Chapter 4 – Tris's 15th birthday

I was laying in bed. I was still mad at Dad, and he had no clue. Caleb came by to check on me, and told me Dad did the one thing I asked him not to do: throw a birthday party. I didn't want to go downstairs, and asked Caleb to tell Dad I had a migraine or Ebola or some shit. What did Dad think? That I would just flip out, be happy, forgive him for being such an asshole? No, sir!

I picked up my phone, and dialed mom's number. It didn't take long for her to answer.

"Tris, what is wrong, baby?"

"Mom, when you coming home?" I asked her, hoping she would be home soon.

"I'm on my way. Did something happen?" she asked concerned.

"Dad threw a party," I've told her.

"What? I've told him not to," Mom said angry. "I'll be right home, baby girl."

We hung up, and I turned around in my bed, facing the wall now. I had no intention to leave my room, let alone go downstairs. But apparently, my wishes are completely disregarded in this house, because not five minutes later my door opened. I didn't bother to turn around. Whoever it was, I didn't care.

"Tris, why don't you come downstairs?" came Dad's voice. He sounded hopeful. I know that he had been trying to mend things, but I was still so upset. I couldn't help it, especially since he still thought he did me a favor by not keeping me grounded anymore.

"I'm tired," came my muffled voice. I tried to hide the contempt, but I wasn't sure it worked.

"Come on, sweetheart. There are some people here to wish you a 'Happy Birthday'," he added, and sat down on my bed.

"Tell them to send me an e-card," I replied snotty.

"Honey, please. Come downstairs," he insisted. I had it with him. I turned around abruptly, and jumped out of bed. I ran downstairs into the backyard, where I knew from Caleb everyone was.

"Happy birthday!" they shouted. I looked around and saw the usual gang, and unfortunately, Tobias too.

"Finally," said Shauna very condescending. I looked her way and saw that bitch friend of hers sneering.

"Shauna, please," came Dad's desperate voice from behind me.

"What? I'm not the one being rude letting everyone wait," she countered.

"And I am not the one who issued invitations when I specifically said I don't want a party, Dad," I said through gritted teeth.

"But, sweetheart, it's your birthday," he started saying, but I interrupted him.

"Exactly, it's my birthday!" I practically yelled. "Thank you for your kind wishes. You can go home now. Party is over!"

"Tris, don't be rude to our guests," Dad scolded.

"Fine! I'm going to my room where I can have some peace and quiet." I didn't even wait for Dad to say anything further. I ran up into my room, slammed the door, locked it for good, and got into bed.

I couldn't hold it in anymore and I started crying. At some point, I fell asleep from the exhaustion.

Dad really didn't get it. He hurt me constantly, and he didn't even realize it. First, he sided with Shauna, which would have been acceptable if she would have been even remotely right. Then, he grounds me and forbids me to go to Houston for the NASA internship. Then, he has the audacity to tell me after school ended that as a treat for my good behavior that last month he suspended my punishment, which meant I wasn't grounded anymore, and I was allowed to go to NASA. Only problem was, they called about three days after I got punished and asked for a confirmation. I tried to talk to Dad, explain that it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. He didn't even want to talk to me. So, I had to cancel, and obviously my place was given to someone else. And to top it all off, he threw a birthday party, even though I repeatedly asked him not to, and he invited my ex-boyfriend and that skank, Nita Alvarez. What the fuck am I? A doormat?

Enough!

I woke up the next morning, and went downstairs. It was still early, and no one else was up. I made myself breakfast and when I was done, I cleaned my dish and went back upstairs. I closed and locked my door once again, and took out my laptop. I browsed for a while, but soon lost interest. I started reading news articles, and one in particular piqued my interest.

The Department of Homeland Security was organizing a competition for youngsters between the ages of 12 and 18 to write an algorithm that would (a) decrypt their system, and therefore, hack it, and (b) create a new security system to take its place. All of it would have to happen simultaneously. That sounded interesting. Not only did Homeland Security offer a huge monetary prize, but also the possibility of employment later in life if the winner so chose. As if that would have been an option. But the idea of creating such a system sounded appealing.

