Chapter 4
The next morning Tala had woken up relatively early. It was about 8:55 when he opened his eyes, and 9:15 when he chose to finally get out of bed. The filth continued to plague his mind, making him think that it still covered his whole body. He passed the next few hours by sitting alone in his room. Kai probably thought he was still asleep, so best keep the suspicions that way. He wasn't all that hungry either, and if he went back downstairs then he'd be made to eat breakfast, something his mind and stomach couldn't handle in the slightest.
So to pass the hours, he sat at his desk, fidgeting with whatever he'd put on there. One of many things, a smashed cell-phone. It had been smashed long before he arrived in Japan, but still, he chose to keep it for memories-sake. The real reason he'd smashed it…what use was it to him when the only person that called him on it at all hours of the day and night had died? Maybe in the end smashing it hadn't done him much good. It just brought him a lot closer to Bryan than he'd liked to be.
The reason Boris went after him…the incentive that brought Boris to escape and go after Tala was Bryan's death. The moment he heard of it, he knew that Tala was now unsafe, unguarded, vulnerable. Having smashed the phone prior to the attack, there was nothing Tala could do to save himself. His brightside to that was that was that he'd be with Bryan again. His true best friend.
In the end he was left alive…more like found alive, since Boris had had no real intention of leaving Tala alive in the first place. So it left him feeling alone again, with Bryan only being at the back of his mind now. He'd promised Bryan he'd try his best no matter what but he couldn't shake off the pain, he couldn't pretend things weren't bothering him, they were playing on his mind far too much. His fingers continued to pick at the little parts of his phone, small springs and tiny green computerized chips. Temporarily losing interest in the phone, he picked up a pencil, most likely Kai having put it there with the book, as he was sure it hadn't been there before.
As the minutes flew by and the pencil played through each of his fingers, Tala found the compulsion to actually put the pencil tip to paper. Not writing, rather, drawing. The one thing on his mind was his phone, so he drew that. As perfectly as it was in front of him, each piece of it lying in the exact position, with the same pieces hanging out of it. Having watched his picture come together, he'd actually forgotten that long ago, he'd had a talent for drawing. He'd assumed that that talent had worn out, or disappeared over the years of never practicing it, but it seemed as though a talent like that just doesn't disappear, no matter how much practice you really get.
10:30 hit, and there was a soft knock on his bedroom door. Bringing him to drop the pencil on the ground and shut the book hurriedly. He in no way wanted Kai to know he was using the book just yet. "Come in." his voice cracked immensely at that; not enough water, but just stickiness in the back of his throat from the cut he'd obtained the night before.
Kai opened the door slowly, not stepping inside but just holding onto the door, "Doctor's appointment is in an hour." He informed him, then eyeing him upon realizing Tala had already showered and changed, "If you were awake why didn't you come downstairs?" he asked, confusion actually being heard. He watched the redhead shrug, then turning back to staring at his hand on the desk, "Well just be downstairs in three quarters of an hour, and don't forget the medical file." Tala nodded in understanding, so Kai just left without any other words. If Tala wanted to be alone for a while, he was he to stop him?
Being reminded of the doctors appointment resurfaced an awful nervous butterfly feeling in the depths of his stomach, leaving him more upset than when he woke up that morning. He searched the bedroom and his two backpacks for that medical file he kept saying he had, worried that he may have left it behind somewhere in Russia, internally yelling at himself and calling himself a 'scatterbrain' and such names. He finally found it, putting it aside on the desk before going back to sketching whatever thought came to mind.
He tried to control what he thought, and what he drew, a little more; fearing the idea that he'd draw something that he'd regret or something if ever found. Not being able to control his thoughts, he drew whatever came to mind, whatever needed to be released onto that white piece of paper, but then, every time, tearing the page up into millions of pieces.
Understandably, every time he tore a page up, he felt himself break just a bit more on the inside. It made sense, because it was like discarding his own feelings, making them feel unimportant. Though more visibly, it was like an artist purposely destroying his best work every time he finished something he was proud of. He made sure that each picture was no longer identifiable, tearing it up into pieces of about two centimeters each.
The time to meet Kai by the door had arrived and he left his room rather fast-paced, preparing himself to get the whole day over with. Kai wasn't by the front door yet, so Tala just took a seat in the same chair he'd been in when he'd first arrived at the mansion again. He waited there, zoning in and out from his deep thoughts. Kai was in the hallway after a few more minutes, tugging on his jacket, "Did you get the file?" He heard Tala curse rudely in Russian, ready to push himself up from the chair, "It's okay, I'll go get it. Where'd you put it?"
