A/N Sorry this took me so long! A lot of it was written pre-finale so go with me. And yes I know the interns would be residents by this time, but go with me again. I hope you like it! Please let me know!
It had been two days since the accident and there was still no change in Derek's condition. With each passing minute Meredith's fear intensified, but for the most part she kept her feelings to herself. She would talk to Derek as though he could hear her. Some small part of her hoped that he could. She also read to him. Sometimes articles she thought would interest him from a magazine, a medical journal or The Seattle Post-Intelligencer, but mostly chapters from his favorite book, The Sun Also Rises. She rarely left his side. When she did it was usually to give his mother and sister or staff members a few moments alone with him. During this time she busied herself by collecting reading materials.
Izzie, Christina, George, and Callie came by on their lunches and whenever they had any free time. They would tell her about their days and about any cool surgeries they had. Meredith appreciated their company. She did her best to seem interested in their melodrama. It was after all what kept life at Seattle Grace interesting, but to her it all seemed so trivial. All she wanted was to get lost in Derek's eyes, to see him smile, to feel his strong arms around her. She just needed HIM. She hated the way they looked at her now. She almost couldn't handle the mixture of sadness and fear in their eyes. She couldn't deny or suppress what she felt when it stared her in the face.
Alex came by too, but it was different with him. He seemed to sense what she felt. He would ask her how it was going and then just sit with her. If she wanted to talk he would let her steer the conversation. Sometimes she would break down in front of him. He would hold her. It made her feel safe. When he looked at her she saw compassion in his eyes. This surprised her but she was really grateful for it. No matter how much he tried to deny it Alex Karev really was one of the good ones.
Meredith looked at her watch. It was later than she remembered. She must have dosed off for a couple hours. She stood up from her chair and stretched her sore muscles. She noticed the sun streaming through the slats in the blinds. She walked over to the window pulling them open. A beautiful blue sky was before her. She opened the window and a cool breeze caressed her skin. She stood there for a minute enjoying the feeling. She longed to be outside taking in the perfect weather but she couldn't leave. She sighed turning back to Derek. She studied his face. The bruising was just beginning to heal. Her eyes settled on his whiskers. There had to be at least four days of growth there. He needed a shave. She was very gently wiping the remnants of shaving cream off his face when Alex stepped into the room unnoticed.
"That's better," she said aloud as she finished.
Alex couldn't help but chuckle.
She turned around and saw the smirk on his face.
"Shut up Karev," she said, playfully punching him in the arm with her tiny ineffectual fists.
His smirk broadened into a smile before he spoke, "I didn't even say anything. I just think it's cute. You're such a devoted girlfriend."
Meredith rolled her eyes and matched his mocking tone, "I thought I told you to shut up!"
He was surprised that Meredith seemed to be in such high spirits but he didn't question it. "Whatever Grey you know you love it!"
"You can be such an ass Alex."
"Well I was gonna ask if you wanted to take a walk with me, but I don't think I will now, he said as walked away pretending to be hurt and disgusted. When she made no attempt to stop him from leaving or follow him he turned around, "Come on Mer let's go."
"I can't."
He knew she was hesitant to leave Derek. "We won't be gone long and we both have our pagers.
"No Alex, what if… She didn't finish her sentence, but he knew what she was thinking. He saw the fear in her eyes. He reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. He'd been patient and understanding with Meredith throughout this ordeal, but this time he wasn't gonna let her have her way. She needed to get away even if it was only for a few minutes. "Meredith can you look me in the eye and tell me you don't wanna get outta here? You've been in this room for almost three days straight!"
She looked at the floor and didn't say anything for a while. When she did look up he could tell she was struggling to find the right words.
"It's not that. I just feel like I should be with him. How would you feel if it were Addie laying here?
