Hello! This is chapter four...sad to write, funerals are so hard, even though they bring the closure we all need. ;'( Also, sorry I'm such a sap. *giggles* Hope y'all like it! Thanks so much to Laura for her kind review! :D God bless y'all!
4. The Funeral
Tonks awoke on the couch much the same as she had the morning before.
Lupin was still sleeping in his chair by the little fireplace.
She looked around groggily, vaguely wondering what time it was.
The clock above the small fireplace read 9:00 a.m.
She had slept in way late.
She jumped up - they had to be at Hogwarts by ten o'clock a.m. She tried to concentrate only on what she had to do, right then, not the day itself.
She walked over to where Lupin was sleeping. She needed to wake him, but didn't want to. Didn't want to see the sad look in his eyes, didn't want him to feel pain. He looked so young when he was sleeping; all the sad lines of his face relaxed, peaceful.
An expression she'd rarely seen on his face when he was conscious.
For a moment she had a crazy, senseless impulse to just lie down next to him, to watch him stay there sleeping so peacefully. But she knew that wasn't really an option, so after another moment, she hesitantly spoke.
"Remus..." She said softly, putting a hand on his shoulder.
His eyes opened a bit, when he saw her standing there next to him and he jumped slightly.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." She apologized, "We have to get ready to go." She said gently.
Sadness filled his eyes, and he sighed, nodding.
He stood slowly, and pulled her into his arms.
"Hello." he said quietly.
"Wotcher." she said half-heartedly.
For a short, quiet time they held each other, unspeaking. She felt a sense of peace at being near him.
When the clock struck nine-fifteen, she reluctantly broke away.
And they went to get ready, Lupin insisting she change in the bedroom.
She resigned the argument rather quickly since she was in a hurry.
She changed into black robes she had Summoned from her room - she was glad that had worked and combed through her short pink hair, not bothering to look in the mirror.
Then she went to the kitchen, looking around to see Lupin already dressed, staring into the pantry.
She joined him silently, staring at the food neither of them wanted to eat.
She looked over at Lupin, "Are you hungry?"
"Not in the slightest." he replied.
"Me either." She sighed.
"How about we eat later, whenever we get hungry?" he suggested.
She nodded.
She was just turning away from the pantry when he caught her hand to keep her from leaving; she turned back, looking at him curiously.
He looked into her eyes for a moment and then took her into his arms.
"Thank you." She whispered.
"For what?" He asked.
"For giving up." She said around the lump in her throat.
"Thank you." He returned.
She smiled slightly, "What for?"
"For not giving up." He said quietly.
She seemed to have lost her speech capabilities, and simply held him tighter. Glad she could be here with him through this hard time, and glad to have him with her.
After a few minutes, they walked outside together through the enchantments around the house, and Disapparated to just outside the village of Hogsmeade.
She took his hand, and they walked silently through the sun-lit village to the gates of Hogwarts. Mad-Eye and Horace Slughorn were standing at the gates, making sure there wasn't anyone suspicious coming in.
Mad-Eye nodded in their direction, looking worn, but he raised his eyebrows when he saw their entwined hands. Judging by the look on his face, Lupin would later get the "If you hurt her I'll kill you myself" speech. Mad-Eye knew she could take care of herself, but it was Mad-Eye's way of caring to try and protect her, she'd learned.
She nodded back at him, and he clapped Lupin on the shoulder as they passed.
Slughorn tilted his head towards Lupin questioningly and she nodded, trying to give him a smile.
He smiled a bit and winked, patting her on the shoulder as they walked by.
"I didn't know you knew Slughorn." Lupin said quietly.
"Met him last year when I showed up for duty." She said vaguely, wondering if she was lying. I probably ought to tell him at some point, she thought guiltily. But what with the sadness overshadowing them all, such thoughts were quickly and easily forgotten.
The grounds were filled with witches and wizards of all ages come to pay their respects to such a great wizard. What was sad, she thought, was how many of them never knew what a good man he was.
Walking through the crowd, she saw familiar faces stricken with grief...
Minerva, Pomona, Filius, Fred, George, Charlie, and Fleur supporting a very weak looking Bill, who Madam Pomfrey was watching with a wary eye; Bill oughtn't to have been out of bed at all, but Tonks knew that this would be the only occasion in which Poppy would budge from her normally strict rules for her patients. Poppy seemed deflated, and her eyes sad and tired, and didn't speak to caution Fleur as she normally would have done as Bill and Fleur took seats next to each other on the sunlit grounds. Then she saw Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny.
She wondered if her heart had snapped when she saw Harry's face.
He looked devastated and so tired. Ginny had his hand clutched in hers, trying to comfort him some, she imagined.
She held Lupin's hand tighter in hers, as tears filled her eyes. He rubbed his thumb across the back of her hand gently. They sat down together, Lupin blinking in rapid succession when he saw the great white tomb at the front of the rows of chairs.
