Chapter 4

BPOV:

I curled into a ball, wildly shaking. He killed himself...why?

"Why, " I sobbed. What made him do that?

"Bella. He left you only because he thought his life wasn't good for you. He loved you still when he left. When he heard that you died, I guess he couldn't handle it. Rosalie called me and told me the only thing he said was that he couldn't live without you and he left."

That was it. I couldn't take much more.

"I…. I have to go."

I got up, unsteadily, and ran toward the door. I needed to see Jake. I needed him to take the pain away. I got in my car, leaving Alice in my living room. I sped to La Push, ignoring the stop lights. I stumbled out of the truck, tripping over my feet several times before reaching his door. I banged on the door frantically.

"Jake!" I yelled.

"Jake! Are you there?" Maybe he wasn't back yet.

The door was opened by a very sleepy-looking Jacob.

"Hey. What's up Bella," he yawned.

He took a second look at my face. I started to sob and stumbled into his arms. He stroked my hair trying to calm me down. I couldn't control my sobbing.

"Bella, shh... Bella, it's ok...What's wrong?"

"He's... he's…" I couldn't finish.

Saying it out loud meant I believed it, and I wouldn't believe it. I couldn't.

"He's…What? Bella, please tell me."

"He's..."

"Dead," I finished, finally confessing it to myself and to Jacob.

"Bella…oh, Bella. I'm so sorry. Come on in."

He gently guided me through the hallway and to the living room. I sat down trembling, and he grabbed a blanket off of the back of the couch for me. I lie down on the couch in Jacob's arms, and let the tears flow freely as I let my thoughts wander. In a way I envied him. At least now he was free from everything; it was so much harder to live. I tried with no success to calm myself, and eventually cried myself into a restless slumber.

JPOV:

It was heart-wrenching to see Bella like this. As she was inconsolable, I held her until she had cried herself to sleep. I got up, gently placing Bella's head on a pillow, and ran to the kitchen to call Charlie. This was even worse than when Edward had left her a few months ago. Looking at her, even while she was asleep, she had a pained expression on that beautiful face. After three rings, Charlie picked up the phone.

"Hello?" He said anxiously.

"Hey, Charlie. It's Jake. Bella's here with me."

"Is she alright? It's time like these when I wish her mother was here."

An idea clicked in my head.

"Um… Charlie, let me call you back."

"Okay," he sighed deeply.

"Bye."

I quietly hung up the phone and tiptoed back into the living room. I tapped Bella on the arm. She wouldn't budge.

"Bella," I whispered. She didn't answer. I nudged her again.

"Bella."

She woke up confused; she looked around as if she didn't know where she was. She looked at my face and blinked.

"Jake."

"Shh... Bella. I'm sorry to wake you, but could you tell me your mom's number?"

"Um...It's 904-561-2908," she replied sleepily.

"Thanks. Please, try and get some more sleep, okay?"

"Ok," she said and put her head back down.

I hadn't made it out of the room when I heard Bella burst into tears again. I cursed myself for waking her up in the first place, but walked back to the living room. I sat on the floor by her head and held her hand until she had fallen asleep again. I then gently removed her hand from mine and went into the kitchen to call Renee.

RPOV:

"Hey! That tickles. Phil, stop it. The phone is ringing." I got up running for the phone.

"Hello," said a husky voice.

"May I ask who's calling?"

"Jacob Black," the husky voice replied.

Hmm…Wasn't that Bella's friend? Why was he calling me?

"Oh, yes. Bella's told me all about you."

"Um…," he hesitated.

"Um... Bella's not doing so well right now, and I think she needs your help."

Oh my God, what's wrong? No. Calm yourself Renee, she probably just got hurt, you know how Bella is.

"What's wrong?" I said, keeping my voice steady.

"Bella's going through a tough time right now and I think she should come live with you for a while. You know, get away from this place."

"What happened?" Why didn't she tell me? Is it so bad that she couldn't even tell her own mother?

"Edward, her ex-boyfriend, he...he… committed suicide."

"Oh, God. That's horrible!"

