Hannah: Don't threaten me! Or I shall spoil your story for EVERYONE!

AnonymousZGirl: Here you are! Thanks for being so patient!

Chapter Four

In an attempt to take Buttercup's mind off of Westley, her parents started to focus their dinner conversations on politics. The land of Florin was ruled by the aging King Lotharon, his young son Prince Humperdinck, and Queen Bella, the prince's stepmother. News had spread: the prince was prepared to court Princess Noreena from Guilder, just across the Florin Channel. The countries had been at war for centuries. The nations were at each other's throats during the Olive War, the Tuna Fish Discrepancy (which bankrupted both parties), the Roman Rift (which sent them into insolvency), and the Discord of the Emeralds (in which they both got rich again).

"They would be the ideal match politically," Buttercup's father remarked, sipping his cocoa.

"But will they love each other?" Lulu wondered, a wistful look in her eyes.

"Humperdinck won't care as long as the princess can hunt," Buttercup's mother snorted. "But I doubt it. Noreena is famous throughout Guilder for having the largest hat collection in the world."

"Even more hats than the Countess," Buttercup added.


Before long, Noreena had arrived in Florin for some small state affairs. She stayed at the castle for one day.

At 8:23 PM there seemed every chance of a lasting alliance between Florin and Guilder.

At 8:24 PM the nations were very close to war...again.

The whole kingdom was talking about it the next day. At 8:23 and five seconds, the main dinner course (essence of brandied pig, enough for five hundred people) was ready to be served. The double doors to the wine cellar were opened at 8:23 and ten seconds. A strong wind blew into the room from the cellar. Humperdinck did not seem to notice, but fifteen seconds later, most of the candles on the table had lost their flames and toppled. Everything in the room flew away, fans and scarves and hats.

One of the hats belonged to Princess Noreena. She recovered it twenty-five seconds after she lost it, but it was too late. Five seconds later, Humperdinck got to his feet and screamed the words that brought the nations to the brink:

"Madam, feel free to flee!"

With that, he stormed from the Great Hall. The time was now 8:24 PM. Noreena was escorted from the palace and Queen Bella followed her stepson, prepared to reason with him. But Humperdinck insisted that he would not marry a BALD princess! He claimed that he wanted a woman who was so beautiful that when people saw her, they'd think, "Wow, that Humperdinck must be some kind of fella to have a wife like that."

Count Rugen, the prince's closest confidant, smiled. "She is already found."


The sun was shining in the farmland. Alicia, Lulu, and Buttercup were delivering the milk to their neighbors. There was a large hill that overlooked the main road, and Lulu looked up at it. She had to squint against the sunlight to make out the forms of two men on horses. She nudged Alicia, who recognized the Count and one of his horses. The other one was Prince Humperdinck, who rode a horse even more magnificent than the Count's. It was Prince Humperdinck...and he rode down the hill and stopped his horse in front of the women. He spoke to Buttercup.

"I am your Prince and you will marry me."

"I am your servant and I refuse."

"I am your Prince and you cannot refuse."

"I am your servant and I just did."

"Refusal means death."

"Kill me then."

Alicia and Lulu were just as stunned as the Prince was. Buttercup had never been so fierce in tone before.

"I am your Prince and I'm not that bad. How could you rather be dead than married to me?" Lulu and Alicia exchanged a wry glance.

"Because marriage involves love, and that is not a pastime at which I am lucky. I tried once, and it went badly, and I am sworn to never love another."

"Love?" Humperdinck asked. "Who mentioned love? Not me, I tell you. Look: there must always be a male heir to the throne of Florin. That's me. Once my father dies, which could be any day now, I'll become king and need an heir of my own. So you can either marry me and become the most powerful and richest woman in a thousand miles and give away turkeys at Christmas and provide me a son or you can die in terrible pain. Make up your own mind."

"I'll never love you," Buttercup declared.

"I wouldn't want it if I had it."

"Then by all means, let us marry."

Alicia and Lulu didn't say a word. All they did was look at the Count, who had watched the scene with just as much fascination as they had. They knew in that moment that the Count was the one behind all of it, and they started to dislike him for meddling in Buttercup's life.


A short chapter, yes, but the next one is going to be waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay longer, I promise!

Review, please! :)