Public Service Announcement
Disclaimer: I do no own Naruto. That copyright belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.
Warning: The following story contains crack! content that may not be appreciated by some readers. Reader discretion is strongly advised.
Chapter 4: It's Not Easy Being Green (With Envy)
Lee was depressed.
"Lee" and "depressed" should never be in the same sentence, yet there they were. And he was depressed. Very depressed.
"Excellent, Sasuke! Two hundred more laps around beautiful Konoha and you will have restored your victory over defeat through the Power of Youth!"
"Yosh, Gai-sensei!"
"Sasuke!"
"Gai-sensei!"
"Sasuke!"
A blinding sunset and inexplicable ocean view brightened the shadowy forest trail, but its obvious joy was lost on Lee. He was on the outside, in the untransformed area of the woods, lost in shadow, his frame slumping another few degrees than it already was.
It had been like this for the past two weeks. Ever since he and Gai-sensei had put Sasuke through the special Springtime of Youth's Fiery Youthful Light Youthifying System, or SYFYLYS, and Sasuke had been properly inducted into the ranks of the Green Beasts, the Uchiha had been out-Youthing the Rock in every endeavour they undertook. Each self-enforced discipline was completed with more vigour by Sasuke than Lee could do. Each community service task was done with more fire in his eyes than Lee had. He had even taken over writing and directing the PSAs they starred in, going so far as to revamp the set, saying that his "glorious, inspirational flower, Sakura-san" had suggested they change it and he wanted to make her happy.
He was dating Sakura-san!!!
How was Lee supposed to feel any Youthful inspiration when his lady love was dating his arch enemy?
And don't even get him started on his Green Spandex Jumpsuits. All of his GSJs had gone missing two weeks ago and he couldn't find a store that sold them. When he asked the shopkeepers, they all laughed at him. He asked Gai-sensei where to find new ones, but the man was always too busy with his new favourite student to answer him. The one he had been wearing the day he discovered the fashion travesty of his missing spandex was ruined in training with Neji the next day. Now, all Lee had to wear was his green spandex shorts and his pink, abdomen-revealing exercise shirt. As Youthful as they were, the pink only served to depress him more, when it usually inspired him, as it reminded him of his fair Sakura-san. But she wasn't his. She was Sasuke's.
He had taken everything from him. He ruined his life.
Lee wasn't a vengeful person. But a side of him that he never knew existed was awakening.
Emo had descended upon the Green Beast. And someone had to answer for his personal problems.
Having just returned from a two week long mission, Neji had no idea what manner of diabolical plan was afoot in Konoha, aside from his own. As such, when he passed by a new electronics shop that had television sets in the window, airing the local station, he was decidedly unprepared for what he saw.
On the televisions:
A glaringly garish green set came into view, where a positively beaming Uchiha Sasuke stood (posed) next to Gai, as the camera panned in for a close-up and some strange, disorienting intro music played itself out.
"Citizens of Konoha!" Sasuke greeted, with a ping! of his teeth. "The great Gai-sensei and I are here to inform you about the Unyouthful travesty that has imposed itself upon our society." His radiant face suddenly turned overly troubled, as he continued, "I am, of course, speaking of the enslavement and caging of our most valuable natural resource: water." The scene switched to a picture of a case of bottled water.
The scene turned to Gai, who looked every bit as troubled as his new student at the topic at hand. "Every day, thousands of litres of this noble, beautiful, and free staple are taken from its natural habitat and enclosed within clear prisons, in which it is helpless, subjected to the Unyouthful whims of us humans."
"Perhaps the greatest tragedy about it is that this is entirely preventable," Sasuke added, brow furrowed in sorrow and pleading, voice set to rival the most desperate of plights. "The power lies in your hands, Konoha. Do not allow this travesty of Youth to continue, as it leeches its Unyouthfulness into the very fabric of our fair village! Do the right thing, Konoha."
Both Gai and Sasuke took up the Vow of Youth pose, with fists raised and eyes afire as they shouted, "Free the bottled water! Let it flow free, as the river runs wild!"
A monotonous voiceover quickly spoke, "This public service announcement brought to you by FreeBlue ™. Fighting for water rights since the Second Great Ninja War. H2O must freely flow!"