Before I could start writing such an algorithm I needed to make myself more familiar with existing systems and what problems they encountered. If I wanted to win, I needed to know what I was up against. But I couldn't just ask Homeland Security to let me peek into their servers. I needed to research who did their system, and what problems they encountered.

I am so engrossed in my research, that when a knock on my door is heard, I jump up startled. I close my laptop, and put it down on the bed. I go to open the door, and find Mom standing there.

"Morning, honey. How are you?" Mom asks, a small smile on her face.

"Good. How are you?" I ask her, trying to get this over with.

"Good. Why don't you come downstairs, have breakfast with the rest of the family?" she inquires.

"I already had breakfast," I tell her and she gives me a disbelieving look. "I promise, I ate."

"Alright, but please come downstairs nevertheless," she says and leaves, giving me no chance to protest. I go back inside, and crouch down in front of my bed. I rummage underneath it, until I find the red, metal box where I had all the money Dad gave me as allowance. I pick it up and go downstairs.

As I sit down at the table next to Caleb, I notice Dad looking at me, while Shauna is texting on her phone. She pouts when Mom asks her to put her phone away and eat breakfast. I watch them all as they eat, while holding on to the metal box in my lap.

"Tris, why aren't you eating?" Dad asks me, giving me a disapproving look.

"I already ate," I tell him, but don't even look at him. From the corner of my eye, I see him exchange looks with mom, and she just shrugs.

"So, when is that internship starting?" Dad asks almost cheerful, and I feel a wave of rage and tears coming at me.

"May I be excused?" I ask, as I stand up.

"Tris, what's wrong?" Mom inquires, confused. I look from her to Dad, and will myself not to cry in front of them. I had cried too much already and don't want to give anyone the satisfaction of seeing me cry again.

"May I be excused?" I repeat my question.

"No, you may not. Sit down and answer your father," Mom says, angrily.

I sit down and put the metal box on the table. I notice how everyone looks at it, but none of them asks what it means or contains. Mom urges again for me to answer. I turn my head to Dad, and silently pray to a deity out there that I won't start crying while I tell him how he ruined this for me.

"I'm not going," I answer simply.

"Why not? You were looking forward to that," Dad comments. Of course, I looked forward to that, until it was taken away from me.

"They gave my spot to someone else," I reply.

"Found a smarter nerd?" Shauna asks mockingly. I glare at her.

"Hush, Shauna. Honey, I don't understand. I thought they gave it to you," Mom says looking at me intently.

"They did, only I had to cancel, because I got grounded," I tell them, and glare at Dad the whole time. I was sure he could hear the anger and hatred I feel in this moment.

"But we forgave your punishment, and told you, you could go," Dad says to me, and turns to look at Mom.

"Too little, too late," I mutter, but Mom hears me and demands I come clean and tell them what happened. "After you grounded me, I begged you to listen, but you refused, Dad," I spit his name. "You said the discussion was over, and I shouldn't bring it up again, unless I wanted to be grounded and punished even further. Since that was your final word, I had no choice but to inform NASA officials that I couldn't start my internship as scheduled. They thanked me for my interest, and wished me all the best in my future endeavors."

I stare from Mom to Dad and back, and see how it dawns on them that it was Dad's fault an amazing, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity slipped through my fingers. It wasn't just something I wanted, but also good for my future. That internship would have looked amazing on my resume. Sensing the awkward silence, Caleb casually asks what I have in the box. I stand up and place it in front of Dad. He opens it as I walk away, but I still hear his question.

"It's all the money you gave me since I came back home last summer. I haven't spent a dime of your money. You should buy something pretty for your favorite daughter. After all, pretty dresses are vastly more important than education."

