little eye roll, she obliged. Turning back to Alistair, he said, "Now stop the deck whenever you like." Barney slowly began riffling the deck in one hand as he incanted in a dramatic voice, "It is now prepared to speak the truth. Deck, show us the lady with whom his thoughts verily lie!"

Alistair put his finger into the deck, halting its progress. Barney smiled maliciously at the man for a moment before pulling out the card he'd stopped at. After a beat, he held the card up confidently, without even looking, and showed it around to the gang. "The deck never lies. More than we can say about you, I guess," Barney said, tossing the card face-up onto the coffee table- the Queen of Diamonds.

"Neat trick!" Marshall said boyishly. Normally Barney would have been happy for the praise, especially since the rest of his friends just seemed uncomfortable over this particular trick. But his eyes were still fixed on Alistair.

"All right, pretty good. Funny," Alistair said, nodding and smiling. But Barney could read that nod and smile very well, and knew this guy was trying hard not to punch the magician for the incredibly smug way he was acting. Which would be all the better. Maybe then Barney would be the one with the painful but awesome Robin-wooing bruises to show.

"Oh, there's nothing funny about it," Barney said theatrically, tossing the deck aside. "Now we know that what you really want more than Robin is…" Barney brought his hands together, the same gesture he used right before he usually let out some sparks. He actually thought he saw Ted about to jump up for fear of the apartment catching flames again. But instead, Barney began rapidly producing coils of bills out of nowhere. "Cold, hard cash."

Robin smiled. She actually smiled, despite the fact that Barney was insulting her boyfriend. "That is some pretty good sleight-of-hand," she admitted. That twinge of hope lit up in him once more. Obviously, Barney was right. Magic skills did still trump bone-crushing or head-shrinking ones.

But the trick wasn't quite over. And, encouraged by Robin's interest in it, Barney ramped up the energy. "Oh, but wait! The magic gods will not stand for this," he waved the currency in his left hand, "indecency. Behold!" with a broad wave of his right hand, a magic wand the length of his arm appeared. "The instrument of justice." In an instant, the end of the wand closest to his hand lit on fire. The flame traveled quickly up the wand towards the other end.

"Barney, careful…" Ted began.

"Ted, would you relax." He turned his head to the left towards his friend. "I'm practically a professional." Barney waved Ted off with a flourish of the flaming wand. He was planning on brining it back towards the wad of cash and letting it burn up in a dramatic finish to the trick. But he was still looking at Ted, and he might have accidentally miscalculated how close Alistair was to his right arm when he spun the wand around…

"Ahhhg!" the shout was loud enough to get the attention of essentially everyone at the party. Barney had felt the wand hit something hard, and turned towards the sound to see Alistair reeling backwards clutching the side of his head.

"Oh my God! Alistair!" Robin exclaimed, jumping up from the chair. She pushed past Barney, completely forgetting about the end of the trick. Barney just stood in shock, holding the still-flaming wand, as his friends all leapt up to Alistair's aid.

"Dude, are you okay? Did it hit you in the eye?" Marshall asked. Lily bit her nails nervously as she stood beside her husband, craning her neck to see Alistair.

"Ahhhg…" this time it was more of a groan than a shout, and Alistair mustered some actual words. "No, my ear and the side of my head a little."

"Let me see," Robin insisted, gently tugging on his shirt sleeve to get him to pull his hand away from his face. When he did, everyone gasped. From where Barney was standing, it just looked like the guy's hair was a little singed and he had a reddish-brown burn just above his ear, but nothing that serious. Barney had had worse.

That didn't stop them from fawning over the guy, though. "It's bleeding a little. We should put a rag and some ice on it," Marshall suggested, beginning to help Alistair towards the kitchen. Robin hung on his opposite arm. Great, now Barney had gone and injured the dude and added to his sex appeal. Perfect.

"I'll see if we have some aloe," Lily dashed off towards the bathroom.

Ted grabbed a washcloth and ice and handed it to Alistair, who leaned against the counter, wincing in pain. As Barney approached, he could see that the burn might have been a little larger than he'd previously thought. But still, it wasn't that bad. Only a tiny bit looked like a second-degree burn.