Back with Neji on the street:
Neji stared blankly at the screens before him, mind slowly churning, attempting to make sense of what he had just been subjected to. Understanding was long in coming.
"... ... ... ... ... The hell...?"
After shaking himself into action, Neji had no answers as to why Sasuke would be...acting like one of the freaks they had banded together to eliminate, and so he had decided that hunting down his partner in crime was the only way he was going to be getting anywhere. After a little searching with Byakugan, his quarry was sighted and the Hyuuga took off to confront him.
Now, it was unsettling to see the bright, neon green set of those horrendous PSAs in person. You would have to be colour-blind to appreciate something that badly designed. However, it was even more unsettling to see your like-minded partner in crime do a total one-eighty turnaround, actively involved in said PSAs, and clothed in the vestments of the enemy.
Fate was obviously drunk when it decided that this was a good idea.
"Uchiha," Neji called out, scowling at the unique sight said man offered. "What the hell's going on?"
"Neji-kun," Sasuke admonished, turning away from the new script he was reading and editing, looking scandalized at his companion's choice of words. "'What the heck' would have sufficed! And in answer to your query, what's going on is Youth's radiant manifestation in Nature's awakening! Take a deep breath and feel it flow through you, Neji-kun! It's the best kind of high and it's safe and free." He flashed a blinding smile at the Hyuuga, causing the other male to blink in both pain and horror.
Shaking his head slightly to dislodge the frozen processes there, Neji stared hard at the...beaming ninja before him. This couldn't be real. There had to be something else to it.
And then it dawned on him. He allowed himself a small, satisfied smirk and said, "You almost had me fooled, Uchiha. I'll admit, even I would never have thought to go this far, joining their ranks to do espionage. This is more depraved than any plan I've had, and I've seriously considered just killing them, so that's got to tell you something." He grinned maliciously. "I know vengeance is your specialty, but this is truly masterful. I mean, you would have to be deeply devoted to the cause to go so far as to dress like...that and act like them too."
Neji's rare complements didn't have the expected effect on Sasuke. The rookie Green Beast was frowning halfway through the Hyuuga's speech, but he waited patiently for the other shinobi to finish, as interrupting would have been terribly rude and Unyouthful. But now he simply had to speak his peace.
"Neji-kun," Sasuke began hesitantly. "I'm afraid I do not understand what you're saying. I can deduce that you have been making references to my newfound Green Beasthood, however this espionage you spoke of is in no way involved. I earned my Green Beast status through hard work and Youth's blessing. I would never jeopardize that for anything. Now, I know you have a Youth deficiency, and so it is difficult for you to comprehend the importance it holds in the lives of Gai-sensei and myself, but you could understand, if you just opened your mind, and more importantly, your heart, to the Fire of Youth in those around you." Sasuke's eyes had been growing bigger and moister as he spoke and now he was staring at Neji with puppy eyes that would make a puppy-killer go, "Awww..."
Neji, for his part, froze externally and shuddered uncontrollably internally at the sight. Dear....Fate. Was this really happening? They converted him. They really converted Uchiha Sasuke! Oh, something evil was afoot, Neji could tell. And though a (very large) part of him was fighting a superior smirk and an outright laugh at his sort-of rival's current circumstance, Neji kept his propriety and began figuring what this development would mean to his plans.
Well, on the plus side, Uchiha is single-handedly destroying Lee's faith in Youth, destroying his hopes of being with Haruno-san and ruining his attempts at betterment by out-performing him. But on the down side, he's basically replaced Lee, allowing Gai to survive and keeping the active Green Beast count at two.
Giving Sasuke a final, disgusted, cursory glance, Neji finished weighing his options and backed away slowly.
Maybe I'll just see how this plays out. Freaking Uchiha...
After Neji left the set, looking dazed and confused, the Green Beasts began wrapping up production for the day.
Gai had a feeling their most recent endeavour was going to be their finest and most beneficial to the citizens of Konoha. And with Sasuke's inspired new vision for the PSAs taking them into the very heart of the matters that were affecting Konoha right now, he was more excited about their work than he had ever been. Oh, things were looking up for the Green Beast brotherhood. Yes indeedy.
