Chapter 4: Memories

"How are you feeling now, Captain Kuchiki?" asked Captain Unohana.

"Not half so well as I should," he admitted softly, "but you must understand that I have to return to the manor. The children need me to be there."

"Your children need you to be whole again, Byakuya," said Unohana firmly, "You are not well enough to leave yet."

Byakuya sat up and turned to look into her eyes.

"Do you honestly think that I am not aware of that? I know I am not in a fit state to leave, but Captain, my family has suffered a devastating loss. Despite the damage to my body, I must be with them. This is not a choice I am making. It is a simple fact. My children need their father. My Soul Bonded needs somewhere to put his grief. You saw Renji when he came in with me!"

"Yes," she admitted softly, "He was beside himself…between what happened to Takeshi and his worry for you. But, Byakuya, aren't you only going to inflame that worry by leaving here so soon? Simply put, you and I both know you are not up to this."

"Yes, well, the circumstances of our lives never concern themselves with what we are 'up to.' Events present themselves and we sometimes have no choice but to find the strength to push through them. The circumstances I am in demand that I go to be with my family. You can either assist me in getting onto my feet of you can stand aside. Either way, I am returning home. I must. There is no other choice. I cannot simply leave Renji and Yoruichi to deal with the fallout of this. I am very much aware of how badly I was injured…and once I am at home, I give you my word that I will rest. I am asking you to help me. I just need to have enough strength to get home. Once I am there, I will follow your advice to the letter."

She looked as though she wanted to argue the point further, but was stopped when the door opened and Renji stepped into the room. Byakuya could see the redness in his eyes, the weight of the emotion. He smiled at them, but the smile did not reach his eyes.

"Is he giving you trouble, Captain Unohana?" the redhead asked, "I told him that if he didn't behave I wouldn't bring the ginger cookies."

Captain Unohana looked from Byakuya to Renji and back again. She sighed softly.

"Captain Abarai," she said quietly, "I have decided that under the circumstances, Byakuya should return home to grieve with his family. Normally after such injury, I would recommend a hospital stay, but Byakuya needs to be with his children…and with you. I will send Hanatarou home with you to continue to monitor his recovery…and I will come to the manor once each day to examine him myself. I assure you. Byakuya will get the care he needs."

Renji looked from Captain Unohana's lowered eyes to Byakuya's determined ones.

"You talked her into this, didn't you?" Renji said softly, "Byakuya, I just watched you nearly get blown to pieces. I know the damage I saw. And even though Hajime could knit the shattered bones back together, you have got to still be feeling the pain of them having been broken."

"I am," Byakuya admitted, "but if you truly know me, Renji, then you know my body isn't half so broken as my heart. And that being true, there is only one place I can be right now. I need to be at home…with our children…with you, Renji. My physical injuries require a bed and a healer. I can have that here or there. But my heart requires being with my loved ones who are suffering as I am. Renji…I can't stay here. This is not me being stubborn or difficult. I am giving you the honest truth of it. Captain Unohana knows this. It is why even though she wishes me to stay, she has chosen to support me in leaving. And I am asking for your support as well."

Renji hesitated, staring defeatedly into the dark, pained eyes. He wasn't going to change his life partner's mind and he knew it.

"Damn it, Byakuya," he said in a trembling voice, "you had better not make me regret this. I'll take you home, then…but you have to give me your word that you will do whatever she tells you to do. I need you…but I need you to be well again."

"I will be," Byakuya promised, "and you have my word that I will do nothing to worsen my condition."

Renji nodded slowly.

"Fine, I'll go see to your discharge then."

Captain Unohana shook her head.

"Do not worry about that, Renji," she said softly, "just take him home now. I'll take care of things here."

"Thank you," Renji said gratefully, "as you can tell, I've got enough shit to deal with right now."

He turned to Byakuya and offered him a hand. The noble took hold of it and Renji helped him to his feet. He started across the room, but suddenly found himself swept off his feet and into Renji's arms. The redhead gave him a half-hearted smile.

"If we're going to do this, then we're going to do it my way. Hold on. We'll be home in a flash."

Byakuya tightened his arm around Renji and rested his head on a strong shoulder, closing his eyes. A flash step later, the healing center was behind them and they were on their way home.

