I'm really sorry about being away for so long. This school year really got to me and I was having a lot of difficulties in math and science. I am back though and ready to GET THIS FIC DONE. YEAH. I'VE BEEN FEELING SO BAD ABOUT THIS BUT HERE'S AN UPDATE.
Much to Matthew's chagrin, Prussia kept his promise and stayed in the house. Matthew tried his best to make things as uncomfortable as possible. Dinners would be filled with awkward silences, evenings would be Prussia attempting to talk to him but they'd soon become one sided conversations, and in the mornings Matthew would wake up early and shower so that his house guest wouldn't see him covered in sweat and notice he tear tracks marking his cheeks. Despite all of these faults, Prussia still seemed to wake up from the newly bought couch with a smile and no complaints of a stiff back. He refused to look at Matt with anything but admiration. Somehow, he eventually saw through the façade. When Matthew walked downstairs, fresh out of the shower, he'd find Gil waiting, no matter how early, and the man would flash his usual smile and just say, "We'll work on it."
It had been three weeks since Gilbert had come to Matthew's new home.
"G'night Canada!" Gil yelled from the bottom of the stairs.
Matthew rolled over on his bed with a groan. "Fuck you too." He yelled back, flipping the bird despite knowing that the other man would never see it.
The kids at work had been a rowdy bunch that day. A lot of loud voices clamoring for attention still echoed in his ears. One young girl, Willow, had stared at him with wide hazel eyes. She silently passed him a drawing she had done in crayon when the others had moved on to arguing amongst themselves. The drawing was of a blocky figure full of bright colours and a large dark scribble behind them.
"Who's this person Willow?" he asked softly as he knelt down to talk to her. The child smiled at him, her face full of life and vitality.
She pointed to the figure, "That's you. You're really nice and happy so I think you should get all the bestest colours."
"What about that black smudge? Is that an animal?"
She shook her head and a frown crossed her small features, "No that's the night mares." Matthew's grip on the sheet of paper tightened and his smile felt a little more forced.
"What night mares, honey?"
"The big bad ones you get. You always look tired when you're alone. I have night mares a lot and they make me tired too. Are you ascared of the dark? I am. We can be scared together and maybe then you won't be so sleepy."
Before Matthew could say anything in response she had run off to show her other friends. He didn't even hear their laughter.
Now he lay in bed staring at the ceiling. He was an ancient being who embodied knowledge and the hearts of his people. He was all of this- and yet… He couldn't find the will to turn the lights off. He curled into himself and fell into a fitful sleep.
Flashes of steel.
A burning pain in his chest.
Laughter from his mouth that wasn't his own.
Death's changing faces.
Himself standing on a hill soaked in the blood of fallen comrades.
Vimy Ridge.
D-Day.
Juno Beach.
1812.
He was panting. His chest heaved as he struggled to right himself. He found himself in a clearing surrounded by American soldiers. Dead. Dead. ALL OF THEM DEAD.
His uniform was red. It had started out like that but now the colour was darker and expanding in large blossoms.
The soldiers were gone.
Willow.
Willow was there with another drawing.
"This is you." She said pointing to a completely black page of paper. "You are the night mares."
Red started to seep through her clothes and her small form dropped down to the ground.
There were people from all the wars and all the battles of the past.
He screamed.
He cried and he screamed.
He laughed
Matthew resurfaced from his dream gasping and trembling. Everything hurt and it was loud. He felt hands on him. The hands were hot and refused to let him go. He tried to kick away. He needed to get away from him. He was holding him down. He was drowning him. His head pounded and a constant screaming in the background wasn't helping. Thunder also rumbled in the distance. When one of the hands clamped down over his mouth Matthew realised that the screaming was coming from himself. He opened his eyes and they frantically flitted around the dark room. Why was it dark? If it was dark then he would find him. Matthew bit down on the hand over his mouth and heard someone cursing. 'Gil?' his foggy mind thought.
"Turn…On…The damn…lights!" He gasped in a hoarse voice. The mattress under him shifted and the hands left his body. The sound of a light switch flicking didn't deliver the results he wanted.
"Looks like the power's gone…" Prussia said as another clap of thunder rumbled. Matthew felt the mattress dip underneath him again and the hands were back. He was cold so the hot hands seemed to sear his skin. He looked over at Prussia but his eyes widened as he saw Willow staring back at him. He didn't scream. He just let out a sob. Gilbert gasped softly and pulled the crying man into his arms.
"Shit Matt… fuck…you're so thin I could snap you in half… And you're shaking- like really badly shaking. Matt? Can you hear me?" He muttered all of this into the other man's ear. Matthew nodded. He hadn't noticed how badly he was trembling. He rested his head on Gilbert's shoulder and nodded. The tears still flowed. He felt the nimble Prussian's hands card through his hair and hold him steady.
"What the fuck was that Mattie? Was that why you left?"
Matthew's grip just strengthened on the back of the man's shirt and he let out another loud sob as he burrowed his face into the crook of Prussia's neck.
They stayed in silence for a while until the shaking subsided and Matthew relaxed in Gil's arms. His breathing steadied out. The kid was asleep. Prussia gently put him back down on the mattress. Matt didn't look good. He had bags under his eyes and the headlights from a passing car managed to illuminate the room and give a glimpse of how pale the young nation really was. Tonight the roles would be reversed and now Matthew would sleep but Gil…Gil would be up all night. He walked down the creaking stairs to the living room. He rummaged through a bag of his stuff. He found his iPod and crept back up to Matt's room. He gently lay down next to his friend on the bed and plugged in his head phones. He lay staring up at the ceiling as the first song came on.
Step one, you say, "We need to talk."
He walks, you say, "Sit down. It's just a talk."
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came
He didn't sleep. He just wondered. He wondered and came to one conclusion. He didn't really know why he had come anymore…but he was going to stay until he remembered.
oh! I also want to let anyone who's interested know that I started work on an original comic of mine. You can read it here.
/series/How-to-Be-an-Angel-and-a-Sinner-in-1-Step-or-Less
SInce I am on summer break I should update regularly. I had to delete my other fic That Was Then because it lost direction. I had no idea how to go on with it so hopefully I'll go back to it later and re-post it.