Addison Montgomery had gone back to LA just days after giving her resignation. She wanted to start a new life without McDreamy or McSteamy. She liked working with Naomi and Sam at Oceanside. Though time had changed both of her friends it felt natural to her be around them every day. It was almost as if they hadn't taken different paths after med school. The other staff at the health complex were very nice and they made her feel at home as well. Despite Sam's warnings the sparks that occurred with Pete on her first trip there were quickly becoming something more. Addison was sure she had left Seattle and all of its drama behind for good. That was until Richard Webber called her for a consult a month and a half later. She'd had reservations about going back, but it was a V.I.P. case and a very high-risk pregnancy. He said he needed the best and she couldn't let him down. Before catching her flight she told herself that she would do her job and go back home before she could get caught up in anything or anyone, but in life things in life don't always work out the way we planned.
Alex felt his heartbeat quicken as he thought about the tall leggy woman with long red hair and crystal blue eyes. He used to hate being assigned to her service. He thought that she requested him all the time because she got some kind of kick out of watching him suffer, but now he realized that she had a lot to teach him. She had obviously seen something in him that he didn't know was there. Not only did her lessons make him a better surgeon, they made him a better person as well. Not that he would ever admit that to anybody but it was true. It hadn't taken long for the physical attraction to become apparent after spending hours together in the NICU. She was hot and Alex liked the fact that she wanted him. If he was honest with himself though the attraction went beyond the physical very quickly, but he got scared when she made it clear she wanted a relationship. He never really cared about anyone before. Not the way he cared about her. He didn't wanna hurt her and he didn't wanna get hurt, so he blew her off. That had been the wrong choice, and he'd had a month and a half to think about just how wrong. So on the day she walked back into Seattle Grace he wasted no time in telling her how he felt and eventually, after she felt he'd proven himself to her she let him in.
He was taken aback by Meredith's question. He hadn't really thought about it before. As he put himself in her shoes he felt like someone punched him hard in the stomach. The simple act of breathing became difficult. He was shocked at how affected he was by the thought of something serious happening to his girlfriend. "In truth I probably wouldn't wanna leave her either, but that doesn't mean it would be healthy. "Would Derek be happy if he knew you were spending every waking minute with him? I think he would want you to take some time for yourself."
"You're right. I'll go, can you give me a minute though?"
"Yeah."
He waited just outside the door.
Meredith took Derek's hand and squeezed it. "I'll be back soon. I love you. Before turning to leave she bent down and kissed him on the cheek.
"I saw that."
"Shut up," she said with a laugh.
Once they got on the elevator Alex pressed 6. Meredith looked at him confused, "I thought you said we were going for a walk?"
"We are, but there's something I gotta do first. When the elevator stopped he headed straight for the NICU. Meredith followed without question.
Alex found Addison staring intently at Molly Johnson, a premature baby with a heart defect. He tapped her on the shoulder. She turned around. "How is she?
"The operation went well, but the next 48 hours will be critical."
Alex took a few steps forward and stuck a finger into the incubator. The little girl gazed up at him and wrapped her perfect miniature fist around it. After a few seconds had passed he said, "She's a strong one. She'll pull through."
"I hope so." Addison's gaze was now on the man in front of her. She was in awe of how much he'd changed over the years. Her thoughts dissipated when she felt his arms around her. He pulled her close and kissed her passionately on the lips. She felt kind of dizzy as they broke apart, "Wow," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
"I know." He spoke hushed tone, his chocolate drop eyes dancing. "Addie I love you."
"I love you too." Her heart melted right then and there, but the whole experience caught her off guard. Public displays of affection were out of character for Alex. He usually didn't use mushy sentiments unless they were alone either. "What brought this on?
He shrugged, "I don't know."
Now that was typical Alex. It was useless to fight it. Addison knew that no matter what the rest of the day brought she would face it with a big goofy smile.
Meredith couldn't believe she'd seen the events that had just played out before her. "Oh my god you are such a hypocrite. You rag on me for being devoted and then you go and do THAT."
He grinned at Meredith, "maybe you're rubbing off on me."
Addison hadn't noticed Meredith's presence earlier. She laughed at the two friends as they walked away.
