Jim just might be losing his mind after watching one too many movies. Still don't own anything.


Movie Night Aboard the Enterprise

Mission: Movie Night

Objective: Find the Kiwi in the Haystack Before Time Runs Out

"There's no way." Blue eyes bulged at the face frozen on the screen. "No fucking way." The bowl of popcorn tumbled out of Jim's lap and onto the floor where it stayed for nearly an hour until Spock entered the room. He bent and picked it up, discarding it in the trash, before going through to the bedroom, where he found Jim in white, regulation boxers; five PADD's scattered around him on the bed.

"Are you well?" Spock asked moving closer to the bed scanning Jim for any discrepancies. Beside the bandage wrapped around Jim's torso, everything seemed fine. Jim's head shot up at the sound of Spock's voice, his golden locks more unruly than usual, and he bolted off of the bed, nearly falling from the pain shooting through his side. Spock caught him easily. "You must rest, Jim. Dr. McCoy would not have ordered you to rest unless your injuries were serious." He sat Jim on the bed again, pushing the PADD's out of the way.

"I know Spock, and I'm taking it easy -really, I am- but I was watching this movie and then I saw Bones and I was all like that's not possible, but then I watched a bunch of other movies and there he was again, all growly and shit and, God I have a headache." He slapped his palm to his head, taking a deep breath.

Spock quirked his brow, staring curiously at his t'hy'la. "I believe you hit your head harder than previously suspected. I will call Dr. McCoy-" Jim shot up and grabbed Spock's wrist, stopping him from moving to the comm.

"Don't call Bones, Spock. My head's fine, I promise." He turned around and scooped a couple PADD's off of the bed, thrusting them into Spock's hands. "Look at those and tell me what you see."

Spock scanned the two PADD's furrowing his brow the longer he looked at them. After a few minutes he looked up at Jim, his brown eyes filled with question. "What you imply is impossible, Jim. However, the resemblance is uncanny."

"I know, right? And look," He bent over and scooped up another PADD. "I tried to trace a genealogy, but apparently I don't have the right information or something because it keeps telling me that it's impossible. Nothing's impossible if I can date your ancestry back to Roman times."

"Excuse me?" Spock asked in monotone.

Jim gulped. "I think that's a conversation for another time, right now we have a Kiwi to interrogate." He shuffled over to his dresser and threw on sweats and a wife-beater.

"A kiwi is a type of Terran fruit and therefore is incapable of speech." Jim slapped his hand to his face again.

"Yes, Spock, a kiwi is a type of fruit, but we're talking about the human type here."

"I am unsure of what you mean."

Jim groaned. "Alright," he breathed deeply, "I'm only saying this once, so listen carefully, people from New Zealand are referred to as Kiwi's."

"Fascinating."

Jim shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. Now can we go find Bones? He's got some 'splainin' to do."

They walked in silence through the halls, nodding at the crew members they passed, and made it to sick bay just as Chapel was walking through the doors. When she saw them she stopped, worried. "Is there something wrong Captain?"

"Nope, nothin's wrong here; just coming to see what the good doctor's up to. Where are you headed?" Jim hedged, smiling when she said she was off to lunch. "Enjoy your meal, Christine."

She smiled, turning to walk away. "Thanks, Captain."

Once she was around the corner Jim's smile turned into a sneer. "We've got you now, Urban."

As they stepped through the doors, Spock tried to reason with Jim. "There is a logical explanation for this, Jim. It is prudent that you do not make assumptions."

"What other explanation could there be other than Bones being a spy from the 21st century?" Jim whispered harshly, tip-toeing towards McCoy's office.

Spock stopped and quirked his eyebrow. "You do not find that theory illogical?"

"Shh, Spock. We're trying to sneak up on him!" Just as Jim reached out to open the door, a throat cleared behind them.

"What the hell are you doing?" Bones asked, his brown eyes glittered with a mix of annoyance and amusement.

"Shit!" Jim cursed under his breath. He stood up from his crouched position and smiled at his friend. "Just wanted to surprise you, Bonesy!"

"I thought I put you on bed rest! What are you doing down here? You hurting?" He seemed genuinely worried, but Jim wasn't buying it, he was an actor after all.

