Hello my lovely readers, and thank you all the people who reviewed, favourite and followed this story, it means a lot and it made my day reading your reviews. Plus I am sorry, but I kind of got carried away with this chapter, and its loner then my previous ones.

Russia: "Can I read new chapter now, da?"

Me: "I think it would be better if you don't Russia!"

Russia: "why?" *tilts head and smiles*

Me: "This is written in your point of view, and I had to write about… what happened to you in your past… with the Mongolian empire"

Russia: *stops smiling, and shakes his head* "I don't want anyone to know about that!" he hisses.

Me: *runs to other room where Prussia is, and hides behind him* "I think it's safe now, here you go and read this new chapter..."

WARNING- ABUSE AND DARK THEMSES!

Russia's P.O.V (point of view)

The large beautifully decorated windows were locked, the sunflower curtains drawn shut not letting an inch of light or warmth enters the huge humongous house. It was freezing and dark inside the room that I was currently occupying but it was better this way, light only served as a distraction it only reminded of what I had lost, my little sunflower had left me for that stupid Prussia, just the mention of his name made me squeeze tightly on the glass bottle of vodka I was currently taking sips from. It was my 14...15 maybe 16 bottle... I can't remember.

But I still hadn't drunk enough to forget the pain I am feeling inside.

Don't I deserve to be loved, I gave her everything. I gave her my heart, I was patience with her, I gave her gifts and I complimented her and all she did in return was to leave me all alone in this house. I should have known she would leave me, everybody leaves me eventually.

My sisters have left me, my Baltics have left me and now my little sunflower has left me. I wiped away another tear as I took another sip of my vodka... It was the only thing that never left me... My loyal vodka.

She didn't even let me explain what happened that night; my memories of that night came back a few days ago. China had drugged me; I remember being upset when (Y/N) had told me she doesn't like me.

Then I went to my usual room to get some of my Vodka, I didn't plan on getting drunk but I just needed to taste the burning feeling in my throat, but when I took the first sip I Started to feel dizzy and my head started to bang.

But then (Y/N) walked in and apologized before kissing me and then we had sex, but now I realized that it wasn't her it was china, that bitch had tricked me.

SMASH!

I threw the half empty bottle of vodka across the room in a fit of anger, when I remembered (Y/N) in Prussia basement, in his clothes. I watched as it hit the wall and broke into pieces... Like my heart.

I rested my head in my hands as I started to let the tears fall, I knew she was a virgin, but it should have been me! I should have been her first! What is wrong with me, I am a strong nation... And here I am crying over this girl. I stand up and walk towards the cupboard to get some more vodka; suddenly I catch a glance of myself in the mirror.

What I saw staring back at me, was so ugly. How could anyone love someone with so many scars? I stared at all my battle wounds, on my arms and also the one scars around my neck...I felt a shiver go down my neck as I remember the night that happened. I suddenly look at my reflection again, I see the man that pushed the only girl he ever like into the arms of another man.

SMASH!

I punched the mirror, as I stared at the new broken mirror. I stare at the man, that man is me. I looked down at the blood in my hands, that's not enough pain. I deserved more pain for what I made that sweet girl feel. I rest my head on the mirror, and I close my eyes and try to calm down. But as soon as I closed my eyes, images of (Y/N) and Prussia rush to my head.

I start smashing my head against the mirror, until I could barely see anymore. Blood was rolling from my head downwards towards my neck, seeping into my coat. I start to wonder what it's going to be like to live the rest of my life without her; I never truly loved anybody until I met her.

It's only been a few weeks, and I already feel like I am dying. I even had to miss the worlds meetings so there was no chance I would see her with Prussia, he would only make fun of me as he holds my woman. I would give up everything for her; I would give up my nation to be with her again.

I tried to remember what her smile was like, I tried to remember what she smelled like… but I couldn't. Then I remembered that I haven't entered her room since the day she told me to leave. Maybe the bed still smelled like her.

I ran up the stairs, through the corridors towards (Y/N) room. I opened the door to see her dark purple bed, left like it was when she decided to leave me. I fall back onto the bed as I take a deep breath in, as I smelled the pillows.

Lavender.

It smelled like lavender, her favourite perfume that she always wore. Suddenly I remembered when she had first brought that perfume, it was one of my treasured memories, became that was the same day she had told me she loved me, but not to my face. I smile as I close my eyes, and let my mind drift back to that day.