"Ah, Sasuke. Your complete turnaround from the depressing raincloud that you were to the radiant sunspot that you now are, gives me such inspiration as I had not dreamed possible!" Gai boomed, looking proud as punch upon his new student. "This is the dawning of a new era! Soon, the time of Emo shall fall and give rise to a new age; the Golden Age of Youthful Splendour! The days of the GAYS are upon us, Sasuke!"
"Yosh! Gai-sensei! Viva la GAYS!" the Uchiha shouted, fists pumping in the air as radiant sunsets shone from his glistening eyes.
The taijutsu expert chuckled at the excitement radiating from the younger male. "With my infallible Youthifying program and your unique ability, we can change the world! All we have to do is have you use your Sharingan to project the SYFYLYS experience into other peoples' minds and they'll be aglow with Youth's splendour!"
"Yosh! I am proud and honoured to be part of your noble plan, Gai-sensei!" Sasuke shouted, saluting smartly while staring in awe at his idol.
"Good, good, Sasuke," Gai hummed, nodding slowly with eyes closed and fingers on his chin, as he formulated a plan for their next move.
"Sasuke," the elder Green Beast said, snapping serious eyes on his bubbling protégé. "Are you prepared to carry out your first duty now?"
"Yes! I am prepared, Gai-sensei! Direct me and it shall be done!"
Gai smiled at this, more certain now than ever that the world would be sunshine and rainbows before the week's end. The GAYS would come. Oh, yes it would.
"The first lost soul I want you to guide into the warm bosom of Youth is Hyuuga Neji."
Lee gasped at the injustice of it all, leaning further into his dark little corner of angst, as he heard his idol declare the impending Youthification of his rival. He couldn't bear the thought of Neji besting him at endeavours of Youth. No! Sasuke was already too much; he could not handle Neji, too.
My two great rivals besting me at my life's passion... Turns my passion to poison to corrode my darkening soul.
He quickly pulled out his dark green notebook of emo poetry to scribble that thought down.
Is my soul really nothing more than black lines on a page? How empty my being is, filled with two-dimensional sentiments that no one will ever see.
In his hiding place, just out of sight of Gai and Sasuke's plotting forms, Lee came to a decision.
None of this would have happened if we had not Youthified Sasuke-kun. This is all because of that. How bad will it be if Neji becomes a Green Beast, too?
With a determined nod to himself, the ex-Green Beast took off to find a soon-to-be very thankful Hyuuga.
Neji shuddered, trying to shake off the feeling of thousands of tiny spiders crawling up and down his spine.
Gai was planning to Youthify him.
SHUDDER.
Of all the horrifying things that Fate could have dealt him, that had to be one of the worst.
But, he couldn't curse Fate too harshly at the moment, considering he had just been forewarned of the green psycho's plot, by Lee, no less. A moody, depressed, full-blown emo Lee.
SHUDDER.
As irritating and disturbing as he was in full Green Beast mode, Lee was simply intolerable in Dark Green Beast mode.
Neji and Sasuke's original sabotage plan had involved Lee losing his Green Beast status, leading to Gai's inevitable downfall, as well. But that freaking Uchiha had to go and get himself brainwashed into a Lee replacement. The plan was foiled and things were worse than before, with an insufferable Lee, and Gai's plan for turning everyone gay and giving them syphilis, or something like that.
"I'll keep my women and you can keep you STDs, thank you very much," he muttered to himself.
"What was that, Neji?" Lee asked, deadened eyes watching him with disinterest.
"What's with this gay thing Gai's planning? And the syphilis?"
"Oh, the GAYS," Lee sighed, vacant eyes staring off at a dead tree. Dead like my soul. "Gai-sensei and I used to dream of the GAYS. We used to share stories of what it would be like to experience the GAYS for ourselves, to actually live it. That was when I could still dream, before my soul slipped into the eternal slumber of death, never to wake again."
Neji stared at his teammate oddly. "I...didn't need to know that about you and sensei. I... I seriously would have preferred it if you had kept that to yourself."
"Well, Gai-sensei isn't going to keep it to himself. He's going to see to it that the Golden Age of Youthful Splendour visits itself upon our village, by using the Springtime of Youth's Fiery Youthful Light Youthifying System, and when it does, it will be a disaster. And then there will be no stopping it. Once the GAYS takes hold, there's no going back, Neji."