Jim shrugged. "I'm fine, just wanted to see you, that's all."

The doctor looked at him suspiciously. "Well, I was off to have lunch, so if you want to-"

"NO!" Jim exclaimed, making Bones jump. "I- I mean, I don't want the crew to see me like this, all weak and shit. Couldn't we just eat in your office?"

The suspicion never left McCoy's chocolate orbs. "Uhh, I guess." He walked passed them to the door, keying in his code. "You guys can sit in here and I'll be right back after I get my-" Just as the door opened Jim pushed Bones into the office. "What the hell are you doing, Jim?" He was murderous, watching as the captain keyed in an over ride code, locking them in room. Spock stood silently off to the side. "Dammit Spock, why are you just standing there? Jim's gone crazy!"

Jim growled. "Don't talk to him! This is between you and me, imposter!"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Bones barreled, slamming a fist down onto his desk. "If this is some kind of joke, I'd advise you to cut the shit now before I seriously get pissed."

Jim's laugh was harsh. "You can't fool me anymore, Mr. Urban. I know your true identity!" With this he ripped the PADD off of Bones' desk and typed furiously, bringing up the evidence he had accumulated. He shoved it into the doctor's hands. "How are you going to get yourself out of this one? Hmm?"

Bones looked over the material, a smirk working its way across his mouth; he covered it before Jim caught it. After reading all of Jim's so-called evidence he looked up at Jim in bemusement. "So, you're telling me, you think that because I look like an actor from the 21st century, I'm obviously a time travelling imposter?"

Jim nodded sharply. "So, you admit it?"

Bones held up a hand. "Wait, let me get this right. I'm Karl Urban from the 21st century, an actor, but that's just my cover, in actuality, I'm a time travelling spy sent aboard the Enterprise to take you down?" He said it slowly so that Jim could fully understand what he was implying. A flicker of uncertainty flashed across Jim's eyes before they hardened again.

His cheeks flushed in fury. "I know what you're trying to do and it's not going to work!"

Bones threw his hands up in defense. "I'm not trying to do anything Jim. Haven't you thought that maybe he's my great-great-great-great-great-grandfather or something?"

"I thought about it, but when I tried to trace your ancestry it said I needed more information." He seemed to be breaking.

Bones huffed. "So, the next logical conclusion was-"

Jim groaned in realization. "God, don't say it again, it's going to make me sound like an even bigger douche."

Heaving a sigh of relief, McCoy dropped into his desk chair, crossing his legs on the desk. "So, what made you realize that I look like this Urban guy?"

"Well, I was watching this movie, "Pathfinder", because there was nothing better to do, and that dude is in it. There was this attack scene where he's running and has this growly face and I nearly choked on popcorn when I realized he looks exactly like you! After that I went on my PADD and searched for everything this Karl Urban dude had ever done and the more I saw his face, the more convinced I was. Then, Spock showed up and I kind of went crazy." Jim looked down in embarrassment.

Bones just laughed. "It's alright, Jim. Everyone goes a little crazy sometimes."

"I know, but this is just too much! I mean, how could I even think you could pull off blonde hair? That's just ridiculous!" Still looking down, Jim missed McCoy's sudden frown. "I'm just gonna go back to my room and sleep this off."

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea." Without another word Jim left, leaving Spock and Bones alone in the small office. Once he was out of range, Bones shot up and rounded his desk, standing nervously before Spock. "Do you think he's convinced?"

Spock nodded. "It seems like he is. Good thing too, because I about pissed myself when he showed me all of the 'evidence' he found. God, Karl, what were you thinking? I thought you said all our movies were deleted from EXISTANCE!" Spock's face was contorted in anger and concern.

Karl calmed him with a hand to his shoulder. "Calm down, Zach. Nobody will know. Once we succeed in our mission, it won't matter anyway." Spock –or Zach- nodded his head.

"You better be right about this, man."


Jim shot up from the couch in a cold sweat, his breaths labored. Spock looked up from where he sat reading in the chair, concern surging through their bond. "Are you well, t'hy'la?" He asked, putting down the PADD and sitting beside Jim.

"I just had the strangest dream. I seriously need to stop watching those Karl Urban movies. And that Heroes show Sulu loves so much."