"I left the kids with Yoruichi and Rukia," Renji told him, "Chisaki is taking this really hard. She doesn't say anything, but she can't stop crying. Maybe she'll talk to you. Hajime is still wiped out. Captain Unohana looked at him when we brought you in. She said that the arrival of his zanpakutou and the way he healed you just drained him. She said that he will sleep for as much as a day, but he will be fine. Rikichi went back to Hueco Mundo and sent Takeo back, so he's here. And Hotaru has been pretty much running things, making sure that visitors coming to check in on us are greeted and made comfortable…stuff like that that none of the rest of us can deal with."

Byakuya didn't answer, but nodded into Renji's shoulder. They reached the manor and Renji set Byakuya back on his feet. Leaning against Renji, he passed through the entry and into the manor. As they stepped onto the outer walkway, they found Yoruichi, Rukia and Takeo sitting at the table on the garden patio. Rukia's eyes were red from crying and she leaned against Yoruichi, whose golden eyes were intense and tightly controlled. She looked up questioningly as they approached.

"I thought you might do something like this, Byakuya," she said softly, "You should still be in the healing center."

"We are all doing what we feel we must, Senpai," he answered quietly.

She nodded.

"I understand, "and I would probably be doing the same thing, so I'm not going to fault you for it. Just…try not to do too much. We've already lost more than we can handle."

Byakuya reached out and touched her cheek with a warm hand.

"Yes," he agreed, "we have."

Byakuya left the garden and followed the walkway down to Chisaki's room. He swallowed hard and forced himself past Takeshi's closed door. He couldn't deal with that right now. Right now his head was spinning and he knew he should get off his feet…but someone needed to reach Chisaki and help her.

She was lying on her bed, silent and unmoving. Her cheeks were tear-stained and Byakuya was relatively certain that she had only stopped crying because she hadn't the energy to cry anymore. She didn't look up as he entered the room and didn't respond when he said her name. Abandoning words and ready to drop from exhaustion and injury, Byakuya sat down next to her and pulled her close. She let her head drop onto his shoulder and rested against him.

"I didn't think you were coming home," she said finally, her voice betraying her weariness.

Byakuya gave her a gentle squeeze.

"Chisaki," he said softly, "where else could I be?"

She buried her face in his shoulder, comforted by the calm strength of her father's reiatsu, the warm familiarity of his touch and the soothing scent of sakura blossoms. With Byakuya there, she could forget for a moment that she had lost half of herself. She could bury herself in his strength and let it take her back to when she did have a twin brother, when they spent every day together, before they even had zanpakutous. She could feel them running side-by-side down the forest trail, launching over the edge of the cliff and splashing down into cold clear water. She could remember games of tag in the grassy meadow, earning reprimands for using their animal forms to fight…but most of all, she could remember when they were still small enough that each could sit on one of their father's knees as they rested beneath the sakura trees and listened as Byakuya shared stories of the Kuchiki family or myths and legends of the stars that lit the night sky. It was as though she could only connect with those things now and not be buried in pain, because she always found her strength in his presence. So even though she knew he was hurt and shouldn't be there, she clung to him gratefully.

"You should go and rest, Dad," she said softly, "I'll be okay. I'm glad you are here. I feel better because you're here."

"Shh," he said, kissing her forehead like he always had when wishing her good night, "close your eyes and try to sleep for a while. I promise you, it will help you to cope."

She felt his reiatsu wrap warmly around her, as warm and comforting as the arms that held her. She closed her eyes and welcomed the calm, safe feeling of being near him. Slowly, she drifted off to sleep.

When she was asleep, Byakuya kissed her on the cheek and gently pulled free of her. He left her sleeping and moved back out onto the walkway. He started back toward the garden, but came to a stop as he reached Takeshi's room. He stood gazing at the closed door for a moment, then reached out and opened it. Everything was as it had been that last day before he left for Karakura Town…and he couldn't help remembering…

"What? No tale about the Kuchiki family legacy, no reminder to mind my manners?" Takeshi said, laughing.

"No," Byakuya said, allowing the slightest of smiles, "I just wanted to come and wish you well before your first field mission. I was your age when I left the Seireitei on my first field mission. I still remember what it felt like. After all of the lessons, all of the hours spent training and growing strong, it was exhilarating to finally use all of that…to stop preparing for the future and to begin living it."

Takeshi looked surprised.