(Flashback)

I was sleeping next to her, after a long day at work. She was upset because her pet died, and she wanted me to stay with her for the night. And I didn't mind, she had fallen asleep instantly as I had pulled her closer towards myself.

I was about to fall asleep myself, when I heard her mumble some words in her sleep.

"I love you Russia"

She had said, but when I looked down at her I knew she wasn't conscious of what she had just said. She was asleep, but she had spoken what she was thinking. I had never smiled more brightly before that day. She loved me, my little sunflower loved me. I stroked her head as I whispered to her.

"I love you more (Y/N)"

I remember kissing her softly on her forehead, as I smelled her perfume on her. It was intoxicating, and it made me feel so much more in love with this little angel. The next morning she had woken up alone, because I had decided to make her breakfast in bed. But I had burned everything, before I could fix it she had walked into the room with her sleepy gaze.

"What are you doing, Ivan?" she had said so lovingly.

"Trying to make you breakfast, but this stupid thing won't let me" I had said as I looked at her sadly. "Why are you making me breakfast, you don't have to you know" she had said as she walked closer towards me. "I do, isn't it what you do for a loved one" I said as I smiled at her, and wrapped one of my arms around her waist as I pulled her closer towards me.

"Ummm..." she started to blush, which just made her more adorable. "Loved one?" she said in a hopeful tone. "Yes loved one... because I love you" I said as I looked at her shyly. "I love you too" she had said as I leaned down to kiss her soft lips.

(End of flashback)

I opened my eyes, as the memory left my mind. That was one of the best moments of my life. Suddenly I realised that maybe Prussia is smelling her perfume, maybe he is telling her how much he loves her, and then she was telling him how much she loved him. I could imagine them laughing at me, the poor nation who was left alone all over again.

In a fit of anger I jumped of the bed and threw the mattress across the room, I was expecting to hear a soft noise but what I heard next confused me. I heard a noise that could only be creating by dropping a small piece of metal on the floor.

I turned around to see a small tin on the floor that could barely fit anything in it. It was the smallest thing I have ever seen. I picked it up and wondered what it could be, I opened it and as soon as I saw the components inside... I dropped the tin again as if it burnt my hand.

I fell to the floor as an older, darker memory came to mind...

(Flashback to Russia's childhood)

I wonder if I will ever grow to be a big strong country someday, maybe then the other nations would like to be my friend. I walked through the snow as I pulled my scarf tighter around me; it reminded me of my sisters... I miss them.

A few more minutes and I'll be home. The thought of the warm fire and some vodka made me smile. Suddenly I felt myself being pushed up against a tree with such force that made me want to scream.

I had automatically closed my eyes from habit so I couldn't see who was holding a small blade against my neck, so I didn't see anyone's face when I was knocked out.

(Few hours later)

"Ugh..." I awoke to the feeling of extremely sore arms. I then felt a dull pain around my neck; I could see the dried blood that had fallen from my neck to my chest. That stupid bastard has slit my throat, doesn't he know that a nation can't die by that.

Dazed, I blearily opened my eyes and tried to see what was happening. I was lying on my back in a king-sized bed. As I looked around myself, I realized that I was in some kind of fancy hotel suite.

What appeared to be my long cream coat, along with my shoes, socks, and scarf, was tossed carelessly on the floor. I also noted that it was night-time from looking out the glass doors that led to the balcony. "What...am I doing here?" I mumbled softly. A dull headache pounded in my forehead, and I groaned.

It all came rushing back at once. The cold, the strange man... The knife. I need to escape! With a guttural cry I lurched forward, only to fall back in agony when my arms flared up in pain. I calmly rolled my head back and saw that my wrists were bound tightly to the headboard by a thick rope.

I tried to move my legs and tested the strength of my bindings; they wouldn't budge, even though I was small I was definitely one of the strongest people I knew. The only thing my struggling accomplished was chafing the skin on my wrists.

"I see you are finally awake, Russia~" came a sing-song voice to the left. I craned my neck to see the blurry outline of a strange man leaning over the bed. I instantly recognised him as the Mongolian empire, a ruthless man, or that's what I had been told by my sisters.

I snarled at the figure looming over me. "What the hell are you doing?! Let me go right now!" I jolted against my bindings again, but it still had no effect.