"Anything I can do to help? Maybe finish the trick, keep morale up?" Barney asked, smiling to try to break the literally pained silence.

Ted and Robin both looked at him in a decidedly unhappy manner. Ted, being closer, took action and snatched the flaming wand out of Barney's hand. He turned on the faucet and extinguished the flames in the water, then broke the wand in half and threw it in the trash.

Barney said with a bit of a pout, "Now I'm going to have to buy a new one."

"You set someone on fire and you're complaining about a stick?" Ted asked in a threatening voice. His nostrils actually started to flare, and Barney felt that was a bit of an overreaction.

Barney tried to defend himself. "Hey, it was an accide-"

"You set him on fire!" Ted shouted. For a second, Barney actually had the feeling that Ted was about to punch him. Which was ridiculous because, come on, it was Ted, right? His brother. His pretty girly brother.

Whatever might have happened, James stepped fully in between Ted and Barney. "Barney, maybe you should just stand back for a minute. They probably need to take Alistair to the hospital."

"Pft," Barney scoffed. "Come on, that's like a sunburn in Australia. He'll be fine." The guy had Robin fawning all over him. What did he have to complain about? But even Marshall sent Barney a look at that comment that was, if not quite angry, at least very disappointed.

"Barney," Ted began, his voice already loud and about to get louder. That is, until he was interrupted.

"Okay, buddy," a voice from behind Barney said. Lily put a hand on his arm and pulled him backwards a few steps. "Here." She handed a tube of burn ointment to James, who went to hand it to Marshall and Robin. Ted was still glaring at Barney.

Barney really didn't understand what the big deal was. And frankly, this was starting to be a real buzz kill. Everyone at the party was just standing around staring instead of being awesome. "Why don't we just all calm down and I'll do some nice, safe coin tricks."

Lily suddenly yanked Barney with surprising strength away from the kitchen and towards the window. "All right, that's it," she said in her combination teacher/drill-sergeant voice that, if Barney was honest with himself, always frightened him a little. "Out. To the roof. I'm putting you in time-out, mister."

"This is my party," Barney whined.

"Out!"

"Okay!" Barney shouted back defensively as he scrambled out the window and onto the fire escape. He made his way to the roof quickly, suddenly afraid to turn his back on Lily.

As soon as Lily's feet hit the rooftop, she said, "What are you doing, Barney?"

He gave her a dumbfounded look. "Uh, magic. And doing it pretty well, you gotta admit."

She looked incredulous for some reason. "If that's what you qualify as a show of yours going well, I really don't want to see one go wrong."

"Come on, you guys ate up the thing with the knives and the box," Barney reminded her. That one had come out perfectly, actually. He was still tingling a little with the satisfaction of actually impressing his friends with a trick for once.

"You know what I'm talking about!" Lily shouted, causing Barney to flinch and take a step back. Lily might have been small, but you'd be surprised at how much adrenaline could do for an angry woman's strength. Or the inverse effect it had on her sanity. He wasn't staying any closer to the edge of the roof than was necessary. "Barney," Lily said, more calmly, but no less insistently, "I don't care if it is your birthday. Magic is not an excuse to hit someone you don't like in the head with a flaming stick."

"First of all, it's called a wand," Barney corrected. "And that was an accident." Her expression said she didn't believe him. "I'm serious. What, you think I'd want to mess up a trick like that? I have standards, Lily."

"And are you sure that impressing Robin doesn't trump your standards as a magician?"

His natural reaction was to say that nothing trumped a magician's integrity, but he stopped just as he was beginning to open his mouth. Hmm. Actually, Lily was right. That was a tough one. He stared off quizzically into the sky as he considered it. In a battle between magic and Robin, which won? Maybe he should consult the magic deck on that one. Robin, obviously! His gut told him. And his brain was just about to agree before he realized what he was about to think. No, Robin was just a phase. Magic was forever. "Of course not," he finally answered. "Anyway, who says I was trying to impress her."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "Barney, you are good at faking a whole lot of things. So good, in fact, that I'm not even sure half the time." Good, he thought. Then even this recent forced version of himself was pulling the wool over Lily's eyes. She was pretty perceptive, so this was a good sign. Then she added, "But you've been so obvious about this, even Robin has probably noticed. And she's not always that observant."

