NUMBER FOUR
I OWN NOTHING BUT THE ORIGINAL CHARACTER OF ERIN
The atmosphere in the bunk house was one of excitement and anticipation. The Sweetwater summer social was in four days, and the guys couldn't stop talking about the girls they planned to ask to dance.
"I'm gonna ask me that sweet lil' Angelica Messir. Blonde hair, pretty blue eyes. Why she's almost as pretty as me!" Cody said. Then he got a sly grin on his face. "Who you gonna ask, Kid?"
Lou shifted her eyes away from the window to Kid and arched a brow. Kid smiled. "I don't have any plans to ask any girl to dance, but if they ask me, I have to, being a gentleman and all."
Lou arched her other brow.
"Or maybe not," Kid added in a feeble voice.
Buck Cross was getting tired of this nonsense. Well, not really nonsense, it's just it doesn't apply to me because I'm a half breed. No girl there will be caught dead with me and if I ask one to dance, I already know what will happen, Buck thought.
"Who you gonna ask, Ike?"
As Ike signed his response, Buck continued thinking. You know what? I don't think I'm going to go. I'm tired of standing on the wall. Teaspoon can't make me go this time. It felt good to put his foot down, at least in his head.
As he was wont to do, Buck's thoughts turned to the girl he was in love with: Erin. Sweet, beautiful Erin, Emma's niece, who had been staying with them for about four weeks. It was only in the past two weeks that she had stopped stammering around him and turning pink whenever he spoke to her. It saddened him that she was so afraid of Indians, but he understood. He had encountered it before.
Erin is different from other girls, Buck thought dreamily. She is kind, and so smart. She was intelligent, and funny, and talented...
Buck drew himself out of his thoughts when he heard Erin's name. He returned to listening to the conversation.
"Aw, c'mon Hickock, confess it. We all know who you're going to ask to dance! The lovely Miss Erin won't know what hit her when she sees you dressed in your finery!"
Jimmy was turning red. "Like you'd have the courage to ask her, Cody! You still can't look her in the eye!"
Cody turned a little pink and mumbled something under his breath. He knew Jimmy was right and he couldn't argue.
"You gonna ask Erin, Jimmy?" Lou asked with a concerned look on her face.
Buck was curious at her troubled look, but he didn't pay it any attention. He could feel anger and jealousy boiling to the surface. He'd always had a problem with being jealous. Buck knew he always seemed in control with his emotions, but the truth was he was good at hiding them. Lately that had become more difficult where Erin was concerned. She had started actually talking with him. He found her conversation and wit to be exhilarating, and sought her out every night as she mended or sewed by the fire. Jimmy tried to join them a time or two but got bored and fell asleep. The nights were the only time Buck was able to be alone with Erin because Jimmy usurped all of her time during the day. Wherever she went, he was right behind her like some lovesick schoolboy; or at least, that's what Buck thought.
She was the most beautiful woman Buck had ever met, and her heart was even more beautiful. He knew the two of them would never be, as she had to return Jimmy's affections because she never seemed to discourage him.
"I'm gonna ask her as many times as she'll let me," Jimmy replied.
"Well, you do that," Kid interjected. "She's gotta know how much you like her, and I have a feeling she'll be happy you asked!"
Lou looked furious and they heard a quiet yelp from Kid. Lou must have kicked him under the table.
"What was that for?" Kid whispered.
Lou didn't bother to lower her voice. "Because I felt like it."
Kid shut his mouth and said nothing more.
The next evening, Buck sought out Erin as usual. She was in her normal place by the fire with his shirt in hand. The fact that she was working on his shirt made his breath catch. He was careful with his clothing and didn't normally need Emma to mend anything. The fact that he did and Erin was the one to mend it was extraordinary. He would relish wearing that shirt from now on.
"Buck, I swear, you boys need more clothes mended than all of my brothers combined," Erin stated as he walked into the room.
"How'd you know I was here?"
"You can't sneak up on me Buck. No one can. Besides, you walk with a distinctive step."
Buck swore she had to be part Indian to always know when he was coming.
"I brought you your tea," Buck said, handing her the teacup.
