A/N: S. Meyer still owns Twilight. No copyright infringement intended here. My only profit is enjoyment.

A special thank you to Karmabalance, who has been awesome enough to stroke my ego by pre-reading this story for me.

"I'm just gonna go, uh... clean up," I said, a bit awkwardly. Somehow, Alice's departure had left me feeling completely out of sorts, which kind of sucked, seeing as how I'd just had the most amazing sexual experience of my life only minutes before.

Jasper nodded, and a few seconds later, I found myself leaning against Jasper and Alice's bathroom door, wondering what in the fuck had just happened.

Such Great Heights

Chapter 4

I didn't understand. How could she go from whispering dirty things in my ear and yelling out my name as I made her come with my tongue to acting like I was some random friend of Jasper's that had stopped by for a visit? It didn't make any sense. Her goodbye was so indifferent, so clinical. Was she upset about what happened? Angry? Even worse, was this something that the two of them did often, and so she said goodbye to me like I was nobody who mattered because I really didn't?

I sat against the bathroom door freaking out for probably a good ten minutes before Jasper's soft knock brought me out of my thoughts.

"Bella? Are you ok in there?" he asked tentatively.

It was a choice between honesty or faking some horrible stomach ailment or a sudden period. Honesty was the least mortifying.

"Yeah," I sighed softly as I stood up and opened the door, offering him a shy smile. "Sorry I took so long, I was just, uh... panicking?"

Jasper took my hand and turned toward the stairs. "Come on, let's go downstairs and talk." He nodded toward Peter and Charlotte's bedroom doors. "Don't want to wake the kids."

The two of us went downstairs, and I told Jasper how Alice's goodbye had me all out of sorts. He tried his best to calm my worries, explaining that Alice was not very affectionate in general, but especially not after sex. "She tends to separate herself from it," he said. "It's difficult to be on the receiving end of, I know. I've just gotten so used to it that I don't notice much anymore."

I felt sad for him then, though I felt a little bit better about what had happened. "What about you?" I asked nervously.

Jasper's brow furrowed in confusion. "What about me, what?"

"Are you affectionate, you know...after?"

It seemed ridiculous to be this awkward with him when we'd just had crazy hot sex, but, then again, that was most of the reason that I felt so uncomfortable. Our relationship had a different dynamic now, but I wasn't really sure where we stood.

He smiled, and blushed a little bit. It was kind of adorable, but the man sitting beside me was entirely too sexy to be referred to as adorable. "I would be, yeah, if, you know, the woman I was with enjoyed that."

I wasn't sure if it was an invitation, but I took it as one anyway and scooted across the couch cushion until we were touching, and then leaned into him, resting my head in the crook of his shoulder. He responded immediately, wrapping his arm around me and resting his hand on the side of my head, absently running his fingers through my hair.

"This is nice," I whispered. And it was. It felt so good to be held so tenderly. I still didn't know what to make of it, but decided that, at least for now, I was going to stop thinking and just let myself relax in Jasper's arms.

"Agreed," he said softly, turning his face to place a kiss in my hair before letting his cheek rest on my head.

We sat like that, without really saying much of anything, for quite a while. At some point, I reached over and took his large hand in mine, rubbing circles on his palm with my thumb. It felt good, being close; it had been such a long time since I'd been cuddled like that. I'd been alone for so long, I always had music or the tv playing because I couldn't stand the silence. Silence forced me to think, and really, there wasn't much in my life that I wanted to just sit and think about. Sitting there with Jasper, though, the quiet actually felt peaceful.

The silence was finally broken by Jasper. "I should probably get to bed. You too... You have such a long drive tomorrow."

"You're right," I agreed, knowing that he was but wishing that he wasn't.

I started to sit up a little bit, making Jasper's arm fall down my back from my shoulders. Neither of us made the move to let go of each other's hands, though. For the first time in probably an hour, I looked up and met Jasper's eyes.

I don't know how to explain the look that passed between us, only that it was intense. I could see in his eyes that he was fighting with himself, but I wasn't sure why.

I started to say his name, but didn't get past the first syllable before his lips covering mine prevented me from speaking any more. His kiss was different from every one we'd shared that night. Whereas all the others had been hard and urgent, this was slow and gentle. Our tongues made a few passes into each other's mouths, but most of the kiss was made up of gentle open-mouthed kisses and light sucks on each other's lips. His hand came up to cup my cheek, and I could feel the callouses on his fingertips as he stroked my face tenderly. I squeezed the hand of his that I was still holding, letting my other hand rest on his chest as I kissed him back, completely losing myself in him.

When Jasper finally ended the kiss, he paused, resting his forehead against mine, his eyes closed. "Good night, Bella," he whispered.