Golden Age of Youthful... The GAYS. Springtime of Youth's Fiery Youthful Light... SYFYLYS, not syphilis. Ohhh... Neji shook his head at the acronyms.
"I'm glad you are warning me about this, Lee. Truly I am," Neji said, still disturbed by the idea of being brainwashed as a Green Beast. "But I have to ask. Why are you telling me? I should think you'd be happy about the...GAYS coming."
"I used to believe so, too," Lee replied, shaking his messy head at his past-self. "I thought spreading Youth's radiant fire to the world was my life's purpose, but I was wrong, Neji. Everything has been falling apart since Sasuke became one of us. I can't... I can't live like this! There can't be more of him! I'll die! I'll seriously die! It. will. kill. me."
Neji watched Lee for a short moment, considering the situation. On the one hand, Lee was on the verge of quite literally self-destructing, meaning that half of the original plan was complete. Gai could be dealt with in alternative ways if Lee's loss didn't have the effect it would have had in the past. Operation: Die Youth! Just Freaking Die!—he had changed it back to his own title after Sasuke's defection—could still be successful. But, on the other hand, Gai had a very effective plan to destroy everything he was, and it was likely on its way right now. This threat was immediate. He couldn't let it be, and run the risk of being turned into his own enemy. No. The choice was clear.
"We have to re-emo Sasuke."
Naruto wasn't one to abandon his friends. They could attempt to kill him, betray the village, cause harm to things he valued, but he would never give up on them.
But this... This was really testing his devotion.
"...and I just...never realized how moving that moment was." A few sniffles escaped Sasuke as he dabbed at his watery eyes. He turned an emotion-laden gaze on his companion. "Didn't you think so, too, Naruto-kun?"
"Uh... Well..." the jinchuuriki began slowly, clearly uncomfortable. "You do know The Notebook is a chick-flick, right?"
"Naruto-kun!" Sasuke gasped, admonishment in his eyes. "No movie has a gender stipulation! All may appreciate the heart-moving qualities of a classic love story!"
"But...it's directed at girls, dattebayo"
"Oh, that's just stereotypical talk, there!" Sasuke answered with a 'pshaw.' "Being manly does not mean being misogynistic, friend Naruto."
"I'm not being massage...istic..." He shook his head at his fumbling tongue. "I'm saying it like it is, dattebayo! That's a chick-flick and I'm kind of weirded out that you watched it willingly. And then brought it here so that we could watch it together..." He mumbled the last part with a distasteful expression.
"Fair and lovely Sakura-san wanted to watch it. One would do anything for the great amour de leur vie, yes?" the Uchiha replied breezily, a permanent smile pressed into his lips.
"What?!" Naruto scrunched his face at the strange words. "Geez, teme. Talk like a human once, would ya?"
"That's French, Naruto-kun. Le langage de l'amour. You should try it on your petite amie, Hinata-san; women appreciate such gestures, you know."
The blonde's face suddenly seemed drawn, as he shook his head, watching the other male with tired, near-sorrowful eyes. "You know, I'm starting to wish your endless loneliness would overtake you again... I never thought I'd see the day that your repressed, egoistic, pissy, angsty self would be an appealing alternative to something, but here we are."
"You do not like that I am happy?" Sasuke asked, the eternal smile faltering for a moment at such an Unyouthful prospect.
"I-It's not that, teme..." Naruto began awkwardly. He sighed; he couldn't take much more of this... "It's just...you being happy like this," he gestured with distaste at his friend's new appearance, "concerns me beyond any level I've ever been concerned at. And that makes you being a pained, lonely orphan a fun alternative to this, dattebayo. Uh...not that...that's something to laugh at, or anything."
"It is alright, Naruto-kun," the Uchiha answered, waving the comment off, good-naturedly. "I have learned to appreciate the humorous qualities of life and can now laugh at myself quite readily."
Something in Naruto seemed to snap at the other male's words. He...just couldn't...take it! "No! No. Sasuke is not a learner! He's a hard-headed jerk who thinks he knows everything. He certainly would never learn to laugh at himself, dattebayo!" he shouted, shaking an angry finger at the other male.