This felt unreal. Dumbledore was always the one who knew what to do. Who had good guesses as to what Voldemort would try next- Voldemort knew that and so he feared him. Now Voldemort had no one to fear. The thought chilled her to the bone. A few minutes of hushed conversations and people taking their seats went by.
Then the crowd fell silent, and turned in their seats to see Hagrid, silent tears streaming down his face, carrying Dumbledore's wrapped body in his arms.
Her tears spilled over, seeing Hagrid's tears, Dumbledore's body, feeling Lupin suddenly grip her hand tightly and hold on.
Hermione was sobbing with Ron's arm around her shoulders; Ron had tears in his eyes. Harry had tears falling fast; Ginny still had his hand held in hers, tears on her face too.
Even McGonagall had a handkerchief at her eyes; Pomona was sitting next to her crying, and patting her shoulder.
She looked up at Lupin and saw his tears running over, anguish plain on his face. She stopped her attempts to quell her tears and let them run over, ignoring them as a tiny old little wizard started to make his speech.
"It takes a great man to be a great wizard, and Albus Dumbledore was such a man. Just and fair were two things Dumbledore always stood behind, though he was one to err on the side of mercy, rather than punishment. He protected innocents, and fought for his beliefs. The loss of such a man, the death of such a powerful wizard does shock and sadden the Wizarding community at large. It is a great loss to be felt at such a terrible time. We must all stand together and protect those we love, as our beloved Headmaster did for so many years..."
He kept speaking, but she couldn't have told you what he said. She was crying too hard.
Lupin wrapped his arm around her shaking shoulders and she threw hers around him, needing him right then so much.
It was hard to believe Dumbledore was gone. The Order, she knew, would carry on his work, but Hogwarts, the Ministry, the Wizenmagot...These would suffer his absence harshly, and would change because they didn't have him to fight for their justice anymore. It was a sad day for Muggles too, though they did not know it.
The funeral passed in a blur of tears and kind words spoken by those who could speak clearly enough to stand and do so.
At the end, some people left, others stayed in their chairs, overcome and trying to comfort one another; Tonks and Lupin walked silently towards the white tomb, Tonks holding some white lilies.
They stood quietly for a moment, Tonks laying down her white lilies atop the now closed white tomb. Lupin was shaking, looking at Dumbledore's tomb with that horribly empty, sad look in his eyes.
She grasped his hand tighter, breaking him out of his reverie, and led him away.
Instead of Disapparating again, they walked down the grounds, each lost in their own thoughts. They ended up down the lake, Tonks watching the people from far away, wondering absently what the Minister was saying to Harry.
Lupin was staring at the ripples the spring breeze was making across the lake.
For a time, neither of them moved nor spoke.
Finally Tonks looked at Lupin. When she saw the grief on his face she was overcome with compassion for him.
"Let's get you home." She said softly.
He took her arm and they Disapparated back to Lupin's.
"Thank you Dora." he said, sounding weary.
He made as though to walk away.
Does he really think I'm going to leave?
"Remus..." She said, catching his arm. He turned to face her; the sadness in his eyes was heartbreaking.
"I'm not going to leave you alone right now." She said firmly.
His eyes were misty as he took her hand and walked with her to the door.
They settled silently on the sofa, hands still entwined.
She wanted to say something, to ease his burden somehow. But she didn't know how.
She leaned her head on his shoulder, wishing she could make this all stop. She felt so helpless; more than she ever had before.
This war was going to demand a terrible price from everyone. And Dumbledore's death, she feared, was only the beginning.
Tonks woke up at seven o'clock that evening. She blinked sleepily, her bearings slowly returning to her.
Her head was on a pillow in Lupin's lap, one of his hands was rested gently in her hair, the other on her shoulder; he was staring down at her with a tender, sad expression in his eyes. She stared up into them, losing track of time.
He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her up so she was sitting on his lap, and held her close.
After a little while, she pulled away a bit and looked into his eyes. She wanted to see how he was after the funeral today. He met her eyes and she was relieved to see that he was alright. Sad, but alright.
Their gazes held and slowly, with an unknown and inexplicably tender hesitance, his mouth met hers; his lips warming her inside and out. His hands entwined themselves in her hair and she wrapped hers around his neck.
His lips were gentle and sweet, and a peace settled blissfully over her.
After a few beautiful moments, they pulled apart.
After a minute, she spoke, "Sorry I fell asleep." She rubbed her eyes.
"Don't worry about it, I slept some too." He said.
Tonks looked closely at him and saw that he did look a bit less weary.
"I'm glad." She said, smiling a little.
"So, about dinner... What would you like?" She asked.
"Dora, how many times must I tell you that you don't need to cook for me?" He asked, half-exasperated, half-amused.
She pretended to think deeply for a moment, then answered, laughing a little, though she was serious...
"Probably a lot."
His mouth quirked up a bit at the corners. They were both still deeply sorrowed at the passing of their beloved friend and leader, but Tonks knew that what Lupin needed most now was normalcy. She could do that. He was trying to do the same, she could tell; they both saw through each others' attempts a bit, but appreciated them, and just stayed close to each other, drawing comfort from each others' company.
