A/N: Thank you for reading and reviewing, I appreciate it so much! Tell me if you find the characters to be ooc or if you find any grammar/spelling mistakes, and I'll fix it! Also feel free to comment and tell me what you think of the story so far!


Wade woke up feeling ridiculously content. Not only had he been praised by his childhood hero, he had managed to persuade Spider-Man into making him free tacos every weekend for a month. Why Spider-Man had agreed to his absurd request was a mystery to him, but hey, he wasn't one to complain.

Pulling his mask on, he went to look out through the window. The destruction was as extensive as the day before, but the street was already closed off and crawling with SHIELD agents and a clean-up crew. The huge hole Thor had caused by pounding his hammer down onto the street was being filled in with fresh cement. Maybe he should try and steal the hammer? Just for a day or so, to cause some fun mayhem and destruction.

Thor is the only one who can lift it.

"Party pooper", Wade mumbled, going into the kitchen to make some pancakes, with milk this time.

Why? The beer ones were really good!

"Haha, very funny. You were complaining so loud it made my ears ring", Deadpool said while gathering his ingredients.

I don't think that's possible.

"That's it, no pancakes for you guys!", Wade shouted while throwing everything together in a bowl, muttering something about 'ungrateful sons of bitches'. When the smell of pancakes tickled his nose, his stomach grumbled. That got him thinking about tacos.

"Hey, smart guy, what day is it?", he asked, casually flipping an overdone pancake. He never bothered to keep track of what day it was, he had voices for that sort of thing.

I suppose you mean me. It's Friday.

"Taco day!", Wade shouted, almost dropping his spatula in excitement. Yes, he did have tacos almost every day, but that didn't mean he was less excited when he got to eat it.


Wade checked his phone for missions, hand on his pancake-filled stomach. All he could find were week-long missions; nothing he felt like taking part of. Game of Thrones-marathon it was, then.

I want to see the episode where that annoying brat gets poisoned.

I wanna see the episode with boobs!

"Silly, that's every episode", Deadpool grinned and kicked his TV to get it going.

He watched 7 episodes in one go, and quickly scrambled to his feet when the voices reminded him that it was 5.30 PM. He turned off the TV and threw himself out the window.

Maybe you should have opened the window before throwing yourself?

"Yeah, my bad", Wade muttered, wiping glass shards from his shoulders. At least he had air conditioning now, the thought as he made his way to Spidey's apartment.

He climbed up the fire escape as he had done before, and picked the lock on the window, climbing into the apartment. Peter came from the kitchen to greet him. He wasn't wearing his suit, apparently accepting the fact that Wade already knew his identity.

"I would have opened the window if you would have knocked", he snorted, the wonderful smell of tacos tickling Deadpool's nose.

"Old habits die hard", Wade chuckled, closing the window to keep the chilly air out. He looked over at Spider-Man, who were carrying the plates with tacos from the kitchen to the tiny table in the living room.

"You seem awfully quiet today", Peter noted as he put the plates down and offered Wade a seat.

"I spent all day talking to the voices, guess I got tired of talking. No, wait-", he said and went into a rant about how he had heard his neighbor fucking every night for the past week. After a few minutes of never ending monologue, and never ending eating, he quieted down and looked at Peter.

"...So, not tired of talking, then?", Peter looked slightly shocked, even though he knew from experience that Deadpool could talk about anything and everything to anyone and everyone for as long as he felt like it.

"It just really pisses me off", Wade mumbled, mouth stuffed to the brim with tacos. He didn't even have any qualms about showing the lower half of his face to Peter, that's how good the tacos were. They ate in silence for a couple of minutes, Wade sometimes moaning inappropriately at the deliciousness of the tacos.

"I take that it that you like the tacos then?", Spidey broke the silence.

"You could almost go work for Samantha", Wade nodded, looking impressed. Peter looked at him for a while, suddenly strangely silent. Wade almost started to feel self conscious. Almost.

"Hey kid, you're gonna lose your appetite if you keep staring at my skin like that", Deadpool joked, eating the last of his share of the tacos. Peter blushed in embarrassment and looked away.

"No, I just... I had heard about the-", he made a gesture at Wade's face. "-scars", he stopped himself for a moment, trying to form the words. Wade wasn't really offended, he was used to the comments.

"Does it hurt?", Spider asked after a while, almost looking concerned. Deadpool raised his eyebrows, that was a new one.

"Yeah, kinda, but it's a pretty small price to pay for my ass-kicking healing factor. Besides, I've gotten used to the pain", Wade chuckled, ogling Spidey's remaining tacos. Peter noticed what had caught his attention and pushed his plate towards Wade.

