Dear Diary

I used to play dress up as kid all the time so I thought I'd go relive my childhood. Going up to my room, I opened my massive wardrobe, have clothes for every occasion in there. Turning on my CD player full blast I donned a skimpy blue dress I bought for…personal reasons. Pulling out a pink scarf, I threw it around my neck, grabbed some sunglasses and I was ready to party like it was 1999! Jumping on the bed I began to bounce about on it, I felt so alive as I sang in a high pitched tone to whatever song was on. Bouncing harder and harder, I didn't notice the floor was starting to crack. A moment later, myself and the bed went crashing through the floor and just my luck, the room underneath was the dining room where Father was holding a very important meeting with Nabooru. The bed fell right on the long table, I thought my singing was loud but it was nothing compared to my father's screaming. I wonder what punishment he has in store for me this time, can't be worse than cleaning the wall right?

Wondering, Zelda.

Dear Diary

Decided to take a trip to the forest today, it's always nice to see my dear friends, their bright smiles when they see me, their happiness, the way they run and hug me…wait…this isn't my dream world! Taking out my trusty ocarina I played Saria's song to find out what she was up to, this was the reply I received. "Hello Link, this is Princess Ruto, I want your body!" I screamed and tossed my ocarina onto the floor in terror. A stream of insane laughter screeched out of the instrument, picking it back up I was not amused at Saria's mean joke, Ruto is scary TT. I was nearly at the Kokiri village when I got ambushed by that giant pest of an owl. For the next five minutes all I heard was, "ramble ramble ramble teabag, spoon, apple-pie, ramble deku sprout crazy over Saria, ramble spit. Would you like me to repeat myself?" I was half asleep so said yeah instead of no! I wanted to bash myself over the head, many times. "Blah blah blah blah, yes or no?" I yelled no then ran for my life into the village. Entering, I got another shock. Saria was being carried around by a group of Gorons chanting for her to become their queen. I'll wait in this tiny corner until they go away.

Link.

Dear Diary

I stayed in the temple all night, maybe I'll live in here forever, until they find me, then I'll go on the run, I hear the circus is a good place to start, unless Ruto has gotten there before me. I can see it now, naked fish girl target practice, hit her nose get your money back, hit those circles on the side of her head and win a small prize, knock her head off and take it all! With Ruto on the brain…ew, that's a nasty experience. With her in mind I was contacted by Link, I couldn't resist having a joke with him, I'm surprised he bought it. Realising I had to get back to my house, I sighed and walked back to the village. On my way a group of Gorons surrounded me, grabbing me and carrying me into the village they kept begging me to be their queen again. That circus idea is becoming more and more enticing.

Save me, Saria.

Dear Diary

I did some cooking today, I made a cake! I've never baked anything in my life, or made anything ever for that matter. First I needed to clean the kitchen cupboard, with one quick sweep with my arm everything was gone! Ok it was on the floor but it was still gone from my sight! A guard came in to give me a message from my father, but he slipped on the stuff on the floor and fell head first into the conveniently open oven, not my fault if he can't keep his balance is it? Shoving the rest of him in, I turned the knobs up to full power, yeah baby, power! Feel the burning power of the heat! Power of power! Hahaha…ahaha…ha…what was I laughing about? Finding a mixing bowl I started chucking in random ingredients, fish, rocks, Zelda, octorok. Heh, I was joking about the Zelda thing….she'll get her turn…someday. Finding the mixer, I placed it neatly in the bowl, power on! The mixture went flying all over the room, oh well, someone will clean it up, or slip on it, it doesn't matter to me! Suddenly, the oven made a cheery ding noise, yay the food was done! Flinging the door open it revealed a lovely tender Zora, mmm Zora…drool… Darunia isn't the only one who likes to feast on his own kind now and again. Hmm, not much of a cake but it looks yummy, I shall leave it cool then return to get it later.

Amazing cook, Ruto.