Oh poor Bella. I know how much she felt for him. I remembered that when she had that accident and I visited her in the hospital, those two were inseparable. She must be a wreck.

"I was thinking that maybe sometime away from this place will do her some good," Jacob said as he interrupted my reverie.

"I suppose you're right...Does Charlie know about your plan?"

"Not yet. I was hoping you'd tell him. I don't want it to seem like bringing her to Forks in the first place is the cause for all of her pain. No need for Charlie to feel like it's his fault she's like this now."

"Okay, I'll call him. I don't know what I'm going to say, but I'll figure something out. Thanks for calling me. Tell Bella I'm so sorry about Edward, and that I love her dearly."

"I will. Thanks again, bye."

"Bye."

I went to the living room to check on her. She laid there, her head face first into the cushions. I sat on the floor and stared at her, stroking her tangled hair.

CPOV (Charlie):

Damn it! Bella was just starting to get back to her old self again. This is just going to crush her. Just then, the phone rang. Hopefully, it was Jake with some good news.

I picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey Charlie."

Crap. It was Renee. She must want to talk to Bella. Should I tell her about Edward? I decided that I wouldn't. Not now, at least.

"Hi, Renee. Bella's not here, but when she comes back, I'll let her know that you called."

"Charlie, I wanted to talk to you about Bella."

"What about Bella?"

"Charlie, I heard about Edward, and I think it would be best if Bella stayed with me for awhile."

Stay there, in Jacksonville?

"Why? I can take care of her."

"Charlie, you never could see when something was wrong."

"What does that mean?" I said getting a little irritated

"Don't get mad. I just think me and Bella need woman-to-woman bonding time. I miss her."

I sighed. She was right, and she could help Bella with the situation more than I could.

"Okay," I replied as I gave in.

"Okay. I'll call back and talk to Bella about it."

"Okay, bye."

"Bye."

I hung up the phone. Maybe she should've stayed with her mother I thought. She might have been saved from this heartache.

BPOV: I woke up and stretched, feeling each and every one of my stiff muscles. I felt my face; it was puffy from crying the night before. It was then that it hit me again. He's gone forever, I thought. I started to sob again. Something moved on the ground. I looked down it was Jake. He had stayed with me. He yawned, rubbed his eyes and smiled.

"Hey Bella. Feeling better?"

"Yeah, I guess." I looked down and started to bite my lip absent-mindedly.

"Bella, it'll be fine. You should go home and let Charlie know that you're okay."

"Okay, can I go to the bathroom?"

"Yeah, sure."

I wiggled out of the blanket, slowly getting up, testing the muscles in my legs. I wobbled and stumbled on top of Jake. He looked up at me with a hesitant grin on his face. I got up awkwardly and went to the bathroom. I cleaned myself up and then thanked Jake for letting me stay at his house. I made a move to leave when Jake tugged on my arm.

"Bella, I'll take you home."

"It's ok, Jake. I think the drive will do me some good. But, thanks anyway."

"Okay. Be careful, though."

"Thanks. I will."

I stepped out the door. Jacob tugged on my arm again. I turned around.

"Yeah, Jake?"

"Um…"

He quickly leaned forward and kissed me softly. Whoa. I definitely wasn't expecting that, but I have to say, it wasn't unwelcome, either.

"Um... I hope you feel better." He looked down, blushing and obviously embarrassed.

I really couldn't think of anything to say, so I had to settle with a shy smile and a quick goodbye as I quickly walked into the rain, heading towards my truck.

"Bye, Bella." He quickly went into the house and closed the door.

When I got home, Charlie was waiting for me in the kitchen.

"Hey Bells. Alice told me about Edward."

I winced at the sound of his name.

"I'm so sorry Bells. How are you feeling?"

I couldn't help but wonder why Charlie was encouraging this conversation. He usually wasn't one to talk to about emotions.

"I've been better, but Jake made me feel better," I offered not really in the mood to talk.

Charlie stared at me for a moment.

"Bells…Me and your mom talked, and we think it's best to send you home."

"Home? I am home," I said, just a bit confused.

"No, Bells. I mean with Renee in Jacksonville. We think it'd be best for you if you lived with her for awhile."

