Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road

Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go

So make the best of this test and don't ask why

It not question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right

I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs and still frames in your mind

Hang it on a shelf in good health and good times

Tattoos and memories and dead skin on trial

For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right

I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right

I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right

I hope you had the time of your life.

I stare into Tessa's eyes and freeze. It's as if my entire past is hitting me in the chest at the same time. My mind floods with the pictures of the past. Random fragments: Jocelyn and Lukes wedding. Izzy and Simons baby girl, a silver haired boy playing a violin, and my warlock. He is everywhere. Reflected in her eyes and in my heart and everywhere I look. The world is spinning and I can't break free.

I knew it was only a matter of time before I inevitably bumped into Tessa again. Being immortal means you're going to run into each other eventually. But in a school room. In England. That was unexpected.

I stare at her dumbfounded. That's when I realise that she's in a similar state. Her mouth is open in a comical 'O' and her large grey eyes are wide and shocked. We need to get out. We have to leave the stuffy classroom. We have too many questions.

In my hyperventilating state, I raise my hand and excuse myself to the bathroom, though I pack up my things and take my bag with me. Gliding through the room in a trance, my body naturally falling into my old shadowhunter stealth mode. I silently walk down the empty hall, only stopping when I hear the light steps of another in pursuit of me.

"Alec! Stop!"

I heard Tessa's cry and I break. I drop to the ground and close my eyes. Basking in the dark light behind my eyelids. That is until a light hand touches my shoulder.

"Alec Lightwood?" Her voice is soft and confused and I can't help but hear a trace of Clary in her tone.

I tip my head back and keep my eyes closed, trying to stop the onslaught of tears and years' worth of pain that is threatening to crush me. Though I sober up quickly when I hear Tessa crying. I look to my left and she is sat beside me, hugging her knees to her chest. I look at her with such a gaze that she knows my question: What's wrong?

She shakes her head, as if to banish the tears and speaks softly.

"I thought you were Will. It's silly to be hoping and wishing after all these years. But that's love, I guess."

My heart contracts painfully at this. It feels like those million little paper cuts I used to get everyday have given way to a knife that is skewering my heart over and over. I speak spitefully, my bitterness fuelled by my pain.

"Nope. It's me. Alec Lightwood. In the flesh."

Tessa stares at me like she was looking at a ghost. Which I guess she is, after all, my family most likely assumed both me and my love to be dead.

"How are you here Alec? We thought…" She trails off uncertainly. I laugh bitterly.

"It's a long story."

She smiles ruefully, her hand clasping around an angel pendant on her necklace. "I've got nothing but time."

I sigh and lean my head against the wall. With one last breath, I let the whole story out like the great flood that gave Noah his eternal fame. Tessa listens in rapture. Gasping and crying as I tell her the story. Of Asmodeus. Of what he did to me, to us. My life, away from my family. Away from him. I can't bear to say his name… That's when I end my story. She didn't need to know what I'd been doing to keep busy these past decades. When I finish, she moves beside me and pulls me close, stroking my hair and crying with me silently.

We sit like this for a long time. Neither of us knowing what to say. That is until Tessa speaks again.

"Alec? There's something you need to know."

I look over at her through my tears. Not being brave enough to say anything else for fear of my voice breaking just as heart did years earlier.

"He's ok."

….? Is all I can think. No. I can't think. I don't want to think. I let myself bury him. Hide him away. Banish the memories. Not think about where he is or what he's doing. Not since he lost his memories and threw me out of the apartment because he thought I was a burglar. I had gone back the next day to find the place empty. That's when I knew it was all over. He was gone. Lost to me forever. Maybe even dead. Who knew?

And now, here I was, 70 years down the line, being told that he was ok! That's all I get after everything I've been through?!

My brain frazzles and I can't think straight. I curl into a ball and cry, gut wrecking sobs that shake me to my core. The walls I had built are crumbling down and I'm being crushed by the weight of the rocks and stones. I have no idea how long we've spent in this hall. Crying and breaking. The pieces of our hearts strewn across the white tiles like a violent canvas. Eventually, my tears subside and I look up at Tessa. She watches me closely, her face a wreck of grief and tears. But she smiles and helps me sit up, holding my hand, she begins to explain.

"As you know, I had been living with Jem since the war with Sebastian and the Endarkened. We moved to England. And we stayed here. Only going to America a handful of times for special occasions. Izzys baby, Jace and Clarys kids, Jocelyn and Lukes anniversaries. And to see you and Ma- him."