I don't wait for a reply. I am just too hurt. I leave the house, without taking anything with me. I have money in my pockets, enough to buy food and a drink somewhere if I get hungry. I was too upset to even look at any of them. I walk aimlessly through the neighborhood, trying to figure out what to do next. I don't want to remain upset. It consumes too much of my energy, and I hate being angry at Dad. But for as much as I love him, he hurt me deeply, and didn't even realize it. Was I irrational? Of course. Could I have been more understanding? Perhaps. But this wasn't just about me. On one hand, he wanted me to act more maturely, i.e. my relationship with my sister, whilst when it came to Tobias and my love life he acted like I was a five-year-old, and wasn't capable of making a mature decision. It was a paradox, one that Dad exploited. But what angered me most was, I was three years younger than my sister, yet I was the one whom maturity was demanded from. When it came to her, Dad always excused her by saying she is still too young, too impulsive, too something that suited her in that moment. I, on the other hand, was asked to understand, to forgive and forget. But how could I? It was her who started numerous rumors about me, one more vicious than the last. I tried to ignore her, but whatever I did, it wasn't good enough.

Since I didn't know where to go, I decide to go to the public library. There was still that competition going on, and I wanted to know more about what I was up against. I want and need to know everything there was to know. I want to excel. That's the only thing that should matter right now. My future, my career, something that could give me a sense of belonging because clearly being part of my family wasn't an option. Sometimes I truly feel like I'm a mistake Mom and Dad made. Dad even said so. Maybe he is right. Maybe I was a mistake, but I'll show him what this mistake is capable of.

I enter the library, and greet the elderly librarian, Mr. Konrad. He is a nice retiree but works part-time in the library. He was always nice to me, and allowed me to sneak some innocent snacks inside.

"Hi, Mr. Konrad," I greet as I approach the front desk.

"Hello, Tris. So nice to see you again," he replies with a smile on his face.

After exchanging some pleasantries, he allows me to call home to let my parents know I was at the library. I didn't want them to worry, since I left my phone at home. They both know I could defend myself just fine. Thankfully, Caleb answered the phone, and I told him I had forgotten my phone but was fine at the library. I hear him pass on my message, before the phone is passed on to someone else.

"Beatrice, you come straight home!" Dad practically yells. I hear Mom in the background talk, trying to calm him down. "We've told you not to wander off like that."

"I didn't wander. I went out for a walk. And I just called to let you know where I am," I tell him just as angry. I try to keep my voice down, but it becomes increasingly harder with each passing moment.

"Do you honestly expect me to believe you are at the library?" he asks, condescendingly.

"Why would I lie? I'm not Shauna."

"Beatrice!" he yells again.

"What do you want from me, huh? Nothing I ever do is good enough for you," I tell him through gritted teeth and hang up. I look up and see Mr. Konrad looking at me like I was a kicked puppy. And that is precisely how I feel in this moment.

"Parents don't always understand us, but when they're gone we miss them terribly," he says with a kind smile. I look at him curiously, but remain silent. I am in no disposition to discuss the matter of my father right now. Sensing my unwillingness to talk, he only asks what books I would like to borrow, and proceeds to get them for me. For someone old, he sure knows his way around computers. I chuckle to myself.

I am allowed to borrow five books, but they look awfully heavy, and since I didn't have a backpack or something to carry them, Mr. Konrad offers to drive me home.

"What about the library?" I ask him confused.

"My shift ended half an hour ago," he explains smiling, as he moves to help me carrying my books.

"You stayed longer to help me?" I ask surprised.

"Of course," he answers matter-of-factly.

We get into his car, and I give him my address. Surprisingly, Dad is outside with Caleb, fixing the car. Somehow, I'm glad he is here. At least he can now see I wasn't lying. The moment I get out of the car, Dad comes towards us.

"Tris, where have you been?" he asks, slightly less angry than before.

"Where I've told you I was," I reply with contempt.

