Chapter 4

I saw him through the large glass window, sitting on one of the uncomfortable metal chairs of The Rack. The look on his face made me want to drop to my knees and beg for his forgiveness. He looked completely empty inside and I knew that I had caused that. I watched him pick up a cheese and salsa covered nacho and put it back down on the plate. He stared down at the table, but I could tell that he wasn't really looking at anything at all.

I walked forwards and stopped at the doorway. He glanced over at me and for a moment I caught his eyes. I was hoping that he could see in my face just how sorry I was. I was at a loss for words. There were so many things I wanted to tell him, but no words would form.

I slowly approached him, fiddling with my fingers. I had a tendency to do that when I was nervous, bite my finger nails or nervously drum my fingers against each other. He kept staring at me, his eyes searing through my skin to my soul.

My feet began to move forward although my brain was screaming for me to go back. Telling him I loved him was going to be one of the hardest things I had ever done. Even more difficult than battling cancer, but I had to do it. After all, as Lori had pointed out, it's better to love and lost than never to have loved at all.

"What did I miss?" I asked, unable to come up with anything else. If I could start with small talk, I might be able to work up to something bigger. At least that's what I told myself as I stopped in front of him.

"Well, the circuits got overloaded from all the sound equipment and lights. There was some sort of explosion."

"My God."

I sat because I knew that I couldn't tell him what I needed to tell him standing up. I thought about Kyle and Jessi. I had been so preoccupied with dealing with my own feelings that I didn't even know what happened. I tried to put my own thoughts aside and just talk to him.

"But Kyle and Jessi are okay," he quickly told me.

"Would it be totally wrong for me to ask you who won?"

The truth was, I did want to know and I figured, as long as I continued with the small talk, I would be okay.

"Technically, Kyle and Jessi both won. But since they can't split the car without a chainsaw, the judges decided to give it to the charity."

"That's an entire day wasted." Then I thought of the surprise I had come up with while walking back to my house. The surprise that would hopefully tell Josh just how I felt. "I, on the other hand, have been very productive." I began to unbutton my jacket. "Check this out. How sweet is this?" I leaned back in my chair, taking in his reaction. He was smiling. I somehow knew that everything was going to be okay. "My very own lame slogan."

"So, you're ready to go public?"

"I guess I kind of did already. Besides, if I didn't have this on, yours would look really stupid."

I reached into my pocket where I had squeezed the shirt and I pulled it out, showing it to him.

"I'm with cancer girl."

"But you'll always have to stand on my left or it won't make sense."

I was hoping I got my message across. I wanted him there next to me always.

"That's awesome." I saw him look down. "You're awesome."

His eyes met mine and I knew he understood. Somewhat embarrassed, I looked away from him. How in one day had I gone from strongly disliking him to realizing I was in love with to deciding I was going to tell him I was in love with him to being embarrassed by him telling me I was awesome?

"You're kind of awesome, too." I wanted to add in an 'and I love you' at the end, but I didn't.

I saw his face rapidly approaching mine. I prepared myself, thinking that our moment had finally come. When his lips made swift contact with my cheek, I couldn't help but smile. I had to remind myself that he was totally clueless when it came to woman.

"Um…" I muttered softly, leaning in towards him. "That's not how you do it."

I closed the gap between us, pressing my lips against his. The moment we made contact I felt a sudden energy flowing through me. My entire body tingled from my lips to my toes. I pulled away, even though I didn't want to. For whatever reason I felt like I had to. Like I needed to give him the choice if he wanted to continue. When I saw the look in his eyes, though, and the slight smirk on his face, I knew.

This time we approached each other, meeting each other in the middle. I immediately cupped his cheek with my hand. I wanted to feel his skin pressed against mine as his lips devoured my own. I had never felt so good before. So alive. The entire concept of cancer slipped out of my head. He made me forget everything bad that had ever happened. I was lost in his lips, his scent, something between all-spice and musk tantalized me. I never wanted to stop.

I felt his hand tangle inside my hair, holding my head. His touch was electric. I could feel the heat radiating between us.

I had only been kissed once before this, by a boy in eighth grade who took me to a school dance and thought he was going to get lucky under the bleachers. I ended up slapping him and walking away. This kiss was different. This kiss meant something. I wasn't sure how many girls Josh had kissed in the past, as matter of fact, I didn't really want to think about it, but one thing was certain – he knew what he was doing.

Only out of necessity to breathe, I backed off slightly. I took my hand from his face, but he continued to stroke my hair.

"Wow," he whispered, taking my hand with his other hand. He smiled and brought my hand to his lips. He kissed my skin lightly, causing me to blush. I could still taste him as I licked my lips and I wanted to taste him again. I knew, though, that as much fun as kissing was at that moment, there were other matters that had to be dealt with.

"Let's go somewhere," I suggested.

He smirked. "I know just the place."

Author's Note: First off – obviously parts of this chapter were from the actual episode Hands On A Hybrid, so I take no credit for that. Second of all, I apologize for my lack of updates. When I began this story, I thought it would be pretty quick and painless to write and post, but it's turning out to be much more of an ordeal than I thought. Writing in first person doesn't come very naturally to me so I'm struggling with getting Andy's voice down. I also never realized just how busy I was until I found that the only time I have for writing is when I'm sitting in class scribbling in the margins when I really should be listening to my professor. Anyway, I hope you liked it and I promise I'll get the next chapter up as soon as I can!