This chapter is not very long, but it fills in some of the gaps that I left out before I think. Think of it as a teaser while I move the plot along. If you find grammatical errors please let me know. Enjoy.
When Jim made it off the ship he thought that all was well, that Spock, Bones, the kids and the crew had made it out safely. But when his pod landed, he saw it, the smoke, the fire, the burning pod. He knew, in his gut he just knew that it was Spock's pod. Spock's body had been found over One-Hundred feet from the crash site; it was a miracle that he even survived. After getting Spock to safety Kirk and many of the Enterprise crew spent hours searching for Amanda and Leonard, for any trace of them. But from the looks of it, their bodies burned up on impact.
The only thing Jim could find himself thankful for at the time was that their death came quickly. There was no pain involved.
That's when he heard it, Leo's cries, his babies were safe! They were ok!
"Bones! Bones!" Cried Jim when he realized who was carrying Leo. The Captain ran faster than he had ever run in his life. Leonard's arms were out stretched towards him with blood shot eyes. Kirk scooped up his son with a lighter heart and held him tight, relieved and crying with joy. He checked Leo for any injuries, just a couple scrapes and bruises, nothing too serious. He looked to the good Doctor with a hopeful smile.
"Where's Amanda? Is she ok?"
Doctor McCoy looked at his Captain confused.
"S-She's not with me Jim, she went with Spock. The pods were too small for the both of them to fit." Replied Leonard slowly.
Jim's eyes widened, the tears of joy quickly turned into tears of a broken heart. He couldn't hear anything, he couldn't see. Everything was blurry. He felt someone take Leo from him. He wanted to scream out in agony, he wanted them to give him his son back. But he couldn't bring his body to make a sound. He just fell to his knees in anguish. So she really was gone. The universe had brought his hope back when he found Leonard, only to have the carpet swiftly swiped from under him.
After what seemed like hours, James Tiberius Kirk stood up with a crazed look in his eyes. He vaguely remembered barking orders at his subordinates. He told them that their only objective was to find Amanda. He got Leo back, he will find her as well. Every hour or so Kirk would check in with med bay to assess His mate's condition and every time they said the same thing. 'Stable'. What the hell does that mean anyway. Stable, couldn't anyone give him a straight answer?
Nine hours of searching later the crew of the Enterprise still had no good news to offer their Captain. When he realized that the search was futile, and that if Amanda wasn't in the pod the only way they would find her was in pieces all over the planet, Jim heart collapsed, wracked with guilt and shame. He wasn't able to save his child, his Mandy. He could still remember what she smelled like, what her burps sounded like. He remembered what she wore that day vividly.
Shakily Jim made his was to med bay where Bones held Leo safely in his arms. He took his sleeping child into his arms and went to go sit by his husband. Spock was in a Vulcan healing trance, recovering from the horrific injuries. Jim sat there silently watching over the remaining members of his broken family.
It has been 58 days since the Captain and his first officer lost their daughter along with 221 crew members. The Li'tpe incident is still under investigation, no one is sure what happened exactly. The USS Liberty had not been notified about the hostile attack on Li'tpe until it was too late. That means that someone had been negligent and had cost hundreds of Starfleet lives. Someone was responsible for all of this but no one was fessing up.
The first three days since Spock woke up he refused to speak, he didn't eat or sleep. He spent his days meditating, trying to calm his heart of the soul wrenching pain that came with losing a child. Ambassador Sarek departed for the USS Liberty as soon as he heard of the news. He tried his best to get through to his son, but nothing seemed to work. He eventually had to offer his condolences to the Captain and make his way back to New Vulcan, back to his responsibilities. But a part of Surak's mind stayed behind with his son, shamed that there was nothing he could do to help.
Captain Kirk had been dealing with the Admiralty trying to do damage control. Admiral Pike offered his condolences to James and promised that he would take care of everything and that Kirk should go be with his family. And that is there was anything that he or Spock needed, he shouldn't hesitate to ask.
No one knew what to say. No one knew what to do. The bridge crew avoided the captain and the commander at all costs. What could they say?
'Hey sorry you lost your kid; at least you still have one of them.'
The entire Enterprise was feeling loss; they had all lost friends, loved ones. But no one felt grief like a Vulcan, and the bridge crew knew that. They just didn't know what to do.
Captain Kirk put Leonard to sleep, thankful, if there was anything to be thankful for at this moment, that Leo didn't know what was going on. He knew his sister wasn't around, but he didn't think anything drastic of it. He was a baby.
The Enterprise crew desperately just wanted to go home, but Starfleet's orvers were to stay on the Liberty until all discrepencies had been cleared up. It has been almost two months, and everyone is on edge.
Jim quietly walked into his temporary quarters to find Spock in the same place he'd been since he was discharged from sick bay. On the floor, meditating. It broke Jim's heart to see Spock like this, no matter how many times he told him that there was nothing more that could have been done, he still blames himself. And Jim doesn't know what that will do to their family.
Jim slowly made his way to Spock, stopped a foot away from him and sat down on his knees.
"Spock." Jim called out to his T'hy'la. There was no response. "Spock please talk to me. Spock I need you." He said in a cracked voice. He wanted to reach out to his Vulcan but he didn't think that the gesture would be reciprocated and Jim didn't think he could handle that. "Spock, what happened wasn't your fault; there was nothing that could have been done." Jim pleaded. But there was no use. Spock wasn't responding. Jim just nodded slightly and made his way to the bedroom and closed the door.
ENTRY 2 DAY 58
It had taken several doctors and a few nurses to restrain me. I was hysterical, nothing could consol me. I felt you, I can feel you now. How could they tell me that you were dead, that my daughter was gone when I could feel you in my mind? Father says that it is the echo of our bond, that my mind was damaged by your death the same way that his was with my mother.
Jim, my beloved, my Captain, I have never seen him in such pain before. Tears were streaming down his face as he held on to your brother, as if he was afraid he too would disappear. He says that there was nothing I could have done, but I do not believe him. This is coming from the man that did not believe in a no-win scenario. I cannot accept this. I will find you; I will not let you go.
Stay safe, wherever you are.