She takes a deep breath and powers on. I have control over my heart now and am determined to hear this story, as she so graciously listened to mine.

"Then, without warning, you both vanished. We searched for years. But we found nothing. It was as if you had been erased from the existence and the only records of your lives were our memories. So, after 7 years, the search was called off."

She takes another deep breath and looks me right in the eyes as I silently cry, thinking of Jace, my parabatai, Izzy, my sister. Everyone. But I nod, and she continues.

"However, 3 years later, so about 60 years ago, while Jem was visiting the latest of the Herondale clan, someone rang our doorbell. I got up to answer it only to find a ghost on our front porch. That ghost was him, Alec. Right in front of me. Real, alive and right there, after 10 years of nothing."

She gulps loudly and checks for my reaction. I am crying. After 10 years, he went back. After 10 years, I ran as far I could. But I cast those thoughts aside and nod for her to go on.

"I let him in. He was different to how I remembered him. He was always like Peter Pan. Eternally young and carefree. But this man was different. He was sad and lost and drained and broken. And when I asked why, he said he didn't know."

I choke at that. I always knew he would forget me but to hear that he really did was another sharp blow to my already beaten heart. I wince and sob once before urging her to continue. She nods and swallows before delving back into her memories.

"He said he felt empty. Like part of him was missing. He had tried travel. Going back to Peru, only to be thrown out again, Australia, America, Africa, England, everywhere you can imagine, although for some reason, Venice was his favourite. Anyway, that didn't work so he threw himself into work as a warlock for hire. Helping people, other warlocks, even the Clave sometimes. But to no avail. Nothing could fill that void."

She exhales loudly and meets my eyes with her own. I smile sadly through the dried riverbeds of my tears and cough.

He lived. He was ok. Empty and dead inside. But ok. But there was just one question I had to ask.

"Where is he now?"

Tessa breathes deeply, calming herself, stopping her tears as I speak.

"Brooklyn." She whispers.

My heart stops. After all this time, he's home. My mind and body split in two. My mind telling me to stay away. To know he's safe and nothing more. But my body has craved him for over 70 years. His body, his carefree mind, his touch, his kisses. Everything. I need him. I need him just as much now as I did back then.

I look at Tessa, who is waiting for my response. "I have to see him."

She gasps. "Alec, he doesn't remember you."

I know this and I nod as more tears fall. But part of me thinks, dares to hope, that on some level, he does. He felt a strong pull to Venice after all. And he'd only been there once in his life without me and he'd nearly been killed. So something tells me that he was drawn there by something from our past.

"I know Tessa. I do. But I have to see him. It's been too long and I need to see his face again. I'm tired of only seeing him through my nightmares."

She puts her arm around my shoulder and leans her head in the crook of my neck. I wrap my arm around her waist and stroke her hair with the other hand. Of all the people in the world, Tessa Gray is probably the only one who really knows what I'm feeling. Since she has had to live without two loves longer than I have mine.

We sit for a long time, to the point where students begin to pour form their classrooms and the piercing bell rings. We dry our eyes and stand on wobbly legs with pounding headaches, as we walk side by side silently out the doors. A feeling in my stomach tells me that I will not be returning to this place any time soon.

In a silent agreement, we slip into my car and head for the airport. Tessa is breathing heavily beside me, as I drive through the streets, down the motorway and swing into a car park. This is where we remain motionless for a long time until I pull out my phone and dial my adoptive parent's number.

It went to voicemail, so, through my burning throat and watering eyes, I left them a message.

"Hey, it's, ah, it's me. I'm, uh, I have something I have to do. I may not be back for a while but I love you and I know this is out of the blue but I'm ok. I'm sorry and I'll see you soon."

I hang up the phone and avoid Tessa's look of pain, as I climb out of the car. That's when I realise that don't actually have any money for a flight to America. I tell this to Tessa and she smiles secretively. She digs through her bag and takes out a thick roll of notes.

"Being an immortal with family all over the world means you need some emergency cash every now and then."

She speaks with a smile but the words pierce my heart. I had family in another country and never once did I go back to them.

Tessa notices my pained expression and hastily walks towards the airport. I follow slowly, my blood surging, as the magnitude of what I am about to do begins to settle over me and suddenly I start shaking, my eyes burn and I want to run away. But I did that 70 years ago.

I'm not doing it this time.