"It's funny…but before you came in, that's what I was thinking. I was thinking about how hard Chisaki and I had trained so that we could do this…and I was worried you and Renji would change your minds about sending us, because you saw Gin lurking around. I was glad when you decided to let us go. I know you must be worried, but you did the right thing, Dad. We need to do this. It's right that you should let us go."

"Was it?" he whispered, gazing at the pictures on the wall that traced Takeshi's life from birth to age 13, "Was it really right to send you, even knowing that Gin was out there watching? Renji questioned it. And I might have as well, but my heart answered before my mind could stop me. I sent you because I knew how I would feel if our roles were reversed. I remembered how it felt to finally be on the verge of growing up, to be poised on the edge between childhood and manhood. In my mind, I did fear for you, but my heart made me say the words you so wanted to hear. And now I have to wonder if listening to my heart will ever stop causing such pain and destruction. Was I right to send you…or was it just a fatal mistake?"

He flinched in surprise as Renji's arms wrapped around him and his head came to rest on Byakuya's shoulder from behind.

"Don't do that," Renji whispered in his ear, "Don't second guess yourself. I was there too, Byakuya. I did question whether or not to send them…"

"And you were right to do that. I should have…"

"No, we were right to send them. They were as safe with Yoruichi and Kisuke as they would have been here. Aizen was determined to take him. We don't know that he would have been any safer had we held them back."

"Renji, don't you see? Twice now, I should have made a difference…and twice I failed him."

"No," Renji said, tightening his arms around the noble, "That's not how I see it. And I won't let you go on thinking that. You did the right thing in sending him to Karakura Town as planned…and when he was taken, you put yourself at risk to save him. You couldn't help what happened. You have to stop thinking that you could."

He released Byakuya and took him by the hand.

"Come on," he said quietly, "Chisaki and Hajime are sleeping now. Everyone else is coping as well as can be expected. You have to take care of yourself now."

They returned to the walkway and Byakuya watched as Renji closed the door. Renji slipped an arm around the noble and they started down the walkway. A few steps later, Byakuya paused and Renji turned to look at him. His face had gone even more pale than usual and he was taking a slow, deep breath, holding one hand to his midsection.

"Are you all right?" Renji asked.

Byakuya nodded.

"I just feel…weak," Byakuya replied, resting his weight against the redhead.

"Bya, when did you last eat?" Renji asked.

Byakuya shook his head.

"I don't remember."

"Then come with me. You're going to bed…and I'll bring you some tea and whatever food sounds good to you."

"Kami, Renji, nothing sounds good to me, right now," Byakuya said, starting along the corridor.

"Well, we'll keep it simple then…tea, toast…"

"And perhaps some ginger cookies," Byakuya added, "I think I could manage those."

"All right," said Renji, managing a smile, "but you have to share a few with me this time."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Why did you do that?" Takeshi asked Sosuke Aizen, his body trembling with rage, "Why did you hurt my father that way?"

"You know why," Aizen replied in a soft, quiet voice.

"No…I don't," Takeshi went on, "I've never understood why you hated him so…why you are always out to hurt him…why you always try to hurt our family. What did he do to you that made you do all of these things? You've been hurting him over and over…for as long as I can remember."

"Well, Takeshi, I imagine you deserve to know," Aizen replied, "Very well, then, I shall tell you. It began when I was making my plans to overthrow the spirit king. I made the decision to do that because I saw great injustice in our lives, so much unnecessary suffering. The spirit king does not trouble himself with such things as poverty and starvation, the unfairness of so few having so much wealth and the rest having nothing. Byakuya was heir to one of the wealthiest clans. And like the spirit king, they did nothing to change things for the better. So when I made my plans, it seemed right to use Rukia, someone close to him, to bring down the ruling class. But Byakuya interfered with my plans. Although he did not oppose or stop the execution, he got in the way when I ordered Rukia killed."

"What did you expect him to do?" hissed Takeshi, "You tried to kill Rukia…someone he loved!"

