Elite Creatures Unleashed Encore!

Chapter 4: Driving Lessons from Hell…

By: Arcanomancer

Wow… how long since I last updated? So much has happened and so little has been achieved…

Kaleb: Stop blabbing, We KNOW it's been years, get on with it, I wanna see Horny in a dress!

You and your mood swings… Fine, Fine… I'll get back to typing…

AAA

Disclaimer: Everything is how it always has been…

With that settled, Lets see if I can still do this…

AAA

With the Dungeon Scene dying down and the commotions of Von Kluk The Magnificent being subdued by the most overrated and misused anime style of all time (Containment in a little ball), We now see the Horned Reaper being dragged on a leash by a Guard through the dungeon, a Furry Viking-esque man bouncing behind them.

Horny: Will… You… Let… Me… Walk…

Mike: Oh come on… In that Dress? This is the first time I've pulled…

Horny: That's not the Literal meaning now, Is it?

Brian: I'M STILL BRIAN BLESSED… Hey, Where'd my Gnome go?

He turned over his shoulder and saw the shadow of the Gnome fleeing into the sunset… which was quite an achievement given they were underground.

Horny: Oh my heart bleeds for you…

A quick tug of the leash got him thinking as the Guard shook his head and continued to drag the being of darkness through the tunnels towards the Hero Keep.

A

The Keeper sighed softly, witnessing the scene leaving his Dungeon as he cracked his knuckles, Mana flaring around him whilst he strode confidently into the Library and moved over to a Bookcase.

Irvine: Almeric my man, Where do ya keep the Spellbooks of old? I would ask Kessler but he's out of it at the moment…

Almeric stroked his beard and chuckled, watching the Vampire in his Denims pointing dramatically at the wall.

Kessler: Go Von Kluk, Use Drill Peck!

BVK: Bite Me!

Kessler: -sighing- Still need My Gym Badges…

Facepalming, The Keeper moved over to the rack and held out his hands, channelling energy and closing his eyes whilst feeling power surging out and into the books, catching the three pairs of eyes by surprise.

BVK: Mein Gott!

Kessler: He's Re-empowering the spellbooks!

Almeric: YES, Finally Something Worthwhile that Doesn't Involve Breasts, Sillyness or Your Wacked Out Inventions!

Kessler: I call this one false teeth… BITE ATTACK!

A pair of teeth flew through the air and bit the Warlocks Crotch, getting a girly scream from the old man as Von Kluk and Kessler Laughed, seeing Irvine working.

Irvine: … Possession… Call to Arms… Tremor… Hey, Whats this?

Blinking, His Mana-Infused fingers touched something small and black, rectangular and covered in letters and numbers.

Irvine: Kessler? Care to explain?

Kessler: It's my new invention, The Computer!

A

Mike: Now Horny, Do you see the Obstacle Course in front of you?

Sitting in his Mini with Brian Blessed and the Princes all crammed into the back, Horny and Mike looked out of the front at the course laid before them, which consisted of Bollards evenly spaced.

Horny: This is a waste of time…

Mike: Do You See The Obstacles?

Horny Bellowed in annoyance.

Horny: YES! Even if it DOES look like the M25…

Mike nodded and tapped the Dashboard, indicating to go… Within seconds the Mini was up on two wheels strafing around the Cones, The Reaper Chuckling as he suddenly slammed the brakes and everyone's head hit the roof.

Mike: Uhhnnn…

Horny: Did I do good for a Cross-dresser?

Views were mixed from the back seat…

Felix: I'm gonna be sick…

Tristan: Thank god Dads not here…

Horny chuckled and the car accelerated again…

A

Irvine: Hmm… Fascinating, I can access my old Libraries back in The Realm of Joy…

Almeric: You never did tell us why you left…

Irvine: All things come in order… now then, How to do this… Aha, Uhh… Kessler, What is a Chat Room?

Kessler chuckled and smiled

Kessler: It's how you talk to people over this Internet

The Keeper nodded and stared intently at the screen, pondering what to do as the Mana infused him again and he let the magic take care of the intellect part he missed with modern technology…

ECUKeeper Joined Channel- Skybird Trill 001

ChiefWarlock – Hello?

Mistress020 – Who Is this?

ECUKeeper – Heh, You guys don't remember your keeper?

HentaiTentakul – OMG Hello Irvy!

