Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight
I swung my legs over the window sill, ducking my head in as well. Bella had settled down onto the bed, blinking rapidly. Her pulse was racing, flushing her skin cherry red. I gulped, swallowing down the venom welling up in my mouth at the sight of it; tonight would test my control, determine if I'd be able to resist leaping at her and draining her instantly. I took a deep breath, the air from the window mixing with her scent.
"Hello, Bella."I said, my voice low, calm. I didn't want to frighten her. Bella didn't respond; her mouth was still hanging open. Tonight would be interesting.
"So…" I continued, hoping she'd say something. "How are we doing?"
"Jasper." Bella whispered, scooting back unconsciously. Shit. I knew she'd be scared, but the fear she was emitting was affecting me more than I thought it would. I projected a bit of calmness toward her; no dice. She continued to scoot backward, until she was on the edge of the bed.
"Bella, watch out." I cautioned, leaning forward marginally.
"Jasper?" Bella asked again, scooting back. "Jas-"She was cut off by her gasp when she slipped off the edge of the bed, having scooted back too far. I darted forward, catching her smoothly before she was halfway down.
"Hello to you too." I whispered into her ear, setting her back onto the bed, before lowering myself to her mattress as well. She recoiled, and glanced out the window again. "Don't worry, I have no intentions of eating you." I added, suppressing a chuckle.
"Are you here alone? Did Alice come with you? What about…?" Bella trailed off, and a little jab of pain hit me.
"I'm here alone. No Alice, no Edward. No one else from the rest of the family, either." I said, and she winced; the flare of pain rose again, much more prominent at the sound of Edward's name.
"Oh…ok. I thought that maybe you guys had come back?" She whispered running a hand through her hair, strengthening her scent in the air. The moonlight from her window cast the barest light, but it was more than enough for my eyes. The night was beautiful; no rain, the heavy clouds slightly dispersing, which was unusual for Forks.
"Nope, just me." I replied, and she looked up, wary. I sent another wave of calmness at her, laying it on more thickly than I had previously, hoping she would respond. "Alice is planning on coming to visit shortly, I think. She misses you. " I lied, unsure of Alice's plan. I guessed she would, if there was any change in her vision.
"She can't miss me that much." Bella mumbled, more to herself, forgetting my ears would catch it.
"Why would you say that?" I asked. I bent slightly, and tugged off my shoes, setting them gently on the floor, before tucking my legs under me and turning to face her. "You don't mind, do you?" Bella shook her head, annoyance coating the air around her.
"She can't care too much, otherwise she could have at least taken the time to, oh, I don't know, maybe say goodbye in person?" Bella snapped, and I barely withheld a flinch. Her emotions had swiftly flowed from fear and sadness to hostility and anger quickly. I sensed many other emotions lying underneath; it was as if she had been bottling it up for months.
"It's not like that, Bella." I said, as she crossed her arms. "Alice wanted to say goodbye, but Edward-" Bella flinched . "Edward thought a clean break would be best." I finished, as her shoulders sagged.
"Oh." Her voice was tiny, her mood melancholy. Outside, the gentle pitter-patter of rain sounded against the roof, melting the snow on the ground.
"So, what have you been up to?" I asked conversationally. She didn't answer for a long minute, her emotions flickering like an old movie. Sadness, anger, resentment, grief. Bella had become a melting pot for emotions. Being in such close proximity made me uncomfortable, blood lust aside.
"Oh, you know. Just…living." Bella replied finally, chuckling darkly as she reclined against the headboard of her bed, propping pillows behind her back for support. The sarcasm was impossible to miss.
"That's it?" I replied, arching an eyebrow she wouldn't see in the dark. Bella ran a hand through her chestnut hair again, exposing the pale underside unintentionally. Venom coated my mouth again when my eyes caught the delicate blue vein pulsing beneath her fragile skin. What stood out more were the lines marring her wrists. Angry red slashes, pink, puckered skin of a healed cut. The small crescent, leftover from James' attack stood out more starkly than the rest of the scars. A long white scar, the result of Edward protecting her from me. Catching these, the craving for blood surfaced, screaming,
It rattled the bars of its cage. It laughed maliciously, it jabbed me with not-so-gentle fingers. It pointed out the obvious. Look at those cuts, barely healed. How easy it would be to rip them open. Just run a fingernail over them, and end this. End it! The little voice shrieked the encouragement to me, and I closed my eyes, turning my head toward the still open window. The light scent of the rain, turning to slush, filled the air, dampening the monster. Not yet.
