Chapter Four
A few weeks passed by. Brendan began to wonder what life was like before Stephen was in it. As a rule, he never let his lovers get too close to him and yet somehow Stephen had wormed his way in. It wasn't just attraction and intrigue anymore, as it had mainly been to start with. Brendan felt a certain level of affection for the boy, as well as an ever-growing sense of protectiveness.
He had been looking for Vinnie for all this time as well but there was no luck yet. In a sadistic way, Brendan was glad. He didn't wish the boy harm, far from it, but anything that kept Stephen with him that little bit longer was a bonus. Plus… Brendan didn't like the sound of Vinnie's attentions towards Stephen. It made him feel tense at the thought of someone else occupying Stephen's heart. His body was a hurdle Brendan simply had to deal with, but the idea of someone holding Stephen at night, being his confidant, seeing him smile every day… no. Brendan didn't want someone else to swoop in and take that away from him.
It was irrational of course; they'd only known each other a few weeks really but it felt as though they'd known each other a lifetime. Stephen came out with him each day to work, unless he was situated in the office, which was rare in itself. He had been quiet at first on their drives but now that he knew Brendan a little better, he was a chatty little bastard.
Sometimes he would even help catching people out; not that Brendan would ever tell his boss this. He played several roles: the minx, who purred and batted his eyelashes to warm people up before Brendan hit them with the tough questioning. The confidante: who pretended he was held in custody too with a wink and a "what you in for?" And Brendan's favourite, the sassy one, who had a comeback for everything and a disapproving scowl that he fixed at criminals with deadly precision.
Brendan often found himself wondering about the boy; about how he had gotten into that way of life. He wouldn't tell him anything though. Brendan tried a few times in bed at night but Stephen would simply turn away from him and push back against him, prompting a natural conclusion that left Brendan wondering what his question was in the first place.
He sometimes wondered how Stephen saw their arrangement. He had used sex for gain for such a long time, how did that distinguish from what they were doing? Brendan knew he felt like he owed him by staying with him but it couldn't be farther from the truth. Brendan owed him, for coming into his life and lighting it up and making Brendan crazy, in a good way.
He tried to talk to him again after they'd just had a rather vigorous time together somewhere in the kitchen. Stephen had crawled over to the bed, slumping down on his pillow and closing his eyes. Brendan snuck up on him, kissing his neck and nibbling his earlobe playfully. Stephen giggled, batting him away.
"Sleep now" he said reasonably. "It's late"
"No fair" Brendan murmured, resting his hand on his neck, stroking the soft strands of hair there.
"Bren…" Stephen mumbled. He'd taken to calling him that sometimes.
Brendan sighed, withdrawing his hand. "I just wanna talk"
"About what?" Stephen asked, curling in on himself.
"You" Brendan said plainly. "I don't know anything about ye!"
Stephen stiffened in his arms. "Nothing to tell"
"Bullshit" Brendan said, attempting to turn him over. Stephen remained unmoveable. "Come on, Stephen"
Stephen shuffled away from him in the bed. "I'm tired"
Brendan sighed, rubbing his temple agitatedly. "I just want to know more about ye, is that so bad?"
Silence.
"Stephen?"
Stephen twitched a little. He wasn't asleep.
"Fine" Brendan crossed his arms, staring resolutely at the ceiling. A few moments later, he felt Stephen's arm across his belly, his head on his shoulder. He looked up at him with doe eyes, soft and sad. Brendan already felt his frustration ebbing away.
"I don't mean to pry" he told him quietly. "I just want to know who ye are"
"Why?"
Brendan considered this. "I like ye, a lot. I want ye to…" Brendan frowned.
"Stick around?" Stephen asked, a smile gracing his lips.
"Yeah" Brendan said, nodding.
Stephen's eyebrows knitted together momentarily. "I can tell you that… my last name is Hay. I used to live in Chester and then I moved here, to London. I have…" Stephen paused then. "I have children"
Brendan looked at him in complete surprise. "Ye do?"
Stephen nodded. "Boy and a girl. They're my… everything" Stephen's expression was blank. He was hiding something.
"Where are they now?" Brendan asked carefully.
"With their mother"
"Do ye see them?"
"Not often" Stephen replied, his jaw tightening.
"What happened?"
"I…" he stopped short. "It's hard to talk about"
Brendan gave him a gentle squeeze. "Go on"
Stephen sighed. "Me and Amy, their mother, we had a… tricky time of it" Stephen looked down at his fingernails. "I did some things I'm not proud of. But in the end, we worked things out and we're friends now, the best of friends. Or we were"
Brendan remained silent, allowing him to continue.