"You won't find it; I'll go get it." Tala dragged himself back up the stairs, breathing heavily. He hadn't really been worried that Kai wouldn't find the file, but he wanted to give the eldest no chance at reading that file. It was bad enough that Kai knew what happened to him, he didn't need to know the details of the state his body was in. "Got it." He sighed, walking back down the stairs slowly, holding tight onto the banister.
Once he got to the bottom, an arm gently placed a jacket over his shoulders, "You'll freeze without it." Kai murmured, guiding Tala to the front door. Even with the heater on in the car on the way to the hospital, Tala's lips had gone blue from the cold, quite thankful that the examination room was toasty warm. Kai stood outside the room, pacing and sitting around waiting for Tala to be ready. The nurse had told him he couldn't go in with him, and he had to accept that Tala didn't want him in there either, for understandable privacy reasons.
Finally, having seen the doctor leave, he assumed it was alright to go in, finding Tala trying to button up his shirt. Kai caught sight of the stitches still snaking their way down Tala's slender muscular stomach, "You still haven't removed the stitches?"
"They didn't heal…at all for that matter." Tala retorted, tugging the rest of his clothing onto his body before he froze. "If it makes you feel any better though, you were right about the cut in my throat; that's where the blood was coming from."
Kai said nothing to that; how was he being right about something like that supposed to be at all comforting? Did Tala really think he was shallow enough to have needed that to make him feel better? They decided not to take such a quick trip home, Kai insisting that they go to the cafeteria to get some coffee till the storm outside died down just a little bit. Tala was desperate to get home though, hurrying back into the car and to the living room where he could sit down and wait for his dizziness of the day's events to subside.
In the meantime, Kai walked around the study unhappily, tossing files and papers into different piles. He used the holidays as an excuse to clean out some junk from the times when his grandfather had ruled the mansion, and was planning on ruling more than that. He'd heard a loud thump from another room. It sounded like something heavy had fallen. Slightly concerned, Kai hurried through the hall and to the living room and noticed Tala leaning against the back of an armchair. His right hand holding him up and his left holding his head. Walking closer, he put his arm on Tala's back. "Hey…what happened? You okay?"
Startling Tala once again, he pulled back slightly when the redhead jumped at his touch. "Uh…yeah. I just…I…tripped." Tala stuttered.
"On what?" Kai started looking around the floor for what he could have tripped on. But there were no obstacles in sight.
"On…the corner of the couch. I went to walk around it but I…I tripped. I cut the corner a bit too quick. Just clumsy me…what else is new."
"I don't ever remember you being that clumsy but…whatever you say. Did you hit your head? You were holding it. Are you alright?" Kai started grabbing his head carefully. Sure he was still worried, but at least Tala wasn't bawling like he was the other night.
"I'm fine. I just couldn't believe I fell, that's all. Stupid me."
"I thought you said you were clumsy? Shouldn't have been that unbelievable, right? And don't call yourself stupid. Don't cut yourself down like that." Kai said as he stopped his examination of Tala's head. "Well, I don't feel any bumps."
"I told you, I'm fine."
"Yes," Kai nodded, "well, I wasn't certain about that; there's nothing wrong with double checking." He set the boy back down on the sofa where he was sure no harm could come to him just yet, "The team want to go out tomorrow, we want to go get lunch, coffee and maybe walk around some stores or something; their idea not mine." Tala continued to stare at Kai blankly, waiting for him to get to the point of his little story. "I need you to come with us."
"What?" Tala bit out, shocked, "Why?"
He knew he was going to be unreasonable, sighing, "Because I don't want to leave you here alone and I think that even just a bit of socializing will do you some good. You don't want to be around other people right now but just a few hours won't hurt you."
"They're your friends, Kai. Not mine."
"But they want to be your friends too. Maybe I'm being a hypocrite telling you to try to make more friends, and maybe I'm going back on a lot of things I say about them but they are good people and getting to know them will do you good."
"I don't want to, Kai. I'll be fine here alone."
Kai shook his head with insistence, they were both far too stubborn, "You need to come out with us; you need fresh air, you need to get out, you need to make conversation other than with yourself, Wolborg or me." He hit Tala's thigh lightly to get his attention again, "You're coming with us because I think you need it. Try it out, if you can't handle it then we'll come right home but you're not going to sit here by yourself and wallow in your pain."
