Error report! In the previous chapter's opening scene, "kai-chou" should have been "kai-bou". ('Kai' being an abbreviation of 'kaimera'- as in chimera, and 'bou' meaning 'baby'.) Sorry, I was really sleepy when I wrote that part, so it must have slipped past me.
Copyright notice: this chapter includes a brief quotation from the New International Version (or 'NIV') of the Bible. According to the copyright information of same, it is permissible to use small amounts of text in a non-profit fashion. Please do not automatically report me for copyright violations upon seeing this; as previously stated, it is perfectly legal.
Chapter 4: Somebody to Love
"If I speak in the tongues of men and angels,
But have not love,
I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and have a faith that can move mountains,
But have not love,
I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,
But have not love,
I gain nothing."- 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 (NIV)
---
Why do I wait for that person, when I know that I might not find them?
I think I know.
---
"Your tests are finished."
Pudding looked up at Ruka as they exited the room. "What?"
"We're done. We've taken all the samples we need. You can go home now, Punri."
"...I can't go home."
"Oh, are you still thinking about all that?" Ruka patted Pudding's shoulder. "Sorry about that. Back then, I had to make sure that you wouldn't run away, so I just said some random stuff about how you wouldn't be welcome. I didn't mean it. I'm sure everything will work out fine. Your friends will probably forgive you. And aren't you worried about your family?"
Pudding's brow furrowed. "Of course I'm worried about my siblings, but I can't be sure that I'll be welcome back at Café Mew Mew. They might not forgive me."
"Hmm..." Ruka pondered a moment. "Well, I won't lie to you. There's a chance that you're right. And you will have to take responsibility for what you've done. But if your friends are really friends, I don't think they'll hold it against you for very long."
"..."
"Aw, come on, don't make that face." Ruka bopped Pudding on the head lightly. "Cheer up, why don't you? It's no good when you're depressed."
"But..."
"Mizuiwa!" A short, meek-looking, undoubtedly low-ranking employee suddenly popped around the corner. He was holding a small piece of paper. "Message from the-"
"Hullo thar, Yama-rin," Ruka interrupted. "Hey, is your girlyfriend doing well? Oops, I forgot, you've never had one and probably never will. What about your dog? Oh yeah, it died. How big was your paycheck this year? Oh, that's right, it barely even exists."
"Mizuiwa, is it even possible for you to say something nice to me?" the man groaned.
"Well, you've got a nice toupee. It almost had me fooled."
"...I'm not wearing a toupee. I'm only 24. I'm not even turning grey yet."
"Oh. If that's the case, your hair looks super fake. You should complain to your barber."
"Um...didn't you say something about a message, Mr. Yama...rin?" Pudding asked. Yama-rin flinched.
"My name is Takeshi Yamada," he snapped (see cultural note). "Yama-rin is just Mizuiwa's ridiculous nickname for me."
"Ha!" Ruka poked his forehead. "Too bad, Yama-rin. I'm more important than you, so I can call you whatever I want!"
"You're only a secretary- how you got such an important mission as securing a Mew Mew is anyone's guess."
"I may only be a secretary, but you're an intern and a country bumpkin."
"Mr. Yamada, the message..." Pudding attempted again.
"Hmph. If it had been addressed to anyone other than her, I'd have already delivered it." Yamada handed Ruka the note, then hastily retreated. "And I'm not a country bumpkin, just for the record!"
"Fuu." Ruka started reading the message.
"It's great that you and Mr. Yamada are such good friends," Pudding commented.
"Yeah. It's kind of like having a family member you really don't get along with, I guess. Even though we fight all the time, we're still close." Ruka folded the note and tossed it in the recycling bin.
"Hey, that's not the bin for burnable trash," Pudding informed her.
"Come on, Pudding. The boss wants to speak to you in his office, pronto. No word on why." Ruka led her off, leaving the note in the wrong can for all eternity.
(Cultural note: "Takeshi Yamada" is an extremely common-sounding, countryish name, hence Ruka's comment that Yama-rin is a country bumpkin.)
---
Ryou stared out the window. It had been a long time since he had been outside, he suddenly realised. An incredibly long time.
How long had it been?
He
could no longer remember.
He couldn't even remember when he had last left his room, much less when he had left the building. He had been focused on the research notes for so long, everything else blurred together.
Had he even slept last night?
That, too, was a mystery.
