Thantophobia-fear of losing someone you love
"They're both very important to me..."
I open my eyes quickly to find myself on the sofa. Just another nightmare and nothing more. Funny really, I can hear Al saying it but it doesn't feel real, like it's just a line from one of his movies or a video game yet who is he talking to? Talking about?
Me?
No, I doubt it, he wouldn't. Sure we're brothers but I'd never think he'd say that about me. Perhaps Arthur at one point he would have but even then it wouldn't have been out loud. It's now that I hear a sudden loud thud from the kitchen. It's either Al being stupid or Kumajirou looking for food. Anyway I walk in to investigate none the less and I stop dead in my tracks.
My mind can't even start to comprehend what I see in front of me. "Alfred?" I blink, it's not real it can't be. "Alfred this isn't funny!" I screech out taking a step forward seeing him lying motionless in a pool of blood. It's a stupid prank, a joke for Halloween but I'm not laughing. "Please..." I manage as I fall to my knees pulling his head up into my arms, his blue eyes are so cold and lifeless. "Al, wake up."
"They can't hear me anymore, so I'll tell you in all honesty...They're very important to me."
His screaming is almost deafening and could give you a damn heart attack if you're not prepared for it. Luckily I guess you could say I've heard this before. Nearly every night this month he's been here, and every night the same screaming right at two in the morning. Still I run to his room right next to mine, with the same kind of feeling in my chest. "Mattie." I call out trying not to scare him anymore than he already is.
The moment I'm in his bed, his arms are wrapped tightly around my neck, his head buried in my chest. Quietly he starts to sob and in return I just hold him in the dark.
Again I've come to expect this, soon I figure he'll go back to sleep but tonight I hear something among his cries.
"I love you."
I smile warmly. "I love you too bro." I answer as he lifts his head.
His eyes are blood shot as tears continue to fall. "I..." He stops short, his face showing the inward struggle he's having that he can't seem to put into words. I want to understand and he wants to tell me but he can't. Finally he opens his mouth again and I hear something I thought I'd never hear ever again. "They're very important to me."
I freeze. My eyes lock with his and I have to say something so finally it comes out. "You won't lose me." I pull him close into a tight embrace only now realizing how much both of us are shaking. He couldn't have heard me. He was gone, his heart stopped...I held his hand until finally mine did as well. "And you are." I say, my voice cracking as tears stream down my cheek. "You're so damn important to me and I do love you."
I lost him so many times over that fucking year but I'll never let him know it. Let it be a nightmare but please god...don't let him remember it. I'm the hero after all and can, no will bear the burden alone.
"Shh Mattie." I say again thankful to hear his breathing even out. "It was just a dream..."