"You're always so thoughtful," Erin replied. "Thank you."
Buck had begun bringing Erin's nightly tea about a week prior. He knew she couldn't sleep without it, so he took over making it so she didn't have to get up. He never made any for himself; he never had any trouble sleeping.
He looked up from handing her the teacup and found her eyes on him, a small smile on her lips. She's so lovely, Buck thought. It was always so exciting to have her attention on him and only him.
"You're welcome," Buck managed to say as he sat down.
"Now, please tell me about this social coming up," Erin asked.
Buck sighed. Why did she want to talk about that? I suppose because she's a girl and they like all that dancing and socializing. Or maybe it's just people who belong and know they won't be ignored or have someone spit on them, he thought.
"It's just everyone in the town getting together and dancing. It's not very interesting, actually."
Erin let out a peal of laughter and Buck found himself hypnotized.
"Spoken just like a man. I suppose these things are more important to us women. I suppose you don't enjoy them, do you?"
"No, never."
"Maybe this one will be different," Erin said softly.
"I don't know if it would be because I'm not going."
"Not going? Why not? There'll be so many people and you could make new friends and dance, and-"
Buck couldn't help but interrupt her. "The good people of Sweetwater are not my friends. I have been spat upon by some and the others yell or make nasty comments. A few of them have taken a swing at me and children have thrown mud on me—some of the adults, too. I've only gone because Teaspoon makes me. He wants me to be social, but I put my foot down earlier and told him I am sitting this one out."
"What did he say?" Erin asked.
"He wasn't happy because he thinks it's important for all of us to the friendly in town but he also understands that he can't make me."
Erin looked devastated at the news that he wasn't coming. Buck didn't understand why she looked that way.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
Erin quickly recovered. "Nothing," she said nonchalantly as she began sipping her tea. "Just going to miss you at the social," she said with a grin.
Buck felt his heart flutter. She's just being nice. There's no way she'd be interested in a half breed. She's just my friend, and a considerate one at that.
He turned the conversation to another topic as the two continued their nightly visit.
Buck was brushing down his horse the next day when Lou approached him. Buck greeted her when he saw her. He had always been fond of Lou, and he liked the way she kept Kid in line.
"Hello Lou. Coming to take Lightening out for a ride?" he asked.
"No," she answered. "I've come to talk to you, ask you for a favor."
Buck was surprised. Lou had never asked him for a favor before. Intrigued, he asked, "What can I do for you?"
"I want you to go to the social tomorrow night."
Buck was so surprised that he dropped the brush he was using. "You want me to what?"
"Go to the social tomorrow night."
"But why?" Buck asked.
"I just do. Please take a leap of faith and give it a chance. Trust me when I say you should be there."
Buck openly gawked at her. Was she serious?
"Please, Buck."
Buck trusted Lou, and he wanted to help her out. He had no idea why she needed him there, but he would go if it was that important to his friend.
"Okay, but you owe me a big favor."
Lou smiled. "That's fine," she said as she walked out of the barn.
I wonder what that's all about. Buck was perplexed.
Later that evening, Buck brought Erin her tea as usual.
"I've, uh, I've changed my mind and I'm going to the social after all."
Expecting pleasure or even happiness, Buck was surprised when he saw a touch of anger instead.
"Did Lou put you up to this?" She demanded.
Buck answered her immediately. He didn't want her to eviscerate him.
"Well, she asked me to and I said yes," he ventured cautiously.
All of the anger went out of Erin's face, only to be replaced with concern. "Buck you don't have to go, you know that, right? It's your decision and if you feel uncomfortable it is fine for you to stay here," she said.
Buck was touched by her concern. "No, I want to go," he said. He realized that he was telling the truth. "For some reason I'm looking forward to it," he added.
"Okay, but if you change your mind, that's okay too."
Buck nodded.
"Now tell me more of how the Kiowa believe the world came to be," Erin requested.
Buck smiled. He loved that she wanted to know more about his tribe.