But this was something he had to do, even if it meant seeing only the piece of sky that could be viewed from his small window.
Maybe this time, there won't have to be any sacrifices, he thought.
---
The man had brown eyes behind his glasses, and his black hair showed clear signs of thinning. There was a small, black, teardrop-shaped emblem embroidered on the left breast pocket of his suit, and a narrow sign on his desk reading 'Chief Executive Officer'. 'Oukan Kasuga'- presumably, the man's name- was written in smaller text below this heading.
Not taking his eyes off the documents in his hand, Oukan silently motioned towards a swivel chair placed in front of his desk. Pudding timidly sat down in this chair, then fidgeted for a minute or two.
At last, Pudding spoke up. "I'm sorry."
He did not look at her, but continued to peruse the papers. "Why are you sorry?" he asked.
"I've caused a lot of problems." Pudding struggled for a moment. "Not just for that girl. For a lot of people. Because the Mew Mew Project ruined so many lives..."
"But you weren't there. You weren't the one who forced them into the experiments. Why do you regret something that happened before you were born?"
"For a long time, now, I've been going about my business without even thinking about those people." Pudding touched the discoloured spot on her forehead, the place where the injection of the tamarin DNA had left its mark. "Even if I wasn't there in person, the power inside me is a result of those experiments. It was gained because of what they gave up. So in some way, a part of me was there. In some way, a part of me is responsible."
"What do you think you have accomplished?"
She looked up.
"I have a policy of judging people by what they have done on their own. Not what they have been ordered to do, not what random chance has granted them, not what they have been able to do because of situations arranged by others. So, think very hard. When you take away the abilities that you gained by becoming a Mew Mew, what have you done? Have you done anything that you can be proud of?"
"I..." Pudding paused. Nothing came to mind, really. "There isn't really anything."
"There really isn't anything? Not a single thing?"
"No."
"Then what have you accomplished with your Mew Mew abilities?"
"Well...I helped save the world."
"What, exactly, did you do? In what way did you help?"
"I...um..." Pudding was silent for a long time. Thinking back on it now, during the entire fight against the aliens, she had only done one or two things. A handful of small victories. And during the final battle, she had been almost completely useless. "There were things I accomplished, but there's nothing that I can be proud of."
How the mighty have fallen.
"Why do you think that happened? How did you end up with such actions?"
"I don't really know. There were a lot of reasons."
"I think I know the reason. Tell me: why did you agree to become a Mew Mew and battle the aliens to begin with? Why do you fight?"
Why do I fight?
"I never really thought about it."
There are plenty of noble-sounding stock answers. "To protect this world." "To protect the ones I love." "To become stronger."
Was I really protecting anything?
"I never..."
No...
"...really thought about it..."
There wasn't anything I was fighting for.
"I..."
Is that why I feel guilty?
"...didn't..."
Is that why I felt like...
"...have a reason..."
...I had to apologise?
Did they sacrifice themselves for no reason?
"If you don't understand why you're fighting," Oukan commented, "you can't feel like you've done anything worthwhile by fighting."
"Then...what about you?"
"Hm?"
"Why do you fight?"
"Ah, there's a nice question. For some reason, when it comes to things and actions that are treasured...it seems as if the more mundane the thing is, the more noble the person sounds. If I just answered 'to protect world peace', that would be sort of silly-sounding and cliché, wouldn't it? But if I answer 'so that I can continue to care for my vegetable garden', that sounds much more honourable. I wonder why that occurs."
"Are you avoiding my question?"
"In my case, my answer isn't anything as grand as world peace, nor is it as noble as a vegetable garden, nor is it as common as love. But it is something I consider valuable. For that matter, some might say that whatever I claim to be fighting for, the result is the same. But I don't believe that." Oukan turned and pointed towards a large, blurry painting hanging on the wall. "What is that, to you?"
It was, upon closer inspection, a painting of the seashore, with a brilliantly blue sky overhead. The edge of the ocean seemed to merge with the sky, and the edge of the sky merged with the sand, and the edge of the sand merged with the ocean. The lines were not very well-defined.
"It's a painting of the beach," Pudding responded, after a moment.
"What style of painting is it?"
"Ummm..." Pudding didn't know much about art. "It's...kind of fuzzy."
"It's an Impressionist painting. An original- not a copy."
"Are all Impressionist paintings that vague?"
