Isayama still owns Shingeki no Kyojin
The letters headcanon belongs to mimiblargh on tumblr
Warning: Some profanity. VERY MILD JeanMika.
4. Letters
"Armin, what are you doing?"
Eren's voice from the bunk next to the desk Armin was sitting on startled the blonde teen. Looking at his best friend's sleepy green eyes, Armin assessed he'd be too tired to ask anything and put on his usual innocent smile and said, "Writing to a friend."
Eren was curious, and did he not feel exhausted like his soul was going to fly out of his mouth, he would've asked many questions to his best friend. Instead, he just let out a sleepy murmur, "You don't wanna get your ass kicked tomorrow right so go to sleep now."
Armin just nodded, and when he heard the sound of rustling cloth—Eren fixing his sleeping position, apparently—he continued writing. As he signed the paper, Armin's smile grew a bit wider.
Dear Annie,
How are you?
I know it hasn't really been that long since we chose the force we want to serve in and you might probably find it weird for me to write to you, but I feel like knowing how you're doing there inside Wall Sina. Is the life there really as good as what people say? I hope it is.
Ever since joining the Scouting Legion, all of us have been training really hard under the supervision of our seniors. Everyone in the Scouting Legion is really strict when on duty, and not to mention they've got wonderful ability, but they are also really nice when off duty. They kind of remind me of all of us back in trainee days. How I wish we can go back to those days, with everyone.
Oh well, I'm getting kind of sentimental. Guess must be the lack of sleep and harsh training. I hope I can hear from you soon.
I hope you're well,
Armin Arlert.
It was written a week ago, Annie thought. He might've been really busy so he sent the letter some times after he wrote it, or maybe the mail delivery system was just as messed up as the force she was currently serving—the Military Police. It was no secret for the new recruits that most of their supervisors were no more than bastards who couldn't move their asses from gambling tables. Oh, who cared, really.
"You got a letter?" A female voice said from behind Annie's back, making the blonde girl turned her body in reflex. Her crystal blue eyes found Hitch, with her usual mischievous grin, "I didn't know you have friends, Annie."
Annie didn't say anything, instead she just glared at her colleague. It seemed her glare contained many sharp daggers, as Hitch raised her hands, "I'm just kidding." With that, Hitch left Annie alone, much to her relief. Their shift time was already over, so Annie took off her uniform, leaving her with her signature light grey sweatshirt. The night was rather chilly, so Annie'd rather curl inside her blanket and provide herself with warmth, but the piece of paper in her hand pulled out her curiosity. She couldn't figure out any reason for Armin to write to her, so reading the said letter was all she could do to find out. Annie carefully ripped the envelope and pulled out the letter inside. As she read the letter, the corners of her lips slightly lifted upwards. Sure, it was surprising to receive a letter from Armin, but at least it was a pleasant surprise. Thinking she could stay awake for a few more hours—being a part of Military Police wasn't as tiring as Scouting Legion, anyway—Annie sat on a desk next to her bunk, and started writing.
Armin could not stop himself from grinning. To be honest, he actually didn't expect for her reply to arrive this early. Heck, he didn't even expect for her to reply. Armin was getting abnormally nervous when his hand reached the envelope's tip to rip it. Armin was especially careful not to rip the part where Annie's name was written neatly. His heart beat faster when he took out the letter inside it—Armin didn't even understand why was he so nervous.
Armin,
Thank you for your letter. It's really unexpected to receive your letter, but it certainly isn't unpleasant. I'm doing well here, and I hope despite your intense training, you are doing well too right now. Also yes, if eating like a pig everyday and strolling around the streets while your superiors gamble their asses off count as a luxury life, then I'd say yes, the life here inside Wall Sina is as good as people say. Well actually, no. I don't think this is the luxury life people are talking about.
As I stated earlier, here in the Military Police we don't train like we used to in the trainee squad, and of course not like the people in the Scouting Legion. From the deepest part of my heart, I feel bored. I wish I can bring your suicidal best friend here (or anyone—but maybe not Mikasa) to become my sandbag. I feel like my skills are getting dull here. Taxes, patrolling around the town, guarding the king who never comes out from his castle, never once actually practicing what we learned back in the trainee days. Oh, sorry if I'm letting this out too much on you.
You can say I gained…an ally or two, here. They aren't what I can call friends, but at least they're tolerable to be around. As you wrote on your letter, I do miss our trainee days as well. But no matter how much we wish, we cannot go back there. The reality is just that harsh.
