I followed Batman as he led the way to the coldest point in Arkham City to find Mr. Freeze, when suddenly, a gunshot rang out. "Deadshot!" He said.

"Really? You never expect a guy like him to get caught. I mean he's one of the world's best assassins, you'd think he'd be next to impossible to catch." I said.

"He's been hired by Strange. I need to find out why." He said.

"Okay, you go, I'll find Freeze." I said.

"How?" He asked.

"Well, as a fire demon, I can sense temperature down to the exact degree, so I can find the coldest area on my own. No gadgets necessary." I said.

"Fine. But hurry." He said, taking off.

Yay! No more bat! We can do what we want now! Why did it have to be Deadshot, though?

[Originally, it was gonna be Zsasz and the payphones, but then we remembered we killed him in the last story.]

Oh, yeah, that's right! Hey, why do they call Deadshot the world's deadliest assassin, though? He's not!

[That would be Deathstroke.]

"Ah, man, I haven't seen Slade in a while. Wonder how he's doing?" I wondered as I continued on. I quickly tracked it down to- "[The old GCPD building?]"

What the hell would Freeze be doing with the cops! He's a bad guy! He hates cops!

[My guess is he's probably using one of the old forensics labs.]

"Oh, goodie! Maybe there's some stuff there I can use to make explosives." I said, quickly killing the thugs in the area, lifting up a large garage door thing and entering. I then hid around the corner as I heard some chatter.

"Joker's crew are still outside, Mr. Cobblepot." A thug said to Penguin over a walkie-talkie.

"Good. Make sure it stays that way." He responded.

"What if you're not part of Joker's crew?" I asked as I stepped into plain view.

"Oh, shit, freeze!" The thug said, aiming his gun at me, to which I held up my hands, but still didn't look at all threatened.

"What's going on?" Penguin asked.

"There's some guy here! He's not one of Joker's! And he's not Batman either! I don't know who he is, he's wearing a trench coat and he's got white hair!" The thug said.

"I'd prefer silver, thank you very much." I said.

"Put your weapon down and toss him the walkie." Penguin ordered.

"Yes, sir. Here!" He said, tossing the walkie-talkie to me and lowering his gun.

"Well, if it's not the life of the party from last year!" Penguin said, sounding pleased and ever dare-I-say friendly.

"Yeah, you know how to throw one hell of a Christmas party." I said.

"So, what's up? What are YOU looking for the snowman for?" He asked.

"Well, Joker went up to the next level of insanity after bat-shit insane that I have yet to name and for the past few weeks has been shipping his blood to hospitals all over Gotham, so I'm in need of his services." I said.

"Not for the wankin' clown, I trust?" He asked.

"No, he's found an alternative. I'll explain later." I said.

"Well, I suppose we could bargain a bit. Come on by the museum. And make sure you aren't followed by the bat." He said.

"Cool. See you then." I said, tossing the walkie-talkie back to the thug. "Well, it's your lucky day, I'm not gonna beat the shit out of you. You guys just chill here." I smirked at the last bit, walking out.

We're so funny!

[Can we really trust Penguin, though?]

"Hey, like he said, we were the life of the Christmas party. We're the whole reason besides the booze and snacks why it didn't suck. And like he said, we can bargain a bit and I have quite a lot I could offer him." I said, teleporting to the museum. I stopped and knocked on the door, the little eye slide thing for the guard or whoever to see opened and someone looked out at me.

"Hello?" A quiet woman with a Hispanic accent asked.

"Hi, I'm here to see Penguin, so-" I started before she interrupted.

"No, no. Misser (Mr.) Penguin no home." She said.

"Are you sure? He told me to come over and it's really important-" I started before she interrupted again.

"No, no." She said, closing the thing.

I then leaned in towards the door before speaking again. "Hey, look! Penguin's cat escaped! I sure hope he doesn't blame the help!" I said, jumping away from the door.

Said door then burst open with Consuela from Family Guy rushing out, looking all around for a cat. "Oh, kitty! Kitty, kitty, kitty!" She called out as she continued to run and search.

