Why do people refer to Platinum as Platina? I mean, I get that it's the Japanese pronunciation, but you don't refer to any of the other characters by the Japanese pronunciation of their names. You don't call him Redo, you call him Red. It's not Ielo, it's Yellow. It's not Gurin, or Bulu, or Diamondo, or Curystarulu. Then why is it Platina/Purachina?
I've always wondered. Does anyone know?
Oh, well, on to the chapter!
Anyone who knew Diamond could tell you he loved food.
Like, seriously.
The guy was obsessed with cooking, and food, and baking, and all that kind of stuff. Maybe it was because he was a supertaster. (The taste equivalent of perfect pitch.) Maybe it was because both his parents were bakers. Whatever the case, he adored food.
Especially cake. He had an unhealthy obsession with cake.
But there were two things that Diamond loved even more than food, and those were his best friend, Pearl, and Platinum Berlitz.
Which was why, when he found himself having to choose between the two, it didn't turn out very well.
"Diamond! Pearl wants you over there!" Emerald pointed. "Says it's urgent!"
Well, of course it was. Everything Pearl did was urgent. But Diamond was fine with that, and everything would've been okay if what happened next didn't happen.
"Hey, Dia! Platinum says she needs you in the living room!" Sapphire yelled from somewhere else in the house.
Diamond froze, then looked in both directions. "Uh."
"Ooh. Tough call, man." Gold nodded sympathetically from the kitchen table, where he was doing homework with a frustrated Crystal. Mostly because Gold somehow did not know how to multiply fractions.
"What do I do?" Diamond asked, looking at his senior with a desperate look in his eyes.
Gold shrugged. "Your decision. Who do you like better?"
"You're not helping," he muttered, then sighed. "Well, Pearl did say it was urgent…"
"Pearl says everything is urgent," Gold countered, which really wasn't helping matters.
Crystal whacked him. "Concentrate on math, you idiot, not drama! You're going to fail, you know that?!"
He rubbed his head, scowling. "Fine, whatever! You don't have to get all violent on me!"
"Shut up and solve this problem! What is the square root of one hundred times five…"
Diamond left them to the problem and called out, "Sorry, Platinum! I'll be there right after I help Pearl!"
"Oh… That's all right!" she called back. "I have managed to solve the problem!"
Oh. Well… That was good, right?
Then…how come he still felt like the problem still wasn't solved?
xXx
"Would it be in accordance with your desires to assist me in creating a structure in the general shape of a human male crafted entirely out of miniscule frozen particles of hydrogen oxide?"
Sapphire just stared at Ruby.
For a really long time.
Then she replied, "You want me to help you make a bomb?"
"What?" Ruby stared back. "A bomb? I was asking you if you wanted to build a snowman!"
"What? Then why didn't you just say so?"
"I did! I specifically inquired as to whether or not it would be in accordance with your desires to assist me in – "
Sapphire stopped him before her headache could grow any bigger. "Next time, ask me in English. I don't understand Nerd."
"The dialect is known as Smart, which apparently, you aren't."
"And the dialect I'm speaking is Normal, which apparently, you aren't."
Green's headache intensified as the two kept arguing.
And. Would. Not. Stop.
Seeing as her senior looked ready to bash both Ruby and Sapphire's faces in with the nearest object he could get, Crystal stepped in.
"Hey, come on. Quit arguing. We came here to have fun, you know."
"Well, how're we supposed to have fun when he's being all weird and nerdy?" Sapphire complained.
"She's too dumb to know how to have fun," Ruby put in.
"Can't you two just get along for – "
"Here, let me handle it," Blue interrupted. She turned to the two and smiled sweetly.
Both Ruby and Sapphire gulped.
"Now, if you continue to be difficult – "
"We're sorry!" Ruby squeaked. "We won't fight anymore! Best friends, see?"
"Yup! Couldn't get along any better!" Sapphire hurriedly agreed.
"Well, then. That's good. Go build your snowman now."