Dear Diary

Life can be so cruel sometimes. Today started off as usual, chores, more chores, extra super chores with sugar on top. I've always had this crazy dream that one day this amazing knight in shining armour would come and sweep me off my feet, I was beginning to lose all hope, but then, he arrived. I was in the field painting the horses so they all look the same colour, maybe Mr. Ingo has a point with the animal cruelty comment…nah. Anyway, I was busy doing that when this person clad entirely in shining armour arrived at the ranch on a large white horse. Was this my day? Had he come for me? Pausing in my work, I hurried over to greet him, he said he had come for some milk, gah, who comes to a ranch for that? But I guess it's my job to sell it so I asked if he could remove his visor so I knew who I was dealing with. He slowly removed it, the suspense was killing me, what handsome features could lay under that shining exterior? It came off…to reveal… "Tingle is here!" My mouth opened but no scream came out, I was that horrified. Tipping over the paint can I ran for the house, slamming the door I zoomed upstairs and moved the cupboard in front of the bedroom door. There is no way I'm leaving until that…thing has gone!

Scared, Malon.

Dear lined paper

Goron City is such a fun but mean place to be. We had a singing contest today. I myself entered of course, I asked the costume manager to set me up with something hip and cool, he had a funny look on his face but agreed. When it was time to get ready I hurried into the dressing room to find….a sparkling pink dress with a blonde wig. I was disgusted, there must have been a mix up! The manager insisted it was the only thing in my size, was he calling me fat? Putting the dress on, I sighed, then noticed the lipstick on my dresser, the manager said I needed to get into the mood properly. Ugh, I hate him. Moving out onto the stage each of us were given scripts of what song we would sing. When I received mine I scanned over it then gasped. Man I feel like a…what? Woman! I was not singing that! Shoving the paper in the manager's face I growled, he tried to make me do it but I told him straight. "You'll be the one feeling like a woman when I cut off your private parts!" Flipping my blonde hair, I left the stage. How dare they make fun of me.

Annoyed, Darunia.

Dear Diary

In the end I woke up in that corridor with one of my socks stuffed in my mouth, how could I fail, I'm a trained warrior! My mood simmered down after a few hours anyway, which is good since today the king had a meeting with Nabooru in the dining room. Knowing Zelda was in her room, I offered to help him get things ready. When Nabooru arrived, she and the king sat by the dining table as I stood quietly by the door. Things seemed to be going well until loud music started blaring from the room above. Zelda was singing awfully along to her music, it sounded like a choir of cats with hot pokers shoved up their backsides. This wasn't the worst part. The ceiling began to shake, before we knew it, Zelda and her bed came crashing down onto the table. The king yelled so loudly that his wine glass broke. My my, such a day.

Impa.

Sup Diary?

Man, today was wild. I had to go to a meeting in Hyrule castle. Firstly, I had to decide how to travel there, should I take a horse or get my finest warriors to carry me on a chair while fanning me and feeding me chocolate covered strawberries? I went with the horse since no one would make me a chair, I want a chair damn you! And I want gold tassels on it!. When I finally arrived at the castle, I was told to wait in the hall, never prepared, tsk tsk. I glanced around the hall walls, some nice paintings were there…very nice. Scooting over to one, I slid it off the wall and stuffed it in my pants, yes they do carry a lot, some people have lost their lives in there. The meeting started ok, until Zelda came crashing through the ceiling landing on the table. I asked if she was the main course? What? I was hungry…sheesh. Had to leave after that since the king went ballistic, my ears were nearly bleeding.

Hungry, Nabooru.

Dear Moreece.

Good evening Moreece. Are you feeling calmer today? Ah that is nice to know. What did I do today? Not much, just thought about what would have happened if I'd done things differently. You and I could've been rulers of Hyrule together, we would've made an excellent team. Hmm, you're right, you aren't much of a people person are you, such a shame. If I ever get out of here I'll take you to see all the sights, we'll go shopping in the market, dance under the moonlight and have picnics at Lake Hylia. I can't wait!

Ganondorf.