"You must be Mr. Prior, young Tris's father," Mr. Konrad says, getting out of his car. Dad looks from me to the elderly man, and back to me. "I am Frederik Konrad, I am a librarian at the Public Library," Mr. Konrad informs, extending his hand for my father to shake. "You have one eager little bookworm there," he adds tilting his head towards me as I retrieve the books from the backseat. "If she keeps it up the way she did, she'll have read every book in the library," Mr. Konrad says with a chuckle. Dad only looks from the old man to me, and then rests his gaze on the heavy books in my arms.

"Here, let me help you," he offers, and reaches out to get my books.

"No, thanks. I don't need your help," I tell him with a glare. "Thank you, Mr. Konrad, for the ride home."

"Anytime."

We say goodbye, and without waiting for anyone to say anything more, I go into the house and up the stairs only to find Shauna waiting for me at the top, smirking, as if she knew something I didn't.

"You are so busted," she sneers.

"Fuck you!" I yell at her and push her to the side, making her fall down, and enter my room. I slam the door and lock it, making sure no one would come inside.

No one came the whole time. It was long past lunch, when I heard a knock on my door. I set the book I was reading aside, and go to open the door. It's Mom. She looks at me concerned and I don't know what is going on.

"Tris, can your Dad and I talk to you?" she asks. That is odd. I nod my head and Mom calls for Dad. When he arrives, they both enter my room, closing the door behind them. "We need to talk to you," she says and sits down on my bed. She gestures for Dad to sit next to her, while I am directed to sit in my desk chair. "Tris, we want to know what is going on with you," Mom says, concern written all over her face.

"Nothing," I answer and turn around to face my desk.

"Something is going on," Mom urges.

"I'm fine," I answer stubbornly.

"You are not. You never acted like this, so," Mom starts saying but I interrupt her.

"Immaturely?" I ask turning to look at them again. "Why do you even want to know? It's not like you care," I say to them and feel the first tears spill. Mom gets up to hug me, but I stand and walk away from her.

"Honey, we care. We are your parents and we love you," Dad says and I scoff. That makes me angry. I turn around and glare at him. His eyes widen in shock as he watches me.

"Love me? Don't be ridiculous. You don't love me. You don't even trust me or respect me. What am I to you? Huh? A nuisance? Was I an accident? Did you knock up Mom by accident? Am I the failure of this family? Oh, no. Wait!" I say as I start pacing in front of them. "I am not your daughter anymore. Grandpa changed me. He broke me. Right?" I yell in Dad's face, as it dawns on him what I mean.

"Tris, what are you saying?" Mom asks, appalled. She clearly has no clue what I'm implying, but he does.

"Ask him," I say, pointing at my father. He looks away ashamed. Mom turns to look at him, but Dad remains silent. "After the whole fiasco with that fucking prom gown, I overheard Dad talk to Uncle Joe. He said he didn't recognize me anymore, that grandpa ruined me," I say sobbing now, tears running down my face like waterfalls. Mom is clearly torn between consoling me and yelling at Dad.

"Andrew, how could you?" she asks, her face betraying her disbelief and hurt.

"Nat, I didn't mean for her to hear that," he defends.

"That wasn't my question. How could you say that at all? Just because Tris isn't the little girl she used to be doesn't mean that she is broken or ruined. It means she has a strong personality and it is our job to guide her to be the best she can be. I've told you that meddling between two sisters won't do any good, and I was right. I know you love all our kids equally, but lately it seems not just to Tris, but also Caleb, and me that you sided with Shauna. Why?"

"I'm not taking sides," Dad says, defensively. I scoff again.

"Andrew, I've told you, you exaggerated when you grounded Tris. It was an accident, and Shauna got a new dress anyway. And I want to make it clear, I was against you forbidding Tris to go to Houston. You said so yourself, that was an amazing opportunity. And now it's gone. But never mind that. You treat her like a baby, when clearly she is more mature than you, let alone Shauna. I didn't hear the principal call us because Tris started rumors about her sister, like Shauna did. I didn't hear bad things at all. Look at all the things she accomplished because she didn't want to fit in, because she ignored her older sister who only tried to put her down. Just because I haven't said anything, doesn't mean I didn't know what was going on. Tris is captain of the lacrosse team, president of the math club, president of the debate club, and if that wasn't enough, president of the student body. Freshmen are usually ineligible but the majority of students wanted her." Mom starts crying at this point. "Honey, I know you love them all, but you treat Tris unfairly. She is growing up, she is becoming a woman. And instead of trusting her, supporting her, you punish her for exploring. What did you expect? Her to remain a ten-year-old forever?"

