Emily positioned herself in front of the course focusing on the hole as she was frowning and sticking out her tongue in concentration.
"I hope you don't mind me saying this, but you don't really look Mexican." Ava said slowly, causing me to cough.
"That's what I hear all the time." Elizabeth replied, rolling her eyes. "My grandfather was Scottish, you know?" She smiled. "Damn those recessive genes."
Good I thought to myself. We have practiced that scenario often enough.
Ava nodded, raising her eyebrows. "And what kind of doctor are you?" She asked. While Emily's ball was not even close to the hole as she repeatedly batted it against the wall, groaning in frustration.
"Oh, one for the sick people!" Elizabeth responded casually.
Emily's eyes widened, looking up from her ball. "Well, those are especially important." She replied, nodding.
I couldn't believe my ears. I cleared my throat before bursting into a fake laughter. "You're so funny Dear."
When Emily's ball had finally found its way into the hole, I quickly grabbed the red one out of its basket and started playing.
We were slowly making our way through the 18 different courses, each one getting a little more tricky. Ava kept questioning Elizabeth and I couldn't help but think that this all felt like some interrogation in court rather than a casual date. Emily never managed to finish a course with less than ten tries but everyone chose to ignore the rules at the sight of the woman's sad and pouty face.
"I'm not the best putter." She stated slowly as she was looking at their scorecard. "You're doing fine" I reassured her, smiling. "We all suck at this."
I could see Ava glare at me from the corner of my eyes but chose to ignore it. I was highly aware that this contest wasn't about miniature golf anymore.
It was my turn again and I could feel the exhaustion kicking in. It may not have been the most active sport, yet I wasn't used to being on my feet for so long anymore, constantly having to kneel down to grab the ball or using all my strength for the courses. I could feel cold sweat on my forehead, my vision a little blurry as my hands were shaking, trying to keep the club straight.
I stumbled a step backwards, right into Elizabeth who managed to catch me.
"You okay?" she asked concerned. I nodded.
"I don't want to have to call the ambulance, you fainting was not part of the deal." She whispered into my ear so that the others couldn't hear her and I pushed her away annoyed.
"I'm fine" I hissed, finishing my game as I took another deep breath. I didn't dare to look at Emily, though I could almost feel her eyes burning holes into my back.
I tried focusing on the red ball but suddenly I could see two - no - three of them, and it was hard to make out which was the real one. I tried batting but missed, feeling myself grow impatient. My breathing was getting shorter and little black dots were dancing in front of my eyes. Heat wave after heat wave was rushing through my body and I pushed down the need to rip off my suddenly terribly tight clothes. My legs were shaking and my head was spinning, the voices that surrounded me suddenly sounding so far away, as if there were cotton candy in my ears.
"I... I think I need to sit down for a moment." I managed to say, stumbling over to the nearest bench, letting myself sink down on top of it.
Emily was next to me in an instant, dropping her club on the floor. "Paige, are you all right?" She asked, petting my back.
"I... yeah... I guess I didn't drink enough... you know how easily I dehydrate."
I wasn't sure that I had ever dehydrated in the time we had been dating but it seemed like a logical explanation.
"Hon, please get Paige some water and a candy bar, ok?" Emily said, looking at Ava who frowned but quickly made her way over to the little shop.
Elizabeth sat down at the other side of the bench, twirling her red locks around her finger.
"Don't get me wrong, but I think it's time to call it a day." She stated, not really bothering to make sure her 'girlfriend' was okay.
Emily didn't stop stroking my back, not until her girlfriend arrived with water and chocolate.
"Here, drink that" She said, opening the bottle for me. Emily quickly unwrapped the Snickers. "And eat this, sugar will help."
Emily frowned looking over to Elizabeth who still didn't show any interest in the situation. Ava followed Emily's gaze, clearing her throat.
"I thought you were a doctor, shouldn't you help your girlfriend?" Ava asked, not able to hide the judgment in her voice. "One might think you'd know what to do in such situations..."
Usually I would have gotten insecure at hearing the other woman's suspicious tone, but I felt too weak to care. All I wanted was to go home and lie down. Go home and lie down with Emily next to me who'd keep stroking my back. And my hair. And kiss my forehead. I shook my head, trying to get rid of these thoughts, these feelings. I grabbed Emily's arm and softly pushed her hand away from me, not meeting her eyes.
"It'd be nice if you could take me home now, Gabby." I told Elizabeth and the other woman shrugged, getting up from the bench as she was fumbling for the car keys in her pocket. When she finally found them she held out her hand for me to take and helped me off the bench.
I turned around once more giving Emily an apologetic look.
"I'm sorry." I said. "But we were almost done anyway, right? And I didn't count the points, but I suppose you would have won."
"Of course she would." Elizabeth said, rolling her eyes as she softly pushed me towards the exit. "It was nice meeting you both, enjoy the rest of the day."
"Yeah..." Emily said, hesitating. "Feel better, Paige."
