Sara's POV
I love my mother to pieces, but after three weeks, I now remember why I insisted on moving out of Calgary. I'm going stir crazy, there is only so many places you can go before you start to run into old acquaintances from high school. I really didn't want a trip down memory lane, which sadly I couldn't avoid. Nikie Clark or well Summerland as of recent, what a blast from the past, the most disliked girl in my circle. But what can you say her parents were loaded and never home. She threw the best parties and could get us into the best clubs.
She shows up one afternoon while mom was at work. I had been working on some lyrics for the song Tegan had played during her sound check. I just couldn't get it out of my head. So there I am, on the couch in the living room with my guitar, when I hear the doorbell. I stop playing and look over at the door in hopes that if I am quite they will go away. Just as I think they are gone I hear them bang on the door and from the other side I hear them call out my name.
"Sara! I know you're there. My mom talked to your mom and she said you were home." Christ! I am going to kill her! I straighten my shirt and take a quick peek in the mirror by the door before opening it. On the other side stood a much older looking Nikie. Man, time has not been good to her. I force a smile and invite her in. She takes a seat on the couch and the second she see my guitar, she goes to pick it up. Quickly I move it out of her reach.
"I would rather you didn't." I smile and offer and explanation. "I just don't want to have to retune it later." She just smiles and nods her head like she understands. Which I doubt. I offer her something to drink. She passes saying she is 3 months sober. I force another smile and nod. That isn't what I meant but okay. So I grab us each a water. Not sure what to say I ask what's up. She perks up instantly and begins to ramble on.
"Oh my god I just have to tell you were right all along, about Jason Henley. We dated three years and He was nothing but a worthless asshole! Sure his family had money, but they didn't let him have a dime of it until he finished college and well you remember Jason, we both know that never happened. Last I saw him he was working at the Jiffy Lube. He married that Sam girl, after he knocked her up. You remember her right, she was only at Clearmonte because she was the bastard daughter of Governor's son. They had to keep her mom quite somehow." I had no idea how to respond really and honestly I didn't care.
"Oh is that so." I say with a fake smile. "Well it seems I am good at reading people then. So what do you do for a living?" I was trying to find anything other than talk about the mindless gossip. She sighs and looks down at her perfectly manicured nails.
"I was on the board of a few charities, but it was thought by some that I take some time for myself. A little R and R, if you will. But then, after my third husband, I decided to let some fresh faces take the reins for a while." Holy hell, three husbands!? What do you say to something like that?
"Oh….well I am sorry to hear that. They say third time's the charm, though." She rolls her eyes at me and laughs.
"Oh honey my last was worse the first two put together. It seems like there is not one man on this planet that can keep it in his pants!" I never break my smiles in fear that if I did she would see the horror I feel just setting here with her.
"Any kids then?" Secretly I pray that she doesn't have any. That's that last thing the city needs more of her running around.
"No, that was never my thing. You know the two am feedings and diaper changes. I mean I could have hired a nanny for that. But it seems each of my husbands were dead against that, it was the mother's job they would say. Now if I was working I could have gotten a day nanny but why even bother, either way it was more work than I was willing to go through." She smiles and then pats my knee. "What about you? I think I heard you had gotten married. And there was something about you dropping out of college. Which was such a shame, you were so smart Sara."
Oh my God this women is insane. Of all the people to make social call, why did it have to be her!? Then she asks about my marriage, there is not a drink strong enough to make me want to go down the path with her right now. So I said the first thing that came to mind.
"It didn't work out." I can see she is confused as hell and she confirms that by asking what didn't work out. "None of it, school, marriage, my life then." She seems genuinely concerned then.
"Oh well, what happened? Where have you been all these years? You're divorced, right?" I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
"No we are not divorced, separated I guess….two years now. As for school, I changed my mind; I couldn't picture myself at a desk job day in and day out. I became a musician instead and I can now say that I am quite successful at it. And no kids, not that I don't want any. I just haven't gotten to a point in my life where I feel I am ready." That's all she needed to know about me and my life. It wasn't like she kept in touch over the years. In fact I am not even sure if she even liked me in high school. She was best friends with Tori who then dated Michael. Michael and I had band class together every year since junior high. Eventually we started a band together. Never gave it a name but we loved to jam in his basement after school. And of course Nikie and Tori would be there. He was the closest thing I had to a best friend. He knew I was gay and never judged me on it and never told a soul.