"Y-Yes ma'am!"
Crystal watched them go, shaking her head. "I don't know how you do it."
"A former life of crime can be quite useful when used the right way," was the reply. "Well, I'm off. There's a slight defect in Red's sled. I need to fix it."
"Really? I didn't notice anything."
"Oh, it's not the type of thing you would notice, Crys. The problem is that Yellow isn't on it."
"…oh."
"Yeah." Blue waved. "Oh, and Gold's calling you. He's over there."
She took off, leaving Crystal in the snow, debating whether or not to actually listen to her.
The group had decided (it was Gold's idea) to go out and sightsee. The trip had ended up at the park, where the snow was piled deep, perfect for sledding. So, being them, it was instantly decided that sledding was a brilliant idea.
But then again, when Gold was involved, almost anything could be turned instantly into a bad idea.
"HEY, SILVER, CRYS!" Gold's voice yelled. "WATCH THIS!"
Silver somehow materialized at Crystal's side as she whirled around to face Gold.
"Oh dear," was all she said.
Gold was on top of a tree. (Don't even ask me how that happened.) He had somehow constructed a ramp of sorts by dragging the slide over (again, I have no idea how) and piling some rocks and stuff under it to make it higher (stuff including Silver's sled, which no one was even supposed to know he had). He was obviously about to go down it on his sled (while standing up, no less), which would undoubtedly result in broken bones and calling 911.
Or absolute glory and all that good stuff, if he survived – but the chances of that were about one in a hundred.
"GET DOWN FROM THERE, YOU IDIOT!" Crystal shrieked at the very top of her lungs.
Silver just facepalmed at his rival's complete and utter idiocy.
The others regarded this scene with a mixture of fascination and/or horror and/or disgust and/or exasperation.
"He's dead," Emerald declared flatly.
"Should we…help him?" Yellow asked.
"Mental help? Definitely," Pearl said darkly.
Blue immediately took out her camera and began filming it.
At which point Gold decided to just get it over with and slide before anyone started calling him a chicken.
Crystal screamed as gravity took over.
And, of course, as you've probably guessed by now, 911 was dialed by the end of this fiasco.
xXx
"I like chocolate chip pancakes, but blueberry's yummy too."
The doctor looked from Gold to his friends. "And how exactly did this happen?"
"Sledding accident," they all replied simultaneously.
"But sometimes, if you just have the normal pancake and add syrup, that's good too," Gold went on to say.
Crystal looked as if she didn't know whether to cry or strangle him.
"I have the video," Blue put in helpfully.
The doctor stared at her like she was speaking Gibberish. (Or Smart, or Latin, or Greek, or any of those languages very few people understand.)
"Waffles are yummy also. Especially the kind with chocolate chips. I really like chocolate chips."
… Yeah, if you haven't noticed, Gold had ended up with a bit of a concussion. Plus a broken arm, a sprained ankle, and multiple scratches and bruises.
He probably wasn't going to be doing PE anytime soon. (Lucky duck.)
Crystal, deciding that strangling him could possibly and would probably make the problem worse, buried her face in her hands and tried not to cry.
"Do you like pancakes? Yes, I like pancakes. Do you like waffles? Yes, I like waffles," Gold sang off-key.
"That's so pathetic it kind of hurts," Sapphire commented, eyes wide.
"Do you like French toast… Wait, no I don't like French toast…"
Silver reached over and patted his rival on the back, which was actually quite sympathetic for Silver. But then again, this was pretty sad.
"Um," Yellow began timidly. "I'm sorry for bothering you, but do you know when this is going to stop?"
The doctor glanced at the clock. "In, oh, about three…two…one…"
At which point Gold just passed out.
"He should be up in about half an hour," the doctor informed them, then left the room, probably to treat some patient who had gotten hurt in some normal way, like falling off a ladder or something.
Diamond broke the silence.
"So, uh, while we're waiting, can we at least get some cake or something? I'm starving."
And, because cake is awesome, they immediately did.
