Houser conjured a new cane with a portion of the nanomachines which comprised his being. Houser had not actually survived the destruction of Hyades; his consciousness binded to experimental nanomachines he built out of Vicodin and crickets. They were banned from public sale because their capabilities of granting eternal life were deemed too great for mere shitlings to handle.
Sick of being a fucking fly, Houser rearranged his nanomachine structure into the form of a gatling railgun. he was going to fucking kill Filgaia; no, he was going to kill the universe!
Like hell Kartikeya was going to give up his sovereingty to a fucking alien Wild ARM. His eyes exploded and were replaced with magma as he and Avril teamed up to save their world from the bitchy Vicodin withdrawals of Houser.
Avril whipped out her Absolute Zero, firing from it unimaginably spicy salsa up Houser's barrels, wreaking unbelievable agony since his barrels were mucus membranes. He popped six Vicodin into each barrel, then resumed charging his ultima fuckbeam.
Kartikeya strapped Avril in with his jockstrap, then throttled into space with the rocket boosters hidden inside his legs, which were not prosthetics but forged from the corpse of Starscream. He heaved a half of the red moon at Houser, who dodged it but was hit by a smaller rock which flew off of it. Frustrated, he aimed his half-charged ultima fuckbeam, a penultima foreplaybeam, at the duo. Avril took the full shock of the blast, killing her instantly, but Kartikeya survived. Kartikeya charged in and punched a nuke up each of Houser's barrels, then rocketed away like a thousand faggoty deaths at the rusted penes of ill-maintained dragons. Houser was blown to microscopic bits, but those units were still whole nanomachines. He was alive.
Houser had enough of this fucking bullshit. He possessed the shit out of Filgaia, becoming Gaiamon, then split it in half once again, to use the hemispheres as jaws for killing the fuck out of Kartikeya. Kartikeya tossed Avril's Absolute Zero into Gaiamon's maw, landing a direct hit on the core. The spiciness of the salsa and the superheated core reacted so violently, the universe was indeed destroyed from the explosion. But in the loss of what once was, something new and far more wonderful was birthed. The cataclysmic clash of old friends forged a new universe, a universe in which Avril was no longer trapped in a time loop and born into the modern age, a proud member of the samurautist master race. Best of all, Avril was her vicious, bitchy Ice Queen self, the kind Kartikeya fell for in the first place. The two hit it off like an un-neutered dog and a sock monkey slathered in bitch piss. Their offspring, mysteriously enough, were nothing like either of their parents. In this timeline, Kartikeya was not actually a full-blooded samurautist; he carried diluted asperninja genes, and through a stroke of luck as it were, their children inherited a full asperninja genome, allowing the species to propagate once again. Fereydoon shed a golden tear. Kartikeya took pride in his newfound heritage, his racism dissipating to a universe where shitlings pray for soap but soap never arrives.
Hyades was no longer a giant pile of spacedust, because Kartikeya no longer had need to fap. Dr. House's nanomachine invention earned him countless awards, and made him the richest, most celebrated man in the universe. His technology was shared by samurautists and asperninjas across the vast celestial seas. It cured fuckatitis V as well as Filgaia's sickness. Lush green vegetation returned to the wasteland planet. The nanomachines also went above and beyond the call of duty, repairing even the toughest of problems, not least of which the brain structures of the ASGX Royal Family. They shifted their ruling style from frosty iron fist to a most elegantly executed governmental system which globally united all of Filgaia's people. It even allowed interstellar trading with the people of Hyades. Their children would become the vanguards of Hyadan exopolitics. It was perfect. Everything. Too perfect. kartikeya pinched himself, so hard he tore a piece of his flesh out. The pain was so great his testicles exploded into a flurry of fuckfire, yet he did not wake, meaning this was for real. All of it.
Kartikeya laughed.