"I'm full anyways", he smiled, watching as Deadpool almost swallowed the remaining tacos whole. "You weren't kidding when you said you liked tacos", Spidey remarked as Wade licked the plate.

You should kidnap him and have him cook for you!

"I think Fury would disapprove. As always", Wade answered the voice. Spider-Man looked utterly confused.

"Why would he?", he asked, not understanding the connection between tacos and director Fury.

"I was talking to the voices", Wade explained as if it was the most ordinary thing in the world. He could see that Spidey had a difficult time grasping the concept. Fair enough."I have two voices in my head. One of 'em is an idiot and the other one is a smart ass".

Hey!

At least I'm not an asshole!

"It kinda comes with the whole healing-factor-and-scars-deal", Wade explained, ignoring the outraged voices.

"...I see", Spidey said, looking a bit taken aback. Wade felt the need to explain himself further, because if word came out that he was crazy – well, crazier – he could kiss his mercenary gig goodbye.

"I'm not crazy or anything! Well, a little bit, but nothing major. Not Arkham asylum-crazy", Wade said, a bit unconvincingly. Spidey chuckled, to his surprise.

"Nothing major, got it". He collected the plates to do the dishes. Wade leaned back, suddenly realizing how full he actually felt.

"It's kinda nice having someone fixing the whole food thing. Usually I order takeaway, if I remember to eat at all", Wade mumbled, remembering the many days when he would play video games for hours and forget about his stomach until it started to grumble viciously.

"I'm surprised you even let people cook for you. You strike me as the suspicious kind", Spidey chuckled, scrubbing the plates. Wade noticed that he didn't have a dishwasher in his tiny kitchen.

"I can't be poisoned anyways", Wade said and shrugged. "When I say immortal, I mean immortal, not just 'kinda hard to kill'", the merc did quotation marks as he spoke. He didn't understand why everyone was so adamant in believing that immortal didn't mean immortal.

"Dang it, I really can't get rid of you, then?", Spidey joked while finishing washing up. He walked back to the table.

"Nope", Wade laughed, thinking that the spider was a pretty okay guy after all. Peter sat down in his chair again, looking a bit confused.

"So", he said, seemingly at a loss for words.

"So the lightsaber wielding ninja crushed the dinosaur with his foot", Wade said after a minute of silence from Spider-Man. Peter gave him a funny look.

"...That certainly sounds like an intriguing story", he chuckled. "But haven't you finished your food now?", he continued, seeming to imply something. Deadpool was suddenly hit with realization.

"Oh, you want me to leave? Sure thing, webhead, I've probably got some mercenary stuff do deal with anyways. Thanks for the grub", he said, jumping back to the windowsill.

"You're welcome", Spidey said after him as he jumped out to the fire escape.


"Whad'ya know, the kid can actually cook", Wade mumbled when he climbed through the broken window to his apartment.

I was impressed, to say the least.

And that butt!

"Wait, what?", Deadpool stopped himself, mentally staring down the bold text. The text mentally shrugged.

What? I can recognize a fine butt when I see one, and if you deny it, you're just lying to yourself!

"But that's just your opinion!", Wade protested, sighing when examining the mess of broken glass at the windowsill.

Wade, he's actually a voice in YOUR head. We have the same opinions and feelings as you, even though the opinions might be in your subconscious.

Yeah, listen to the smart guy, I have no idea how this shit works!
"That actually kinda makes sense", Wade mumbled, then shook his head. "No it doesn't! You're just voices in my head, I don't have to listen to you!", he turned the TV on and sat himself down, angrily.

You don't have to listen to us, no. But the fact of the matter is that if the bold text likes Spider-Man's bum, you subconsciously do too.

Wade didn't answer. Maybe the voices were right. Maybe the webhead did indeed have a fine piece of derrière. It wasn't like he had looked or anything.

"Weren't we there to enjoy the tacos?", Wade asked, confused. Who knew what kind of ulterior motives his voices had?

I did that too, I can multi task!

"Yeah, I doubt that", Wade mumbled, concentrating on the TV. Apparently Tony Stark was hosting some kind of gala, again. Stark had apparently forgot to show up, but his assistant, Pepper Potts was there, looking uncomfortable as she answered questions from the disappointed press. Deadpool wondered why the press even bothered anymore, Tony Stark almost never showed up at events. Wade changed the channel again and fell asleep to a documentary about gibbons.


"WAKE UP!"

The merc woke with a start.