ECUKeeper – How do Tentacles Type?

Mistress020 – Beats Us too, Lol…

ECUKeeper – ChiefWarlock, are you in Charge of the Libraries up at Trill?

ChiefWarlock – Sure am…

ECUKeeper – Can you Conjure a Portal so I can reclaim them? I'm restocking the Archives here at HQ

BigFatOne has Joined the Channel

BigFatOne – Lol I Jus had 1 Massive Sh1t lolz!

BigFatOne has been kicked by Mistress020, Reason: Dipshit On a Stick!

ChiefWarlock – I'll do better, Kessler hooked us up on Direct Link, I'll send you the copies now, hang on…

ECUKeeper – Cool, I can… Wait, Direct What now?

Kessler just pointed to the side of the Computer where a mailbox was hooked up, a blue flash illuminating from it as he reached in and pulled out two letters.

Kessler: Hmm… Gervaise's Issue of F-cup Faeries, Frolicking in the Fields… and a Letter, Hmm… Enlarge your Pe… Oh god that must be his Too

A far off yell of 'I HEARD THAT!' Made them laugh as various spellbooks began to pile out of the machine, the keeper cheering triumphantly as he said his goodbyes to the chat room and got off the stool to organise the books, Almeric smiling and sitting down to type…

DaBigAlm Joined Channel – Skybird Trill 001

Mistress020 – Oh hello there, Big Boy…

DaBigAlm – Ready for the Robe and Wizards hat, Mistress020?

Mistress020 – Yay, Torture Chamber for showing of Nightmare on Alm Street! =D

A

Horny: Who wants some music?

Cruising down the Dungeon Highway the Mini bounced along potholes, the driver not caring and thankful the tunnels were made wide enough as Brian bounced up and down in the back, chuckling to himself.

Brian: I'M BRIAN BLESSED!

Baldur: We know! Got anything Nice and Calm?

Horny pondered the Death Metal, but then took note of the Instructor whom had taken his Scythe, and if Mike Protested Horny would be kicked out, so he shrugged and reached into the flowery summer dress with a smile upon his face.

Mike: Now… Questions… Your Travelling at 40 Miles Per Hour and hit an Imp, sending it 120 Meters, You hit the Same Imp at 30 Miles an Hour and the distance of flight is proportionately lower… What is the Distance?

Horny: Who Cares as Long as the Fuckers DEAD?

Mike: I see… Next, Your at a Crossing and an Elderly Lady crosses with a cart of goods, She's in front of you as the Light turns green, What do you do?

Horny: Give her the Finger of Doom… And if she Complains Shove the Cart up her arse!

Stopping at the Lights, he drummed his fingers on the roof, seeing an Elderly Lady start to cross and a grin crossed his face. A grunt told him no and his Horns drooped whilst the Guard waved the lady on, Upon the Lights turning Green Horny Sped off.

Horny: -Yelling loudly- CROSS FASTER YOU ELDERLY BITCH!

Laughing broke out in the back as Mike sighed and read from his page again.

Mike: Final Question… Your Driving Instructor taps the Dashboard and gestures to the Left, What does he mean?

Horny: Uhh… Turn left?

Mike: NO…

He grabbed the steering wheel and violently veered to the left, mounting the side and hitting a random woman whom had been walking past looking smug with herself.

Mike: It means run over my bitch of an ex-wife!

Horny: Your getting better and better by the minute…

Mike: However, Sadly I don't think you…

Horny popped in the CD, and instantly the song kicked in, everyone in the back seat nodding in rhythm…

"What is love…"

A

Irvine: GERVAISE!

The Rogue backflipped over the roulette table, cartwheeled around the dungeon heart and hurled himself at the wall. Rebounding off he dived through the library door and landed on one knee.

Gervaise: Ta-Da!

Irvine: Uhh… Yea… Assemble the Elites tonight, I wish to talk to them..

Gervaise: Jawohl Mon Kapitan, Is there anything else you need?

The keeper pondered for a minute before smiling and nodding to the door.

Irvine: Never you mind about that… Just get everyone there…

AA

What could the Keeper have planned, and how is Horny's Driving Test gonna end up? Stay tuned to ECUE to find out… and where HAS that Gnome gone?

Also thinking of Promoting Mike to Royal Guard… think I should?

Arcanomancer, Off for a rest!