Armin noticed the paper was a bit crumpled there, and he frowned, wondering what was Annie thinking while writing. Nevertheless, he continued reading.
I'm getting a bit out of my mind as well. Must be the boredom. I hope this letter reaches you in time.
Annie Leonhardt.
P.S. You should rest.
There was another note written below, but Armin needed to squint his eyes since the words were so small and a bit ragged.
(Does Mikasa know you're writing to me? Because I can't handle more of her fury if she thinks I'm laying a hand on both of her best friends).
Armin suppressed his laugh, reminding himself it was late at night and he shouldn't wake his comrades—or worse, superiors—up. It'd just bring him to his demise. Armin carefully folded the letter and put it back inside its envelope, and put it in his drawers. He should rest—part of it because he really needed to, and another part because Annie had specifically asked for him to rest in her letter. He'd write a reply to her tomorrow, or so he planned.
The next day, turned out Commander Erwin Smith gave them a rare day off. Most of the soldiers used this opportunity to go to the town with their friends or just simply get some fresh air outside the headquarters. Even Armin, who'd usually stay in the headquarters and spend the day at the library, chose to go outside. He supposed he needed to refresh his mind. Sure, most of the time books helped, but he just wanted to see different views aside from the headquarters. He also thought his reply to Annie's letter could wait.
Armin was walking around at the market place, sightseeing things he hadn't seen in years. Being a soldier really took most of his leisure time that he didn't even have time to walk around the town like this. Armin stopped in front of a flower shop. Truthfully, never once had he ever visited a flower shop, since he never felt like he needed to. Armin didn't know what possessed him when his feet dragged him inside the shop.
"Welcome! What kind of flower do you need?" Armin was taken aback at the sudden greeting. With a sheepish smile, Armin said he just wanted to take a look and the old woman—Armin assumed she was the shop owner—just smiled kindly and nodded. Armin looked around and he asked himself what in the Walls' name did he come here for. He knew next to nothing about flowers, except the fact that Jean said flowers made girls happy when given to. As he remembered that, his eyes caught a glimpse of pale yellowish flowers. He looked at the tag below the flowers. It said 'Camellia'.
"Ma'am, how much do these Camellia flowers cost?" Armin asked the old lady while pointing at the said flowers. Armin didn't miss the teasing smile on the old lady's lips before she answered. Deciding that the price made sense for a bouquet of flowers, Armin purchased the said flowers. But before he made his way out of the shop, the old lady called him.
"You can take these too, young man." She said while handing a bouquet of blue flowers. The tag said 'Forget-Me-Not'.
"Eh? But I don't—"
"Consider this as a bonus." The old lady winked—which gave Armin shivers, "Good luck, young man."
Armin didn't understand what she meant, but he thanked her anyway and shuffled out of the shop with two bouquets of flowers. Just as the fresh air hit his head, he got a sudden realization, 'Won't the flowers wilt soon? How am I supposed to keep these still fresh until they reach their destination?'
Armin was debating with himself when a hand came in touch with his shoulder, "What are you doing here?"
The young blonde man jumped in surprise. Thankfully, he gripped the bouquet of flowers strongly so that they didn't fall. When Armin turned his head to face who had startled him, his eyes widened in excitement, "Annie!"
The said girl nodded, "You haven't answered my question."
As expected from the petite girl, she was always to the point. Armin collected himself to fully face her, "Taking a walk. It's our day off today, and I think a change of scenery won't hurt."
"Eren and Mikasa?"
"They stayed. Eren wanted some more training and Mikasa…well, you know Mikasa. She won't ever leave Eren's side." Armin smiled at the thoughts of his best friends, "How about you, Annie? Aren't you supposed to be in the Inner Wall?"
Annie shrugged, "I have a day off too today, and I'm sick of the Inner Wall's atmosphere so I went here. Coincidence much?"
"A good coincidence indeed." Armin's smile widened, "Do you mind to spend this day with me? I think a company won't hurt."
As always, Annie didn't say much. She just nodded and walked by Armin's side.
"Have you had lunch?" Armin asked, and Annie shook her head. "How about we eat together then? I've heard of this diner my superiors have been talking about. They have reasonable prices and excellent meals.
"Sounds wonderful." Was Annie's reply, although her tone didn't match her words. Well, Armin had already gotten used to it.
