A/N: So I decided to do EPOV of the day so you could get an insight into what Edward was thinking. Also I think it might answer some of the questions that you guys have.

I didn't get the amount of reviews that I wanted for this chapter but I really wanted to post it so yeah. You should feel privileged lol, not really. Anyway hope u enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight or the characters

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EPOV

Flashback

"Bella I don't want you to come with me," I spoke slowly and precisely. I made sure my face was blank and my eyes were cold so they were free from the hurt I was feeling. I watched her face as she absorbed what I was really saying.

I waited watching her face as she thought through what was happening. I yearned to reach out and touch her face, but I knew I couldn't. I had to leave so she could live a normal human life.

"You…don't…want me?" she asked. I was having an internal battle in my head. The selfish part shouted at me to tell her I did want her, it told me to take her into my arms now and never let go. The responsible part of my head told me to continue on with the lie, it shouted at me to let her go so she could live a safe, normal life. Bella's safety was the most important thing to me so the responsible part won.

"No" I replied. I could feel my dead heart breaking in my chest. Saying that I didn't want Bella was worse than lying. It was more like…like blasphemy. I just hoped she believed it. That was unlikely though. Knowing Bella she would probably argue with me for hours saying I was lying and that I was just saying this. I kept my eyes blank and unapologetic, convincing her to believe what I was saying. Deep down I prayed that she didn't.

Bella stared into my eyes. I saw her face sadden a bit.

"Well, that changes things," she said sounding calm and reasonable. I could see that she was becoming numb, zombie like. She was starting to believe what I was saying. This tore my heart apart even more.

End of Flashback

I was pulled from this nightmarish memory when I heard a light tap on my door. I ignored it. I was too busy to find out who it was and what they wanted. I was too busy watching images flash across my mind. Images of Bella's face when I told her I didn't want her, images of her face when I told her she was no good for me. I could remember the feel of her warm forehead against my lips when I kissed her for the last time, the last time I touched her, the last time I gazed into her beautiful chocolate eyes. My heart broke again as I re-lived the worst day of my life for what felt like the fiftieth time tonight.

I heard another light knock on the door. I sat and listened to the thoughts of the person who stood on the other side. "Edward I know you're listening so either you come and unlock the door or I kick it down and you know Esme won't be happy if I do that," Alice thought smugly. I got up, opened the door and then ran back and sat on the black couch.

"What do you want Alice?" I asked not even trying to pretend to be interested. She glared at me but then smiled. That's odd.

"Well, I've decided that you can't be all mopey anymore. It's time for you to cheer up." She grinned at me.

"Ok Alice sure thing," I spat back sarcastically.

"Come on Edward you're starting a new job today who knows maybe you'll make friends," she said. She had clearly had a vision and knew something I didn't. I tried to look in her head and find out what it was but she was translating the bible from English to Latin.

"Ok Alice why the hell are you translating the bible. What do you know?" I questioned my voice sharp.

"Well would you look at the time," she said looking at the clock "I have to get going and I'm pretty sure Carlisle wants to leave soon". She turned and walked out of the door.

I turned and looked at the clock, it was 4:20 am. She was right we had to leave in five minutes. I went to my closet and grabbed a pair of nice pants and a slightly dressy shirt. It was best to dress to impress on the first day. It was my, and Carlisles, first day at Seattle Grace Hospital. I was sick of the whole high school scene so I begged for Carlisle to let me apply for a job at a hospital with him. Being a doctor would help to keep my mind off of Bella, as it would allow me to be busy. If I were at high school I would be constantly reminded of my loss. I think Carlisle wanted me to stop moping in my room all day so he agreed.

We applied to a few places but none of them had room for two new doctors. Seattle Grace heard about, the Dr Carlisle Cullen and his son looking for work so they called and offered us both jobs. I was reluctant to accept at first, due to Seattle being so close to Forks, but it was our only real option so I had to agree. I glanced at the alarm clock and saw that it was now time to leave. I sprinted down the stairs and called Carlisle. He was at my side in a second and we both walked out to his brand new black Mercedes. I looked up at the sky before hopping into the passenger seat. It was cloudy and it looked like it was going to be like that for a while. I smiled this meant that we wouldn't have to hide away anytime soon. I hopped in my seat and closed the door softly. Carlisle then accelerated leaving the house behind us.

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The first hour or so was pretty uneventful. I had a brief tour of the hospital. I mainly got shown around the ICU because that was the ward that I would be working on. After being shown around I went and checked on my patients, introducing myself if they were awake. As I was checking one of my patients I heard a voice come over the loud speaker.