All this had happened in less than five seconds, the rise and subsequent squelching of the craving. Proud that my control would not be a hindrance for now, I turned to the window, inhaling deeply, locking the cage tightly.
"You know that's not it, Jasper." Bella sighed, peeking up at me through her eyelashes. She shifted, reaching for the lamp. My hand flashed out, catching her wrist before she had it fully off the bed.
"Wait. We should close your curtains." I said, stalling for time. "You don't want any of your neighbors looking over, and seeing two shapes in your room, now would you? What would they say?" I chided jokingly, tugging the curtains closed. The yellowed lace wouldn't hide my silhouette, but those seconds gave me the opportunity to swallow back the venom, and pray my eyes were at least a dark amber shade, instead of onyx.
Once Bella had turned on the light, I gently caught her wrist again, running my fingers over the scars, feeling the blood flowing under them. Bloodlust stirred restlessly, but was still well under control.
"Why are you cutting yourself?" I asked, my voice low, looking up at her through my eyelashes. She blinked, her breath hitching momentarily. She was well on her way to being 'dazzled.' "Why would you do this to yourself, Bella? Is it because he left you?"
She swallowed hard, turning away, but not before I caught the sheen of tears in her chocolate brown eyes. "I don't want to talk about it." Bella whispered, attempting to tug away from my grasp. I tightened my hold marginally.
"Tell me." I said, taking my chances and sending a sense of security at her. So far, she had thrown off all my attempts at stabilizing her mood. She sat forward, her shoulders tensing, still studying the wall.
"Jasper, don't make me talk about this." She sighed, and my lips twitched, barely containing a smirk. I was getting through to her. I wrapped her in calmness, and Bella's eyes slowly drifted up, catching mine. The details of her face, already perfectly visible by moonlight were even more defined with the light the lamp cast. Her eyes were ringed by dark circles, the product of a lack of sleep and nightmares. Her once slender figure had faded to scarily slim; her wrists were like twigs. I couldn't hold in my reaction.
"Oh, fuck." I hissed under my breath, feeling a momentary flash of remorse; my lack of control had caused this. Bella smirked, her lips twisting with mirth at my discomfort.
"Still want to know?" She asked, turning her other wrist over, revealing more cuts, some of them fresher than others; at least two looked as if they had only been created just hours before. She was angry again, bitter, ready to lash out.
I caught her chin in my free hand, turning her face to me. Her eyes widened slightly when I did so, a tiny gasp escaping her lips, as surprise broke through the anger. Then it was sealed over once more. "Tell me everything." I said, trying to keep my tone level, when all I was feeling was a vague disgust with myself, and for this plan. I released her chin, and her eyes stayed trained on me.
"After he…you guys left, I had a bit of a breakdown, to put it lightly." Bella began, tugging her wrist free, crossing her arms over her stomach. Her face was studiously blank, but a whirlwind of emotions was stirring, the sadness and hurt palpable.
"A breakdown?" I prompted, and Bella cocked her head, studying me. I kept my face impassive; how would this affect my plans? Would she be as willing to let me into her life?
"I shut down. They found me in the woods, curled up apparently. According to Charlie, who says according to Sam," I suppressed my growl at the mention of the dog. "I was more or less comatose, except for the fact I keep repeating the same phrase. 'He's gone.'" Bella's words were bitter, pained. I sent another wave of calmness at her, allowing her to continue.
"I didn't eat, rarely slept. The nightmares…"She shuddered, and I remembered the terror that had radiated from her, assaulting me even through her closed window. "It was a bad time for me. I refused to do anything, until Charlie threatened to send me back to Renee, to Jacksonville." Her face had become thoughtful.
"Part of me wanted to go, you know? To be with my mother, to let her sooth and comfort me the way I used to for her. But the bigger part of me reminded me that…well, it was best for me to stay, if anyone came looking for me." Both of us knew who she was referring to.
"And these?" I asked, pointing at her wrists. She stretched her arms out again, examining the cuts with a clinical indifference.
"These came after I almost went to Jacksonville." Bella said matter-of-factly, as if she was stating simple fact. "It reminds me of him, you know?" I nodded, although I didn't. She knew this, and explained.
