Graceless

I was an idiot. I didn't know what to do with myself. I just sat there, wiping tears and snot from my stupid face. I'd actually stumbled on the gravel path, tripping over a stone the size of my thumb nail. Here I was on a bench, rubbing my raw palms across my dusty jeans. I hurt, inside and out. How could he do this to me? And how could I have been so oblivious?

It had started with a call from the gynecologist, asking me to come back in so they could "talk to me about my test results". At first I'd felt my stomach drop thinking I was pregnant but, right away, I'd known that wasn't it. I was on the pill. And I'd had my period just a week ago. Cancer? I wished they'd just told me on the phone, but I had to come in for an appointment that afternoon, my insides in knots.

I couldn't believe it when the doctor gently told me I'd tested positive for Chlamydia. Those tests were standard procedure but I never thought they would ever show anything. After all, I'd been with the same man for ten years, my childhood sweetheart; how much could be happening in that department? But evidently I was wrong. Someone else had happened.

I was waiting for Edward when he got home, my hands clenched into fists, my heart beating its way out of my chest.

"Who is it then? Who have you been cheating on me with?" I didn't recognize my own shrill voice.

He just stared at me, his handsome face blank. I thought about all the late nights at work, all the conference trips, and the room went white. I picked up the nearest thing, a book, and threw it at him. He ducked, still bewildered but pale.

"Since I've only been fucking you these past ten years and one doesn't get Chlamydia from toilet seats, you must have been fucking your skanks bare, Edward. How could you? You foul, bloody, ugly bastard! How could you do this to me, to us?"

By that time I was crying freely, and his instinct was to walk towards me, hands held up to protect himself or to try to hold me, I didn't know. I just knew that if he touched me I would throw up. I circled to the front door and burst out like a rocket onto the street.

My refuge was always the park. I left the car by the curb and walked blindly along the darkening paths until I tripped and fell, then dragged myself to a bench and sat there sobbing. My life was officially over.

"Bella? Hey! What's the matter?"

I looked up through a blur of tears. Jacob jogged to a stop in front of me. His big hand rested gently on my aching knee as he crouched down by me, huge and warm.

I clutched onto his hand like a drowning woman.