"Code Blue ICU, Code Blue ICU". I ran out of the room I was in and ran up the corridor at human pace. It was rather frustrating considering I would've been there by now if I could run at my normal pace. I looked up and saw a few nurses running into the next room. "Finally," I breathed to myself. I entered the room and saw a bunch of nurses trying to resuscitate a patient. There was no doctor there. "Looks like you're in charge, Edward," I thought becoming slightly pleased that I got to prove myself so soon. I ran to the side of the bed and began taking charge. I told the nurses what to do and they followed my orders quickly and efficiently. I blocked out all the thoughts of the nurses wanting to focus on saving the guy lying in front of me. I smelt something familiar but I ignored it giving my full attention to saving this guys life.

After a couple minutes I heard the patient's heart rate pick up and his breathing became steady. I sighed in relief. The patient was stable. I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and finger closing my eyes. That was intense. I exhaled deeply once more and then turned to the nurses.

"Good work everyone," I said looking at them. I now realised that there were three nurses in the room with me. They were all female. I looked at the first two and gave them a smile. Their hearts accelerated and I heard all types of… inappropriate thoughts cross their mind. I smiled at what was going through their heads and turned to the last nurse. I heard her gasp and I froze.

It was Bella. There standing in front of me was the only person that I would ever love. My Bella. I stared at her face intently taking in every little thing. She looked pretty much exactly the same as she did four years ago. She was still the most exquisite thing I had ever seen. I inhaled deeply.

"Ed-Edward," she stuttered. I looked down and saw that she was clenching both hands into fists. Doesn't look like she's very happy to see me. That thought hurt a lot. I grimaced but quickly composed my face so that the only emotion that showed was surprise. I looked back up at her and rested my gaze on her eyes. I stood there for a about a minute just staring into her chocolate brown eyes. I watched as a whole range of emotions crossed her face. Surprise, confusion, curiosity, hurt and…was that anger. Suddenly she closed her eyes. What is she doing? I thought curiously. I then saw her raise her hand and pinch herself on the arm. Oh she thinks this is a dream. I didn't know if this was a good or bad thing, it could be both. I waited patiently for her to open her eyes. During that time I decided that I was going to talk to her. I didn't know what I was going to say or how she would react but I did know that as soon as she opened her eyes I would speak to her.

A couple seconds later she opened her eyes and gasped again. I gazed at her watching her think the whole situation through. Her face was down and she was staring at the floor. I desperately wanted to look into her eyes again so I decided that I had to speak to her now.

"Bella," I breathed softly so only she could hear. She inhaled deeply and reluctantly looked up at me. I could feel that surprise was clearly etched on my face. I worked hard to make sure no other emotion came through. I didn't want to scare her. I gazed into her eyes and she gazed back into mine. This moment was so intense that I felt my mask start to slip away. Bella's breathing became faster and her heart started beating more rapidly. "Is that good?" I asked myself, desperately hoping that it meant that she still had feelings for me. I was about to ask her but then the silence was interrupted. I heard the thoughts of someone invade the intense moment and my mask returned. I was happy to ignore the person but then they spoke. I growled internally at the person for interrupting us.

"Ah Dr Cullen, just the man I was looking for," I now recognised the person to be Dr Cooper, the chief of the hospital, "if you have a moment I was wondering if we could speak". Why? I screamed in my head, cursing Dr Cooper. I stared at Bella for a few more seconds before tearing my eyes away and giving Dr Cooper a fake smile. I heard Bella's breathing return to normal and her heart return to a normal rate.

"Uh…Of course if you could just give me a second I need to finish talking to…," I started, but before I could finish Bella turned and left the room. "No!" I screamed in my head, "come back". I longed to run after her but I didn't want to give Dr Cooper the wrong impression. For a moment I succumbed to the grief I felt. It hurt so much to see her walk away from me. I guess that answered my question about her feelings towards me. She definitely didn't feel anything anymore. This ripped my unbeating heart to shreds. I still loved her so much. But this is why I left. I left so that she could forget about me and live a happy normal life. This is what I wanted. So why did it hurt so much. I locked all these feeling away for now and smiled at Dr Cooper again.

"So where did you want to talk," I asked trying my best to sound interested as well as cheerful. Apparently it worked. Dr Cooper smiled warmly back at me.

"My office, it's fairly close," he said gesturing for me to follow him. I obliged.

The rest of the conversation passed in a blur. My mind was too busy thinking about Bella. I made sure to answer direct questions and I mmed and aaahed in appropriate places, but I had no idea what he was actually talking about. I was relieved when he had finished.

"Anyway Edward I'll let you get back to work," I stood up. "Oh and great work this morning," he said patting me lightly on the shoulder.

"Thanks," I smiled, "I can't take all the credit though the nursing staff did a great job, especially uh… Nurse Swan". He smiled and I turned and left the room. I desperately wanted to look for Bella but I had no idea where to start, so instead I ran to see Carlisle who was in his office. Because he was so well known and respected, the board of Seattle Grace offered him a job as the Head of the ICU. This meant that he was in charge of all the doctors on this ward. As well as a huge salary he got his own office. I ran into the office and slammed the door shut behind me. Carlisle looked up concern etched on his face. "What's the matter?" I heard him ask in his head. I sighed and sat down on the chair opposite him.

