His Name is Beloved

Sam tried to smile at Karofsky as much as possible. Every time he saw him in the hall, a nod and a smile. He was a little scared that the hockey player would think he enjoyed knowing Dave's secret, but that wasn't the case – he just wanted to show some support. Of course, he probably couldn't do that properly without revealing that he was bisexual. Would that help his case, or would it make Karofsky freak out? Every time Kurt came up around one of the glee kids, at least one thing was said about Dave. Sam knew he couldn't defend him without revealing the secret he kept; part of him didn't want to since Dave deserved it. What he had done was beyond wrong.

Shit, Sam, you're not a therapist – you're not even an adult? What the hell can you do to fix this? Except Sam knew that teenagers often didn't feel safe telling an adult a secret like that, and if Dave was still in the closet... He wasn't ready, and Sam finding out was just an accident.

It didn't matter too much; there was no way Karofsky was going to let himself be alone with Sam again, right? Or... at least until he found out that Sam liked dudes.

Then Quinn got mono. She was out of school for weeks, and Sam barely talked to anyone at all, let alone smiling at them. When she came back, he was happy again – for about a week. Then Santana spelled it out for him. He was hurt; he felt stupid, and he didn't want to be alone, so he took her offer. She's offered to be his mistress, but Sam wasn't a cheater. He stopped smiling again. Often, he found himself looking at either Quinn or Finn. Rage would overtake him, but only for a moment. Then he would look at Santana, but that didn't help, either. She was using him to be popular, or maybe she hated being alone as much as he did. She didn't really like him; she hated the things he liked, the things he hid so he could stay popular. Had Quinn really liked him, or had he just been in the right place at the right time? Every time he thought about it, he just felt more alone than ever.

He was running track after baseball practice when Karofsky came onto the field. They were both pacing themselves, but at different speeds, and it only took a couple of laps before they were side by side.

"Hey, uh, I heard about Quinn."

"Yeah."

"Hudson's a dick, going after your girl like that."

"They have history together, though."

"Funny, she cheated on him, and that's how she got pregnant."

"Her vagina should come with a warning label."

"Santana's not exactly better."

"Santana's upfront about it."

"Have you two -"

"Not yet, but we have a date this weekend." They rounded a corner. "Did you ever -"

"No. Thought about trying it." Dave glanced over at Sam. "Hey, you're not going to tell anyone about – about me, right?"

"No."

"Why not?"

Sam was quiet for a while. "I'm bisexual."

"What? You like co-"

"Shut the fuck up, Karofsky!"

"Oh, yeah, and you got on my ass for hiding it."

"I'm not going around threatening to kill people, either!"

"Who told you that?"

"Finn. Is it true?"

"Yeah."

"Do you threaten to kill everyone you kiss?"

Karofsky stopped running. Sam was just a few feet ahead of him when he stopped and turned around.

"What? Come on, man."

"I'm not a fuck up." Dave was hanging his head. "I just messed up once, okay?"

"That's a pretty big way to fuck up."

"I'm sorry!" He rubbed his forehead, gritting his teeth. "You don't get it! You're already Mr. Popular; it's easy for you! Girls like you! And even... even if a girl liked me like that... I don't know if I could fake it. I don't know if I could do that to her, either."

"So you won't pretend you like a girl 'cause it could hurt her feelings, but you'll shove someone into lockers and force yourself on them?"

"Shut up! I'm working on it!"

"Working on what, your double-standards?"

"My anger issues, okay?"

He started to walk off the track. Sam sighed, the started to jog after him.

"Look, I shouldn't've said those things. I'm just pissed. I thought about coming out, but then Kurt left, and I figured it wasn't safe."

"Really?"

"Yeah, blame your lack of self-control on me."

"So, uh, how are you working on it?"

Dave kicked a rock. "Ever since I got expelled, I've been seeing a therapist. She's nice, but -"

"But you don't feel safe telling her what's really going on."

"I tried! I really did." He looked away. "Every time I try, my throat gets clogged up, and I freak out."

"Hey, man, it's okay."

"No, it's not!" He stopped walking and looked at Sam. "How do I know you're really bi? How do I know you aren't just lying so that you can tell people I'm, you know, and just laugh it off?"

Sam kissed him; no hesitation, no thoughts. It wasn't cheating if Santana didn't care, right? The only person she ever seemed to get possessive over was Puck.

When Sam pulled back, Dave had a lost look on his face. He stared at Sam, then raised a hand to his lips.

"Now you can't say -"

"Get away from me!" The hockey player spun around and ran to his car. Sam rolled his eyes and turned back to the track. He wished he hadn't opened his big mouth.