"Vague, perhaps. They are intended to capture the feel of a particular time or place, rather than all its details. The painter tried to put onto a canvas what his impression of that seashore was. I cannot sure whether or not he succeeded, but I appreciate his efforts."
"What does that have to do with your reason for fighting?"
"That is why I fight. The brief emotions that created this painting might seem ordinary to most people. They might even seem forgettable. But if you forget all those random impressions, you're left with nothing. It's absolutely worth it to treasure them. You see, the day this painting was made, it was the first time the painter had been to the beach in more than a decade. He had been completely focused on his schoolwork, and then his job, for a long time- a very, very long time. And during that time, he had forgotten most of those ordinary impressions. Life was nothing but hard work to him, work that seemed pointless. He was unable to be proud of his life. As he stood there in the sea, he realised how empty his life had been without those feelings. He didn't want to forget how that felt. He never wanted to forget it again. And so, he painted this as a memento. Even now, it serves as a reminder that feelings, however small or short they might be, are something worth fighting for." Oukan smiled. "When I put this painting on my wall, I thought: 'Perhaps, for the sake of those impressions, I can do something that I can be proud of.' And so, that's why I fight. But that is not necessarily the same reason that will work for you. Find the reason that makes sense to you. If you 'fight' for a reason that doesn't really make sense to you, it will be even worse than fighting for no reason at all."
"I'm not sure what my reason is. But...I know where to start." A new fire seemed to burn in Pudding's eyes. "You've run lots of tests on me. But only on me, right? You haven't managed to get close to any of the other Mew Mews."
"True."
"Then, let me help you. I'll work alongside your organisation and help convince the others to cooperate. I know there's something I can do. And I might find something that I can be proud to do."
Oukan patted Pudding's head. "You are mature far beyond your years." He pressed a button on the intercom console. "Miss Iruka, please make arrangements to send Miss Fon home."
"Right away, sir!" came Ruka's voice through the speaker. Oukan nodded, then turned to Pudding again.
"I will discuss our next move with some of my assistants, and once we've arrived at a decision, we will contact you. Thank you for your assistance."
"You're welcome. But I have a question."
"A question? About what?"
"You said that the artist who made that painting wanted to remember how it felt. It reminded him that he should never forget again. So why did he sell it to you, if it meant so much to him?"
"Ah, because he didn't sell it." Oukan tapped a corner of the painting, which bore the artist's signature. "The artist, who had ten miserable years of 'success' before returning to the ocean, was me."
---
I don't think I want to apologise to them.
"I'm sorry that you died for no reason at all. I never did anything of value. Your sacrifice was in vain."
Who would want to hear that?
Who would want to believe that they had really died for nothing?
I don't know if they'd be proud of me, or what I've done. So from here on, I'll do my best. Maybe I'll end up doing something I can be proud of, something they can be proud to have died for. Maybe then, I'll be able to tell them "thank you" instead of "I'm sorry".
And that woman...
If I see her again someday, I'll have to thank her, also.
---
Almost everything happened as expected.
Ichigo ran out of the café with open arms, crying out "Pudding! You're safe!" Mint briefly cracked a true smile, but quickly hid it by sipping her tea, and immediately returned to her sarcastic sneer. Lettuce and Keiichirou politely bowed, saying "Welcome back, welcome back." Zakuro's expression remained unchanged as always, although her voice seemed just a little more gentle than usual.
But it felt like a puzzle with one piece missing.
"Where's Ryou?" Pudding asked. Everyone's expressions visibly darkened.
"Ryou...has only come out of his room once in four days," Lettuce explained. "He refuses to talk to any of us but Keiichirou."
"Why?"
"That's what we'd like to know," Ichigo grumbled. "But he won't answer us when we ask."
"..." Pudding slowly made her way up the stairs to Ryou's room.
"It is no good, Pudding," Lettuce called. "He will not see you."
"I don't care." Pudding sat down in front of the door, knees hugged to her chest. She didn't knock. Ryou already knew she was there.
She didn't speak for a long time, and neither did he.
"I'm trying my best," Pudding said at last. "Everyone is trying their best. So..." She trailed off. With nothing more to say, Pudding stood up and walked back downstairs.
In the darkness of his room, Ryou bowed his head.
---
I still haven't met that person...
...And I'm not sure that I ever will.
Even if that person exists, I don't know if I'll be able to find them.