Alex and Meredith had just about come to the end of the walking path for inpatients and their loved ones. They walked in comfortable silence, just enjoying the weather.
"What do you say we go for coffee?"
"I should be getting back."
"Oh come on Mer, my treat. I'll buy you some ridiculously fattening dessert?
Meredith had to admit she was starving, and it would be nice to indulge her sweet tooth away from the watchful eye of her health nut boyfriend. He would bug her about such things unless it was a special occasion. "Okay."
Before long they were at The Roastery, a small coffee shop not far from the hospital. Alex ordered a large dark roast for himself and a large mocachino with a piece of Turtles cheesecake for Meredith.
"Thanks Alex, do u wanna sit outside?"
"No problem. Sure, lets do it," he said handing her her stuff before making his way toward the door.
"So do you know what's going on with Christina?" he asked. "She's been acting so normal lately, it's weird. It's like she's lost her edge or something. The Korean woman who could usually be described as opinionated, competitive, cynical and sarcastic had become docile and uncharacteristically quiet even before Derek's accident.
"Well her first real anniversary with Burke is coming up. When I say real I mean wedding anniversary, so you know, it's a big deal. And apparently she's overheard Burke making plans and he's making a HUGE deal out of it. So now she's totally freaking out about what to get him." Talking about Christina's anniversary brought back memories of the fight with Derek, but Alex was quick to make her laugh.
"Really? Man he's got her whipped. I never thought I'd see the day."
"I know it's hilarious, but don't tell her I told you or she'll kick my ass."
He didn't say anything. He just grinned at her mischievously. She needed to change the subject fast and hope he'd forget what she told him.
As silence fell between the two interns Mark Sloan stepped into Derek's room. Much to his relief it was empty. He had just completed a facial reconstruction on a burn victim, but he wasn't feeling the buzz that normally accompanied a successful surgery. His mind was on the past. There was something he needed to say to his old friend, and he needed to say it now in case time ran out. Sitting in the chair by the bed he took off his navy blue scrub cap revealing his signature crew cut. His once brown hair was had turned almost completely gray. Of course his mustache and beard were also touched by time, but this did nothing to diminish his ability to impress the ladies. He was definitely still McSteamy. In the moment though all traces of confidence, arrogance or cockiness were gone as he fidgeted and played with the scrub cap.
"Derek I understand why you're still mad at me. I did the worst thing a best friend could do. I let my feelings for woman come between us, and not just any woman, your wife! I know that Addison deserves some of the blame too, but I should've been the bigger person. I should've ended it before it started. It doesn't matter that I loved her. Hell who am kidding I still love her, but that's not the point. The point is I betrayed you and for that I'm sorry! I miss the way things were in college. All the good times we had," he reached for Derek's limp hand, "I always hoped we could get that close again someday, but I just-I just don't know… I always thought we'd have more time." Tears stung his blue-green eyes and began to trickle down his face. He wiped at them furiously with his free hand. If someone like saw him like that it would ruin his reputation. Despite his efforts tears kept coming. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry buddy" He was just about to go splash some cold water on his face and try to pull himself together when he felt Derek's fingers close around his own. Mark's head shot up. His eyes swept over Derek's body. It was still as before. Man I must be losing it! But there was this little voice in his head told him that wasn't true. "Derek do that again if you can hear me." Immediately he felt Derek's fingers close around his own again and saw his eyes open very slowly. Mark was overcome with emotion but he had to keep his cool. Derek needed him now.
Back at the Roastery Alex and Meredith had been making small talk about random pointless things like the weather when a devilish smile crossed her lips. Alex knew he wasn't gonna like what she had to say next.
"So things must be getting pretty serious between you and Addie? I mean after what happened in the NICU today it's pretty obvious." She already had a pretty good idea how serious things were between him and the OBGYN. She just needed him to say it, to make him squirm a little.
Alex looked at the table avoiding eye contact. He noticed that Meredith had finished her cheesecake. Thinking back over the last two days he realized that she probably hadn't eaten very much. He bought her meals a couple times at the hospital and she just kind of picked at them. "Looks like you could use another piece of cake," he said getting up before she could object.