"I couldn't get a job, no one believed in me enough I guess. I worked as a chef for a bit but the owner got into some trouble and that all fell through. So then I started… you know. Amy hated it. But what other choice was there? I couldn't let them starve, could I? But she just couldn't accept it, it was too dangerous for her and the kids. She told me to go out on my own for a while and sort myself out. Obviously I refused and she got really mad, forced me out. So I came here, Danny found me out, I met Vinnie… then he… disappeared. Now I'm just hanging on, seeing the kids every few months and giving them whatever I can and using the rest to eat" Stephen took a deep breath. "Once again I've said far too much"
"No" Brendan shook his head, his voice hoarse. "Ye have had a terrible time"
"Yeah" Stephen closed his eyes, his lashes wet with unshed tears.
Brendan cleared his throat. "I have kids too"
Stephen opened his eyes in surprise. "Yeah?"
"Two boys" Brendan said, thinking of them fondly. "They're back in Ireland with their mother"
"Rough break up?"
"Ye could say that" Brendan sighed.
"What are we like, eh?" Stephen laughed.
"Least we-" Brendan cut himself off, feeling foolish.
"Least we what?" Stephen grinned. "Have each other?"
Brendan rolled his eyes. "Don't get soft now"
"You'll be saying you love me next" Stephen giggled. Brendan smiled, saying nothing. "Can we sleep now then?"
"Mm I suppose"
Stephen kissed the tip of his nose sweetly. "Night, Bren"
He turned over, pulling Brendan's arm with him. He fell asleep quickly but Brendan remained awake for some time, thinking over Stephen's words.
The next morning, Brendan was woken up by his phone ringing. He slipped out of bed, padding over to his jacket and fishing it out of his pocket.
"Brady" he said gruffly. It was his colleague from work, he had news about Vinnie, finally.
"It's not good news, mate…"
Brendan gritted his teeth. "Go on"
Xxx
Ste woke up to a hand on his scalp, stroking his hair away from his face. He looked up sleepily at Brendan, feeling himself smile contently.
"Hey, you" he said softly.
Brendan smiled tightly back at him. There was something wrong. His eyes were clouded, troubled. Ste sat up quickly in bed, shaking Brendan's hand away.
"What is it?"
"I had a phone call about Vinnie…" Brendan began carefully.
Ste felt a lump rising in his throat. "Yeah?"
"My mate had some contacts in the area where ye said ye had seen Vinnie last. It didn't take long after that to find out what happened, but he's been away ye see and-"
"Just tell me, Brendan" Ste said tightly.
"I'm sorry, Stephen. He died"
Ste felt himself exhale and then the next thing he knew, he was lying in Brendan's lap, blinking in confusion.
"Ye passed out" Brendan told him. He was stroking his hair again.
"Are you sure?" Ste asked and he knew Brendan realised he wasn't talking about passing out.
"Positive. They found him some time ago, his family were informed once they found them. They had a little funeral for him in his hometown"
"Liverpool" Ste said shakily.
"We can go there, if ye want. Talk to them, visit him"
Ste remained numb, unable to respond.
"Danny's gonna pay for this" Brendan said suddenly and Ste looked at him in surprise.
"Did you care about him too? Was it the same guy?"
Brendan bowed his head. "My mate sent a picture. Same guy" his knuckles whitened where they clung to Ste's t-shirt.
"Stay away from Danny" Ste muttered darkly.
"I can't do that"
"You're a policeman, you have to. Can you arrest him?"
Brendan shook his head furiously. "No proof. He covered his tracks well"
Ste took a moment to let this sink in.
"Hey, ye will be alright, won't ye?" Brendan asked, resuming the action of his hand. "I can get ye something if ye want, something to eat?"
Ste shook his head. "Not hungry"
"Ye gotta eat something though"
"Have you?"
"I'm alright, ye need the food more than me"
Ste sighed, an idea taking hold of him. "We haven't got anything in"
"I can pop to the shop across the road" Brendan said reasonably. "What do ye fancy?"
"Anything"
"Alright, I won't be long, yeah?" Brendan hesitated before kissing Ste's forehead. Ste closed his eyes, the tears beginning to fall. He brushed them away hastily as Brendan went through the door. He went to the window, watching him cross the street. Once he was safely inside the shop, Ste hastily re-dressed himself and fled.
