Author note: Thanks again for the wonderful reviews, each one is a ray of sunshine in my inbox (definitely makes up for the crap weather outside). Thanks for the wishes about the job, I didn't get the interview, but out of 4500 people I got down to the last 800 so that's something.
This chapter is teetering on the edge of being an M rating in my opinion, you may not agree, but I'm risking leaving the rating as is. This is due to an element of unwelcome advances, not that I want to spoil what happens.
Feedback as always is welcomed and loved :)
-With This Ring I Thee Rehabilitate-
-Chapter 4-
-x-
Eating with the Gryffindors has become a trial. If I'm too late to be early or too early to be late I cannot avoid them. On these occasions I'm largely ignored by them, but sometimes one asks a question or makes a lewd remark and it hurts. It's hard to know that these people who I've lived with and fought a war alongside are so quick to judge.
I try to not look at the staff table; he is usually there, glowering down at us mere students. Tonight is no different. I arrive early for dinner and eat quickly, so as to escape back to the library before returning to our quarters to sleep. Just before I leave I flick my eyes up to the table and watch as he surveys the masses. I look at him and meet his eyes for a split second. The connection is so brief that I'm unable to decipher any emotion lurking beneath the surface. It has all been so unfair to him I'm just relieved that I have been able to help him like this, even if he isn't open to it just yet.
As I leave, I'm reconsidering spending my evening in the library. Whilst it is the place I feel happiest at the moment I don't want to find myself hiding away for ever. I need to complete the assignment he has set and know that I'd have better access to source material in our rooms than the library. I slowly descend the staircases and head down to the dungeons. I whisper the password to the gargoyle and go inside.
It is rare that I am here alone, and so I set myself up in front of the fire my essay in front of me and a stack of books carefully selected from his shelves. I hope he won't mind, or won't notice that they are his. Steadily, I work my way through the task, referencing and then cross referencing my ideas. I try to add my own independent thoughts and possible avenues of research, maybe he'll appreciate them.
He stalks in, I can hear his boots on the stone and the fabric of his robes rustling as he pulls them off. I look up and see him glowering down at me in my prone position. His lip curls into a sneer and he stares down at me before walking away.
"I'll be done in a minute," I call as his back disappears through the door to his private lab. The door slams and I have no idea if he's heard me or not.
I continue my work, finishing before he has re-emerged. I place it on his desk; I may as well submit it now in private rather than wait until class on Monday. I go to our room to change for bed, dressing in a simple pair of cotton pants and vest, and then sit back on the sofa. I request a hot chocolate to drink and wait. I don't know exactly what I'm waiting for. Him maybe.
The chocolate is long gone before I go and clean my teeth. I sit a while longer, staring at the flames in the grate. I suppose it is him I'm waiting for. I hear a door click and look up. He walks into the room, his eyes fall on me and I smile slightly.
"I'm going to bed." His voice is tired and there is a hint of a slur to his speech. I wait until I am sure he must have retired for the night and then venture in to our bedroom, leaving his gift out for him to find in the morning.
He had pulled the covers over himself and was laid with his eyes closed. I paused for a moment looking at his face. I think this had to be the first time I've ever truly looked at him. He is pale, but not disturbingly so; his hair is shiny with a layer of oil, though I know he washes it most days as I see it wet sometimes; his nose is hooked, but it looks right on him; his lips are thin, but look much better when not twisted in a sneer. He's not unattractive, possibly unfortunate, but who am I to talk? With bushy barely controllable hair and (until Malfoy's misplaced hex) large teeth, I'm not exactly a stunning beauty.
With a sigh I take my place next to him in bed, sliding between the sheets and then turning my back to him before extinguishing the candlelight.
-x-
I awaken to find him still sleeping next to me, I smile slightly to myself and listen to his gentle snores. I slip from the bed and pulling on my dressing gown I leave the room. I get him a mug of coffee prepared, add a stasis charm, take a phial of a hangover potion from the bathroom cabinet, and taking the gift I place them all on his bedside table. I silently pull underwear, a jumper and a pair of jeans from my dresser and leave him alone.
My feet feet the smoothness of the stone, worn down by centuries of feet passing over them. I enter the bathroom, a wonderful room with a large sunken bath, carved from the very stone of the castle, where if desired water falls from the ceiling like warm summer rain. I turn the silvered taps and the water pours from a crack in the wall, it is charmed to smell of lemon and lavender and the scent calms and soothes me. I strip down and slip into the water, letting it wash over me. I rest my head and my eyes close.
I bathe for some time and then climb out, dress and leave the watery sanctuary.