Barney panicked. "Wait, you think she's noticed noticed?"

Lily sighed, as if disappointed. "No. I think she's noticed you've been acting extra weird lately, but I still don't think she has any idea why."

Barney let out a sigh of relief and leaned against the wall. "Oh, good. Don't scare me like that. I thought you sounded disappointed, but that's good news. Why in hell would you be upset about it?"

"Would it really be so horrible if she knew?" Lily asked, her voice settling down now into its typical sweet, slightly doting tone.

"Yes," he replied ardently. He didn't even have to think about that one. Not now, anyway. He'd already thought about it plenty in the past and, well, hadn't exactly come up with a lot of upsides. "Yes, it would be that horrible. Because that's not what she wants. And then it would just be weird for all of us." She'd never look at him the same again. Barney neglected to add that what had really sealed this argument for him was realizing that if Robin knew how he felt about her, all the hope would be gone. The outrageous hope somewhere in the back in his mind. Any ridiculous 'maybes' that he wouldn't even admit to himself he held onto most of the time. She certainly would make sure to stop giving him those looks, the ones that sent the burning buzz through him. Rationally, he knew that would be a good thing. That longing wasn't exactly a pleasant feeling. But, to tell the truth, Barney was kind of addicted to it.

"I don't think you believe that," Lily said. "If you really didn't want her to know, you'd stop trying so hard to get her attention. I mean above and beyond your normal attempts to get everyone's attention." Barney shifted, his mask slipping a degree. Dammit, he couldn't help wanting to listen to Lily's advice. Something about her voice. Maybe she was a sorceress.

Lily clearly could tell she was onto something here. Barney had to admit, he wasn't the only one who was really good at reading people. It seemed to be Lily's sixth sense. Her suspicions were why he'd wound up confiding in her in the first place. And now she was looking at him as if she were expecting him to fess up. Which was kind of annoying. "Look, I just don't really want to talk about this right now," he said.

That was clearly not what she was hoping for. She frowned. "You've let this get to the point where you're lighting people on fire. When will be a good time to talk about it?"

"How about when we're not at my party?" Barney ground out. "God, first James and now you." Did everyone think this was the best time to try to get him to talk about his feelings? He didn't have any feelings. Not at a party where he was the main event. The Awesome Barnaby, magician extraordinaire. "Now, come on…" he started to head towards the stairs, but Lily stepped in front of him.

"No," she said firmly. "Not before you promise me to stop the extra crazy attempts to get Robin's attention."

"I don't know what you're talking about." He tried again to push past her, but this time she grabbed him by the arm, digging her nails in a little. Barney stepped back, sighing as he realized he really wasn't going to be able to get past her until she let him.

"Dammit, Barney, stop being such a woman!" she was sounding more exasperated than scary at this point. "You're a guy. Women don't expect you to give elaborate, subtle hints. Or even less subtle, but incredibly weird hints."

Barney bit the inside of his cheek and glowered down at Lily. He was starting to feel confined and restless up here, even with the open night sky. Lily was really pushing his buttons. And given that most of them had already been firmly squashed in by James earlier in the night, he didn't have many left before self-destruct was initiated.

But Lily kept going. "In fact, you're not supposed to give hints at all! When you think or feel something, you're just supposed to say it!"

"I did!" Barney barked. It took a moment for him to realize he'd said anything. It had come out unbidden. Lily understood enough to look even less inclined to let him off the roof without an explanation than before.

"You did what?" she asked tentatively, seeming to have an idea of what he meant.

Shit, shit, shit. He had never even meant to tell anyone about that little incident. Ever. Barney began pacing around, rubbing a hand across his forehead. This was one of those memories that was supposed to stay deeply buried. Not dead, because no memory that painful was ever truly dead, but contained well enough that at least it wouldn't be exposed to air and burn any hotter than it already did. This little memory of Robin was supposed to stay locked away with some other memories of her, from that night. And with memories of Shannon that he hadn't shared in his retelling. Like how she'd told everyone at the coffee shop about Greg weeks before Barney found out, how they'd all been laughing at him behind his back. And, once he'd found out, to his face.