His superiors were right, it seemed. The diner did have great meals, and the prices were reasonably cheap. Annie couldn't get a meal this quality with twice of this kind of price in the Inner Wall.
Annie had already finished her meal while Armin was still munching. Her pale blue eyes scanned two bouquet of flowers that were now put on the chair beside Armin. She scanned both kinds, the blue ones and the pale yellow ones. Annie finally opened her mouth to ask, "What are those for?"
Annie's questions seemed to catch off Armin's guard, since he choked on his soup and coughed. Armin tried to collect himself before answering, but his voice still trembled a bit, "A-ah, it's for…um…"
Annie rested her chin on her palm, "If you don't want to tell me, it's okay."
"N—no, it's just…"Armin gulped, "Those are for you."
Annie blinked, obviously not expecting that kind of answer. "Why?"
Armin fidgeted in his seat, completely forgetting his still unfinished soup, "I don't know I mean my feet just dragged me inside the flower shop and I saw those yellow flowers and—"
"Armin." Annie cut his words, "Breathe."
Realizing he was spluttering, Armin took a deep breathe. "So as I said, I saw those flowers and they kind of reminded me of you. So I bought them and the old lady in the shop gave the blue flowers, as a bonus she said."
"You could use that money on something more useful." Annie said, voice still flat as ever. Armin's heart beat faster when he heard that.
Does she not like the idea of me giving these flowers what if she stops replying to my letter what should I do oh God—
"But I guess I like the idea that you chose to spend your money for my sake." What Annie said made Armin lifted his gaze—he didn't even realize he was staring at his feet before—and met her eyes. For the first time after knowing Annie for years, Armin saw that her eyes were slightly glinting with excitement. Moreover, Armin noticed her slight smirk. Armin could feel his face getting warm.
"W—well then, I'm glad you like them." Armin chuckled nervously.
"Thank you, Armin."
"Ah, you—you're welcome, Annie."
They went their own ways after lunch, Annie with two bouquets of flowers in her hands and Armin with a satisfied smile on his face.
.
.
.
"Hey Annie, where did those flowers come from?"
"Maybe an angel sent them."
Hitch couldn't be more confused.
Dear Annie,
How are you doing? After we bumped into each other, I noticed you didn't get skinnier. I'm glad, really. The meals there must be healthy enough. You see, here everyone's getting skinnier, even Reiner. Well, not that many can notice, though. I suppose I have been gifted an ability to be a good observer. Oops, that sounds so self-centered, sorry.
I regret that we didn't get to talk more when we met at the market place, actually. There's a lot I want to talk about with you. You see, Mikasa is getting better and better that it's getting scary. I mean, how can someone so young be so skillful? Even our superiors say that she's almost on par with Corporal Levi, also known as Humanity's Strongest Soldier.
Aside from Mikasa, actually everyone has been getting better and better too. Even me! I can now run ten laps without wanting to die, haha. We've been training hard each day, because our next expedition is in two weeks—or less, maybe it's in about ten days.
I'm actually quite nervous about the expedition. It's true that I've seen titans more than once, but the thoughts of entering their 'territory' gives me the creeps. I don't…want to die, yet. There's so much I want to do before I die.
Sorry for the late reply, by the way . As I've stated, our training is getting more intense these days I barely have time to write. Ah, I've also been resting whenever I can. (You told me to rest in your previous letter, in case you forget).
And Mikasa does know now that I'm writing to you and otherwise. No, she doesn't get mad, so you don't need to worry. She's just a bit puzzled when she found out. Anyway, I'm getting sleepy. I wish you good health there!
Your friend,
Armin Arlert.
P.S. By the way, I hope the flowers are in a good condition.
Annie realized a smaller note below and she felt like her heart was pounding against her ribcage, almost wanting to jump out when she read it.
I actually really miss you, Annie.
Annie crumpled the paper, holding the urge to let her tears fall.
The expedition.
Her crystal blue eyes glanced at the two vases on the desk. The flowers had withered.
I'm sorry.
.
.
.
Armin never got the reply for his last letter.
.
.
.
She didn't know who herself was. She was kneeling on a cold stone floor, pieces of crystal scattered around her. She lifted her gaze to find a woman, seemed to be in her fifties or older. She had black hair with slight white streaks and a pair of dark grey eyes, and she could see mixed feelings in the woman's gaze—although she couldn't name what.