But...
Even so...
I think it will be worth it to continue waiting.
Because as long as I don't give up, there's still a chance that one day, I will find that person.
If it allows me to meet that person, then it's worth it.
And so, I wait.
As I wait, there are many things to ponder.
---
Is everybody ready?
3...2...1...
KABOOM!
HOORAY!
Tally
Solleni presents:
Tokyo Mew Mew Little Extra Theatre 'Welcome to
Café Mew Mew'!
Today's Episode: "Goodbye, Cruel Fanfic"
"Oh, this is just too sad, everybody," Pudding said gloomily. She, Iruka, and Ryou were all sitting in their trademark armchairs. "Tally was too lazy to write more than four chapters, so the story is already over! This is the end!"
"Well, it is kind of annoying," Ryou remarked. "But we'll all be appearing in the next Tokyo Mew Mew series, so the fans don't need to worry too much."
"What? There's going to be another one of these?" Iruka asked. "Why didn't anyone tell me about this? And just how many is this crazy lady going to write?"
"The next series is currently being processed under the codename 'Project Augury'," Pudding continued, ignoring Iruka. "This isn't really an indication of the finalised title, though, since 'I Gain Nothing' was known as 'Project Paragon' and 'Runaway Tamarin' in its early stages. Project Augury will feature three interlocking storylines, and of course, it will also have Welcome to Café Mew Mew segments. We won't be hosting the new skits, because we won't be the main characters in Project Augury. But it'll still be a barrel of laughs!"
"Hey, even if I'm not a main character, I will be making an appearance in Project Augury, won't I?" Iruka asked.
"Of course not. Anyway, after Project Augury, Tally has a few other projects that have nothing to do with Tokyo Mew Mew. But after that, she's considering a massive crossover between Tokyo Mew Mew, Azumanga Daioh, and Fruits Basket. That's still in very early planning stages, so details may change in the final story."
"And now, to the final parodies," Ryou concluded.
-Lazy People-
"Here, Pudding." Mint tossed a small bag at the monkey-girl.
"What's this?" Pudding asked.
"Oh, they're just some...things."
Pudding rifled through the bag. "A wallet...print club pictures...a student I.D.?" Pudding looked closely at the photos on the various items. "Hey, these belong to that girl I attacked! Why do you have them, Mint?"
"I, um, found them."
"She looted the body," Zakuro explained.
"To keep the girl from recovering her memory," Lettuce added.
"What? You just watched Mint steal that girl's stuff, and you didn't try to get help or anything? Why?"
"Well, deep down, we're all just evil people," Keiichirou said decisively.
"What?"
-Thrown For A Loop-
"Why do you fight?"
Oukan pointed to a picture hanging on the wall. It was a blown-up photo of a large brown nanny goat, standing in a field and eating dandelions.
"It's...uh..."
-Addiction-
"Ryou...has not spoken to any of us in four days," Lettuce explained.
"Why? Is something wrong with him?"
"Well...you see, he bought a subscription to 'World of Warcraft'..."
-Valid Question I-
"Hey, Pudding," Ichigo asked.
"Hm? What?"
"What exactly happened to your brothers and sisters while you were gone? Do you think they're okay?"
"You mean that none of you bothered to check on them?" Pudding cried. "What kind of cold-hearted people are you?"
"Although..." Mint observed, "...it seems a little odd that you and your siblings would be allowed to live by yourselves to begin with. Why has some sort of child protective service not come after you yet?"
"Erm...let's just leave all those questions for some other day," Pudding said hurriedly.
(In actuality, Pudding's siblings were temporarily taken care of by emergency AIUS operatives. Probably.)
-Valid Question II-
"Ryou...has only come out of his room once in four days," Lettuce explained.
"Hold it!" Pudding cried. "If he's not coming out of his room, just how is he going to the bathroom? I demand an explanation!"
"Hey, you're right! That's totally suspicious," Ichigo muttered, narrowing her eyes.
"Well, maybe he sneaks to the bathroom, like a ninja, when none of us are around," Mint suggested. "Either that, or he's got a chamber pot."
"What do you think, Keiichirou?" Lettuce asked.
"...Let's just drop this incredibly disturbing topic, OK?" Keiichirou said briskly.
---
"That's all for this series," Iruka, Ryou, and Pudding said together. "See you later, everyone!"