Barney rubbed the heel of his palm in his eye-socket. But this wasn't going away. Finally, he grumbled, "I did say what I felt. To Robin." When he looked at Lily, her eyes were wide with a mixture of shock and excitement.

"You mean you told her… that you love her?" The fevered anticipation in her eyes betrayed her. Lily's brain was already jumping to good news.

"Yeah," Barney sighed.

"When was this?"

"Right after she stopped sleeping with Ted."

"And?" her eyes were as big as saucers.

Well, Barney was sorry to rain on her parade. He stared at her evenly. "Lily, do you really think if it had gone well that we'd be in this situation now?"

It was only then that it seemed to occur to her that she'd let her excitement at this revelation sweep away her logic. Her face fell. "Oh. I guess not." Then, more gently, "What happened?"

"Nothing. She thought I was kidding, making fun of Ted for being all emotional." He was starting to experience a strange sense of déjà vu, remembering telling Lily about his semi-date with Robin all those months ago. She had the same sad, sympathetic look on her face. Unfortunately, there was no stupid bimbo to break the moment or ease the anguish this time.

"I'm sorry, Barney," she said sincerely.

"Nah, I should have known better." He tried to wave it off, only half-convincing himself and not convincing Lily at all. She studied him carefully, not as if he were some sad lost puppy like she had when he'd originally told her about his feelings for Robin. No, she seemed to sense that there was no longer anything cute about any of this.

After a few moments of silence, Lily patted him on the arm. "Come on. Let's go back inside. Things have probably settled enough by now, and I'd like to see those coin tricks you were talking about." Barney stared at her appreciatively. She knew he'd be forcing an act if he did this. She also seemed to realize that, right now, it was what he needed. He smiled and nodded, then she turned and led the way down the steep stairs back to the apartment.

Inside, the vibe of the party had calmed noticeably from earlier in the night. Some of the guests had left. By contrast, Ted, James, and Robin were sitting at the couch, looking wired from the excitement they'd been through. Barney and Lily strode over to join them.

"Where'd Alistair go?" Lily asked.

"Marshall took him to the ER," James explained.

"I still think I should have gone with him," Robin said. She sounded worried, which was weird. Robin wasn't usually the most nurturing of people. Barney tried very hard not to care, but after his talk with Lily his ego that usually served as a barrier to such feelings was deflated.

"You know he didn't want you to," Ted reminded her. "You have to be at work in a few hours."

"Is he okay?" Barney asked.

Ted's eyes snapped up, and Barney could see an edge of anger present there. "If by okay you mean not horrifically injured or dying, then yes. But that burn was pretty bad."

Barney nodded silently, in honesty feeling some remorse. The point of the trick was to make fun of Alistair and to scare him a little with the fire, not to hurt him. Ted had been the one to distract him anyway, so it was kind of his fault. But maybe Barney shouldn't point that out. Instead, what this party needed was some levity. "Well that's good to hear," Barney said, chipper on the outside. He held up a hand before anyone could respond. "To be clear, not the 'burned pretty bad' part. The other thing."

Reaching into this pocket, Barney produced three quarters. "I'm sensing that what this party needs now is a little non-dangerous excitement. Can't have a party with my name on it getting this dead. Now, stop me if you've seen this one-"

"You've got to be kidding me!" Ted's jaw was slack and the fire in his eyes was stronger than ever.

"I never joke about magic," Barney said frankly. He thought that was clear by now. Had Ted even been listening?

"Your stupid tricks almost severely injured Robin's boyfriend," Ted began. Barney cringed internally. Did he really have to say it that way? Maybe it wasn't worse than saying that stupid, British-ish name. "And now," Ted continued, standing up to look Barney in the eye, "you want us to sit through more of them?"

"You like my tricks," Barney said, a statement, but one that was trying too hard to be sure of its own truth. Lily exchanged glances with him.