Well, I guess I did miss my mom…

"Um… Charlie. I have to think about it."

And with that, I walked past him and went upstairs to my room. I sighed and lay down on my bed, staring up at the ceiling.

For the last almost 2 years Forks had been my home, and he had been my world. But those things were gone. At school my friends had split in two groups, the before him group and after him group. The before him group consisted of Ben, Angela, and Mike, and the after him group consisted of Jessica and Lauren. And he was gone. What did I have left attaching me to Forks?

I got up off of my bed, heading towards my door. I was going to tell my dad that I would go to Jacksonville when it hit me suddenly... Jake. How could I leave Jake? He had been so nice to me these past months and recently we've been something of a couple. How could I tell him I was leaving? I contemplated all of this as I rushed down the stairs to tell him the news. I dialed his number and waited as the phone rung.

"Hello?" he answered in an anxious voice.

"Hey, Jake. Um…" I hesitated. "Jake, I have to tell you something."

"Bella, is this about Jacksonville?"

How did he know about Jacksonville?

"Jake, how did you-"

"Bella-" he interjected.

"Bella, I'm the one who called your mom and suggested you to go."

When I heard this, I couldn't help but feel a tiny wave of rejection.

"But Jake, why did you-"

"Bella," he cut in again.

"This place isn't good for you. You need to get away for awhile. Look what it's done to you. Look at yourself. Your smile has faded, your eyes have darkened. You're not the old Bella anymore."

I suddenly remembered my reflection in the mirror from earlier. At first, I thought I looked the same, and then I had taken a second look. There were bags under my eyes; my complexion was a sick, pasty white. He was right. This place was slowly, but surely killing me. I had only one objection.

"Jake…what about us?"

He hesitated for a moment before answering.

"I- I understand that you have to go. Bella, I just want you to know that even though you'll be miles and miles away, I'll always be here for you. I… I… I love you." he said, his voice gritty with emotion.

I desperately needed a getaway, but now I had a new reason to stay. Jacob. That's why it seemed so impossible to tell him goodbye, because I was in love with him too. I was in love with Jacob, but it still wasn't enough to change anything. I still had to leave.

"Jake, I love you too," I whispered, and my voice broke twice.

Over the phone, I could hear his breathing become uneven.

"Really? You do?" He asked doubtfully.

"Yes, of course. I'll admit, my love for you in the beginning was strictly brother-type love, but now, it seems to be something more."

I felt relieved to finally admit this out loud, both to myself and Jacob.

"Bella, I promise I'll always love you."

"Please… Don't promise me anything."

If he promised me that he'd love me always, and then left me, I didn't how I would ever bear it. After all, how many times can a heart be broken and still be expected to keep beating?

"Bella, I will never leave you. I know you have to go to Jacksonville, but I'll remain faithful to you."

"Jake...I still love him." I said, ruining the moment.

"I know, Bells. I can see it in your eyes every time you think about him. But, that's okay. I still love you, and maybe when you return from Jacksonville, you will have moved on enough for there to be room for me also in your heart. But yes, Bella… I realize that a part of you will always love him. That's okay…as long as you can love me too."

I didn't deserve Jacob. He had helped me, when no one else could. He had befriended me, no questions asked. But now I was leaving him, and he tells me he loves me, and I tell him I'm still in love with my dead ex- boyfriend. I would deserve all the pain I would feel when I had to leave.

"Jake, I'm sorry I should've never told you that. I don't deserve you," I said, starting to sob.

"Bella, I understand. Bella, I love you and I will do anything for you. If that means waiting until you're ready to come back from Jacksonville then so be it."

At these words, my heart inflated to the point where it felt like it just might crack through my ribs. I wanted to hug him, to kiss him, tell him how much I'd miss him.

"Jake, can I see you tomorrow?"

"Of course."

He sounded as excited as I was.

"Okay. I have to go Jake. I need to call my mom and tell her I'm going to Jacksonville."

"Okay… Um, I love you Bella."

"I love you too, Jake."

And with that, he hung up. As I hung the phone back on the hook, I could feel my stomach knot up with the anticipation of seeing Jacob one last time.