"Bella," I breathed softly. I heard his thoughts become worried. I blocked them out. Carlisle then spoke.

"What about her?" he asked concern in his voice, "does this place remind you too much of her. I was worried that might happen"

"Yes it does remind me of her, but not because of the reasons you think. She's here Carlisle. She's in Seattle. She's in this hospital. She's a nurse here," I said slowly. Carlisle face became shocked. I listened to his thoughts "How did we not see this earlier," he queried. That was a good point, how did we not foresee this. Why hadn't Alice seen this coming? If I knew Bella was working here I would have never accepted the job. I had promised her that she would never see me again, that I would never interfere with her life again. And here I was breaking my promise. I knew what I had to do but the question was could I bring myself to do it. Could I bring myself to leave Bella again? Carlisle was staring at me trying to figure out what was going through my head.

"Edward?" he asked slowly, "are you completely sure that Bella is here?" I became frustrated at this.

"Of course I'm sure Carlisle, she was standing right in front of me. I'm not crazy," I hissed angrily. Carlisle nodded.

"Ok son," he said softly. I got up to leave but he stopped me.

"Edward I think you should stay in here for a while. You are in no condition to work." I opened my mouth to argue but he put his hand up and stopped me.

"Edward you know as well as I do what happens when your mind isn't one hundred per cent on the job. What would happen if a patient started to bleed when you're in such a state?" I groaned in frustration. I didn't want to be stuck in here but I knew he was right.

"Ok, I'll stay," I breathed. With that Carlisle left closing the door softly behind him. I groaned again. What am I supposed to do in here? I tried to keep my mind clear but failed horribly. Images of Bella flashed across my mind. Images of the day I first saw her, the day I first talked to her, the day at the meadow, the first time I kissed her. All the happy memories were quickly replaced by an image of her face as I told her I didn't want her. I took a deep breath and remembered what she looked like this morning when I saw her. She still looked just as beautiful as she did four years ago yet there was something different about her. Her eyes seemed to have lost all happiness and hope. What was left of my dead heart shattered and I closed my eyes. Suddenly these thoughts left my mind and were replaced by the conversation I had with Alice this morning.

"I've decided that you can't be all mopey anymore. It's time for you to cheer up." I heard her tinkly voice say in my head, "maybe you'll make friends," I heard her say. I remembered trying to look in her head to see what was going on but she was translating the bible to Latin. Suddenly a wave of anger coursed through me. Alice knew that Bella was here. She had seen her. She had seen her and she didn't warn me. I clenched my fists and tried to calm myself down, but before I could I heard the door open. I turned to see who it was and I growled in anger jumping up out of my seat.

It was Alice. I took a few deep breaths trying to keep myself calm so I wouldn't attack my sister. After a couple of minutes I was completely calm and I walked back to the seat I was in before and slowly sat down.

"Hey Edward," she said once she knew that I wasn't going to rip her arms off.

"Why didn't you tell me Alice," I hissed angrily. "You know I never would have accepted this job if I knew Bella lived in Seattle". Alice looked annoyed.

"Edward I didn't know she lived in Seattle… well not really. In my vision this morning I only saw that you would see her at work today, I didn't know she actually lived here," she said softly. Oh so that was the reason she was annoyed. She was annoyed that she didn't see this sooner.

"Ok, so why didn't you tell me that I would be seeing her today?" I questioned keeping my voice as steady as possible.

"Because I knew that you wouldn't come to work and you would try to make us move," she hissed angrily. "You're not the only one that misses her Edward, we all do. Even Rosalie, though she would never admit it. Why can't you just let yourself be happy?"

"She doesn't belong in our world Alice. I can't let her get hurt because of what we are. I won't let her get hurt just so I can be happy."

"In case you haven't noticed Edward she is hurting. She's hurting because we left her. You're hurting because you left her. Our whole family is hurting. I won't let you screw things up again." I opened my mouth to argue. She glanced at the clock and then interrupted me before I could say anything.

"Bella's on her lunch break now I'm going to go see her. Unlike you I'm not a coward."

"Alice stay out of it," I growled angrily.

"No Edward I won't. The last time I listened to you it broke our family. You didn't even let me say goodbye to her Edward. She was… is my best friend and I couldn't even say goodbye to her," she whispered sadly. I looked up at her.

"Ali-," I begun

"Edward I'm going to see her and you can't stop me," she growled interrupting me. She glared at me angrily and then walked out leaving me alone. I sat for a little while thinking about what I should do. Should I go with Alice now and see Bella or should I leave. After a minute or so I had figured out what I was going to do.

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I hoped you enjoyed the trip into Edwards head. The next chapter will be in his POV as well but chapter 6 will go back to Bella's. Anyway I hoped you liked it.

Ok so if I get 10-15 reviews for this chapter I'll update tonite or tomorrow. If not I won't update for like a week. Honestly reviews make me want to write faster. So pls, pls review.