DOC MARTIN IN OWNED BY BUFFALO PICTURES, I OWN NOTHING

Authors Note: I thought I would publish this a day early as an apology for posting the last one so late! Please Review :D

CHAPTER FOUR: Confession

The rest of the evening did not go without hiccups; throughout dinner conversation was somewhat subdued due to the amount of tension between the hosts. No longer where they sat next to each other as before, but diagonally opposite so as not to be directly in each other's eye lines. Once dessert was finished with Martin was adamant that he would not take part in the game of charades and would wash up instead. Louisa who had a few glasses of wine by this time was convinced she could persuade Martin to take part, so she got the guests started on the game and then sidled over to Martin.

'I think you need to make it up to me Martin', smiled Louisa although she was deadly serious, the lack of compliments and vast amounts of insults had happened over the course of the evening Martin meant in her eyes that he needed to redeem himself. Martin, unsure if Louisa was joking or not just continued to wash up making the excuse that he was no good at games and that needed to get the dishes done. Louisa decided to push it; she thought she had more persuasive skills than she did. After a few more minutes of unpersuasive persuasion Martin snapped 'For goodness sake Louisa, your powers of persuasion are less than adequate and especially after you consumed alcohol, with which you really do become wholly unattractive. I hate it when you drink, you really will age prematurely if you don't give it up. So go and enjoy the evening before they realise that you are trying to bully me into something I do not want to do'.

Shocked and appalled at the disregard for her feelings and insults to her drinking habits, Louisa stormed down the steps into the lounge. On her arrival she plastered a smile onto her face, telling her guests that her 'darling' Martin would join them as soon as he had finished cleaning up. As Martin continued to wash up, the dinner guests thinking he wanted to be involved; kept throwing questions of what the film could be. After a lot of 'how would I bloody know', 'well this is just stupid' and 'stop asking inane questions', the game shortly finished.

Louisa ushered out their merry dinner guests with Martin stood several feet behind her; grunting as they wished him a happy birthday, the men shaking his hand and the women attempting to reach the great height of his cheek to give him a kiss. Once everyone had stepped over the threshold to greet the outside world, Louisa smiled waved and quietly closed the door.

Leaning her head lightly against the wood, she could finally drop the smile she had plastered to her face for the evening in order to pretend that everything was fine and that everyone should be enjoying Martin's big day as much as she was. Wrapping one arm around her waist and holding up the hair from the back of her head, tears began to roll silently down her cheeks, dropping off her chin onto her new dress.

Louisa couldn't believe that what could have been a pleasant few hours in the company of friends celebrating with the man she loved had gone so horribly wrong. Why did everything go wrong when she and Martin were together? Perhaps they were just not meant to be together. She hated the idea of that though; Louisa couldn't imagine her life without her bumbling, socially awkward, shy, gruff, monosyllabic, well-meaning but rude Martin Ellingham. The thing was, she found herself wanting to change things about him, and maybe this meant that she couldn't love him for the way he was. Realising what this meant Louisa, turned from the front door with tears still streaming down her face, only to realise Martin had been stood behind her the whole time.

Martin didn't know much about women or what went on in Louisa's head. But he did know that he hated it when she was upset, and most of the times that she was upset- he was the cause. Taking her hand in his, all he could do was stare at the floor. Breathing deeply he built up his confidence to look Louisa in the eye, yet when he was fully and completely ready to look her in the eye to tell her how much he cared for her, she couldn't meet his eye. Louisa knew it took Martin a long time to break the hard outer shell of his personality to unlock his emotions stuck inside. But she couldn't help thinking it was too little too late. She wanted him to tell her all the time how nice she looked, how much he loved her, how much she meant to him and how he wouldn't be able to cope without her. But nothing, nothing… he would say nothing to her. Every so often she would see past his solid exterior through his eyes, straight into his soul and she could see the vast amount he loved her. But this time she couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye, in case she saw that this had all been a huge mistake. A whole fairy tale she had made up in her head. That look of love in his eyes was her imagination and that he was just looking because he was trying to work her out.

Martin knew that he had to act now and he had to do something fast, hoping that a kiss might be a suitable attempt at showing her his love. Still holding her hand, he whispered her name but she wouldn't look at him. Perhaps she didn't want to let him see her cry, was she being a silly female trying to be more masculine and not show weakness. Martin used his free hand to put a finger under Louisa's chin to make her look at him. Once she had raised her tear stained face towards his, he went in for the kiss that he hoped would solve all their problems. Just as Martin's lips reached Louisa's lips she did not kiss him back only whispered 'it's no good trying to be romantic now Martin'.

Martin blinked, questioning Louisa not with his words but with the look in his eyes. Louisa now firmly looking at him in the eyes, knowing he would not be able to sway her and continued speaking.

'Martin, I know you mean well with the things you do for me. But often I find the things you say very insulting, you don't seem to show how you feel until it is too late. I mean you have even proved it tonight, only when I show extreme emotion do you show a miniscule amount. I can never seem to work out what you are thinking and I wish I understood your mind and the way it worked as I am sure I would not get half as offended if I do. But you always say the wrong thing and you never compliment me or anything I do. I appreciate that you find it difficult to show your emotions and had a difficult childhood and had a lack of love in your life. But I need to be shown once in a while, that you care and make an attempt to show that you love me. I love you with all my heart Martin, but I feel so unappreciated and unloved sometimes that I want to scream at you to make you see. Sometimes the remarks you make about me; like the ones this evening really upset me because it seems that you say anything that comes into your head. Often I have to stop and wonder if you have ever loved me. Then you seem to say something that makes me stay. I even moved in here and attempted to make a life with you, but now I really don't know if that was the right decision. I think I have made a huge mistake putting my trust in you…'

Louisa couldn't continue, she was crying too much to speak. She didn't even think she could face Martin, but she forced herself to look back into his eyes, look back at the face that she used to love unconditionally.

Martin's face couldn't have been more different to the emotions he was feeling inside. He wanted to sweep her up in his arms and prove that he loved her more and more every day since the day where they met on the plane flying into Portwenn all those years ago. She was more beautiful than ever tonight and he really appreciated the effort she always made, making him feel like he deserved her love, making him feel that life was worth living together. He wanted to tell her that everything she does is appreciated and the moments they spend together are golden and will stay with him forever, because she is the most special woman that he has ever met and has never and will never love anyone as much as he loves her.

But his exterior was concrete, an unemotional barrier, a non-interpretable expression. Uncoupling her hand from his and taking his hand from her waist, a touch which would a few hours ago melted her heart and set her soul on fire now left her cold and full of regret. Louisa turned, not even attempting to wipe her eyes and set off upstairs.

When Martin heard her come down the stairs, Louisa had her coat on and a suitcase in her hand. She walked into the lounge area where he was sitting; Martin was still unable to communicate his emotions though he desperately wished he could. Touching him on the shoulder, she said in a voice that sounded like her heart was breaking with every word; 'Martin, I love you, but I cannot do this anymore. I need to feel appreciated, I need to feel loved. Please don't follow me or contact me for a while, I need some time alone. It doesn't matter how hard I try, I just can't…I can't…goodbye Martin'.

The last time Martin saw Louisa was the flick of her long dark hair swishing in the wind as she took one last look at him from where she stood in front of the open door. Louisa then closed the door and was engulfed by the darkness of the bitterly cold night…