I casually entered, melted the face off a couple of thugs that came at me with knives and walked through the path, as Penguin dropped the security bars for me. I walked in until I was attacked by an animatronic T-Rex that came from nowhere and chomped down on me. "Oh, my gods! Jurassic Park tried to kill me! This proves it! Animatronic characters can't be trusted!" I said, prying open it's jaws.

[We should've already learned that from 5 Nights at Freddy's.]

Yeah, you'd never expect cute little children's icons would be deadly, murderous beasts!

"Sorry about that, there, Sai. But since it's you, it can't have bothered ya too much, right?" Penguin asked over the speakers.

"Eh, I've had much worse. Usually from Damion or Dante." I said.

Flashback...

It was shortly after our time at Yokai Academy ended and I was hanging out with Tsukune from lack of better option when suddenly, Damion came from nowhere. "What's good, fellas?" He asked.

"Oh, sni-zap! Damion! Man, you look like you've been working out." I said.

"Yep. I can now toss around big rigs like javelins at the olympics." He said.

"Looking good, Damion." Tsukune said.

"Tsukune... Shut your little bitch ass up." Damion said.

"That's good and everything, but I haven't seen you in MONTHS! Where have you been, mah boy?" I asked.

"First of all, stop talking like Dashie, second, I've been in love, man. I just met this chick named Tiffany and she moved in the house right next to me." He said.

"Wait, the house RIGHT next to you?!" I asked, teleporting away.

"Yep. It's been going on for a little while. I never thought I'd say it, but I think she's the one." He said.

I then reappeared in front of him. "Man, I've got some bad news, you know your girl Tiffany? She JUST cheated on you, bro." I said.

"MOTHERFUCKER, WHAT?!" He demanded.

"Wow, how could you, Sai?" Tsukune asked.

"Hold up, why you guys looking at ME like that, I never said I did it." I said.

"Look, I know this motherfucker's stupid." Damion growled, pointing at Tsukune. "But what the fuck do I look like?!" He demanded, walking closer threateningly as I raised my hand in defense.

"Wait, Damion... I ONLY TOUCHED ONE TITTY!" I pleaded. Then all I saw is his fist coming at my face before everything went black.

Another flashback...

The gang had went out for another good night on the town and shortly after we got back to the office, one by one we started to pass out. I woke up slowly and tiredly the next morning and looked around, noticing I wasn't on the ground and I had my back up against the wall. Looking down, I noticed the massive claymore that is Rebellion impaled through my chest, effectively tacking me to the wall. "Gods-dammit, Dante." I said.

End Flashback...

"Yeah, so I've had worse." I said, going down the stairs and beating up a couple more thugs that were beating up a cop and stopping to talk to him. "You're safe. Any more of you guys here?" I asked.

"Yeah, the rest of my squad is further along." He said.

"Okay, peace." I said, continuing. I entered the main area that almost looked like an arena and saw a cop running for dear life.

"Help. Me!" He said weakly, but was killed from another shot from Penguin's umbrella gun.

"Not gonna lie, Ozzy, that was a dick move right there." I said.

"Really? And what are you gonna do about it?" He asked.

Oh! Dis modafucka just challenge us?! Kick his ass NOW! He need to get dealt wit'!

[CALM DOWN. We still need whatever leverage we have in this situation to get Freeze back and make sure we don't do something that won't get us invited to the next Christmas party.]

I paused for a moment before finally answering. "Nothing because I still need to be diplomatic so I can get Freeze and so you don't decide to revoke my invitation to this year's Christmas party." I said.

"Good head on your shoulders, boy. Now then, I'm what you might call a collector." He said.

"Yeah, I've noticed from the exhibits you've filled with Joker and Two-Face's thugs." I said.

"Precisely. If someone wants something, I like to think I've got it. And if I don't have it, I'll get it." He said.

"And your point is?" I asked.

"Well, I could use a trench coat like the one you've got. Why not cough up yours so I know it's authentic." He said.

"Well, I see some obvious tailoring issues here, but I've got others. You don't need only mine, I have back-ups to spare. Like the one I gave Juliet for her birthday." I said.