"I remembered how much of a draw for him my blood was for him." She traced the fresher cuts, her expression guarded. "The smell makes me sick, but he found it…" She trailed off, at a loss for words.
"It was like fine wine to an alcoholic." I supplied, and she nodded.
"Exactly. Letting the blood out let the pain out. I know this sounds clichéd, but I've essentially become a zombie. I eat, I sleep, although not well, I go to school, go to work. I do everything that's expected of me, but that's it. I just wasn't into it."
Wrapping her arms closer to herself, she looked up at me.
"How are you standing this, Jasper?" Bella questioned, her voice calm, her emotions raging.
"How do I handle what?" I replied, feigning stupidity.
"How can you handle being in the same room with me, after what happened?" Bella asked, leaning forward. "Why are you here? Are you able to even be in the same room with me, able to hear me discuss my blood, smelling me, without wanting to rip me to shreds?" Bella's tone rose, her voice becoming shrill.
"Doesn't it drive you insane, all the emotions I'm bottling up? I know, I'm trying to keep up a happy façade, but it's just not working anymore." Bella continued, and I withheld the urge to flinch. Her emotions were a whirlpool of anger, sadness, fear, longing. "It's killing you, isn't it? I tried to contain it, oh how I have tried."
"I tried so fucking hard to hold it in, I really have." She glowered at me, as if I was to blame for her emotional breakdown.
"And why aren't you trying anymore?" I asked, wanting so badly to calm her; if it was possible for vampires to get headaches, I surely would have had one from the emotions she was throwing off.
"You." She said simply, staring at me.
"Me?" I questioned, and she nodded, slowly.
"I thought I was doing a decent job of holding them in. But then you show up, reminding me of him, of Edward," She spat his name, as if it left a nasty taste in her mouth. "And then you start manipulating my emotions, and I just wasn't able to hold it back any longer. Are you happy, Jasper? Are you? I was holding myself together just fine, then you came back and dragged this out. Thanks." Bella spat, her chest heaving, as her anger peaked, then leveled out abruptly. Embarrassment.
"Oh, fuck." She groaned, rubbing her face with her hands. "Sorry Jasper, I didn't mean to start ranting. It's just that once I started getting it out, I couldn't stop. And it felt so good to let it go, to let it all out once I've been bottling it up." She slumped forward, tears escaping her eyes, and trickling down her cheeks.
I sat, unsure of what to do. Let her cry it out, or try to comfort her? Change her emotions?
I reached out, and gently patted her shoulder. "Come here, Bella." I sighed. Better to diffuse this situation before it went any further. With a sob, she lurched forward, and I pulled her into my lap. She shivered at the coolness of my skin through my clothes, and then let loose another torrent of tears.
"I'm sorry." I whispered, stroking her hair.
"F-f-for what?" Bella choked out, her face buried against my chest.
"This was all my fault. If I had controlled myself, this wouldn't have happened." I continued, and she shook her head.
"If I wasn't so clumsy, this wouldn't have happened. Honestly! Who cuts their finger opening a present?" She said, contempt for herself coloring her words.
"Only you?" I replied. She gave a watery chuckle, before another sob escaped.
After several minutes, Bella raised her head, and flinched, staring at my shirt.
"I ruined your shirt." She sniffled, her tone nasally. I glanced down, disinterested. The front of my shirt was tearstained, several of the spots appeared frozen from my body temperature.
"Eh, it's ok." I replied, sending her an easy grin, along with a small wave of comfort. She smiled slightly in return, and leaned back against me. As soon as she did, my smile faded. I didn't have many clothes with me; Alice tended to buy and pack all my clothing, and I hadn't brought any with me. Hopefully I had some left at the house.
Bella was quiet for a while, obviously lost in her thoughts, and I was content to let her stay that way. She was a nice girl and all, but sometimes, she tended to open her mouth, and insert her foot. Paired with the clumsiness and other human attributes, how did Edward tolerate her? Her blood was delectable, but that was all she had going for her so far.
"Where's Alice?" Bella asked, looking up at me again. "I don't want my best friend to show up, and think I'm making a move on her husband." Her lips twitched the first real sign of humor she had probably shown in a long time.
"We decided to visit separately." I lied once again, closing my eyes, barely containing the curse that wanted to slip from my lips. Alice would have seen that in a vision, and would consequently be making a visit sometime soon.