Nikie stayed only a short while longer before she had to go. After she left I flopped down on my bed and let out a deep breath. I guess my life could be worse. I could be like her, looking twice my age, apparent alcoholic, divorced three times and too scared to work a day in my life leaving me to rely on others for everything. Charity board really, all that shit is just bored trophy wives who don't have anything better to do. But then again, that is where she was right, just a trophy wife, a pretty face to keep around.
The more I think about my afternoon visit, the more I realize my mom had to be behind it. Other than my nightly phone calls all I really do is mope around the house. And of course mom brings up Tegan every night at dinner. She ask all the normal question a mother would ask, when trying to learn about their child's latest crush. I know mom knows the answers to all those questions but I humor her anyway knowing it is more for her benefit than mine. I haven't really been around much the last ten years. I know it is going to break heart her when it is time for me to go.
Tonight when I call Tegan, I plan to let her know that I am on board with this collaboration thing. Not that I don't want to play music alongside her, really I just want to be closer to her. This is my chance so I might as well take it. I am not sure what I am feeling exactly but I do know I am happiest when she is on my mind, which seems to be all day everyday as of late. Now that doesn't mean I am not nervous about being in the same room with her. Just that the thought alone makes my stomach do flips. Hell, how am I going to live with her!? I swear I haven't felt like this….well since I met Emy.
I look over at the clock and see that is it just past four, Tegan is on the east coast this week so it's only just past one there. I could call her now. Sound check isn't for a few hours. I stare at my phone for a minute, wondering if now would be a good time to call her. I pick my phone up and pull up her name in my contacts, my finger hovers over her name for a second before I drop the phone back on my bed. I throw myself, face first, onto my bed screaming into the pillow. Rolling over I take a deep breath and then reach for my phone. I dial her number and bring the phone to my ear. It rings a few times before she picks up.
I don't respond to her first hello and then on the second I hear a bit of panic in her voice. She thinks something is wrong, why would Tegan think that? Finally I snap out of it.
"Hey." That is all I manage to force out. Why in the hell am I so nervous I have talked to her a dozen times now!
I hear the same panic in her voice. "Sara? Is everything okay? I wasn't expecting your call till later tonight." Of course! I never call this early in the day. I honestly didn't think it would freak her out.
"No…no….everything is fine. I….well…..fuck!" I hear Tegan laughing on the other end. "I am glad you find this amusing." I spit out a bit annoyed.
"No go ahead Sara. I am sorry. It's you're just so damn cute sometimes. Please, what do you call to say?" Fuck, did she say that? She thinks I am cute! Wait, was that's all she thought of me? That I am just cute? I am a women, I need to be more than cute! Damn it I will show you cute!
I collect my thoughts, no need to dwell on what is or isn't at the moment. "Well I just wanted to let you know that after thinking it over, I have decided that I do want to go through with the collaboration. I think it is a wonderful opportunity for us both." I tried to sound professional while trying to hold back a smile. I just hope she is as excited as I am.
I hear some rustled movement on the other end. I really can't make out what it is but then after a few hello's Tegan responds. She sounds a bit winded.
"Alright then. Umm….you're calling the shots. So what is your plan? Where do you want to meet after my tour is over? I think there was mention of an apartment for us to stay at." I sigh in relief as she seems to be on board with this.
"Well I really don't have any place in mind. I think I would like to be on the West Coast for a change though." So I can be as far away from Montreal, as I can get.
"Okay then…..Seattle or LA? Or even Portland?" Tegan suggests right away. It seems she has been given this some thought as well.
"Well, we are going to need a secure building of some sort. With the paparazzi and all, you know." There was an awkward silence and I deep breathe on the other end.
"Yeah….you're right. I was hoping things die down a bit but you know how the media can get….." I wanted to tell her that I didn't know but then that would just make this even more awkward to at the moment.
"Can I come see you?" I blurt out not sure as to what came over me. I pace the room and nervously bite my thumb nail trying not to let out a nervous cry. Maybe she didn't want me to come see her. Maybe I was getting ahead of myself, maybe she just thought I was cute. Shit not that again, it's okay to be cute even at 30.