[Ever wonder what she uses it for?]

Hm...

With Juliet...

"Die, zombies!" She said, pulling a chainsaw out of a pocket on each side and mowing down zombies left and right. "That was a good work-out! Man, I'm glad Sai gave me this. It's SO much easier than my duffel bag." She said, now pulling out a lawn chair, a pair of shades, a magazine and a lollipop, sitting down and taking a break from zombie killing, enjoying her lollipop and reading a magazine about chainsaws.

Back with us...

"Yep, that sounds about right." I said, nodding.

"Well, I'm giving you the nice option. Another option is one of these display cabinets with your name on it getting filled up." He said.

"Ever heard of manikins?" I asked.

"Eh, not real enough. Anyway, you wanna be a good boy and give up nicely?" He asked.

"I'd like to throw out one more option. Joker's all healed up and stronger than ever. He can move fast enough to be gone as soon as you blink and strong enough to rip Batman in half with no effort. What do you think he'd do to you?" I ask.

"I'd say what the hell happen to him?" He asked.

"Well, the bastard cut out my heart and put it in himself, so now he's got all the perks of a demon. Stronger, faster and more durable than any human and a powerful regenerative factor." I said.

"Interesting. So you're telling me, if I get a heart transplant from you, the same would happen to me?" He asked.

"Yes, but I was thinking more along the lines of if you hand over Freeze, I'll stop Joker from ruining all your plans and making you scream like a penguin that got nabbed by a leopard seal." I said in a sly tone.

"Or, I could have my boys cut out your heart, put it in me and I'd be unstoppable to the Bat or the clown." He said.

"Not really, you'd be unstoppable to Batman, but you and Joker would be an even match. But considering your list of obvious problems, I'd put my money on Joker. And no matter how strong you both are, you'll never be as strong as a true demon like me. So if you crossed me, you'd die." I said.

"I'll take my chances. Get him, boys!" He said, his goons pouring in.

Background music: Kung-Fu Fighting by Jack Black and Cee Lo Green

I waited for them to come to me, then struck. I blocked the attack of the first one and delivered a knife hand to the side of his neck, breaking his corroded and jugular arteries, causing him to internally bleed to death, then I threw a side kick to the next one's face who was coming at me from the right, smashing his nose back into his brain, throwing a tiger strike into the next one, catching him in the chest and plunging my hand into his chest and ripping his heart out. Another one came at me from the right, but I threw the other dude's heart into his face, taking him off-guard and allowing me to deliver a spear hand into his throat. One came at me from the front, but I crouched and threw him over my shoulders and kicked him into the path that I came from, which was now blocked by a gate, which mangled him when I sent him through it. I then rushed at the next one and threw a jumping kick and simply planted my foot on the dude's chest, spinning my body and catching him with the other foot and sending him and a few guys unlucky enough to be behind him into a wall, me spinning in the air after the kick and landing perfectly in a crouching position.

[We have now proven our hand-to-hand combat skillz.]

Now let's use a super-badass Kung-Fu weapon!

(~Get along with the voices inside of my head~.) I sang in my head, pulling out a 9 sectional whip and, well, whipping it around... WITH SUPER BADASS SKILL! All precision strikes to the head, easily taking down the rest of them before Penguin decided to step it up a notch.

"Impressive moves and toys, but you weren't supposed to do that, my boy." He said, aiming his umbrella gun at me, to which I started stylishly spinning the whip in front of me so the odds were incredibly low that he'd actually hit me, but then he raised it up to some bird-caged looking thing above us, except it was closed. "You're forcing me to bring in the big guns." He said, shooting it off the hook and causing it to fall down in the center of the room, which I dodged, but the thing broke to reveal a TITAN monster.

"What?! You got your hands on TITAN?!" I asked, shocked, Batman quickly rushing up when he saw this, but he was still behind the gate.

"Sai!" He called.

"Would've been great timing if the gate weren't down. Hang tight and enjoy the show." I said,

The Titan roared and hurled the remains of his cage at me, but I expertly dodged. "He doesn't look happy to see you, Sai. Good luck." Penguin said, walking away.