The taller male shook his head. "We haven't even started yet... I have been waiting for you to wake up. It has been nearly three hours, sleepyhead!" Leaning forward, he traced the contours of my cheekbones, causing my heart to cringe. "I must have given you more Ketamine than I thought."

The Mongolian empire crawled onto the bed and sat on my stomach, pressing his weight down and causing me to wince from the pressure. He then trailed his fingers down to my collarbone and traced small circles into the skin.

I felt scared, I wanted to go back home. But one thing I had been taught was never let the enemy see your fear. So I spat at my captor's face, my eyes defiant and shining with resolve. "Go to hell!"

The Mongolian empire reached up and swiped the saliva from his cheek with the back of his hand. He chuckled again and pressed two fingers harshly against my throat, effectively closing off the windpipe.

"Oh, little Russia, you have no idea what I have in store for you..." He pressed harder and harder with the intentions of making a bruise. "I am going to break you…" he said in a scary whisper. "How?" I had asked.

The towering nation leaned forward until our faces were merely inches apart. His voice dropped down to a low tone, barely above a whisper, as he stared down coldly into my eyes. He allowed a moment of complete silence, hot breath ghosting over skin, observing me as I squirmed uncomfortably.

"I am going to rape you." He released his fingers from my throat.

I froze. Suddenly I was silenced as he pressed our lips together, fisting my white hair and tugging roughly on it. I cried out in surprise and immediately started twisting and thrashing around in a desperate attempt to break away.

The Mongolian empire took this opportunity to slip his tongue down my throat, plunging it for all it was worth and tasting every corner and crevice.

My blood pounded through my veins, my adrenaline spiking to a high I didn't know was possible. After the initial shock passed, I wrenched my head to the side in an attempt to separate his mouth from mine.

"Get off me!" I choked as he playfully nipped at my ear and throat,

The Mongolian empire smirked, licking my cheek and relishing in the shiver that coursed through my body. He grinded against my body, I felt disgusting and scared. Will anyone come to save me?

It was hot in here. So, so hot. I felt like I was suffocating. I couldn't move, couldn't think straight. The Mongolian empire was quickly taking control, biting and licking and sucking and restricting to the point where I felt like my body was about to combust.

I hated this so much. I was being violated, and I was too weak to do anything- I couldn't push the other away or even break free from my bindings. I cried out in sheer frustration, muscles tightening at every point in my body as I kicked and flailed futilely. The Mongolian empire, in turn, smiled wider and dove in for my lips.

I gasped at the sensation of his mouth being invaded again, and my throbbing heart jumped each time the towering nation grinded against my body. I had never done this before, so I didn't know what was happening when I felt my lower parts tightening.

"Enjoying yourself, Russia?" the older guy teased, rolling his hips torturously slow and causing me to whine. Why is my body reacting like this?!

"I hate you..." I breathed.

Suddenly a cold, smooth object was suddenly pressed against my cheek and slid down to just below my navel. My eyes instantly flew back open in shock. The Mongolian empire was caressing a long silver blade against my lower stomach, lightly dragging the metal across my skin. He cut me open and laughed as he saw the blood pool out in drops.

He cut me one last time before slipping it under my shirt. He tugged the weapon up, ripping the seams of the shirt with a frightening precision. Once the material had been torn in half, the Mongolian empire tugged it off to reveal my chest, now glistening with a nervous sweat.

I cringed under the others considering gaze. My breaths and heartbeat had become panicked. The Mongolian empire took me off guard when he slid his hand beneath my waistband. His fingers wrapped around my erection and thumbed the sensitive slit, lazily pumping the shaft a few times to further arouse me.

I shuddered at the touch, inhaling sharply. "Nngh...Fuck...Let go of me!"

The Mongolian empire smiled at me as I looked away from his dark eyes. He stroked harder and breathed hot air over my ear. "Are you having fun yet?" he asked. I didn't reply, as I looked up at the man with a scared look.

The Mongolian empire continued to stroke me, I tried my best to block out everything-the sounds of skin touching hot skin and the bed springs creaking under their weight; the feeling of my cock in the others' hand and tongue twirling in my mouth, the heat that seemed to lock me in a chokehold embrace and muddle my thoughts...