-x-
His legs are spread out in front of him as he sits on the sofa, he is holding the coffee I got him, and seems to be staring at a point somewhere near the fire. I slowly walk round, and stand nervously in front of him.
"Happy birthday," my voice is a whisper and lacks any true conviction in the sentiment. His eyes flick up to me and I brace myself for his acerbic response.
"Thank you." I'm startled. He sounds soft and gentle. I smile at him.
"You didn't open your gift." The statement is redundant. He looks from me to the wrapped parcel by his side and then back to me. "I hope you like it."
"It was not needed, Miss Granger."
I scowl and stare down at him. "It's Mrs Snape."
"That is not through choice."
I can feel the anger rising in me. "I made the choice; it is not a decision that was taken lightly."
He stands and his eyes are blazing. "Exactly. You chose. I do not recall being involved in the decision to wed one of my students."
"You agreed." I'm stunned by his argument.
"Agreed?" he scoffs at me. "Oh yes. Let's see. I agreed. I had to make the decision between marrying and rotting in Azkaban for crimes that were committed by me, whilst I was heavily involved in infiltrating the inner circle of a madman. What a difficult choice to make." He is circling me, almost like I'm his prey. "You, however, you were not my choice. I had no option. I was manipulated into accepting your hand. I have no idea how you managed to convince everyone that means something to me to assist you in your choreography of this situation. Nor am I aware of any reason for you to desire such a marriage."
"I..." He rounds on me and my mouth shuts with an audible click.
"Is it possible that you harboured a secret crush? Doubtful. I can see no reason that would ever lead you to make such a decision."
"My mother." The words leave my mouth before I could censor them. He stops and stares at me, his forehead creased in confusion. "I don't want to talk about it."
"You honestly have no idea what you've done. For someone who is lauded as being intelligent you are so stupid."
His words cut me as deeply as any curse could. "I..."
"Stop!" His voice is hard and commanding. "Not everything is about you."
I want to cry, I did this for him. I bite my lip hard; I can taste the metallic tang of blood.
He sighs heavily, "thank you for the gift. I'm sure it's wonderful." He leaves it alone and walks off to his lab, closing the door heavily behind him.
I slump on to the sofa, my eyes fixed on the gift, and the tears fall before I could stop them.
-x-
Draco visited some time later, not that time had any meaning. I sent him on his way quickly, without caring how I looked when I answered the door. He didn't ask, thankfully, and once alone again I went back to the bathroom to make myself presentable. I applied make-up and sat back on the sofa.
He walks back in staggering slightly, a bottle of whiskey in his hand. His hair is falling in his face and he seems surprised to see me. I stand and hold the book out him in offering.
"Open it, please."
He looks me up and down and a harsh tone is echoed in his voice, "Well, Mrs Snape. As this marriage is your wonderful idea, will you give your husband your female attentions?"
"I'm sorry?" I don't understand what he is asking and I frown in confusion,
"Is this simpering, timid female act what a man wants on his birthday? I want the attentions a wife should give her husband, not the pathetic gift you chose from some store." I flick my eyes to the gift I hold in my hands. He stands and walks towards me. He is barely an inch from me, and staring holes into me. "Well, don't you want to please your husband?" His eyes are steely hard and penetrating. He then looked me up and down and curled his lip into a sneer.
"I thought you might like it," I'm almost scared of him; I can feel my lip tremble.
"There are better gestures, wife." He is still walking towards me, I'm backing away but soon I'm trapped between him and the solid stone wall.
The book tumbles from my grasp, and I swallow hard. I can smell the alcohol on his breath as he narrows the gap further. Suddenly, his mouth has descended on me and his lips are bruising my own. I try to fight him, pushing him back with my hands and wriggling in his hold. He captures my lower lip between his teeth, and bites down on it hard, drawing blood. His tongue snakes out and laps at the wound he has created. I felt it run across my teeth before he used it to plunder my mouth.
This, our first proper kiss, is brutal and filled with many varied emotions, ranging from anger to desperation. I felt myself surrender to him, my emotions were roiling and I felt a bubble of something grow within the pit of my stomach. I wanted him. For this single moment I wanted my husband to touch me. Possess me.
He pulls away, his breath coming in short pants. His eyes meet mine and I can see a burning spark within them. I can see him fighting an inner battle with himself. He snarls and walks away. Before I can even think it through, I pick up his gift from the floor and hurl it with all my strength across the room at him. I'm stunned when it makes contact with his back, making him stumble. I hold my head up high and storm past him into our room. I manage to make it to the bed before the tears start to fall.