"You don't need luck when you've got skill." I said, bringing the chain together before launching it out again, the tip jabbing the Titan in the collarbone area, stunning him and allowing me to run in and get the chain around his neck, making him my work horse for the time being. "Onward, Sea Biscuit!" I said, making him charge in and mow down the group of thugs Penguin sent in for support. I used him to smack them around and stomp on them a bit, before deciding he'd have enough. "Alright, I think we're done here." I said, forcing him to charge into a wall that knocked him out. I put away the whip and then ripped down the gate so Batman could come through.

"We've found Penguin." He said to whoever he was talking to on his cowl (I don't know who Batman is or Alfred. He knows Oracle from when she talked to Batman when I could hear on Arkham Island. Just something to keep in mind).

"We?" Alfred asked.

"I'm working with Sai. But things are worse than we thought. Penguin has a supply of the TITAN formula." He said.

"He's got what? How'd he get TITAN off Arkham Island? What's going on here?" Oracle asked.

"And now she's in on the conversation." I said.

"Nice of you to join us, Oracle. Alfred, bring Barbara up to speed." He said.

"Of course." Alfred replied.

"But-" She started.

"Stop talking, we don't have time! Gotta go!" I snapped.

"I'll be in touch." He said to them, then glared at me. "Was that necessary?" He asked.

"Of course. You were wasting time and I only told people 3 of the 5 steps of being a badass in Arkham Asailum. There's still 2 more. One of them being: Treat Batman and friends (or just people you don't like and friends) like crap." I said, continuing on. We then proceeded through a frozen pathway which I blew up with a large fireball, walking into what looked like the main area. Suddenly, across from us in the iceberg lounge entrance, we saw Penguin who fired at us, freezing Batman's arm to the wall, but I blocked the shot he fired at me and then several others with the black versions of Wonder Woman's gauntlets my brother made me. "~Wonder Woman~!" I said in sing-song.

"Stay where I can see you, boys! You wouldn't believe the fight the old snowman put up. Still, I got what I wanted. That's all that matters." He said.

"Not impressed! I can do that, too!" I said, shooting ice out of my hands at his feet.

He jumped back at this, but shrugged it off and fired at the cop running across the ice to where we were, Penguin shooting at him with the ice gun, but I shot small fireballs to stop the shots that might hit him, ignoring the ones that were missing due to Penguin's poor accuracy and the cop running. "Hold still, boy!" Penguin said, laughing in a bird-like manner, firing a shot that I didn't think would hit, but apparently hit the cop's ankle and froze him up to his neck, enraging Batman.

"Why didn't you stop that one?" He demanded, ripping his arm away from the wall and shattering the ice.

"I didn't think it was gonna hit him, SORRY." I said.

"When you're done in here, feel free to join me in the iceberg lounge so I can kick your arses again." He said, walking off.

"Ah, bitch, please." I said like Nappa, shaking my head, but then looking under the water, seeing a very large figure moving underneath. "Hey, Batman, what did you ever do with that Magikarp I gave you?" I asked.

"Nothing. It's useless. All I've ever been able to do with it is throw it at a thug's head to knock him down." He said.

"Then can I see it for a moment?" I asked. He handed me the Pokeball and I tossed it into the air, releasing the Magikarp into the water.

"Karp! Karp!" It said loudly, swimming around a bit, but was then eaten by a MASSIVE shark.

"Sorry there, boys! Did I forget to mention my little friend down there? Meet Tiny! Who would've thought a big fish could be SO useful! Not me, that's for sure. He's like a mobile garbage truck. Anything I drop in the tank just... vanishes. Poof. Problem gone." He said.

We both paused for a moment, Batman glaring at me as I just stood there. "Well... That's a thing. Okay, make a note, don't go into the water, because there's a BIG-ASS shark in there." I said.

Do you think Maikou will be pissed off we basically just killed a Pokemon?

[He doesn't really care about Magikarp, luckily. But still, he may not be too happy about it.]

Well, that's the 3rd stage complete. Killing someone's pet is REALLY treating them like crap!

"Moving on!" I said to change the subject.