I looked at my ex, then at the woman next to Emily who gave Elizabeth and myself a serious glare. I knew I wasn't going to feel better anytime soon. Rather worse. I closed my eyes for a second, trying to erase the image of Emily's sad and concerned face out of my mind as I followed my fake girlfriend to her car. Sinking down in the not very comfortable seat, I let my head rest against the tiny window. My body had showed me once again that this was a bad idea, that I couldn't hide behind this mask for too long. What would Emily think? I had embarrassed myself. Should I call her when I got home and apologize for ending the date so abruptly? Maybe send a text? Do nothing?
I looked over to Elizabeth who hummed along with the song that was playing on the radio. When we finally arrived at my apartment, Elizabeth cleared her throat. "My money?" She asked, looking at me expectantly.
I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep myself from yelling at the other woman. I knew I had no right to be angry, she had played her part and did everything I had asked her to do. I owed her. I fumbled for the money and threw it on her lap, I got out of the car without another word as I slammed the door shut. I headed straight to my bedroom, letting myself sink on the mattress, not bothering to remove my clothes. My hands still shaking, I opened the drawer of my nightstand, digging for my medication. I swallowed it without blinking, adding two sleeping pills in the process.
Hours later, I still haven't fallen asleep. I was staring holes into the ceiling, although the bedroom was barely illuminated enough to make out the ceiling in the first place. Ava had dozen off a couple of times but whenever she opened her eyes, she found me in the same position as before. Not asleep.
"Why are you torturing yourself?" Ava asked into the completely silent room, yet I didn't wince.
"I'm not" I quietly stated, my voice calm and serious.
"You are. It still hurts you. Even after all this time it hurts and I don't blame you cause it's only natural plus we both know that something is truly odd here."
Ava came closer, taking my chin in her hand to make me look at her.
"It's not odd. She's with someone else, these things happen, it's not -"
"That's not what I'm talking about, Em." Ava interrupted. ''It's not weird that she's dating someone else, it's weird that she's pretending to be dating someone else."
I had to frown, trying to study the other woman's face in the dark room.
"I don't know what you're talking about, you're really confusing me." I mumbled, pushing Ava's hand away, slowly but firmly.
"I don't know Paige like you do, but she was really thin, Em. Thin and pale and weak and shaky. Don't tell me she's always looked like this."
"She said she was dehydrating." I replied.
"And Gabriela? I mean, seriously? The girl looked like Emma Stone or maybe Lindsay Lohan. I'm not buying it."
I couldn't help but notice that my girlfriend sounded upset. I also noticed that it was the first time I had seen her this way, more emotional than usual.
"Ava I don't know why you're getting so angry, it's none of our business anyway."
"It became our business when you decided to go on dates with your ex again, Emily." Ava replied immediately, her voice strict. "With your ex who cheated on you, lied to you, and who's clearly still lying to you."
Hearing those words, I sat up in bed, turning on the lamp on my nightstand, glaring at my girlfriend.
"You've got to be joking! This is making no sense! You're searching for stuff to criticize because it bothers you that I'm seeing her again!"
"Are you closing your eyes on purpose? It's not that hard to see the obvious Em, it's happening right in front of your nose! You could save yourself a lot of pain if you'd be willing to see people for who they really are instead of always searching for the good in them."
"Are you calling me naive?" I asked.
Ava sighed hard, knowing that this was dangerous ground.
"No Em, I'm worried okay? Have you looked at Gabriela's car?"
"I liked it, there was a rainbow sticker on the backdoor."
"Em! It was an old VW Polo, probably built like two decades ago. Gabriela is supposed to be a doctor. Doctors have money. They can buy far better cars."
I got out of the bed and put on my clothes, leaving Ava speechless.
"Where are you going, it's the middle of the night?!"
"I'm tired of people telling me they want to protect me. Or telling me what's best for me. Or telling me what I deserve and what not. I can decide what's best for me, okay? And right now that would be sleeping in my own bed."
Ava was aware that the little speech was not only connected to this particular situation. Not only about the way she had treated Emily. She was scared to think more of it, scared to admit to herself how deep the wound of Emily's and Paige's breakup must have been and how many unresolved emotions, fears and insecurities her girlfriend was still carrying inside of her. Yet she knew there was nothing she could do but to let Emily go for the night.
"Em, if I'm making this all up, then why did you lie there, sleepless, staring at the ceiling all night? If it was only some casual date? If this is only happening in my head?" Ava's voice was much softer again.
"I will call you tomorrow."
Ava nodded. "Em, I love you."
My girlfriend's features softened and brought out a little smile, then I nodded slowly before finally leaving the room.
Ava sighed, still not believing that their perfect relationship had so quickly turned around and proceeded down such a rocky path. The events of the night didn't leave her mind and she refused to accept that she had acted paranoid and was only driven by jealousy.
Sure she was jealous, sure this wasn't easy, but Ava liked to think she was a rather mature person, able to tolerate a lot of things and situations. Usually her feelings didn't trick her like this.
Focusing on the search bar she typed in the name of the person who had confused her the most - Gabriela Garcia.
"2.260.000 hits?" She mumbled in frustration. Her cursor went back to the search bar and added the word 'doctor'.
"2.392 hits, that's something to work with." She said, scanning the page before finding the first link that looked promising.
"Let's see what we have here."