"Well, in the beginning …"
The next night, as Cody and Jimmy argued over the mirror and who got to perfect his clothes and hair, Buck sat uncertain on his bunk, having second thoughts. May I shouldn't go to this thing, he thought. No, I promised Lou and Erin is expecting me as well. Hopefully I can ask her to dance, Buck thought excitedly. The thought of dancing with Erin gave him butterflies.
"Move out of the way, Cody! I have to look my best for Erin if she's gonna fall in love with me tonight!" Jimmy angrily stated to Cody.
Buck gritted his teeth. It was time for him to leave if he didn't want to do something he'd regret.
Walking out of the bunkhouse, Buck saw the procession of ladies walking to the buckboard. Emma looked nice in a blue calico dress, and Lou was lovely in a gray dress she'd borrowed from Erin, as she was going tonight as a "cousin" visiting from back East, but it was Erin that made him lose his breath. She wore a green gown that matched her eyes perfectly. It was properly modest, but it still accentuated her figure perfectly. He already thought Erin was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, but tonight she shined even brighter than she did every day. He heard bickering as Jimmy and Cody come onto the porch, but immediately their voices fell silent. Buck recovered first and walked down the steps. Erin turned and smiled at him, holding out her hand to him. Buck smiled back and walked toward her only to have a body crash into his shoulder from behind and then race around him.
"Sorry Buck," Jimmy said as he passed him. "But she's waiting on me, as you can see." Jimmy ran up to Erin and took her hand.
Was it Buck's imagination, or did Erin look a little disappointed when Jimmy took her hand? Buck shook off the thought. He was a half breed that could not offer her anything, whereas Jimmy was a nice white man with a future ahead of him. Surely, she realized that.
Two hours later in the town hall, Buck was ready to scream. When he walked in, he had received several dirty looks and unwelcoming comments. Ike had to bring him some punch because at the last social, he'd served himself and then the town's leading citizens had insisted the entire bowl be thrown out. The dirty looks were tripled, whether because of his Indian blood or the loss of punch he did not know.
Buck was getting even closer to screaming as Jimmy whirled Erin around the dance floor another time. Erin had been dancing non-stop since they arrived. It seemed the young men in town were practically lining up to ask her to dance, a sight that made Buck's jealous nature rise to the surface. He realized he scowled any time she smiled at a man, but he couldn't help it. He'd stood against the wall since the beginning of the dance looking grumpy.
Jimmy seemed to dance with Erin the most, but for Buck that was a relief. At least he could trust Jimmy to keep his hands to himself. If any of the others got frisky, he would take care of things, good relationship with the town or not. Yeah, you would know if things got frisky because all you've done is stare at her ever since you arrived, Buck thought angrily. He needed some air.
Hoping no one would follow him, Buck hurried outside and stood in the shadows. He didn't want anyone to see him as he took deep breaths; he was too much of a target if he was alone. After a few minutes he noticed Lou, Emma, and Erin walk outside and stand on the covered porch that ran the entirety of the building.
"There's a ladies' choice, Erin. I think you should ask him to dance and let him know how you feel," Lou began.
"Him?" Who are they talking about? Buck thought.
"Oh my, Erin, I didn't know you could turn that red!" Emma laughed.
"He has no idea how you feel. You have to let him know so the two of you can be happy," Lou continued.
Must be Jimmy. Erin has to return his feelings, the way she lets him follow her around.
"So red!" Emma laughed. "You look just like your father when he wanted to ask your mother to dance!"
From his viewpoint, Buck saw Erin shake her head. "He's wise and handsome and kind and -he's too good for me. I think I just make him tired."
Jimmy, wise? Hah! Buck thought. And Jimmy is too good for her?! That's backward—in fact, NO ONE will ever be good enough for HER. Buck wanted to go and punch Jimmy in the nose, even though Jimmy personally had nothing to do with Erin's fears. I guess people in love think stupid things about the person they're in love with. That last thought made Buck's heart ache.
"Now, none of that is true and you know it," Lou said softly. "Just ask him, Erin. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised."
"You'll never know unless you put your heart out there," Emma continued, her voice just as soft and encouraging as Lou's. "Your father almost didn't ask your mother, and theirs was the truest love I ever saw."