"Great, so I'm going to stand outside to wallow in my pain." Tala grumbled, quiet enough for his older friend to not have heard him.
"Go to sleep." Kai ordered, helping Tala back off the sofa, "You're still tired; you probably went to bed late and woke up early by the looks of it. If you get hungry, come downstairs and we'll find something."
Tala continued to grumble and mumble terrible Russian obscenities all the way up the stairs, continuing while he looked for some clean clothes to wear, then undressing and stepping into the shower. Standing under the warm spray he enjoyed the comforting effect it had on his sore and torn up muscles and skin. Some of the wounds sent a pinching pain through him but it wasn't something he couldn't shake off. Even though he was done with his shower, he didn't want to step out of it. The water of just the right temperature felt so good to him, it felt foreign to the way he felt when he wasn't there.
As tempting as it was for him to either drown, or just fall asleep in the shower, the water was starting to turn cold and he needed to get into bed before his shaking legs gave way and he collapsed in the shower. By the time he was out of the shower his legs really were close to lifeless, making walking to and getting into bed feel uncomfortable and sluggish. He lay in bed for three hours, willing his body into a deep sleep for the whole time before it finally co-operated.
--Next Morning--
He spent the morning sleeping for a great amount of time, then merely having another long shower till the tank ran out of warm water and then just sitting around the desk and sketching whatever horrific pictures came to mind. He repeated the same pattern as yesterday, refusing to pull himself out of this peaceful pattern. That's what he needed; a pattern, a schedule. He never would've gotten raped and tortured if he had just kept to his schedule. "I'll be okay." He repeated quietly like a mantra.
At about 1:20 they left from the mansion, Kai practically scolding Tala the whole way that he should be good and kind with his friends and try to relax. Being seated in the restaurant, Kai was the first to decide what he wanted to eat; not being picky. Tyson decided second, mostly because he'd agreed he just wanted everything on the menu rather than to pick and choose. Max and Ray quickly followed with their orders but it just left Tala gazing at the menu uncertainly. Most of the stuff on the menu were Japanese dishes, so how was he supposed to know what he liked?
"Know what you want yet?" Kai quietly asked him after a few minutes.
"No…" Tala murmured, still uncertain, "Just call her over, and take my order last." His mind went into order drive as they had ordered quickly, all being increasingly hungry and desperate for a warm meal. He chose spicy noodles in the end; not even sure if he'd like them, but mumbling to Kai not to make a big deal if he didn't eat, and he'd just eat something else when he got home.
Tala felt relieved that he had found, what he thought, was a decent meal. It turned out he quite liked what he was given.
Conversation at the table had been light at first but quickly got louder and heated up, as most conversations do when the whole team is together, he assumed. Tala was barely paying any attention though, and mainly sat; stirring his noodles in circles and taking a bit every so often. It wasn't until after they were done eating that he remembered they were probably going to go shopping when they were all done with their choices of desert.
"Well, that leaves Kai and Tala." Tyson said, looking at the two mentioned, the sound of his name snapping the redhead straight out of his thoughts.
"We don't have any plans. Sure." Kai said, giving Tala a light glare out of the corner of his eye when Tala looked like he wanted to protest immediately. They were asking him what he wanted after all; yet Kai seemed to have taken it upon himself to decide for him.
Tala just kept standing there with his arms crossed over his chest, not saying a word. His mind was still on his lunch…and how much of it he already had digested and the aching it was giving his sensitive stomach.
A couple hours had passed and the five were still shopping, well, three were shopping, one was looking around with no real interest and the other kept his eyes well-trained on the floor. They had gone in and out of various accessory shops, multiple clothing stores, a toy store for the kicks, and a few other random shops that they were just curious about. They were all currently in another clothing store.
Tala had been rather quiet all afternoon, not even bothering to look at the clothes or try any on, even though in the back of his mind he knew he should've gotten some more clothes, as he had far too little which he'd had in Russia. He had kept mostly to himself; tagging along behind Kai, but never leaving him.
"Hey Tal…you alright?" he asked quietly, walking over to a seat in the middle of the store. Tala just nodded his head and turned a little away from Kai. "You've been awfully quiet and rather distant, and more than me, and more than usual." Tala shrugged his shoulders, still looking away.
"Tal," Kai silently addressed him, "What's wrong?"