Dad looks from her to me, and I see conflict in his eyes. He probably wants to defend his actions and his behavior, but he must have realized there was no defense.

"I didn't think I was treating you unfairly," he says, his voice broken.

"Really? Really, Dad? Before Christmas, I came to you, telling you I needed a new laptop, and I started explaining to you why the old one wasn't good enough anymore. Shauna came in and interrupted us, commenting that I should value what I have, while asking for fifty bucks, all in the same sentence. You gave her the money, and she left us alone again. You refused me a new laptop, because apparently I needed to learn the value of a dollar. Look around, Dad. Can you identify anything useless in here? If you're looking for an answer, let me help you, it's NO. By the way, I just gave you back all my allowance. I think it's safe to say I do know the value of a dollar. But it's not about money, dad. You automatically pick her side, regardless of anything. You ask of me to be the mature one, to forget and forgive, but when I dated Tobias you constantly kept saying I'm too young or I'm not old enough to appreciate a romantic relationship and whatnot. You can't have it both ways!" I yell at him, the frustration seeping through, and all I want is to hide and disappear.

Mom gets up and comes to embrace me. We both cry bitterly into each other's arms, while Dad just sits there staring at us.

"I hate her," I mutter as Mom pulls back to wipe my tears away.

"Don't say that, honey. She's your sister," Mom tries to soothe me.

"A sister who started mean rumors about me, and tried to ruin my life every chance she got. I ignored her, just like you told me, but that made things only worse. She has no consideration for my feelings. Why else do you think she invited Nita Alvarez to my birthday?" I ask. Mom gives me a quizzical look, before she glares at Dad.

"You allowed Shauna to invite that girl? To Tris's birthday?" Mom asks, accusingly, and for the first time I see how fierce she can get when protecting her children.

"Natty, she's Shauna's best friend," Dad tries to argue.

"Andrew, she and Tris have an ongoing feud. How could you invite her to Tris's birthday?"

"Shauna asked me to," he starts saying and I let out a sarcastic laugh. Of course, what Shauna wants, Shauna gets. "She didn't want to stay all alone in a corner."

"Andrew, I love you, but that's the stupidest thing I've heard in a long time. Didn't you say Zeke was here too?" Dad nods. "Last time I checked, he was Shauna's boyfriend. And Tobias? Isn't he friends with Shauna too? How exactly would Shauna sit all by herself in a corner? And then there's the topic of Tobias being here in the first place. Weren't you here when Tris told us they broke up? What made you think Tris wanted her ex-boyfriend at her birthday party?" Dad remains silent. He is scolded like a naughty school boy, and he knows it.

Mom keeps yelling at him, and I start to feel sorry for him. She held back all this time, but now she had reached critical mass, and turned into a raging supernova of mommy love. At some point, I step between them. I don't want that this fight between me and my sister ruins their marriage. Whatever beef we have, we should be the ones to solve it.

"Dad, I love you, there isn't much you could do to change that. But I can't trust you anymore. And for now, I can't respect you. You see, respect and trust needs to be earned, and once gone it's hard to get back." I watch him as he sighs in defeat. I don't know if our conversation or rather yelling session means anything, but I am willing to mend things with dad. Eventually. However, I'm not ready to do anything about Shauna yet, and I tell my parents that.

It is in mine and my parents' opinion that if Shauna wanted my forgiveness and my understanding, she needed to work for it. Dad did promise he would try to be more objective when it came to Shauna, but I still had my doubts.