Maybe I just caught her off guard because I get an excited response. "Yeah…yeah. That would be great. I would love to have you hang out with me for a few days. I have a few shows in New York this weekend. Would that work for you, I mean I know it is short notice and all."
I can feel a grin form on my face as I sit back down on the bed. "No that's perfect. I really need to get out of Calgary. I am going stir crazy here."
"Great so then I will meet you in New York, on Friday. We can hammer out any other details then I guess." Tegan sounds just as excited as I am.
Still grinning a say good bye and promise to call her later after the show. Then I immediately start gathering up all my laundry to wash, so I can start packing.
Tegan's POV
Starting each day without a hangover has given me prospective on life, it seems. I no longer have to gather aimlessly thrown cloths up off the floor, while fighting a headache. There is no one to cling to me, as I walk them out and no begging for my number in hopes to hear from me or see me again. Usually at that point it is well past noon and I have to get my shit together for us to either hit the road or that night's show. How the hell did I function like that?
Today, just like many days these past few weeks, I went out and did some sightseeing, this time we are in Chicago. After an early lunch we head back to the hotel and I start to pack for us to head out on the bus right after the show tonight. Just as I started separating what was clean from dirty I hear my phone ring. Right off I notice it is Sara's ringtone. I stiffen in shock as I look at the clock and then run to answer it. I say hello and get no response. Panic sets in and in a desperate need to get an answer I yell into the phone. Finally she answers me. In my concern I ask her why she called. She fumbles with her words, she's nervous. I love that she's so nervous sometimes, it's cute. Much like someone with a crush. I tell her that I think she's cute. Not sure why I did it just came out. Could she have a crush on me, I mean were not in fucking high school. We are adults, she just needs to come out a say something. I have never been any good at these games.
Finally we get to the reason she called. She wants to do the collaboration with me. I know at first I was against this one hundred percent but that was before I got to know her. She is a brilliant musician, I start listening to her tracks, looked her up YouTube. I found myself captivated by the way she interacts with the audience. I am to a point that I would actually be devastated if she didn't. But not because the label would drop me but because then I would have no reason to wait for her calls every night, no reason to smile when think about her, and no reason to hope that maybe I might have found my other half. As soon as I hear she's in I can't hold back my excitement.
I pull the phone away from my ear and cover it with my hand as I yell YES and jump around, like I had just won the ultimate prize. I calmed down, just enough to catch my breath, but I am still a grinning fool as I try to casually let her know that I am ready to move forward with the plans. I had given this a lot of thought, trying to figure out where be best for us to meet up. I wanted some place where we could get lost in the city if we wanted a day out and about. Someplace where I could take her to a movie and be unseen.
When she mentions she wanted to be on the east coast I rattle off a few of the larger cities but deep down I know we wouldn't get the privacy I hope for there. It seems she thought the same thing, she brings up needing secure housing for us. Instantly I feel like shit again. The media still hasn't backed off. It's been almost a month and they still seem to think they can try and catch me fucking up. But what they don't know it that there is nothing to tell. I fear that the moment they see me with Sara they will drag her name through the mud just as well.
Just as I thought the call was about to come to an end, out of nowhere she asks to see me. Just like that I felt like I was on top of the world again. How could I say no to that? She fucking wants to see me, Tegan Quin. I mentioned New York in hopes she would be up to flying out to see me this weekend. She said that is was perfect and I couldn't agree more. I finish my packing rather quickly and move my things back on the bus. We still had an hour until we needed to head over to the venue so I crank some music and kick back to relax.
I lay there and I think real long and hard about what I want exactly. Jamie had been my last serious relationship. We had been seeing each other for almost 6 months. Well if that's what you want to call it. She a steady job back in Vancouver, I was on the road. Some weekends she would fly out to meet me, but 36 hours was never enough. After that I decided that a life on the road couldn't handle what I want, deep down. I wanted what I watched my dad for years struggled to find. My dad married 3 times before he met Caroline. My mom never seemed to get a guy to stick around long enough to even discuss marriage. Sometimes, I wonder if it was because of me, the problem child. I never asked, I didn't want to know.
I hated seeing my dad go through divorce after divorce. After his second one, I vowed to never put myself through that. I wanted to marry for life, after all the vows, I say till death do us part. And that is what I intend. I have had several people tell me I am foolish to think that way. That you never know what life is going to throw at you, but the way I see it, you make it what you want.