"Why?" I glanced down at her; her chocolate brown eyes were bloodshot, the dark circles under her eyes more pronounced. I glanced at the clock; 4:30. She couldn't stay up for much longer, could she?
"Alice and I decided some time off from each other would be best." I said, and she nodded her head in understanding.
"Was it because of the party?" Bella continued, and I rolled my eyes.
"Partially, but this has been a long time coming. " I replied, shortly. Bella snorted softly.
"I know, I'm asking too many questions, and you probably want me to shut up." She said, and I shook my head.
She was right, though. The girl knew how to talk.
"It's fine." I lied, pulling my lips up into a grin. "Any more questions?"
"Just one." Bella breathed, and I nodded. "Will you stay with me tonight?" Her emotions flared up with hope, and I stiffened. She pulled away, still in my lap, but no longer leaning against me.
"Did I say something wrong?" She said, and I lifted her chin, forcing her eyes to meet mine.
"Is it smart for me to stay?" I asked, and she looked down.
"I…he used to stay with me, and it made me sleep a little better." Bella sighed, and I bit my lip; this was a complication. One I had expected, but a complication nevertheless.
"Look at me." Bella's eyes met mine again, and widened slightly. I wasn't sure if it was the expression in them, or the color, but I knew I had her full attention. "I am not Edward. I came here to apologize, and maybe to spend a bit of time with you if you'll allow it. However, I did not come here for you to treat me like an Edward substitute, is that clear?"
She nodded, still staring at me.
"I will stay if you want me to-" I continued, and she opened her mouth. I pressed a finger against her lip gently, and she closed her lips. "But you will remember that I am not going to mollycoddle you like Edward did, ok?" She nodded.
"I don't mind. I'd prefer it if you didn't." Bella said, both relief and disappointment coming from her.
"Come on, go to sleep." I said, lifting her from my lap effortlessly, and laying her against the bed. I pulled the blankets up over her, and turned off the light, before settling back onto the bed. She curled up without argument, making herself comfortable.
"Jaaaa-sper?" She said drawing my name out, and I sighed heavily, knowing it would get a laugh out of her. She didn't disappoint.
"Beeeella?" I drawled, doing the same, and she laughed again.
"Thanks for staying with me." The smile on her face was evident in her tone. I shifted, so I was reclining against the wall.
"No problem. Now go to bed." I said, with a smirk.
"Will do. G'night, Jasper." Bella said with a yawn,
"Good night." I replied, sending a wave of lethargy at her. Almost instantly, her breathing leveled off to a normal tempo, and a light snore escaped her lips.
Smirking, I slipped to my feet, and tugged on my shoes. I leaned over the bed and opened the window. I gratefully inhaled, the scent of the sleet drowning out Bella's blood. I leapt out of the window, landing in the shadows. The streets were empty, the partiers now home sleeping off their evening of alcohol and partying. The burnt smell of fireworks was acrid, still lingering in the air.
I would be staying all right, but I couldn't handle being in the same room with her for an extended period of time. Tucking my hands into my pockets, I strolled off around the corner of the house, intending on heading back to the house. With luck, Alice would have left some of my clothes there, and I could hunt. Grinning, I darted into the forest, in the direction of the house.
Dani's A/N: Lookie! Chapter three =D! Well, sorry it took so long. We're lazy and unmotivated people. Maybe if you guys reviewed more often * ahem ahem* the chapters would be update faster…Kidding! It really makes J sad that you don't review, though. He doesn't want to continue; I have to beat him for ideas and put them in type. Sorry for the suckage, I write angst-filled, mopey Bella, no evil mastermind! Jasper =p. We'll update when we have time. Sorry if Bella and Jasper seem OOC. We can't say if Jasper's OOC or not, to tell you the truth, because he has no personality besides the fact he was in the war, scares humans, and pwns newborns. So, for our story, he's a bit sarcastic, doesn't take much bullshit, but can have a compassionate side…too bad Bella will actually never see it. As for Bella, and her emotional outburst, she's been in zombie mode, not feeling, and all this has been building up for a few months, and Jasper's appearance kinda pulled the pin on the grenade, and set her off. It's complicated…ok not really.
But in any case…review =D. Cause it makes J happy, and will get you your chapters that much faster *hint, hint*
Major thanks to everyone who has added the story to their alerts and favorites! We love you =D.