"No! We don't! Not right now!" Ted's adrenaline seemed to suddenly be released in a torrent. "This is precisely the reason we had the intervention for them in the first place. So we wouldn't have to deal with you making our stuff disappear or scorching the fireplace or, yes, lighting someone on fire."

"It was really more like I hit him with the fire," Barney corrected. "And I told you, that was totally an accident."

Finally Ted's gritted teeth and piercing stare finally proved inadequate for coping with Barney's logic. His face grew red with anger. "Get out!" he yelled, pointing to the door.

Barney had no internal reaction at first except disbelief. His face quirked into a hesitant half-smile. "You're kidding, right?" he asked, his brain stuttering to contemplate what Ted had said.

But Ted shook his head silently. Barney looked around at the others for help, but they seemed too uncomfortable with the situation to jump in. Great. His eyes met Ted's again, and he could see how dead-serious his friend was. "Barney, I just… can't deal with any more of this right now. I'm trying not to blow up at you and say something I'll regret." Ted's voice was even, but tense like a wire pulled taught. "But you are really, really pissing me off."

Barney's half-smirk darkened into more of a half-grimace. "If you have the problem, why don't you leave? This is my party."

"This is my apartment," Ted countered. "Which you invited yourself to have a party at without asking. Which I haven't complained about at all."

"It's not your apartment, Ted. It's Robin's," Barney said snidely. "Right, Robin?" Robin looked at Lily and James to her right, then up at Barney. Her eyebrows were raised slightly. Maybe she required some cajoling. "You wouldn't kick a bro out on his birthday."

There was something unlike anger, but more like confused impatience in her eyes. He hadn't noticed that before, and it made him feel the need to shift his weight uncertainly. Robin opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. She exchanged glances with Ted, who was also eagerly awaiting her response, before turning her eyes back to Barney. Quietly, she said, "I'm sorry, Barney, but I think Ted's right. Maybe you should go. Let things cool off."

Barney's face fell. Which was an impressive bit of restraint considering he felt like he'd been punched hard enough to send him reeling back a few feet. For a moment, his eyes were distraught, and he knew it was extremely dangerous to keep them on Robin, so he looked at Lily instead. He didn't need to be able to speak to her telepathically for her to know what he was thinking. Her eyes widened in sympathy, and she sat up straight as though she were about to say something in his defense. Which he definitely couldn't have. She'd probably just blurt everything out right then, knowing her.

So Barney cut her off before she could start, proclaiming in a too-loud, too-cheerful voice, "Fantastic. That's actually good, because I was just thinking about moving this act anyway. If I can find my…" He whirled around a little chaotically, then saw the sets of handcuffs sitting on the table. He snatched them up. "Aha. There we go. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some magic to perform." Barney arched an eyebrow characteristically, but unconvincingly judging by his friends' faces.

Paying it no mind, he quickly scanned the room until he spotted the svelte little brunette he'd performed the handcuff trick with before. Attaching one cuff to his wrist, he strolled over and approached her from behind. Clicking the other cuff onto her wrist, Barney exclaimed innocently, "Oooh, no. Clumsy me. That seems to happen to me all the time." The little brunette turned to look up at him, grinning receptively. "Although I've suddenly forgotten how to get out of these. Who would have thought?" His voice dipped from innocent to seductive.

"Does that mean we have to keep them on?" the woman asked with a leer.

Barney smirked to hide the urge to choke up. His mind was racing with a thousand thoughts and memories, he could feel his friends' eyes on him, but he was determined to show none of it. At least the bimbo was buying it. He knew there was a reason he loved them. "Well, I have a key. But it's back at my place…"

"Looks like we'll have to go get it." She grinned, tugging at his tie in a way that sent a jolt through him. Not one of pleasure, unfortunately. It was just that right now that was reminding him of someone else pulling at his tie, pulling him in for a kiss she would soon regret. Forget.

He swallowed hard. "We shouldn't waste any time." His voice was husky, sounding seductive, but feeling raw and pained instead. Luckily the woman didn't notice. She led the way towards the door, yanking at his tie and pulling on the arm that was attached to hers. The stranger drew him out through the front door. Barney gladly followed, making sure not to look back at his friends.