Author's note: I'm sorry it took so long to write this, but I get nervous when I write angst. I'm always afraid I'll mess it up. And I would like to thank my sister for insisting that this chapter wasn't bad, just needed a little work. Without her, I don't know what I would do.
This is the letter for 'Poisoning the Well'.
Dear Eppie,
I didn't really want to write about this, but Rodney threatened to lock me in my room until I did, and I didn't particularly want to try him. Said something about 'if you won't talk about it with someone, you should at least write about it'. I'm not sure if I agree with him, but he means well.
Well, it began when Major Shepperd volunteered me for a mission. It should have been relatively simple: go and confirm that the Hoffans were telling the truth about a drug they were developing to fight off the Wraith.
Everything indicated that they were telling the truth, so I offered to help them develop it. I was worked with a scientist named Perna, and it took a long time, but we finally completed it.
We tested it on a volunteer with a terminal illness; the plan was for him to go into the Wraith's cell, (Major Shepperd's team captured a Wraith) and the Wraith would try to feed on him. I was so worried that it wouldn't work that I was about ready to stop the volunteer from trying it and test the drug on myself. But that never happened and he went through with it, even though I gave him every chance to back out.
Thankfully, it worked. I know I never could have forgiven myself if it hadn't worked, and we had subjected him to a more painful death than what would have occurred naturally.
The problem was that the Hoffans started using it the moment we knew the drug worked. The next day the volunteer died unexpectedly. I tried to get them to stop testing, but they said that one test with a terminally ill patient wasn't enough to stop the distribution. When other people who took the drug started to die, they didn't end the testing: they took a vote. I was working, trying to save the people in their hospital, while they were voting that their people's lives weren't important enough in comparison to their little obsession. Perna was one of the first to take the drug.
She's dead now.
There wasn't much we could do at that point, except leave. So we did.
I guess that should tell you most of it. All I can think of is that if I hadn't gone there, those people might still be alive today. They'd still be working on their drug. The Wraith would still be a threat, but they'd be alive. I wonder if my not being there would have changed things. Would they have just been killed by the Wraith? Or would they have managed to perfect the drug? Maybe, they could have made it differently. Maybe, if they had created it without outside interference, it wouldn't have killed them.
But I can't answer the maybes. I can wonder, I can wish things had gone differently. But it happened, and nothing I can say or do can change that. I can only try to prevent it from happening again.
And I can pray that I never use the words 'victory at all costs'.
Your Loving Brother,
Carson Beckett
And thanks to my reviewers.
Myriadragon: I agree entirely!
Robyn1212: laughs Not at 100 MPH, yeah. Can't really imagine that, either.
Chica: Why, thank you! I love his accent, too. He sounds like Billy Boyd. Probably one of the reasons I like him so much.
TeeChan: I've noticed that you've had a rather long absence from your story. I've also noticed that you still haven't updated. What's taking so long?
Hunt Seat Panhead: I don't get what's with the McKay/Beckett either. I mean, friends? Yes. But that's all. Oh yes, I had forgotten to mention that the last letter was Pre-PtW. And I just didn't really think he would like football. Didn't seem like his type of sport.
And thanks to Bridget N for your nice review!