With those three simple words, the magic of the night ended. I returned the sentiment, and Jasper finally got up off the couch, separating us completely. After one final look over his shoulder, Jasper left the room, returning a few minutes later with some blankets and a pillow.

"I'm sorry it's not really a bed, but it's pretty comfortable to sleep on," he said as he laid the contents of his arms beside me on the couch.

"It'll be fine, I'm sure," I said, not liking the awkwardness that suddenly seemed present between us. I couldn't understand what had happened that changed the feeling of the room so completely, but it was distressing.

"Alright, then," Jasper replied, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Good night."

I breathed a heavy sigh as I unfolded the blankets and laid down after Jasper left the room. Suddenly, all the fears I'd had during my first trip to the bathroom seemed reasonable again, and I wasn't sure that the Jasper who wasn't kissing me anymore could ever be my friend again.

I didn't even wipe away the tears as they fell down my cheeks, wetting the pillow under me. I wished I had someone to talk to, but it was three in the morning, and thus a pretty unreasonable time to be making phone calls.

And really, even if I could make a call right now, my head was still spinning so fast that I would find it hard to give anyone an explanation for tonight. What could I really tell anyone anyway? I'd just cheated on my husband with my married friend and his wife. That was kind of a lot of shocking revelations for one sentence.

With no other real options, I pulled the blanket around my shoulders and tried to go to sleep.

Sleep was an elusive bitch that night. I fell asleep, but never stayed that way longer than twenty minutes. For some reason, I repeatedly dreamt that I was instant messaging with my best friend, Victoria. I would wake suddenly, panicking that I'd fallen asleep in the middle of my conversation with her and searching for my iphone. Every time I found it, though, I was surprised to see that I'd never actually been talking to Vic in the first place, and then I'd set the phone down and try to sleep again.

Apparently, my need to talk about what had gone on with Alice and Jasper was a little stronger than I'd realized.

At five thirty, I woke with a start once again. This time, though, I wasn't worried about a non-existent, abandoned electronic conversation with my best friend. Instead, I woke up in a panic that was directly related to the dream I'd just had. The dream in which Alice had woken up in the morning and come into the living room to kick my ass.

I had to go. I couldn't see any other option. Five thirty in the morning was surely an acceptable time to begin the five hour drive back to Paradise Valley. I rose up from the couch to start gathering my things before I realized the one major complication to my plan: I was still a little drunk. Too drunk to make a five hour drive, that was for sure. Drunk driving was something that I didn't mess around with. I berated myself for getting so drunk. I cursed myself, not for the first time, for suggesting the tequila. And then I hoped that the intoxication would at least make the beat down I was sure to get hurt a little less.

I laid back down on the couch and spent the next thirty minutes trying to figure out some sort of plan. I considered brewing some coffee and drinking enough to kill the buzz, but then remembered that I hated coffee, as did Jasper and Alice, so it was unlikely I'd find any in the house anyway. I thought about a cold shower, sure that would do the trick, but was afraid that running water would wake up the rest of the house. Finally, I went into the kitchen and found a bottle of Powerade and chugged the entire thing, hoping that the influx of non-alcoholic liquids into my system might sober me up more quickly so that I could get the hell out of dodge.

It didn't.

Stupid fucking tequila.

It was decided: I was never going to drink tequila again.

It was six fifteen in the morning. Alice would be waking up in forty-five minutes. That gave me less than an hour to prepare for a punch in the face. That's what I'd do, if I were her, really. I mean, if I was pissed off at a bitch for getting my husband and me drunk enough to have a crazy hot threesome, I'd probably punch her in the face.

I really didn't want to get punched in the face.

It would hurt, a lot, I'm guessing. Not to mention there was the whole issue of explaining to my boss on Monday why I had a broken nose or a black eye. I almost giggled at the imagined scenario as it played out in my head.

"Well, you see, Eric, what had happened was..."

Yeah... I was really not going to tell Eric Yorkie that I had a threesome in Vegas. I shuddered a little at the thought of my rather geeky boss getting a boner as I offered the explanation.

Maybe I could convince her to punch me in the stomach instead?

I buried my face in the pillow and prayed for sleep again.

By six forty-eight, I was sitting straight up on the couch reading the new emails in my inbox. I'd given up on sleep. I'd realized a few minutes earlier that you could freak yourself out to the point of completely killing a buzz. There was still time to run, but only if I packed super fast and could somehow sneak into Jasper and Alice's bedroom to grab my makeup bag...

I decided to stay and take it like a woman.

Jasper came upstairs first. He was all kinds of awkward, struggling to meet my eyes and smiling like he was in some sort of pain when he did. I started regretting my decision to not run away.

Finally, half in panic and half in a desperate effort to relieve the tension that was palpable between us, I blurted out, "Is Alice gonna punch me in the face?"