She laughed, amused by his attempt to avoid the conversation at hand. He was back less than five minutes later.
"There ya go," he said handing her the plate.
"Thanks," but you didn't answer my question.
He cleared his throat and shifted nervously in his chair, "Yeah they're pretty serious."
"That's all your giving me? Seriously! Over the last two days I've practically bared my soul to you. I've even cried in front of you. I deserve more than that!
He sighed defeated, "I think she might be the one."
Meredith was speechless. She hadn't been expecting that. Those words had so many ramifications. Was it possible? Did Alex Karev actually believe in true love? Meredith was so deep in thought about this revelation that the noise from the other tables was no longer audible to her.
At that moment Meredith's state of mind was a stark contrast to the chaos of Derek's hospital room at Seattle Grace. Mark flipped a switch on the wall and people came rushing in. Many were familiar faces, but he couldn't really focus on any one of them. They were all yelling orders and checking things, which didn't help Derek's pounding head. He hurt in so many places. It even hurt to breathe, but at least his legs weren't hurting. He looked down at them. His left one was in a cast. It should have been hurting like a bitch, but it didn't. Then it hit him. He couldn't feel his legs. Though this thought alarmed him it was not at the front of his mind. All he wanted was to sleep so he could go back to a place where plain didn't exist, but first he had to find Meredith. He needed her. He tried to talk, but something was stuck in his throat. All that came out was a moan. It sounded pitiful.
"Derek just a second you're intubated. Don't fight it. I need you to exhale for me." Derek did as was told and Mark slowly pulled the tube out of his mouth. Once it was extracted he started to cough violently. Mark disappeared .He reappeared shortly holding a glass of water and a straw. He put the straw into the glass and held it up to his friend's lips. Derek drank gratefully. The liquid felt good as it traveled down his dry and scratchy throat, and the coughing eventually subsided. "Thanks Mark." He almost didn't recognize the sound of his own voice. It was raspy and weak.
Mark didn't say anything. He was afraid that if he opened his mouth he wouldn't be able to keep his emotions in check. He just grinned and gave his shoulder a slight squeeze and then left the room.
After that the onslaught of questions began. Everyone had questions So many questions, too many questions, and they were all taking turns asking them. "How are you feeling? Do you know why you're here? What's the last thing you remember? Does this hurt? and on and on and on. He knew they were just doing their jobs, but eventually he had enough.
George O'Malley's voice pulled him back to reality, "Dr Shepperd can you answer my question please?"
"No Dr. O'Malley no I won't! Right now I'm in SO much pain. All I wanna do is see Meredith and then go to sleep! Do you know where she is?"
George backed away from the bed a little. He'd never seen the attending's eyes darken with anger like that before.
"I'll give you some morphine for the pain, and I think Alex said something about taking her for a walk. He figured it would be a nice break because she's been cooped up in here ever since your accident. I can page her if you want."
All the anger he felt left him as he thought of Meredith sitting faithfully by his side. It was so sweet of her. "No don't. Dr. Karev had a good idea. She probably does need a break." With that George left the room. Everyone else followed his lead and all was finally quiet. Derek fought hard to stay awake and wait for Meredith. He wanted to see her perfect face before drifting off to dream land, but the morphine was already starting to take effect. His last thought was of her snuggling close to him. He could feel her warm breath on his skin.
"Meredith are you still with me?" Alex asked after she zoned out for several minutes.
"I'm sorry but this is big! It's huge! It's like monumental or something!
"Geez, it's not that big of deal!"
"How can you say that?"
"This is exactly why I didn't wanna tell anyone."
"I thought you said you weren't Addison's type?
"When Ava told me Addie was looking for a guy that barbeques and teaches the kids to play baseball I knew I wasn't that guy. I'm not there yet, but Addison, she-she believes in me in me in me in way that no one else ever has, and you know what? I wanna be that guy! Alex couldn't believe he had just said those words out loud. His face was on fire!