"You are finally awake, Annie."
The woman's voice sent shivers to her spine.
"An…nie?" It sounded like a weak squeak.
The woman's brows furrowed, "Yes, Annie. You are Annie. Annie Leonhardt." The woman sighed, "You don't remember anything ."
She—Annie—shook her head, "Is there…something I'm supposed to remember?"
The woman's body tensed, "You'll find out soon. Now just follow me." The woman stepped towards a metal door, "Since you've forgotten, I'm gonna tell you my name. I'm Mikasa Kirsch—no. You'd know me—knew me—as Mikasa Ackerman."
Annie didn't recognize that name. Still, she followed Mikasa outside the metal door and was welcomed with an abnormally long stairs. Annie's legs were trembling. She wasn't used to moving her limbs.
As they reached the end of the stairs, Mikasa opened a door and told Annie to wash herself.
"You haven't bathed in fifty years, after all." Was what Annie could catch from Mikasa's murmur. Annie blinked in confusion.
Fifty years?
Nevertheless, Annie did what she was told.
After Annie finished bathing, Mikasa told her to sit on a couch across her. As always, Annie did what she was told. As she sat on the couch, she took a look around the room. There was a short cupboard behind the couch Mikasa was sitting in, and there was a framed picture on it.
"You're staring at the picture, aren't you."
It was clearly a statement. Annie didn't reply, while Mikasa took the said picture and put it on the table in front of them, "You might wanna see it up close."
Annie took the picture and scanned it. It was a picture of young people, smiles plastered on their faces. The only one she recognized was Mikasa in her youth, but she couldn't name any other. There was this boy with brown hair and green eyes, in the center. One of his arms was snaked around Mikasa, and the other was around a blonde boy with blue eyes. Annie scanned the picture further. An almost bald boy was next to Mikasa, hand forming a V form, while the brown haired girl next to him had a bread in her mouth. Next to the blonde boy was a petite blonde girl, and next to her was a boy with light brown hair, whose face reminded Annie of a horse. Next to him stood a short grumpy looking man—the only one who wasn't smiling, Annie noted. Behind all of them, were a man with blonde hair and fierce look—he looked like a leader. Next to him was a tall brown-haired woman with goggles on and huge grin. Annie frowned.
"I don't know who they are." Annie said.
"Figures." Mikasa then reached a small box next to her—Annie didn't realize it was there all the time since she didn't pay attention—and placed it on the table. Mikasa opened the box and took out a letter that seemed so old, but was still intact, "Can you still read?"
Annie was hesitant, but she could read the letters written on the envelope formed her supposed-to-be-name, so she nodded. Mikasa handed the letter to her, which Annie accepted. Annie carefully ripped the envelope and more than one paper were inside it.
Dear Annie Leonhardt,
Why?
Why have you done that?
What makes you betray humanity?
What makes you lie to all of us?
Why did you lie to me?
Annie didn't understand. What had she done? What did she betray? Humanity? Whom did she lie to?
Annie noticed the lower part of the paper was stained. It looked almost like a tear fell on it. Annie took another paper from inside the envelope. The letter only had three sentences.
Dear Annie Leonhardt,
When will you wake up?
When will you answer everything?
"Uh, Mikasa?" Annie hesitantly called, "Who wrote these letters?"
"Just read all of them."
And again, Annie did as she was told. She pulled out the third letter.
Dear Annie Leonhardt,
We've been trying many methods to break down your crystal, and yet none of these attempts was even close to a success. I can tell many are desperate, but I'm not. Neither is Hanji-san. We won't give up.
By the way, I noticed my first two letters were kind of…demanding. I'm sorry for that. I shouldn't let my emotions get the best of me.
Annie, we've been trying to track down Reiner, Bertholdt and Ymir, but we haven't succeeded, yet. Not to mention there are those nasty guys from the Central Branch of Military Police. I assume you weren't from the Central Branch, right?
I think I can't write too much now. There's just too much fog clouding the truth.
Again, no name of the writer. In curiosity, Annie took the next letter.
Dear Annie Leonhardt,
We've finally done it. We are victors. We are free from their grasps. Humanity has gained its victory. Its freedom.
It has been years since I last wrote to you. I swore to myself I wouldn't write to you before we win. And we won.
