Do I even need to put up a disclaimer at this point? You all already know I'm not the creator of Naruto, Fairy Tail, Gravity Falls, or Avatar: the Last Airbender.

Also, warning: general insanity. Though, that should be rather obvious by this point. Also, euphemism'ed cursing (fork = fuck, shirt = shit, asshole = ash-hole, bitch = bench) (though it depends on the context. If you see something like 'Sakura sat down on a nearby bench. It exploded', then it's likely I'm not using the swear words).

Erm... Have fun.

Also, Thank you to Merchant of Blue Death for your suggestion.

PS: I'm genuinely trying to write humor into this story and that fact might be overly obvious in my writing style. The point of this story if that I get better at that. I want your genuine opinion and constructive criticism, it would really help.

Bold - KI.


After watching Sakura blow up the Yondaime's stone head and needing several skilled Doton users to put it back together, he made two decisions.

One: Sakura needed a stronger concentration of iron in her clothing. Also control exercises where she couldn't blow up trees or lakes (because he once saw her blow up a lake too, and stood there looking like he was in the middle of an absence seizure until his mind finally caught up and he chastised the girl).

Two: If the people of Konoha were going to keep their sanity, Sakura needed to be let out of the village again.

Honestly, if he was being honest, he really didn't want to take them outside of Konoha yet. His genin were psychotic and lacking control, but they were his and no one was going to be putting them in danger before he decided it was okay (and anyone who got in his way could fight him, and he would't hold back). Seriously, though, taking them out of the village would probably do some good.

Also, he was getting tired of having to reconstruct fields where his little demons were called to pick weeds.

(Seriously, civilian chores were not well-suited to his weirdos.)

If he was being honest, he could tell Sasuke needed the time out of the city too. He kept staring wistfully at the city walls (sometimes muttering under his breath about someone named Mai), often camping under the stars instead of in his house (when asked, he said he'd abandoned his house a month ago).

Naruto kept burning down his building, restoring it with his weird time jutsu, and then burning it down again. It was annoying to the other residents, and they needed a break, lest they try and kill his dysfunctional student.

So, giving Sakura a pair of boots made of iron and chakra seals set all over her arms and his other two comfortable travelling cloaks, he and his team went to the Hokage for a C-rank mission.

Thank god, there was one on hand.

A drunkard wanting to get back to his homeland (which struck Kakashi as suspicious, because the mission details said that he'd also just come from Wave two days ago, which was the travelling time for a civilian. So why leave your home for no reason (all his possessions were listed as not having changed from the time he'd come and the time he decided to leave) just to be asked to be taken back home?) and for protection as he built a bridge (which was also odd. Why not hire Kiri ninja? This was Wave, not Boar).

Sakura's eyes narrowed at the mission details she'd read over his shoulder. She had the same misconceptions about their newest client.

But she kept up her mask of deception, the one that said she was a completely insane person. "Tazuna-san, I'm sure we'll be fine on our journey. Beware of randomly falling paint buckets."

Tazuna didn't seem to know how to respond to that.

Naruto, still laughing and floating four feet off the ground, 'swam' over to the bridge builder. "I like forks. Do you have any forks? I also like eyeballs. Can I have your eyeballs?"

Sasuke puled the blond back by the lapels of his jacket. "Sorry about him. He's a bit eccentric."

"Eccentric's a funny word, kid!" Naruto yelled joyously.

Sakura's hand went to the seam of her glove. "Be quiet in front of the client, Naruto-baka."

The blond quieted. Sakura left her glove alone.

Kakashi eye-smiled as Sasuke silently assessed their client, subtly keeping his hand close to his sword hilts.

"We will leave tomorrow, at-" Tazuna started.

"Doesn't matter the time." Sakura smoothed back her hair.

"Really, really doesn't. Except if the comet comes before we do, and then we're too late and my dad will burn down the Earth Kingdom." Sasuke crossed his arms, and Kakashi contemplated ripping his hair out. FUGAKU WAS DEAD, WHY DIDN'T SASUKE FORKING LISTEN?

"REALITY IS AN ILLUSION, THE UNIVERSE IS A HOLOGRAM, BUY GOLD, BYE!" Naruto yelled, climbing out the window. The ANBU in the rafters twitched at the odd goodbye.

"Sorry, that's one of his odd habits." Sakura scratches the back of her head.

"Yeah." Sasuke agrees.

Kakashi shrugs in a way that seems to scream 'what can ya do?'.

Tazuna weakly turned to the assignment desk. "... Can I have a different team? Please?"


No spoilers. Leave a review. Comments are always appreciated. Next chapter coming out at some point. Later.