"You go after Freeze. I'll go after the cops." He said.

"Good plan. Hang on a second, let me make this a little safer." I said, releasing Articuno, Regice and Kyurem to freeze the entire surface of the water and make the ice thick as solid ground. "There, now we can walk across safely. No fuss, no muss, no possibility of a big-ass shark eating us." I said, pulling out a sled, hooking up Houndoom and Mightyena to it and taking off towards the path left of the iceberg lounge.

Yay for the power of 4th wall breaking and references!

[Way to think outside the box.]

"You know, Penguin saying the thing about not thinking a pig fish would be that useful reminds me of my brother. His number one interrogation method is holding his victim over a tank full of piranha half the size of Penguin." I said to the 4th wall.

[The Black Rhom is the official name for that species. Large piranha that, surprisingly because their size, are pack hunters, not solitary like most large fish their size.]

Really big, badass black fish!

"Yep. And then after he gets the information he wants, my brother drops the victim into the tank. He knows how to party." I said, nodding. I got to the side I wanted to, withdrew my Pokemon and went inside, ignoring a rather disturbing message of penguin torturing one of the cops. I stopped when I came to a pathway where those bars suddenly raise to block the path for unauthorized personal, two thugs standing behind the bars confidently.

"Haha! Can't get us!" One of the two thugs taunted.

"Best security Wayntech has to offer. I heard Bruce Wayne's locked up in here! Why don't you ask him for the code!" The other one taunted.

"Or, I could do this." I said, rising my hand and melting the bars, Ghost Rider style. "Done talking shit?" I asked.

"Run!" The first one said, but when they turned and ran, I pulled out a couple of uzis, laughing maniacally as I shot them and they tried to run away while bullets were going through them. "Aw, I love doing that." I said, continuing. I went through the place, looking at all the exhibits, stopping when I saw Joker and Harley's hyenas in one of the display cases, dead and stuffed. "Oh, damn, that's just awful, Ozzy. Seriously, that is in TERRIBLE taste." I said.

Someone get PETA on the scene!

[No. Just no.]

"Yeah, PETA sucks." I said, going into the next room and getting ready to break the tank Freeze was held in, but then a giant one-armed guy with a scythe came from nowhere with a couple goons. "Hey, any chance you have a brother missing the arm you have and carrying a sledgehammer?" I asked.

"Yes, my brother." He said.

"Oh, I killed him." I said.

"You bastard! I shall slice you to pieces." He said.

"Nope, I will slice you into pieces." I said, pulling out the masamune (Sephiroth's sword), slicing him and the thugs with him to pieces. "I win." I said, shattering the tank Freeze was in.

"Thank you, Sai. Nice to see you. If Cobblepot kept me in there much longer, I would've died." He said weakly.

"Yeah, no problem, but listen, you know that cure you were making for Joker? I need it. He shipped his blood out to hospitals all over Gotham." I said.

"Yes, but first I need my suit and weapons. It's vital." He said.

"No problem. Penguin has it. I'll just politely ASK for it back." I said, leaving.

I then teleported myself into the Iceberg lounge in front of the path to get to Penguin. "So, you came back for another go, eh? Let's see how you handle the rapid fire." He said, firing at me quickly, but I easily stopped the shots like how Vader used the Force in Star Wars to stop the blaster bolts when Han shot at him. I then used the force to pull the gun away from Penguin, shooting him once in the chest and walking up to him slowly and threateningly. "No! Please! Don't hurt me!" He pleaded, but this fell upon deaf ears.

"You know, something tells me I won't make it to the Christmas party this year. So neither will you." I said, kicking him in the chest and knocking him down. "Now, then. Let's see what Freeze wants to do about you." I said.

"No! Please! I'm sorry!" He said.

"I'm not!" I said, aiming the gun at him again. He then laughed at this. "Me neither." He said, pulling out a detonator. Suddenly, the platform below me was destroyed and I fell to the ground below, looking like some kind of weird basement/evil scientists lab.

"Let me introduce you to one more friend of mine! Found him here when I bought the place!" He said, hitting another button and shocking a giant zombie monster on the other end of the room.