The celebration was a complete mess—a pleasing one. Almost everyone was drunk. It was the first time Jean and Eren didn't argue. Even Historia—you'd not know who she is, she is Krista—drank a bit too much. Corporal Levi was as collected as ever, but Hanji-san's antics just had to ruin that. Connie and Sasha were the most drunk I think, almost breaking every glass in the room. The only ones not drunk were me, Mikasa and Commander Erwin. Both Mikasa and Commander Erwin had a ridiculous amount of alcohol tolerance, while I only drank a glass.
In exchange of our victory, we have lost many. Reiner, Bertholdt and Ymir died. As warriors. As who they were proud of.
And I lost you.
I hope you wake up soon.
Annie eyed the woman sitting across her. To think this woman had a 'ridiculous amount of alcohol tolerance' was simply easy. Despite her age, Mikasa looked like she could lift the couch she was sitting on and throw it with ease.
Annie took out the next letter.
Dear Annie Leonhardt,
I'm really sorry.
I can't believe what those idiots from the royal family were thinking. They treated you as a thing. Not as a living being. They were going to sell you in an auction. They said you were a rare item. I couldn't stand that. You are not an item. You are a human.
That's why I…I bought you. I had to. I don't want you to anyone's hands, who'd mistreat you. I swear on the Wings of Freedom, I won't ever mistreat you. Ever. I'm just…sorry. It pains me when they say you are a 'property of the Arlert', because you are not. You are you.
Annie's eyes widened, "I was…auctioned?"
Mikasa's jaw clenched, "You were."
Annie was shocked. Was she that low of a being that she could be given to anyone that had money?
"It's better if you continue reading." Mikasa said, and Annie nodded as she took another piece of paper from the envelope.
Dear Annie Leonhardt,
It's making me crazy. The fact that you've been encaged for more than fifty years. Yet you haven't woken up. Heck, you haven't even moved a bit since you first got in the crystal.
What's keeping you away from us? From the world? From me?
I want to see you again. Moving. Alive.
It's so hard to write right now. My hands won't move as freely as they used to be. My head hurts whenever I get up from my bed.
But I want to keep in touch with you. I don't even know if you'll ever read all these letters I've written, but I believe you will wake up someday.
I really miss you,
Armin Arlert.
Annie wasn't sure why, but tears came out from her eyes. After reading all of these letters, she still didn't know who she was, what she did, and why was she here. But something in the corner of her mind still remembered, and it triggered her to cry. Mikasa stayed silent, watching Annie cry silently.
"I still don't remember." Annie said between her sobs, "I cannot remember."
"He wanted to hate you." Mikasa muttered, "But he couldn't. He can't."
Annie couldn't stop crying.
"Annie." Mikasa's tone made Annie lifted her face, "You might want to visit someone."
Then again, Annie followed Mikasa. Annie realized the house they were in wasn't big, but neat and it had a large garden. She could see pale-yellowish flowers and blue ones, but she couldn't see any other kind.
Mikasa led her to a place not far from the house. A cemetery. Mikasa pointed a certain tombstone, "Go visit him."
Annie looked at her, confused.
"Go, Annie. I will wait here."
Annie hesitantly nodded, and made her way to the said tombstone. She stood in front of it and read the name imprinted on it.
Armin Arlert.
Armin Arlert. The man who had written all those letters to her. The man who had 'saved' from being sold to some mischievous wealthy people. The man she couldn't remember. The man she felt like she had to remember.
Another tear rolled on her cheeks. She didn't cry silently like she did in front of Mikasa earlier. She was sobbing. Her heart was aching badly and she didn't even know why. She touched the tombstone. Cold.
"Armin…"
Annie didn't realize she was saying his name.
"I'm sorry, Armin. I'm sorry."
Her tears fell on the tombstone. Annie didn't know what possessed her, but she found herself kissing the top of the tombstone.
"I'm sorry, Armin."
A/N: I feel like I have to apologize for so many things in this fic. Like why is this so long omfg I think my fingers kinda slipped. Also I think I kinda slipped from the canon setting..? Anyways as I've stated in the start of the chapter, the letters headcanon belongs to mimiblargh on tumblr. I got her permission to use this headcanon. If you haven't, go check her blog. It's wonderful. Also, you might want to find out why I included those particular flowers in this story. Just search 'hanakotoba' and you'll find out.
Thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, favourited and put this story on alert! As always, if you find typos, mistakes, or anything, let me know and I'll try to fix them. Also, if you have any prompt suggestions, do tell me and I'll try my best to write based on them!