"But I have learned to—"
"No! No! No!" he cut Sasuke off, shaking his head vigorously, hands on the sides of his face. "You take that back right now, you-you-you imposter!"
Sasuke looked hurt, as he tried to explain. "I'm only speaking from the heart, Naruto-kun."
"NO! YOU HAVE NO HEART!!! IMPOSTER! IMPOSTER!" Naruto screamed, running away as fast as his scared little legs could carry him.
Having run many minutes, blindly chasing a reality in which the nightmare he had just left behind did not exist, Naruto eventually bumped into his other teammate, who was understandably annoyed with being flat-out decked by a screaming, episodic male.
Once Sakura had calmed Naruto down, through the ever-useful implementation of heavy fists to an empty skull, the blonde managed to explain the horrors he had just endured, as they walked along a familiar path, toward the red bridge they used to always meet at for training.
"You can't tell me this doesn't disturb you."
"It doesn't."
"Sakura-chan!" Naruto cried, staring at the girl like she had just blasphemed ramen's name. "He likes people now! What's more disturbing than that? Nothing! Except maybe him smiling at me. Ugh! Sakura-chan! He calls me 'Naruto-kun'! There isn't an insult to be had from the guy! I just..." He trailed off, face becoming complacent. His voice was curiously emotional when he finally said, "I just want our Sasuke back! Sure, he was a teme, but he was our teme! I don't know who this person is! It looks like Sasuke—sort of—and it kind of sounds like Sasuke, but that is not him!"
"People change, Naruto." At the blonde's rising protest, she quickly added, "Now, I admit this is a rather...shocking change, but with our support, he can reach a more conservative medium."
"A 'conservative medium' from that would be getting him to actually wear his normal clothes once a week on Casual Fridays," Naruto grumbled, rolling his eyes.
"If this is the type of person he is now, we should support him in his effort to change."
"Sakura-chan." Naruto looked intently into his teammate's green eyes, face set. "I'd rather have him try to kill me than see him like that. He'd rather I kill him than for him to remain as he is. Kakashi-sensei had the right idea."
Sakura scoffed, her brow furrowing at the memory of their teacher's attempt at murdering their third teammate. "Agreeing with someone who's currently confined to the psych ward of the hospital doesn't really earn your cause points, Naruto."
"I'm telling you, it isn't right—"
Stopping short on his rant, Naruto stared, gaping like a beached fish, at a figure leaning against the railing of the red bridge.
There, dressed in baggy, dark green, non-spandex shorts and shirt, his usually smooth hair ruffled into a dome of spikes, giving him the appearance of having a black cactus on his head, stood a brooding Rock Lee. His entire aura was choking with angst, as he stared, squinty-eyed at the boards beneath his feet, apathy radiating like so much venom from a viper fang.
Naruto was horrified.
Sakura was shocked, but not to the point of catatonia, as Naruto seemed to be, as the boy continued to stare, open-mouthed, at the spectre from his greatest and darkest dreams.
"Lee-san?" Sakura called out quietly, as though fearing she would startle him.
When the addressed male looked up, the blank apathy in his dark eyes nearly drew a flinch out of her, the sense of familiarity was so striking. Oh, she had seen those eyes many times. It was a different face, but the same eyes.
"Lee-san, are you okay?" Sakura continued, watching the male with full-blown worry.
"If drowning in a sea of unending injustice and misery in which my soul decays to dust upon a sacrificial pyre is okay, then, yes, I am fine," he answered in a monotonous, entirely un-Leelike voice.
"Uh... Well... It's a beautiful day, at least... Don't you think?" she asked awkwardly, not knowing where to go after such a bleak response.
"Oh, yes. Very beautiful. Like the light in a person's eyes as their existence is snuffed out—and just as fleeting."
"Wha... Yeah. That's... That's exactly what I...was saying..." She coughed uneasily, glancing about as she formulated words to get past this particular moment.
Thankfully, Naruto managed to get a hold of his faculties and being who he was, leapt into the midst of...whatever it was that Sakura was suffering through with Lee.
"Fuzzy-eyebrows! You look like someone died!" he blurted, staring in wide-eyed awe at this new sight.
"Someone did—me. For the death of the soul is the worst death of all."
Naruto frowned. "What?"