Kai knew that something was obviously bothering Tala. He was actually getting concerned, growing more concerned by the passing moments. Tala wasn't the most talkative guy, hell neither was he, but he was never this silent and cold.
When Tala didn't answer him, Kai kneeled down in front of his friend; trying to look at his face to see if maybe he could find out the problem. But what he saw wasn't what he expected. "Tala…" he said, brows furrowing together. "Tala, what's wrong?" he asked, clearly concerned now that he saw the tears running down his face. He just tried to look away from Kai and sniffed; putting his hand on his face to wipe the tears and holding his hand over his mouth. "Sweetie, come on! Why won't you tell me what's wrong?" Kai pleaded with him.
Still, he said nothing. He just sat there, slowly nodding his head back and forth.
"Hey Kai do you…is he okay?" Max asked, coming up behind Kai. He was going to ask his opinion on a t-shirt he was trying on but was quite startled and worried about the scene he came upon.
Kai had turned to him, shrugged his shoulders while looking up at Kai with the concern brimming again, and then looked back at Tala; rubbing his friend's knees with his hands in soft circles.
"Tal…" Kai quietly said.
"I just don't feel too good, okay?" Tala whispered, realizing how much attention he was gaining and wanting to take it off him completely.
"Do you want to go home? We could leave now if you want; it's fine with me."
"No, you're having a good time with your friends. I don't want to ruin that for you."
"I don't mind leaving. If you're not feeling good I'm going to be worried about you. Come on, we'll go back home." Kai said, standing up and holding out his hand.
"No I don't…I just…I don't know." Tala said, as his shoulders started moving slightly as he choked on a sob.
"Go ahead on home, Tala. If you weren't feeling good you should have said something." Max said softly, hoping that Tala would hear his friendly tone and take his advice.
"But I don't want you mad at me for it."
"I won't be mad. I'm more concerned about your well being than shopping."
Tala slowly stood up and wiped his face one last time, pushing his hair away from his face, his cheeks were visibly flushed; mostly from the embarrassment of having broken down in a public place, in front of Kai's friend no less.
"I'll just go home by myself. You stay here and continue shopping with your friends."
"If you're sick then I'll come with you." Kai insisted quietly.
"No…no. It's fine. I just want to be by myself for a while, okay?"
"You sure?" Kai asked, just a little bit skeptical. There was no way that Tala really wanted to be by himself at a time like this. He was breaking, he needed someone, something.
"Yeah, I just want to go home for a while, by myself."
"Okay…if that's what you want." Kai pulled his keys out of his pocket, breaking the hold on part of the lock and taking off one of the smallest keys but giving Tala the bunch.
"Yeah…." He took the keys, relieved and turning to leave. He suddenly stopped though and turned back around. "Thanks, Kai." He took a deep shaky breath, a tiny smile and turned around and continued to walk off.
Max plucked the small lone key out of Kai's hand, "What's this of, Kai?"
"The medicine cabinet." Kai replied, taking the key back and burying it in his trousers pocket.
Max's head shot to the side at the sound of that grumbled reply, "What? You…you think he…might…?" he couldn't even find his words, Tala seemed so nice, like such a kind person at heart, he didn't want to see anything bad happen to him.
"I know that he doesn't have a high threshold for pain…he never did so if he did anything…"
"Then it'd have to be done painlessly, right?" Ray finished, showing up beside him. "You don't think he can handle what he's going through?"
"I do think he could handle it; but right now he doesn't want to handle it, he wants to just let it go, he wants it away from him, he wants the memories to go away but he's not willing to work at it to get rid of them."
Ray reached out to Kai, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. Kai looked at him confusedly, then just watching him nod supportively while in the back of his mind Kai desperately hoped that Tala would be okay.
A/N: So a lot of people seemed to have been pleased with this story, at least people seem to be enjoying it, especially since I've been getting PMs asking for it to be updated so here's another chapter. This story has maybe one or two more chapters left; I know, its short but this is how much I had planned and hopefully no one will be disappointed with the ending.
You've all been really happy with the quotes that I enter in parts of the fic and I'm glad people have picked up on them. I really wanted to put those in there to really give people something to think about, and to just put a basis of something; for people to understand where the feelings of the writing are coming from. As loved as these quotes were, they didn't make any appearance in this chapter because this chapter was more about the external things, rather than a persons real feelings but next chapter will have more for sure because it will be deeper.
Please leave a review to let me know what you think. Feedback is by all means welcome.
