Hi,
there is the fourth chapter. I hope you like it and please leabe an Review.
Disclaimer - I don't own Victorious
It feels like an eternity passed before the tears start to dry on my cheeks.
Cat and Vega locked the doors of the girls' restroom so nobody would notice my breakdown.
I am so ashamed of my own actions in Sikowitz' classroom earlier. I don't know what's gotten into me that made me threaten Beck - the love of my life - with a scissor.
I just can't believe that I was willing to hurt him just because he said that he's not scared of me. I should be happy about it but I am not. I always was but not anymore.
"Calm down, Jadey", Cat strokes my hair. I was still holding onto her tightly. "I am sure Beck is not mad at you."
"I pointed my scissor to his neck", I sob loudly. "He has every reason to hate me!"
"Why did you do it anyway?", Vega asks me, quietly.
She was sitting besides me on the floor, staring at the door. It was very obvious that she felt uncomfortable around me.
I guess she doesn't like it when people cry in general. I am just the same, I never know what to do or say than not that I cared enough for anyone besides Cat to want to cheer them up.
"I don't know, Vega", I call out. "I am confused, okay? I guess I was okay with the fact that he is not scared of me when we were still a couple. Now that we are broken up, it bothers me. He was the only person who was not afraid of me and I lost him."
"I thought you wanted him back", she raises an eyebrow. "Did you change your mind?"
She sounded honestly shocked that I would even consider something like.
"No of course not", I call out desperate. "I love Beck. I can't image being without him."
"That's so cute", Cat giggles, clapping her hands happily. "You are such an amazing couple."
"We were", I correct her, looking at my feet. "We were an amazing couple."
"But Jadey you said that everything is going to be fine", my best friend looks at me, sad.
"I know and it is", I get up. "It will just take a while."
"Jade is right, Cat", Tori nods, pulling Cat to her feet. "You know that Beck loves Jade just as much as she loves him. They are going to get back together, I promise. It's just that now is not the right time for it."
"What do you mean, Tori?", Cat asks her, confused.
"They just broke up", she tells her but looks at me while speaking. "Maybe it is still to early for them to talk about their problems. They probably just have to sort things out for themself first."
"Do you think?", my best friend sounds so concerned that it almost hurts to look at her.
"Yes", Vega nods, hugging her. "Their pain and anger are still to fresh to keep their feelings under control."
Cat just nods and than both look at me. "Do you want me to fix your make-up?"
"As long as I don't look like an monster afterwards", I tease her, referring to the one time Cat did Toris make-up and used grizzly glue by accident. She almost ruined the whole play as Vega was supposed to play a beautiful girl and not an horrible monster.
"I won't", she giggles, remembering too. "I promise."
I just let her drag me to the make-up room and try to relax while she does my make-up.
Right in the for the next class she is done and I look at myself quickly.
It's amazing how Cat covered my red puffy eyes and flushed cheeks and made it appear so artless.
When we walk out of the make-up room, Tori arrives with coffee and cupcakes we sent her out to get.
Later when I am on my way to the asphalt café, someone grabs me from behind and pulls me into the janitor's closet.
I was caught off guard and had no time to react before I was pushed against the now closed door.
I glare at Beck angry ready to throw every insult I knew at him in rage but he had already pressed his lips to mine again.
I know I should push him away and leave immediately.
Reality looks different though so I kiss him back.
His lips on mine feel the same as always, I just can't think straight. His touch is driving me crazy - Beck is.
I know this is wrong but I don't stop him from slowly removing my clothes. I want it just as much as he does.
I admit that having sex with my ex in the janitor's closet during lunch break may not be the best idea but it felt good so it can't be wrong.
"I am going to pick my stuff up later", I inform Beck as I get dressed again.
"I'll be home", he nods, not looking at me.
Without another word I go the asphalt café and sit with the others after getting me something to eat. Beck follows after a few minutes.
"Where have you two been?", Andre asks, courious.
"What makes you think we were together?", I hiss at him, trying to cover up my embarassement.
"Your lipstick is smeared", he smirks at me, pointing to Becks neck. "And Beck has a huge hickey in the same color."
"You were hooking up in the janitor's closet again?", Rex groans. "Robbie still has nightmares about it."
"So you both are back together?", Cat calls, immediately hugging us tightly.
"No", Beck tells her, patting her back. "We are not."
"But you had sex", she frowns, looking between us.
"Yes but that doesn't mean we are a couple again", I explain her, sighing.
"I don't understand", my best friend mutters pulling away from Beck and me.
"You don't have to", Andre tells her. "I think Jade and Beck don't understand it either."
"Jade dumped me", Beck glares at me, bitter. "There is nothing complicated to it."
"You dumped me", I hiss at him, getting up angry.
"You are an crazy bitch", he snaps, mirroring my moves. "Your jealousy is really annoying."
"So you'd prefer if I simply didn't care?", I accuse him.
Why doesn't he understand that I am just so jealous because I love him?
"No of course not", he groans, walking closer to me. "But I never really gave you a reason to be jealous."
"You had girls all over you", I step back. "They were flirting with you nonstop and you did nothing against it."
"What should I have done in your opinion?", he asks me frustrated. "I never did something against it because it didn't matter to me. I was with you. I already had the girl I love so they could do what they wanted because it wasn't important to me."
I quickly turn around as I feel tears burning in my eyes again. I just grab my bag quickly and storm off to my car, getting in and driving home.
I couldn't stand this anymore. He was blaming me for everything. I wasn't the only one in our relationship that made mistakes. Sure I am bitchy there is no point in denying it, I could even accept it if that scared him away. I can't accept him dumping me because of my jealousy. I had every right to be afraid of losing him. He is perfect.
Once I arrive at home, I pack some stuff for my sleepover at Cat's tonight. I than go to take a bath, trying to get my mind off things but no matter how loud I turn the radio it just won't overtune my thoughts.
I don't understand why something like that happened. Beck and I we fought all the time it was a part of our relationship in some twisted way. We fought so we could make up again but yesterday something was different.
It's all Sinjins fault with his stupid game show. If these stupid people hadn't chosen us as the worst couple, none of this would have happend.
I just have to somehow manage to talk to Beck so he understands it too.
I need to tell him tonight when I am going to pick my stuff up. The problem is just that we seem to be unable to have a talk at the moment. The last two tries ended in tears from my part and the third time we just had sex without talking at all.
I remember Vegas words from earlier what she said to Cat and me. Now is not the best time for a conversation so I better wait a few days but just because Beck and I can't talk doesn't mean that I am leaving my stuff there too.
I will go to his RV, grab my stuff and leave without any distractions that's the plan. I only hope that it works as easy as it sounds.