"He's talking in emo-tongue now," Sakura half-whispered behind her hand.
He blinked a few times, processing everything in a slow stream. "It's like... It's like Fuzzy-eyebrows and the teme have completely switched places, dattebayo. I expect Fuzzy-eyebrows to go Pissy-avenger on us any moment." A devilish grin quirked his lips, as a Naruto-brand thought came to him. "Hey, Fuzzy-eyebrows! It's up the stream, not across," Naruto shouted, making slashing movements on his forearms.
"Naruto!" Sakura hissed before clobbering the chuckling blonde. "That's not funny!"
"Hai, hai, Sakura-chan! I'm sorry," Naruto quickly mumbled, cradling his swollen skull, while still fighting a grin at the sight of an angsting Lee.
"I'm glad you're all here. It saves me having to seek you out individually," a deep voice spoke from behind them.
Turning, they were greeted with a stern-faced Neji, who was approaching them with a purposeful gait.
"Neji? What're you looking for us for?" Naruto asked, frowning as he cast a look back at Lee.
"I have a proposition for you both that I think we will all benefit from," the older male answered, hiding a grimace at the sight of his teammate's current condition.
"What about?"
"This," he gestured with a distasteful nod in Lee's direction, "and Uchiha. I assume you want him back to normal."
"You would think that, wouldn't you?" Naruto muttered, giving Sakura a look out of the corner of his eye.
She stiffened her posture, but otherwise remained silent.
"Really, I don't need you to do much," Neji explained, eyeing them both carefully. "Naruto, I could use your assistance in restraining Uchiha, and Haruno-san, it would be useful if you were to bring him to our trap. You would be the last on he would suspect."
Sakura shifted uncomfortably under the man's gaze. "And what exactly will you do to him once you have him where you want? This sounds like he's going to wake up in a bathtub of ice, missing a kidney."
"We're simply going to brainwash him back to his usual, delightful self."
"Brainwash?!" Her eyes widened, incredulous."You're going to brainwash him?!"
"Back," he emphasized. "We're going to brainwash him back to his old self. No harm done. Well..." he shrugged indifferently. "We're choosing the lesser of two evils here."
"Yes," Naruto nodded. "The evil we know and love, not like the bizarre-o evil we're suffering through now, dattebayo."
"But it's still brainwashing!" Sakura insisted, shaking her head at the idea. "I don't feel comfortable partaking in this."
"Gai and Lee brainwashed him to begin with. We'll simply be reversing the process," Neji explained, obviously untroubled by his justification.
"But don't you think he's been damaged enough? Maybe we should give his psyche a rest."
Neji's brow furrowed slightly, as he gave the younger kunoichi a careful look. "Haruno-san, it sounds as though you want him to remain as he is."
"She does!" Naruto muttered, eyeing her with a frown.
"I do not!"
"You're totally against fixing him!"
"I don't believe that brainwashing him again is the right course—"
"You just want to keep going on your dates with him."
A sigh shifted through her. "From a medical standpoint—"
"Bah! Save your medical mumbo jumbo!" he cried, waving her words off. "Admit it, Sakura-chan; you're being selfish! I know me and Kakashi-sensei tell you to be selfish once in a while, but now isn't the time to start listening to us! Now is the time to start listening to us, dattebayo! And we're telling you we have to do this!"
"What gives us the right to make this decision for him?" Sakura asked, slightly angry now. "It's not our place to make such life choices for him."
"Who else is there? We're the closest thing to family he's got. That makes it our right—nay! Our duty! He can't look out for himself anymore, so now it falls to us, his important people, to look out for him, dattebayo."
"Well, maybe he did choose this for himself."
Naruto gawked at Sakura as though she had just sprouted elephant ears. "What Sasuke are you talking about? 'Cause the one I'm referring to would murder-kill the person he's become right now."
"You don't know that..."
"He gnawed through his restraints twice in his attempts to escape the Youthifying program," Lee spoke up, vapid eyes watching them absently. "And bear in mind, he was handcuffed."
Turning back to his teammate, Naruto gave her a meaningful look. "That's desperation, Sakura-chan, dattebayo."
"Indeed," Neji agreed with a small nod.
