I actually liked this episode- despite it defying several laws of physics, it was good. Plus, it was from back before the show started really... uh, going downhill. But there it was, ready to be parodied, so how could I resist?
Anyways, if you bother to read, please do review. I like reviews, I promise I won't bite. Even if you just review to tell me how much this sucked and how you've now lost several brain cells. Plus, I've got the anonymous review setting turned on, so if you don't have an account/don't feel like logging in/don't want anyone to know you've been reading junk like this, review anyways!
Rusty and the Boulder, AKA Indiana Jones Sodor Style
High up on a mountain in the hills of Sodor stood a giant perfectly spherical boulder with a mysterious resemblance to a meatball. It had stood alone undisturbed on its cliff for a long time. But one day, workmen arrived to build a quarry nearby, completely ignoring potential dangers posed by the large, precariously balanced rock formation looming overhead.
Rusty was bringing a load of rock down from the quarry one day when he met Thomas and Percy, who were sitting around doing nothing as usual, and had somehow gained the ability to run on narrow gauge rails.
"Where's all this rock coming from?" asked Percy.
"The new quarry," replied Rusty. "This mountain rock is good for many things, although it's dangerous up there."
"Why?" asked Thomas.
"Because of Peter Sam, I'm really afraid of him," said Rusty.
"What?!" said Thomas. "Really?"
"No," said Rusty. "Because of a big boulder, I think it's watching me."
"How can it be, boulders don't have eyes!" said Percy. He paused. "Wow, they gave me a line that proves I actually do have a brain!"
"That may be, Percy, but there's something strange about this one," said Rusty.
"What makes you think that?" asked Thomas.
"Well, for starters, it looks like a giant meatball," said Rusty.
Just then, Edward arrived with a new piece of machinery for the quarry.
"What's that?" asked Rusty.
"It's called Thumper," said Edward.
"Excuse me!!" said Thumper indignantly. "That's not fair, why do I have to be an 'it', and you all get to be 'he's?"
"Don't worry," said Rusty. "At least they haven't called you a 'she' yet."
"It helps collect the rock faster," Edward went on.
Thumper glared.
"Sorry- he helps collect the rock faster," Edward corrected himself.
"Thank you," said Thumper.
Soon Thumper was working hard, and although it—
"He!" shouted Thumper angrily.
-sorry, and although he was doing nothing discernable but making a loud noise and a lot of dust, the men were pleased.
But no one bothered the check the boulder.
Rusty looked up to check the boulder. "Do you really think," he asked his driver nervously, "that it was a good idea to build a quarry right underneath several tons of precariously balanced rock?"
"Don't be so daft," said his driver. "The workmen know what they're doing."
One day, it rained, and the workmen went away.
Rusty, who for some unknown reason was at the worksite despite it being closed, looked up at the boulder nervously.
Suddenly, a huge chunk of rock fell onto the tracks in front of him.
Rusty was shocked.
"The rain must've loosened some of this rock," said his driver.
"Wonderful, now can we get out of the way?" asked Rusty. "The rain might've loosened Boulder too."
"You've named the rock?" asked his driver, bemused.
"That's what they call it in the script!" Rusty protested.
"Are you following the script?"
"Er…right. I think it's Boulder, wanting us to go away."
"Don't be so daft," said his driver.
"That wasn't in the script either!" said Rusty indignantly.
His driver shrugged.
As they backed away from the worksite, Rusty glanced up at the boulder again.
"Hey look, it has Gordon's face!" he shouted.
"What?" said Gordon. "That hunk of stone looks nothing like a big, strong engine, such as myself."
The next day, the sun shone. Despite the loosened rock from the previous day's rain, the workmen came back.
"How stupid is that?" said Rusty incredulously.
"Don't be so daft- that's not stupid," said his driver.
Then Rusty noticed something. "Boulder's moving!"
"Don't be so daft," said his driver. "It can't!"
"Then how do you explain the dust falling onto the tracks?" asked Rusty.
"That's nothing."
"What about the sound of grating stone?"
"Coincidence."
"The looming shadow that's shifting overhead?"
"Nothing to worry about."
The giant boulder smashed down onto the tracks in front of them.
"Ah," said Rusty's driver, and jumped into Rusty's cab.
The boulder began rolling towards them.
"It's rolling along our line!" said Rusty, and he reversed around a bend and into a siding.
"We'll stop here until Boulder passes by," said Rusty's driver.
But Boulder had mysteriously disappeared.
Until…
"It's behind us!" shouted Rusty's driver.
Rusty shot forward. "How did it get there?"
"I don't know!" said his driver. "Maybe by the same magic that makes it perfectly spherical and gives it Gordon's face!"
"That is not my face!" shouted Gordon.
The boulder chased Rusty down the line.