I was begging for someone to walk in and rescue me, I needed help. I am not a big and strong country yet, if I was I wouldn't be in this situation. My eyes enlarged when I saw what was happening next. The Mongolian empire was unbuckling his belt.

"Hmm. I think we've messed around long enough, yes?" He smiled down at me.

I felt my heart clench at the thought of what would soon happen if things stayed this way. I thrashed my arms with renewed force, watching in horror as the other nation unzipped himself and released his own throbbing erection. Grabbing my flustered hips, The Mongolian Empire pulled back and attempted to slide off my pants.

I resisted and shot my legs out with the remaining energy I had. By sheer force of luck I managed to land a hit square in the other's chest; The Mongolian Empire surprisingly coughed as the wind was knocked out of him. I took a split second to breathe, and then with the combination of my freed upper body and rushing adrenaline, I pulled with all of my strength.

The rope snapped. My wrists were still tied together, but now I had been separated from the headboard. "Finally!" I gasped out in relief. I swung my hands forward blindly in an attempt to land another hit, hopefully on that bastard's face. However I missed, due to the pain that I felt as I tried to move.

The Mongolian empire quickly recovered from the previous kick and pounced back on me just as his shoulder was grazed. He roughly grabbed my sore wrists, pinning them back up against the headboard at an awkward angle as he pressed his weight on my body.

He shook his head in disapproval. "Oh Russia, I had originally intended to make this experience very pleasurable for you," He loomed again over me, not quite seething with anger, but instead emitting a powerful aura that one could truly call terrifying.

He shoved my pants to my knees and slid his length eagerly, heatedly, over my entrance. "But now, I think I just want to make you hurt. I want you to feel what's happening to you."

My eyes widened at the feeling of the older guys cock rubbing against my backside. No! In a last-ditch effort, I wildly struggled, kicked, screamed, pleaded-anything to prevent this from happening.

He couldn't do this! Not now, not here, and not in this way! "No...no, no, no! No! Please stop it! Please! I'm begging you, stop! STOP!"

I wasn't exactly sure when the tears started falling.

It might have been the agonizing moment when the Mongolian empire was pushed inside me, painfully ripping away both my innocence and dignity; maybe it was when the huge man started moving, forcing himself in and out with such a brutality and shamelessness that no person with a heart would be capable of doing.

(End of flashback)

I lay down on the floor as I tried to forget that memory, I had tried so hard to forget that horrible day, but no matter what… something would always remind me of it. Why am I still scared of him? I went to war with him, and I won? I killed him? I destroyed him? So why am I still terrified of him?

Because you are weak!

Because you are broken goods!

Because no one else will want to be with you when they find out about your past!

"SHUT UP!"

I try to think about something else, as I look back at the blades. Suddenly a different though came to my head.

"Why were these hidden in (Y/N) room?" I thought as I stood up and sat back down onto the bed. I emptied the contents on to the blanket as I continued to look at them. There were twenty plasters, thirty razors, safety pins and some other sharp objects.

What did she do with these?

Suddenly my eye glanced to the dark crimson stains on the bed. I removed the duvet, as I looked at the bed sheets. I gasped as I saw all the blood stains on the bed, and then I looked at the blades and saw the dried blood on them. And then everything clicked together, and made some more sense.

She was cutting herself, she was hurting herself, and I didn't notice. No wonder she got offended when I tried to compliment her, I was trying to be nice, but now I can see why she was hurt by my words.

"I would hate it if you had any scars"

I am so stupid, why did I say that? I am so stupid. No wonder she left me to be with Prussia!

I shake my head, as I ran to my room. I fell onto my bed as I continued to cry, I needed to stop being a cold hearted person. I try so hard to be nice, but I only hurt people even more when I do. I don't even know why I said that, I would still love her even if she had more scars then me.

I grabbed another bottle of vodka, when suddenly I heard someone saying my name…

"IVAN?"

TO BE CONTINUED…

Russia: "My past is sad, da?" *Russia says as he walks into the room with his head help low*

Me: "I'm so sorry" *runs and hugs Russia*

Prussia: "whoa, what he did was so not awesome… I'm sorry" *runs hand through head, and feels uncomfortable*

Me: "I wish I could have helped you, I'm so sorry for everything" *cry's*

Russia: *hugs me back* "it's alright, it's in the past… but what I want to know is who is knocking?"

Me: "that's for me to know, and you to find out" *winks at reader*