She stood up and stretched, then made her way to Lupin's kitchen.
He followed her, and looked in as she opened the refrigerator.
"Ahhh." She sounded pleased.
"What?" He asked curiously.
"Eggs - would you like an omelet?"
He laughed out loud and Tonks was delighted to hear the sound.
"Come on. Breakfast for dinner is fun." She insisted, though she was laughing with him. It felt good to be able to share a laughing moment with him after the day's sadness.
"Okay, I'll try it." He agreed, shrugging in an 'oh why not' sort of way.
She smiled and got the eggs out, setting them on the counter with the pan and some cheese.
He stepped up next to her and took out his wand as she had done.
"Let me - I don't mind." She insisted.
"Neither do I, as it happens." He said good-naturedly, "Have you ever done this before?"
"With magic? No. But how hard can it be?"
Oh, famous last words...
Twenty minutes later, it looked as though Tonks and Lupin had had a food fight. Tonks tried another egg, and she flicked her wand a tad too enthusiastically and it went flying, hit the ceiling (where half of them had ended up) and then fell unceremoniously on top of Lupin's head.
"I'm sorry Remus!" She exclaimed, trying to muffle her laughter, but he was laughing too. She stepped up on tip-toes and took the eggshell off of his head, still grinning.
She looked up at the ceiling and a bit of egg yolk landed smack on her forehead. She giggled.
He was smiling, an amused expression lighting his eyes as he reached out to wipe the egg yolk off her face.
But when he had done so, he started gently tracing her face. She closed her eyes as he ran his hand slowly down from her temple to her chin.
She opened them, smiling softly at him.
After Lupin convinced her to make the omelets the Muggle way, they finally ate.
They now went about cleaning up the mess they had made - with magic.
Though Lupin ended up being much better at the charm needed, she did try.
It was late when they had finished, and she needed to ask Lupin if she could stay here again as her parents were not back yet, but didn't want to impose again...
Maybe I'll go over to Diagon Alley...she thought to herself.
She came out of her thoughts to find Lupin staring at her across the kitchen, where she been putting away the last dish he had washed.
She blushed a bit...she wasn't used to this. Usually nothing unsettled her...but Lupin…He was…well - different for her.
"Dora, there's something I want to say..." His eyes held that all too familiar look of guilt.
"If you're marrying me just because you feel sorry for me...I don't want that." He said quietly.
"Will you never understand Remus?" She exclaimed, more angrily than she'd meant to.
"Understand what?" He asked.
For a smart man, he really was the most oblivious.
"That I love you, you crazy man!" Again, that was a bit more yelling than she'd been going for.
She lowered her voice, "I love you, more than I've ever loved anything. More than I thought it was possible to love anyone. And I wish that you could just accept that. Because it's never going to go away." She said, looking straight into his eyes as she spoke.
He looked surprised...
"How come you always look so surprised? I've told you a million times-"
"I know. It just seems too good to be true. Like when I was at Hogwarts, it seemed too good to be true that James and Sirius didn't mind me being a werewolf." He said, his eyes sad.
"But it wasn't too good to be true. They stayed your best friends.
You couldn't get rid of them, and, sorry to break it to you, but you can't get rid of me so easily either."
She said, resolved.
"I just...I want you to be happy, Dora." He said huskily.
"I am happy, Remus. I'm happiest when I'm with you." She said softly.
He had walked towards her as she was speaking.
Their gazes met and held; she took two steps towards him involuntarily. She reached up and touched his temple, trailing her hand slowly, ever so gently, down his face. He cupped the side of her face in his hand, and her breath caught.
His lips met hers more desperately than last time. She lost herself to it, knew nothing of this world but Lupin, his arms wrapped around her, and hers around him. She kissed him harder when his arms tightened, and joy was an all-consuming force she was engulfed in.
After a few minutes, that pulled part to catch their breath.
She looked up and Lupin,
"I love you so much." He said quietly.
"Remus," She said softly, but before she got any farther than that he was kissing her again.
She kissed him back fiercely, wishing she could take away his doubt; he pulled her closer in his arms, and kissed her even more passionately and she groaned. He deepened the kiss, and he was everywhere, she didn't feel anything that wasn't him.
She was could hardly breathe, but didn't let him go, she gasped when he picked her up without breaking the kiss. He breathed in as she had breathed out, then she breathed in as he breathed out.
She was crying from the joy and tenderness of this moment.
He carried her to the couch and sat them down, her on his lap, and continued to kiss her. Just when she thought she wouldn't be able to draw another breath, he broke away, both of them gasping for air.
He kissed her nose, her eyelids, her cheeks, her hair, her neck, and her forehead then pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly. Their breath was slowing a bit, and they sat, time frozen, just the two of them together was all there was in the world.
She sat happily in his arms, thinking that it would be alright if this moment lasted forever.