"Whoo!" screamed his driver. He put on a fedora.
Up ahead was a junction. One line went uphill.
"Quick!" shouted Rusty's driver. "Use your telekinetic powers to switch the points to the uphill line!"
"But I haven't got any telekinetic-"
The points magically switched.
Rusty went uphill, and the boulder thundered past.
Meanwhile, further down the mountain, Skarloey was pushing a couple of cars up to the quarry.
"What's that loud ominous rumbling sound?" he wondered.
"Probably nothing," said his driver.
The boulder rolled around a bend and thundered down the track towards them.
"Yiiiiiiikes!" shouted Skarloey, and he reversed.
"This reminds me of some movie…" mused his driver.
Boulder was catching up to them fast, but there was a siding up ahead.
"Hurry!" shouted Skarloey's driver. "Use your telekinetic powers and change the points!"
"But I haven't got any tele-"
The points switched, and they ducked into the siding.
The boulder rolled past, smashing some random wooden structure as it went. Broken pieces of wood rained down on Skarloey.
"Good riddance," he said.
Rusty came down the line.
"We must warn the yards!" said Skarloey.
"Yes, but how?" asked Rusty.
"I don't know!"
"I've got it- send smoke signals!" said Rusty's driver.
"I can't do that, I'm a diesel," snapped Rusty.
"Have Skarloey do it, he's a steam engine."
"Don't be ridiculous," said Skarloey. "That won't work."
"Dun da da daaaah, dun da duuun," said Rusty's driver as he straightened his fedora.
"SILENCE!" shouted the Fat Controller.
Meanwhile, further down the line was Rheneas.
"Why am I headed up to the quarry with no trucks?" asked Rheneas.
"I don't know," said his driver. "What's that giant round thing rolling towards us?"
"It's running loose!" yelled Rheneas.
"What's running loose?" shouted his driver.
"I don't know! But that was my line!" Rheneas looked at the thing that was bearing down upon them. "It… looks like a giant meatball."
He went into reverse.
"Wait, it's not a meatball, it's a boulder! Yiiiiiikes!"
They shot backwards towards the viaduct, which had conveniently transported itself from where it usually was down by the main part of the railway to up in the mountains.
"We'll lose it there!" shouted Rheneas's driver.
Rheneas zoomed backwards across the viaduct.
The boulder sped after him, managing to stay perfectly balanced on a structure that was half its width, and, if anything, increasing its speed.
"I hate it when the laws of physics fail me," sighed Rheneas.
There was a siding ahead.
"Quick!" shouted Rheneas's driver. "Use your telekinetic powers and change the points!"
"What?! I haven't got any-"
The points changed.
Rheneas smashed into some rocks, and the boulder rolled past.
"Rather a smash than a squash," said his driver.
"I suppose," said Rheneas. "Then, you weren't the one doing the smashing."
At the yards, Percy was collecting some trucks when he saw Boulder.
"Oh no, it's heading right for me!" he shouted. "I'd better stay right where I am and shut my eyes instead of running away!"
Boulder smashed into the sheds, which exploded into flames.
"How did that happen?" asked Percy, surprised. "There wasn't anything to spark a fire."
"Dramatic effect," said his driver.
The Fat Controller appeared.
"Sir!" said Percy in surprise. "How did you know to come here?"
"I saw the smoke signals," said the Fat Controller. He pointed to a shapeless blob of steam was rising from further up the line. "Can't you read that? It clearly says, 'Danger; a gigantic meatball is approaching the yards and will flatten the sheds, causing them to burst into flames."
"Er…" said Percy.
Back up the line, Rusty's driver looked proud. "I told you it would work!" he crowed.
"I think I said 'meatball' instead of 'boulder'," said Skarloey.
"Same difference," said Rusty's driver.
"Take off that hat, you look ridiculous," said Rusty.
The Fat Controller surveyed the damage.
"Excuse me, sir," said. Percy. "Why do you need to survey the damage, sir, when it's really quite obvious, sir, that the shed it completely destroyed, sir?"
"Silence, Percy!" said the Fat Controller. "Don't interrupt me while I'm surveying damage."
After a pause, the Fat Controller decided to shut down the mine. Then he looked at Boulder and said, "We should've left this part of the island alone."
They moved Boulder to a hill near the yards.
"Excuse me, sir, but how did we move the boulder, sir, and why, sir, when we could've left it in the yard, sir?" asked Percy.
"That doesn't concern you, Percy," said the Fat Controller. "Now go pull the mail train or something."
Rusty is sure that on clear nights, Boulder is looking up at the mountain, and it sighs of being carried on the wind to where it once used to stand, proud and silent.
"And with Gordon's face," added Rusty.
"That boulder does not have my face!!!!" thundered Gordon.
Rusty's driver straightened his fedora.
