The thing is, they don't really know anything about the Island, and what is worse, they have no way to find out. Talk of the Island is pretty much illegal, it is only done in whispers behind closed doors or, very rarely, in an official setting in form of 'Don't go there' – propaganda. They don't even know its real name, it is only ever called the Island, and they don't know how it will be to live there. They only know two things. The first is, they are pretty sure it actually exists. There are, of course, conspiracy theories saying that everything is only a ruse to get rid of unwanted elements of society, and everyone boarding the ships that leave for the Island will actually be killed, but it is unlikely. There are letters, though they are few and far between, and censored so that there are often more blacked out areas than actual writing, but they exist.

The second thing that they know is that they want to go there. Have to go there. They are not so naive to imagine that the Island is Paradise on earth or that the streets will be paved with gold, but they know that there, they will be free. The freedom on the Island is government-confirmed, although they call it anarchy and do their best to convince people that it is a bad thing.

Kurt seems...restive, Blaine thinks, impatient, as if waiting for something to happen. Kurt confirms it, one night as they are doing the dishes after dinner.

"I know it can be years until I'm called, Blaine. But I can't help it. I'm so restless, I feel it has to happen soon or I'll burst." He glances towards the living room, where Burt and Carole are watching some nature documentary on TV, and lowers his voice. "Ever since I acknowledged...you know...to myself, and to you, it has become more real, somehow. It is always on my mind, and I can't do anything about it, and it makes me crazy."

Blaine understands, and he does his best to calm Kurt down. It involves a lot of hot tea and cuddles in front of the TV whenever nobody is home, and Blaine is happy when they do that, but if he is completely honest, he gets sad when Kurt talks about leaving as if he just can't wait. There is no doubt in him that Kurt will get called first. As it should be, he thinks. Kurt is older and much more mature, he will be able to cope with everything easier than Blaine, who still feels like a child most of the time although he will be fifteen soon. And there is no immediate reason for Blaine to leave. He has a good home with Burt and Carole, and there is nothing he could be directly threatened for as Kurt would be if he came out. Yes, Kurt should – Kurt must leave first. And yet. As much as we wants Kurt to be safe and happy, he wishes so much he would stay with him.

Of course Blaine will leave, too. He has signed up for it, and in the long run, he can't be happy here, not being able to show how he feels. To show his utter contempt for a society that takes children away from their parents and forces good people into suicide for not fitting in. That makes Kurt be afraid all the time, and Blaine too.

Since Kurt came out, it is somehow like everything has changed, although nobody knows and Kurt doesn't really act differently. But it makes their conversations with Burt, Carole and Finn – or anyone, really – stilted and awkward at times because they are afraid to somehow accidentally reveal something. They can trust nobody, and they only ever feel themselves when they're alone.

They aren't alone often

Still, they are together, which helps a little. They share small secret smiles, and Blaine discreetly lays his hand on top of Kurt's when he notices Kurt getting restless again.

They are scared to touch. Blaine tries to remember Burt's opinion on homosexuality, but he believes they never talked about it – which is entirely possible, because the topic is pretty much taboo everywhere. Blaine can't imagine Burt not loving Kurt no matter what, but he doesn't know for sure. As Kurt has said, other children believed their parents would love them no matter what right until they were dropped off at some re-education center that would leave them with dead eyes and dead souls.

Weeks pass. Blaine's fifteenth birthday comes and goes. Nothing changes. They go to school, they come home, they eat and talk with Burt and Carole, sometimes they meet friends or go shopping. Nothing happens. And yet, they get worse, somehow. Blaine doesn't really know what it is that affects him so much, but he is hardly better off than Kurt. When they are alone, they cling to each other as if they are drowning. And in a way, they feel like they are.

They take to sneaking into each others' rooms at night and hold each other as they try to fall asleep. They don't talk much. They are afraid someone might hear them; besides, there is not much left to say.

But one night, as they lie in the darkness and listen to the sound of their breathing, Kurt starts to speak.

"I feel like I'm wearing a mask all the time. And I feel like, if I have to wear it much longer, I'll forget the face behind. I'll forget who I am."

Blaine hears the desperation in the calm words, and his heart breaks. He frantically searches for words as he begins to stroke Kurt's face, trying to reassure him.

"You won't. I won't let you. You are too amazing to forget. I love you." He is crying. He doesn't hear his own words, and he doesn't think before he replaces his hand with his mouth, letting his tears wet Kurt's face as he kisses his cheeks, nose and forehead.

"It won't take long now, I'm sure. Soon, you can leave. And until then, I'm right here. I see you. I'll always see you." There is no doubt in him as he finally kisses Kurt's mouth, hearing his surprised gasp before he kisses back. They kiss desperately, crying, not wanting anything except being close to each other.

They never question it, never ask what they're doing. They kiss until they fall asleep, safe in each others' arms.

They don't define themselves. They only kiss at any given opportunity and rely even more on each other than before.

Blaine doesn't question his sexuality. It doesn't matter to him. Kurt is pretty much his whole world; he has never loved anyone as much as him. The kissing doesn't change anything about his feelings. It only means they can find some happiness in each other.

They know they are in danger. Recent government propaganda has resulted in a streak of violence against anyone who doesn't fit the norms. It isn't officially endorsed, of course, but the perpetrators are punished with the legal equivalent of a slap on the fingers. Kurt and Blaine are teenaged boys, Burt owns a garage. They are pretty much without any social standing. They can imagine what would happen if anyone found out about them.

So they are even more careful not to seem too affectionate. Kurt takes to lock his door at night. If Burt or Carole wanted to see one of them after goodnight and found out, they would be suspicious and ask questions, but it is better then finding them together in Kurt's bed. They almost never touch where anyone can see them, but they are good at telling each other everything they want with silent glances.

Once, Kurt asks if they are doing the right thing. He is scared; they are in real danger now, and at least Blaine wasn't before. But Blaine is certain; he is happy to change the comatose safety of before for a chance to be alive in Kurt's arms.

"I know you have to leave me soon," he tells Kurt. "But until then, I want to be with you."

They still live in darkness. But they have found a little light in each other.