Title: Warrior Lost
Author: rooster dawn
pairing: Harm and Mac
Disclaimer: JAG is property of Belisarius productions, no copyright infringement intended.
Summary: Harm goes down and is lost at sea on the way back for Mac's wedding. The wedding is called off, Mac makes life hell at work, and the Admiral sends her away to deal with her loss.
Good feedback is good for the soul and my happiness.
Part four Time to heal
The wedding had been cancelled. They was no way Mac could think about getting married after Harm's tomcat had gone down. She would be worrying about him. It wouldn't be fair to Mic. She wouldn't be able to focus on him liked he deserved.
Of course Mic couldn't or wouldn't understand why she didn't want to get married the following weekend. Then again Mic never did understand her needs, he tried to persuade her not to postpone the wedding. Harm would be found.
How was she supposed to get married? Getting married was supposed to be the happiest day of your life. How could she be happy when she was worried about Harm. Even if they were to find him he would probably end up in the hospital
He wouldn't be there for her, she needed him to be there. Besides, it wouldn't be fair to their friends. They were worried about Harm too. They wouldn't be able to enjoy the wedding if Harm was missing or dead.
A few days later Mic pressured Mac about getting married the following weekend, but there was no way she could ever think about getting married. Harm was declared missing and presumed dead.
There wasn't anyway he could have survived in the ocean after so many hours. The water temperature was less than fifty degrees. It had been estimated that he couldn't survive for more than five or six hours.
Mac was devastated. It took everything she had to take care of herself and Chloe. She needed Harriet's help in sending Chloe home. She was grieving Harm's lost. Everyone was telling her that Harm was dead, but she didn't believe that Harm was dead.
She would know if he was dead. They had this connection. They always knew where the other was. They had an uncanny way of knowing when the other was near. Get married? How could she get marry?
She was grieving. Her friends were grieving. She was not going to get marry while she was grieving. Mic tried to convince her that if they did get married her spirit would be lifted, their friends wouldn't feel so sad.
Their hearts would lighten and they would be happy once again. Mac knew that bullshit wasn't true. She wasn't going to get married when she was feeling so despondent. She wasn't going to get marry to replace the sadness she was feeling in her heart.
She wasn't going to get married until she felt joy in her heart again. That wasn't going to happen for a very long time. Mic wasn't happy about that. While he was sad as everyone else that Harm had died, life went on.
He couldn't understand why he had to wait to marry Mac. He was the happiest man in the world. He wanted to share that feeling with the world. He was supposed to be marrying Mac, the most beautiful woman he had known.
They were so perfect together. Why should Harm's death change any of that? Unfortunately he thought he knew the real reason. Despite her assertions to the contrary, she was in love with Harm.
Bud had told him to be patient. Mac wasn't going anywhere and Mac would soon be able to move on after Harm's death. Mac had told him that she did love him. Maybe she did, but did she love him as much as she loved Harm?
Was she settling for him because she couldn't have Harm, the man she really wanted. Harriet had told him about the relationship between Harm and Mac. While there might have been a few other people in their lives,
they always ended up back together since they were always together. The others could never deal with that aspect of their lives. When Mac still hadn't made a decision after two weeks about when to reschedule the wedding,
Mic realized that it wasn't going to happen. He decided to return to the Australian Navy. He said his goodbyes and left. Mac didn't want him to go. She asked him to be patient and let her grieve, but he wouldn't and soon he was gone.
Mac was scheduled to take two weeks of leave for her honeymoon, but after the aborted wedding plans she decided to return to work. The Admiral wouldn't have any of it. Mac needed to grieve for Harm's death.
He wanted Mac to take two weeks of bereavement leave before returning to work. Mac compromised and took one week of bereavement leave before reporting back to work. She still believed that Harm was alive and was only missing.
She wanted to be there when JAG received news that Harm was alive. Unfortunately for the Admiral and his staff Mac wasn't her usual chipper self. She was short tempered and quite angry at work, causing everyone to be on eggshells.
She had very little patience for their incompetence and took it out on the staff. Each day, each week it seemed that her attitude was getting worse to the Admiral. Something had to be done to rectify the situation.
Friday
29 June 2001
Headquarters
The Admiral called Mac into his office to have a serious talk with her. It had been five weeks since Harm died. Everyone was still mourning his death. Mac had returned to work ten days after the crash. She had canceled the wedding after Harm's crash.
Mic hoped to postpone the wedding until the following weekend, but Mac wanted no part of it. She wasn't going to get married until Harm was found and was home. She wanted him at the wedding. She believed that he was still alive.
She spent the week grieving before returning to work. When she returned she found morale at the office very low and people were not working. She could understand that they were at a lost with Harm gone, but that wasn't a reason for them not to do their jobs.
Everyone tried to convince her that Harm was dead, but she knew that he wasn't. She was a holy terror with them, jumping on them when something wasn't done in a timely fashion. The Admiral had walked out into the bullpen area a few times and heard Mac chewing out someone. No one had been spared from Mac's wrath.
"Take a seat Colonel. How are you doing?" asked a concerned Admiral
"Fine Sir." replied Mac.
"Are you sure about that Colonel? You have been riding my people pretty hard the last month." questioned the Admiral.
"They aren't doing their job Sir. And when they do they're making too many mistakes." argued Mac defensively.
"They're mourning the death of Commander Rabb Colonel. It's to be expected that it will take time for everything to get back to normal." the Admiral countered.
"There is no excuse for incompetence Sir. They are suppose to be professionals. The world didn't stop just because Harm's plane went down. He's not dead Sir. I would know it if he was. They haven't found his body." argued Mac.
"And they probably never will Colonel. The ocean has a knack of swallowing up everything that goes into it. You're beginning to sound like Rabb and his missing father. It's time to move on.
To help you facilitate the grieving process I'm putting you on compassionate sick leave. I have a place in South Carolina that you can stay at. It's on the coast. In a month's time we will review your status to determine whether or not if you need more time or help." the Admiral informed Mac.
"Sir, I don't need any time off." replied Mac.
"Colonel, the office is in turmoil. You have my people walking on eggshells. You are not dealing with the Commander's death very well at all. You're in denial. I don't want to send you to see a shrink.
I would rather give you the time you need to sort things out on your own. Jason has directions to the house. I'll see you in four weeks." explained the Admiral.
"Yes Sir." conceded a sullen Mac.