Jasper looked at me as if I had grown horns, and then started laughing softly. "No, Bella. No one is going to punch you in the face."

"Are you sure?" I demanded, not really convinced.

"Yes. I talked to her before I came out of the bedroom. There will be no fisticuffs."

I was relieved, to say the least, that I would not be getting beat up. However, I was still not pleased with the weirdness between Jasper and me. I mean, I guess I kind of understood why he felt awkward. What happened the night before left a lot of questions about our relationship. Like, were we still just friends? Were we friends with benefits? Would there be sexy times in our future, or were going to pretend that last night had never happened?

I had the answers to none of my questions, and that realization led to the understanding of why Jasper was acting like such a freak. He had none of the answers either.

Like me, Jasper seemed to be searching for a way to distract himself, so he picked up his guitar and began to strum it softly with his thumb. I didn't recognize the melody, but I liked it, so I sat down beside him and listened attentively.

We weren't touching, but we were only inches away from being able to do so, and I could feel the hairs on my arms standing on end as the desire to reach out and touch him took over. I wondered if he was feeling it too. Neither of us made the move.

A few minutes after he started playing, Peter ambled into the room sleepily, carrying a book in his hand. "I can read this whole book, Miss Bella," he said proudly.

"Can you?" I asked with a smile. "Do you want to show me?"

He nodded excitedly, and I patted the couch beside me, inviting him to come sit and read to me. I spent the next fifteen minutes listening to the sweet six year old boy's voice read Ten Apples Up On Top by Dr Seuss. It was adorable. Charlotte came into the room at some point during the story, asking Jasper about breakfast, and the two of them had made their way into the kitchen. They walked back into the living room carrying plates just as Peter finished reading Bears on Wheels to me.

"My Daddy made us pancakes," Charlotte said softly as she handed me a plate. "He's really good at pancakes."

I looked up at Jasper, who was smiling shyly. I couldn't help but think how good he was at everything else...

I thanked both Charlotte and Jasper and used my fork to cut the first bite. I smiled as soon as I began to chew. They really were very good pancakes.

It crossed my mind as I was eating that Edward, who was the only man I'd ever been with, had never cooked me breakfast in all our years together. From what Charlotte had said, I assumed that this was something that Jasper probably did often, but it didn't take away how special it felt to me.

I caught Jasper's eye. "Thank you," I said genuinely. "They're delicious."

Jasper smiled, finally seeming a little at ease, and said it was no trouble at all.

Alice came in a few minutes after Charlotte had carried all of the dirty dishes back into the kitchen. She did not punch me in the face. Or anywhere else.

She didn't sit with us long, since she had to get ready for work, but she seemed to be ok with everything. It was a pretty huge relief.

I needed to get on the road too, and really wanted to time my leaving with Alice's. I was afraid it would look suspicious somehow if I stayed here with Jasper after she left.

"Do you mind if I take a shower?" I asked Jasper after Alice went back to her room to get dressed.

"Of course not," he replied. "Let me just get you a towel and you can use the one in Alice and my room."

He led me down the hall toward the bedroom where I'd gotten dressed with Alice for the concert, stopping to open the door to the linen closet in the hall. He pulled out a blue towel which, unsurprisingly, had stripes on it in a lighter shade of blue, and handed it to me. Then he pointed me toward the bedroom door.
"It's in there, you probably remember, right?"

"Yeah," I said with a smile. "Thanks, Jasper."

He nodded and smiled a little awkwardly, like he wasn't really sure what to do. Once again, the giant elephant loomed over our shoulders, asking us to define the proper behavior in our relationship. Once again, we pointedly ignored him.

I gave Jasper a little wave, feeling quite like an idiot, and walked into the bedroom he shared with his wife. I offered her a simple explanation for my presence and then continued into the bathroom, where I quickly undressed and adjusted the water temperature.

I had just gotten my hair wet enough to wash when there was a soft knock on the door. The shower curtain prevented anyone from seeing my naked body, so I called for whoever it was to enter.

I was a little nervous as I heard the door open, then close again.

"I think we should talk," Alice said.

I was wet and naked and trapped in the bathroom with a woman who may or may not be really pissed at me. I swallowed hard, summoning up all my courage.

"What's up, Alice?"

A/N: I have been a bit of an epic fail with review replies. I am SO sorry about this. I went out of town for NYE with my favorite girls and got distracted, lol. I promise that even if I haven't replied, I did read and enjoy each review. I have my act together now, I promise. And to make up for my fail, I'll add a little teaser in my replies. Fair enough?

I hoped you enjoyed Bella's internal monologue this chapter. I had a lot of fun writing it. Poor girl is all kinds of freaked out, but wouldn't you be?