"Can't you see?" the blonde continued. "He's crying inside, Sakura-chan, dattebayo. Well, he's also crying outside, but that just makes him cry inside even harder...as it does me. I am in severe emotional distress here, Sakura-chan! Have some compassion!" he pled, giving his best puppy-eyed look.
"So, your goal of "fixing" Sasuke-kun is for selfish reasons, too!" Sakura exclaimed, vindication overflowing from her as she stared Naruto down. "It's all about you and not feeling comfortable around him just because he's not who you remember. Hypocrite!"
"It's not even like that, dattebayo! Sakura-chan! Don't go twisting my words!" the male whined. "Yes, I want him back to normal because he creeps me out as he is now, but I also want him back because I know he wants this, too."
"Pretty words, Naruto. But entirely meaningless when backed by hollow intention."
"Hey! I said it's not—"
"Naruto. Haruno-san," Neji interrupted, his eyebrow dancing with a twitch at the pair's argument, which he was certain Naruto was the winner of anyway. "Please consider my proposal. Bear in mind, this will happen with or without your aid. I simply thought that, as Uchiha's comrades, you two would want to be informed and involved in his rehabilitation. Your involvement would be beneficial to us, but it is not necessary." Turning to go, he called back, "If you decide you want to partake, come speak with me before seven this evening."
Casting each other irritated glances, the two teammates turned their separate ways and stalked off.
Once again, Naruto and Sakura found themselves in Ichiraku Ramen Bar, nursing a bowl of ramen each. After much coaxing, Naruto had convinced the girl to accompany him, so long as he paid for her meal. Knowing Naruto as she did, Sakura was certain the boy had an agenda on the run. Just what it could be, she had yet to figure out, when the topic of their animosity appeared on the TV set in the corner.
On the television:
Amidst the great trees of Konoha's forest, Sasuke stood, a small, furry creature sitting on his shoulder. Looking into the camera, face serious, he began whatever "public education" message he and Gai had deemed necessary for the audience to endure this time.
"The squirrel is nature's most noble and most Youthful creature," Sasuke spoke, drawing attention to the critter on his shoulder as it made dust of a pine cone. "But its existence has been threatened over the past few years with the rising prevalence of 'squirrel bombs.'" He used air quotes on the new term, before his brow became more furrowed with concern, as he continued. "These Unyouthful explosives involve attaching exploding notes to an innocent squirrel and sending them into enemy territory." He shook his head, casting a pitying look upon the small rodent nearby. "Unthinkable, I know. But this is unfortunately the reality for many of our fluffy forest friends.
With a showy flourish, he pointed at the camera and shouted, "But you can help, Konoha! Should you see a squirrel emitting that tell-tale smoke and spark, use your shinobi talents and take action! Remove the note before it can detonate. Not only will you be saving yourself much trouble and damage, but you will also be saving our noble friend—the squirrel." A close-up of the squirrel filled the screen, before panning back to show both the Uchiha and his new friend.
"So be Youthful, Konoha. Be squirrel smart."
Both squirrel and Sasuke gave the Good Guy pose, complete with ping!ing smiles.
Back in Ichiraku Ramen Bar:
"That's alright with you?! That?" Naruto asked, pointing a damning finger at the TV screen.
Sakura sighed, shifting uncomfortably. Reluctantly, she answered, "...No, but—"
"Sasuke wouldn't want this!" he insisted, shaking his head in exasperation. "The idea of this happening to him is enough to keep me laughing for a month, but the reality of it is just wrong! When Sasuke was sentenced to community service with Super-eyebrows-sensei, I thought it'd be great if he became like the Green Beasts. You were the one who was concerned about something like this happening." He paused a moment, thinking, and then continued. "If I thought for one moment that he wanted to be this way, I'd leave it be and learn to laugh at it all while I go home and cry over the death of a friend. But I know him better than that. And so do you."
He gave a sympathetic smile. "I get why you're so ready to let this be as it is. But that's just not him. And I know better than anyone that you don't want anyone but Sasuke. Even if he goes back to disregarding you, don't you want whatever he chooses to be his decisions, his actions?"
A mute sigh shifted through Sakura's frame, deflating her. "I just don't understand why the thing I want most can only exist if he's not himself," she spoke quietly, eyes cast to the ground.