"Oh, my gods, it's a zombie! It's a fucking zombie!" I screamed, pulling out a howitzer and blasting him in the chest, then going Seras on them and pulling out those two giant-ass machine guns she brought down I THINK the Vatican's blimp with. "Bitches love cannons!" I said, unloading on him and ripping him apart, before pulling out her actual cannon thing and firing at him, blasting him to pieces and destroying the electric power thing behind him. "Steal your soul!" I said, using a mix of my Devil Trigger and Shang Tsung's soul steal technique to steal and destroy his soul, before I pulled out the hammer from God of War 2 and kept smashing whatever was left of him over and over. "Die! Die!" I said each time I smashed him until I finally felt a hand on my shoulder, turning to see Batman there.

"It's over. You finished him." He said.

"Oh, sorry. I just get a little edgy around zombies after watching that movie World War Z. Great movie, but those zombies were too OP. Zombies aren't smart enough to build a ladder with themselves and they can't run that also after that thing with Killabilly and needing the guys to help me kill it, it's kind of worrysome when you can't kill a zombie on your own, even if it's as big as a building, is disturbing" I said, then looked at him. "He sort of reminds me of the Hulk. Only much stupider." I said with a British accent.

We then reconvened with Freeze in the main lobby as he turned his focus away from a ninja woman I didn't notice the first time I came through. "Where. Is. Cobblepot?" He asked.

"One bird-like asshole, just as ordered." I said, tossing Penguin to his feet.

"Well, look who it is! Mr. Free-" He started before screaming as Freeze stepped on and started crushing his hand.

"Enough!" Batman said, but Freeze wouldn't let up. "Freeze! Enough!" He demanded.

"Of course." Freeze said, getting his foot off of him and grabbing him, smashing him into the case the ninja girl was in. "You will regret what you did, Mr. Cobblepot." He said, dragging the unfortunate midget over to a case meant for Bruce Wayne, throwing him in and closing it as I looked at the ninja woman and tried to figure out how to free her.

"The cure, Freeze." Batman said.

"There isn't one." He said.

"What?!" We both demanded, me stopping before I smashed through the glass with a metal baseball bat.

"Perhaps I should elaborate." He said, making a display with his suit. "Creating an antidote to the disease that afflicts the clown was easy. Unfortunately, the cure degrades too quickly. It needs a restorative element. Some kind of reforming enzyme. Without it, it breaks down before it can help its host." He explained.

"I've seen this before." Batman said.

"Finding a suitable enzyme is not the only problem, It needs to be adapted, bonded to human DNA. It would take decades. Time it appears Gotham does not have." He said.

"Wait, what about my blood. It's a cure-all. The reason I can never get sick. It's its own restorative element. And it can effect those that AREN'T demons as well. Case in point, the Joker, sick and dying, now after he cut out my gods-damn strawberry tart-" I started.

"Your what?" They asked.

"He means his heart, ya bloody wankers!" Penguin snapped.

"Thank you. Anyway, it can break down and destroy any disease. I've been trying to market it as a cure-all to replace even penicillin, but people are all antsy and concerned about drinking demon blood. I've been trying to make it into a pill, but we're still working on that." I said.

"Very well. Allow me a sample of your blood." Freeze said, getting closer, but then the ninja woman broke free, cutting herself on the glass, but then picking up pieces of broken glass and throwing it at us. Batman dodged and it simply broke against Freeze's suit, but several shards went into my chest.

"Blasphemer! No one may possess blood of the demons! Only the great Ra's Al Ghul and his descendants!" She said, escaping.

"Oh, you bitch, come back here!" I said, about to take off after ripping the glass shards from my chest.

[Quick explanation, getting stabbed REALLY pisses us off.]

It hurts, tickles and feels really annoying like a bad itch all at the same time!

"Wait! Your blood!" Freeze said, grabbing my arm.

I let out a long and annoyed growl before dislocating and ripping my arm away, leaving Freeze in complete shock as he held my no longer attached arm. "There! Use that! I'mma kick her ass!" I said, taking off as the arm grew back.