"Don't you understand?" asked Aizen, "Byakuya was one of them. He ruthlessly allowed her to be sentenced to death and he would have let it happen…if not for Ichigo Kurosaki. Their battle made him see reason. It made him change. And suddenly I had to question what I had done. I had assumed that the noble class was beyond redemption, that they were not worth saving. But he nearly died to save one who he loved. He interfered with that vision I had…and it threatened my plans. Because how could I gain support for my plans if I was wrong about the ruling class? Who would support me if noble families came to be seen as honorable or caring? I was confused that one like him should have a heart at all. It confused me and I couldn't stop thinking about it. So when Renji Abarai fell into my hands, I knew I had to bring Byakuya here. I needed to know what made him change. Not Ichigo Kurosaki…nothing outside, but what happened inside, that made him risk his life. I used Renji to capture him and I set out to break him as I had done with so many others…so that I could study his mind and understand why he wasn't what I expected. But I found the strangest thing. When I saw him being tortured…I felt for him. He is a noble and I was supposed to hate him…but by showing his inner humanity, he became more human in my eyes. And the more I watched him suffer, the more I felt for him…until I couldn't bear it anymore. Takeshi, that was when I realized that I was falling in love with him."

"That's not love, you sick bastard!" Takeshi snapped, "I don't know what it is, but it isn't anything like love!"

Aizen gazed at him for a moment.

"Love cannot be defined, Takeshi Kuchiki," he said softly, "It is unique to each person. And when I fell in love with Byakuya, I defined it in my own way. I thought about him often…for many years until the day at the Hueco Mundo base when he fell into my hands again. I broke him, Takeshi. I did it because he was with Renji. I had to break him so that he would belong to me. Unfortunately, although I gained control of his body and mind, I could not reach his heart. The heart that reached out to save Rukia, the one that made him different among the nobles, the one that threatened my resolve and made me love him…I could not, in the end, possess it. And because I could not capture his heart, he escaped me…and he eventually broke the controls I had placed upon him. I hated him for doing that…for ruining everything I had tried to build between us. I would have given anything to have him love me…but he ruined everything, so I must kill him. I cannot tolerate still knowing he draws breath, Takeshi."

"Why? Because he is brave and strong? Strong enough to survive what you did to him? Or was it because he loves Renji? Was it because you found that his love for Renji was so strong that you couldn't break it? That no matter what you did, he would never betray that love?"

Aizen turned and struck the boy sharply across the face. Takeshi's eyes flared and he struggled within the hold of the kido field.

"I see them in you…Takeshi Kuchiki," Aizen said softly, "And now I see there is only one thing I can do."

He stepped closer.

"I have to erase you. I have to take their love and make it disappear. What they feel for each other ruined my plans. It made him defy me. It led me to the actions that brought him a third time into my hands. And it led to the death of my son. So now, I'm going to erase that love…erase you, and I will use you to destroy them…both of them. You may remember that once I used Kyoka Suigetsu to take Byakuya's memories. I'll do the same to you, Takeshi. And when you are gone, I will fill you with a new self, a new purpose. I will send you back home again when you are ready. You will return to them…and you will kill them."

"No…I won't. My father broke your hypnosis…and somehow I will to," Takeshi said, his face pale, "Somehow I'll keep you from doing this. You won't hurt them!"

"No," said Aizen, resting a hand on the boy's face, "I don't have to. I have you to do that."

He drew his weapon and brought it close to the youth. Trapped within the kido field, Takeshi could only stare.

"Shatter," Aizen whispered, "Kyouka Suigetsu."

Takeshi closed his eyes against the golden light, but he felt it slip easily into his mind. The touch itself carried no pain, but as he felt it begin to draw away his memories, Takeshi felt panic set in. He took a deep breath and fought the leaving of each memory, each piece of him that Aizen sought to steal away.

"It won't help," Aizen whispered, "You can't stop it. You're not as strong as him. Relax, let them disappear."

He was still fighting, but he was losing focus. He didn't remember the man in front of him…how he came to be in this place, what was happening. Names and faces were falling away and disappearing. As the last began to fade, Takeshi gathered what strength he had left and used it to grab on to one image. He couldn't remember her name, but he knew her face. Even when everything else was gone, he still had her. And knowing that he still had something, gave him comfort. The kido field released and he fell into someone's arms.

"Sleep now," a soft voice told him, "When you wake, you will know who you are. When you wake, I will tell you your name."

Aizen carried the unconscious youth to a small bedroom. He laid him on the bed and sat down next to him, thinking.

"I called him Shin, meaning heart," he said quietly, "You will be the blade that cuts him. You will be Kenshin. You will be a brother to my Akira. You will avenge him as any good brother would. Sleep, Kenshin. When you wake, we will have much work to do."