Erin heaved a deep breath of courage. "Okay. I'll ask. I think I'm shaking already."
"Don't worry! He'll say yes!" Emma exclaimed.
Jimmy'd better say yes or I will punch him to the ground, Buck vowed, although he had no doubt the man would fall over himself to get to the dance floor with the girl of both their dreams.
After a few more moments of chit chat, the women went back inside. I'd better go in before Teaspoon comes looking for me. Damn, but it's going to hurt to see her choose Jimmy. A defeated Buck Cross walked inside and took up his post next to the wall. He prayed that they would go home soon.
"Alright, everyone! We have a special dance tonight! This is a ladies' choice!" Several men in the crowd whooped and hollered as the most of the women looked panicked. "So, gentlemen, you do not get to ask any lady to dance! She must come to you! Now ladies, choose your partners!"
Immediately the women paired off, most with the partners they just dancing with. A few giggling school girls approached their selections. Jimmy was standing near Buck, and he seemed nervous. "Where is she? I don't see her," he whispered to Buck.
"She's over there, by the band," Buck pointed out. He always knew where she was. A good man would never lose track of his woman, Buck thought nastily, immediately feeling regret for looking down on his friend.
Erin was standing with her side to them as she took deep breaths, like she was steeling herself to do something intimidating. Lou patted her on her shoulder and Emma physically turned her towards Buck and Jimmy. She looked nervous; she looked terrified.
"Why's she so nervous? She has to know I'll say yes," Jimmy whispered. He took a few steps forward and smiled, straightening his jacket. Buck stayed in his spot by the wall, cursing the spirits for making him watch this, and at such close proximity.
Erin walked slowly across the dance floor, looking more and more nervous with each step. Buck could swear her eyes were on him, but he knew better than to get his hopes up.
A few more steps and she was standing by Jimmy. But, to Jimmy and Buck's surprise, she kept walking.
Erin reached Buck and held out her hand. She looked hopeful. Buck couldn't help but stare at her. Was she serious? Did the others put her up to this?
Buck caught sight of Jimmy's crestfallen and confused face. For a split second he felt sorry for his friend, but only for a second.
Buck couldn't stop staring at Erin in disbelief; he still felt frozen. Was he dreaming?
It was Erin's turn to look disappointed. Her eyes fell and she bit her lip. She started to pull her hand back. With that action, Buck sprang to life. He grasped her hand before she could pull completely away. Erin looked up in surprise as Buck smiled at her. She smiled back tentatively. They stood still for a couple of seconds, gazing at each other before she turned and led him to the dance floor. Buck didn't feel any guilt as they passed by Jimmy, who looked shocked and devestated.
When they reached the other dancers, Buck made to take Erin in his arms. Erin stopped him and Buck felt panic. Did she ask him only because she was too shy to let Jimmy know how she felt?
"Buck, it seemed to me that you didn't want to dance with me. You don't have to do this if you feel sorry for me. In fact, I'm begging you not to do this if you are."
Buck was taken aback. How could she even think that? Buck quickly found his words this time. He decided to lay everything out on the table for her.
"I'm not, I swear. I am just shocked. I thought you were scared of me because I'm Indian."
Erin let him take her in his arms and begin to lead her around the dance floor. "Why on earth would you think that?" she wondered.
"Because you started off stammering and blushing around me. I thought perhaps you were frightened and then embarrassed."
"No," Erin said shyly, looking down. "I was never afraid, I just got, still get, nervous around you because you are so handsome." He skin took on the lovely pink hue that Buck decided he loved. She seemed nervous even now, as if unsure of the way he would react to her secret.
Buck stopped and lifted her chin so he could look into her eyes. "Erin Kelly, you are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. And I never dared hope you'd like me the way I like you." They continued dancing, staring at each other. Buck couldn't help but puff his chest in pride when he realized that he made Erin nervous and blush because she thought him so handsome. He was lucky. No, blessed, he thought as the thanked the spirits.
"I can't wait to kiss you senseless when we get home," Buck stated matter-of-factly.
"I can't either," Erin replied.