Blue eyes watched her for a few moments, seeing more than she could. A wide grin split his face as he said, "Just because his actions are un-Sasukelike doesn't mean his emotions are."
Puzzled, she looked up to be met with smiling blue eyes and a goofy, confident grin.
"Sasuke's an emotional retard; the Green Beasts are emotional aficionados. Who's to say they didn't just change him into someone who emotes rather than bottles it up. It doesn't mean his feelings are fake; he's just finally showing them, which we're not used to."
She knew what he was doing; Sakura recognized an act of pity when she saw one. But he was trying to make her feel better and she didn't have the heart to tell him that he had failed. So, she lied with a smile, as she had on so many occasions before, and they went back to their cold ramen, ignoring each others' insincerity.
"Sasuke-kun."
The addressed male stopped in his tracks at the sound of that voice saying his name.
Whirling around with a flourish, he exclaimed, "Sakura-san! My Youthful flower of love and beauty! How are you this fine afternoon?"
Sakura kept her smile frozen in place on her face, valiantly resisting the frown of disconcert that wanted to show there instead.
"That's not Sasuke, Sakura-chan," Naruto had told her, his face a serious mask. "I am terrified of whatever the heck he is! I say we cooperate with Neji and Fuzzy-eyebrows and we get the teme back!"
Yes. She would do as Neji had requested a half hour ago. She would bring Sasuke to them, where they would be prepared to put the Uchiha back together again.
Goodbye dates with Sasuke-kun. Hello being ignored...again.
"I'm good, Sasuke-kun. I was actually wondering if you would come with me somewhere..."
"Sakura-san. This is the set of Youth Enterprises' PSA commercials. What are we doing here?" Sasuke asked, face all innocent confusion.
An obnoxiously bright figure leapt out of the darkened doorway behind them and tackled Sasuke to the ground.
"I got him! Quick, Neji!" Naruto shouted putting all his strength into restraining the stunned nin.
"Naruto-kun?! What—?" Sasuke began to protest.
He was cut off when a beige blur materialized out of the shadows. In a disorienting array of jabs, the Hyuuga closed the tenketsu in the felled shinobi. Then, with Naruto's help, he dragged Sasuke over to a chair surrounded by loudspeakers and large television screens.
Once he was strapped into the chair, they stepped back. "What's going on? What are you doing to me?" Sasuke demanded, pulling against the restraints. He turned wide eyes on Sakura, betrayal in his gaze. "Sakura-san... Why are you doing this to me?"
Before she could say anything, Neji shooed both Sakura and Naruto out of the room. Before closing the door behind him, his low voice called back, "The rest is up to you, Lee."
Sasuke was left in silence for a short moment, wherein he took stock of his situation. But before he could think too much on the betrayal of his Sakura-san and dear friend, Naruto-kun, a lone figure stepped into the small circle of light that illuminated Sasuke's place of detention.
The original second Green Beast stood before him, appearing as haggard as a man being dogged by demons. His eyes were wild with desperation and vindication as he raised a hand holding a remote control.
"Lee-kun!" Sasuke said, trepidation in his voice. "What's going on?"
"I'm putting an end to this, Sasuke. I'm putting an end to you," the other male rasped, expressing more passion in those two sentences than he had in the past two weeks.
"Wait! What are—?"
"We'll both be fine after this," Lee said, voice choked with emotional relief. Then he hit the remote.
After struggling through a viscous haze within his confused mind, Sasuke managed to crack his eyes open. His brain protested as the incessant pounding within his skull increased its tempo at the movement, but he had to know where the heck he was and what had happened to him.
He sat up and took in his surroundings, seeing the darkened redesigned set for their PSAs. The set he had designed—
Wait. What?
He designed it? Why would he…?
Sasuke's eyes widened slowly, the horror of the past few weeks flooding his mind. He looked down at himself and nearly choked on his own tongue at the sight of green spandex.
"Oh…hell."
Guttersnipe's Word: The next chapter is the last one, peeps! And I am stoked about it. Please drop a review! Thanks! Oh, and, I did not like The Notebook, which is why I had Sasuke like it enough to cry when watching it. Yeah. (Let the hate come pouring in!) Everyone I've told that to has called me heartless. I'm not a chick-flick kind of girl. Nope.