"Give me the pancake", he mumbled, confused from his dream. He blinked a few times to try to make sense of his surroundings. He was definitely not in his apartment anymore, he was in some sort of warehouse. Craning his neck, he looked around and came to understand that he was hanging upside down from a rope attached to the ceiling. In front of him stood two large men, one with a crowbar and the other with a gun.

"Be gentle, it's my first time", he joked. In fact, it was not his first time waking up in a strange room, upside down. The men didn't laugh. Figures. People who wanted to beat him up rarely laughed at his jokes.

"We have been hired to kill you", one of the men grunted. If Wade had a dollar for every time someone said that, he would be able to buy Avengers Tower AND SHIELD. He groaned in annoyance.

"Then we'll be here a long fucking time", he informed the men. They didn't seem to believe him. The one with the crowbar hit him hard against the face. He could hear his jaw snap, but he quickly cracked it back into place.

"Ouch", he grinned mockingly. The man hit him again, and Wade snapped his neck back into place, something that hurt a bit more than a broken jaw. He could feel the blood leaking from his, already healed, nose. The blood stained his skin and mask, making a rapidly cooling smear along his mouth and chin. Before the man could hit him again, Deadpool decided he had had enough.

"Okay, calm down Mr. Gorilla", Deadpool started. To his surprise, the man actually hesitated. He continued to speak. "I know I've pissed off a lot of people because of my line of work. It happens. In this case, I have no idea who sent you, so if you could just tell me the motherfucker's name and-", he got another blow to the head. "-I mean, the gentleman's name, and I could try to fix this situation", Wade lied, fully intending to find the fucker and show him what happened if you crossed Deadpool.

The two men whispered to each other for a moment, deciding on what to do. The one with the crowbar turned back to Wade.

"He calls himself Mr. L. You have made business with him before".

Wade figured the goons were either really underpaid or really dumb to give him the identity of their boss. He recognized Mr. L as the alias of the person who had asked him to take out a gang leader for 45k.

"So what happened? Did he regret sending me to take that guy out?", Deadpool almost chuckled, he really didn't give a rat's ass about these conflicts between gangs.

"You took out more people than you were supposed to. Your actions attracted unnecessary attention from our enemies and now the safety of Mr. L is compromised", the gorilla of a man growled. Wade remembered how he had wondered if he had been allowed to kill people aside from the target. Well, now he had got his answer. To his excuse, the message had been really vague and unspecified. He tried to explain that to the goons, but then thought, what the heck? He wriggled his boot to loosen the small knife he had hidden for these kinds of situations. The knife fell out and landed perfectly in one of his hands, which were bound to his back. The goons didn't seem to notice; they were far too immersed in contacting their boss, wondering what to do with the lunatic that didn't seem to take any damage. As they talked, Wade managed to cut the rope holding his hands, and reach up and cut the rope holding his feet. He fell to the concrete floor with a thud that alerted the two men. They turned around to subdue the merc, but he made short work of them. He then took the phone one of them had dropped and put it against his ear.

"Hello? Were did you go?", a male voice said. Deadpool grinned when he noted that the man sounded rather desperate.

"I'm afraid I escaped", he said, mockingly. The other man gasped harshly.

"You... you failed the mission! You didn't do what I told you to!", the man rambled.

"You gave me vague instructions, and I'm gonna make you regret it", Wade said and hung up, dropping the phone to the floor again. He decided to go home and wash the blood off of his costume before even considering to go chasing down Mr. L.


That's the reason you shouldn't take small, obscure jobs.

Wade had abandoned the idea of aggressively trying to scrub the suit clean and resorted to taking a shower with the suit on. His mask was the most blood soaked, so he decided to take it off and throw it in the washing machine. He took all of his clothes off and placed them over the towel rail to dry.

Were you even listening?

"I agree with you, something you should know if your little theory about us having the same opinions is correct. Which it isn't", Wade mumbled, grabbing a pair of pants from the floor. How long had they been there?

So henceforth you'll only take jobs from bigger organizations?

Wade rolled his eyes. "I dunno, MOM. Geez, why are you always so responsible? I got out of there, there's no need to be a little bitch about it", Wade growled. It hadn't been the first time, not even the tenth time, he had been kidnapped and tortured by a client who, for some reason, was dissatisfied with his actions. It wasn't a big deal.

Someone needs to be responsible, and it sure isn't you. Taking jobs that you know could lead you into a trap is stupid, even for you. You don't want to destroy your reputation.

"Oh, so that's what this is about? My reputation? That's why I'm going to see Mr. L as soon as I can to take him out, make an example out of him", Wade said, looking at the clock on his phone. It was almost 6 PM.

"I'll go see Spider-Man first, though", he said, threw on a clean Deadpool costume and headed out.