Meredith chose to ignore his obvious embarrassment. It would've been too easy to make a crack, and if she did she thought he might never open up to her again. "Alex I don't know what to say. That's great! I'm happy for you! Seriously!"
"Thanks, but you can't tell a soul. I don't want anyone to think I've gone soft."
"I don't think there's any danger of that with Addison in your life!"
He smiled. "You're probably right, but you still can't tell anyone. I've got a rep. to uphold ya know? And besides I don't wanna jinx things with her.
Meredith rolled her eyes, "Okay I won't say a word if you don't tell anyone about Christina. Deal?"
"Deal!"
Meredith glanced at her watch as she let the last bite of cheesecake melt in her mouth. 4:30, she hadn't meant to stay out so long! They had been gone for almost two hours! "Alex I really need to leave!"
She didn't have to explain. He knew she wanted to get back to Derek, "Yeah I suppose I should get back to work anyway.
"You mean you're supposed to be working right now?"
"Yeah, but O'Malley owed me one."
"Slacker."
"Shut up. You know you had a good time today."
"Okay I admit it, I did." They walked back to the hospital in the same comfortable silence they had become accustom to. When they reached Derek's door Meredith turned to Alex and pulled him into a friendly embrace. "Thank you for today. I didn't realize how much I needed it."
"You're welcome."
They held each other for a few minutes. Meredith liked the feelings of warmth and security, and Alex thought it felt kind of nice to be needed. That was another one of those things that he didn't think he would ever admit to anybody. Both of them flinched in surprise when the door opened. Alex shot Meredith a pained look when the short stocky African American woman who earned the nickname The Nazi walked out.
She went in there to check Derek's vitals. She had to see for herself that he was okay. She studied the two interns in front of her. Normally she would've reprimanded Alex for not working, but sometimes being there for a friend was the best job you could do. "Dr. Karev go find Dr. Montgomery. I'm sure she could use an extra pair of hands. Dr. Grey I need to talk to for a minute.
Meredith reluctantly let Alex go and turned to face her boss.
"Derek woke up about an hour ago. He seems to be doing well, but he was in a lot of pain, and not in a good mood. So George gave him 10 milligrams of morphine and now he's resting comfortably. We'll run some tests tomorrow. We're pretty backlogged downstairs and so far there doesn't seem to be anything to be too concerned about, but he doesn't remember the accident. "
Meredith stared at her with fire in her in eyes. It took all of her strength not to yell. Dr. Bailey why didn't you page me?
Bailey put a hand on her shoulder, "he didn't want you to be paged."
Her eyes narrowed. "What do you mean he didn't want me to be paged?"
"Dr O'Malley told him where you were, and that you'd been with him for the last two days, and I guess he figured you could use a break.
He was so damn sweet sometimes. To damn sweet for his own good! She stepped into the room carefully, not wanting to disturb him. The rise and fall of his chest was one of the most welcome sights in the world. She wiped a few tears away. Then she kicked off her shoes and crammed herself into the small space that was left on the bed, getting as close to him as she possibly could. Against her better judgment she kissed his lips. His response was immediate, and for that moment they were no longer in a hospital room. They were in a world all their own, everything just felt right.
As they broke apart she looked into his beautiful eyes and could not stop the tears from rolling down her face. "Oh Derek, I love you SO much!"
"Mer, I love you too! More than you could ever know!" He put his arm around her and smiled contently. Her head fell naturally to his chest. She was still crying. He could feel her tears. Whether they were out of happiness or not he wanted to do something to stop them. He hated it when she cried. So he said the first thing that came to his mind. "It's okay. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere.
Just when she didn't think it was possible to love this man anymore he made it happen. As she looked up at him she noticed the tiredness that was etched in his features. "You should go back to sleep, "she whispered.
"I don't want to."
"Its okay. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere." As the words left her mouth he closed his eyes and it wasn't long before his breathing became regular. She watched him sleep for what seemed like hours and eventually fell into a slumber of her own.
