Chapter 3: Moving Out
~~ Friday, January 6, 2017 ~~
"Hey, Chloe! Are you in there? It's me! I don't have my key anymore, remember?" She knocks again, louder this time.
I jump up and open the door, and Brianna's familiar face greets me. I hadn't realized how much I've missed my former roommate. Her large brown eyes, normally full of mischief, show obvious surprise at my appearance.
"Sorry, I didn't realize it was you," I tell her. "You're early." Three hours early.
"Yeah, Sydney's friend wasn't home, so we came straight here," she says absently, looking at me with concern. "What's wrong?"
"My mom died," I say, stating the obvious. She knows this already; I emailed her Tuesday night, and she mentioned it when we spoke on the phone earlier today, so I know she hasn't forgotten.
"Oh. Sorry," she says, rubbing her forehead the way she always does when she realizes she's said something stupid. "Of course. I guess I was worried something else had happened too."
"Do I look that bad?" I ask, stepping back and opening the door wider so that she can come on into the room. I glance in the mirror at my red-rimmed eyes and smudged makeup, and I guess it is pretty obvious that I've been crying.
"No, you look great," she lies. "You wanna talk about it?" She sits down on her old bed, and as I repair my eye makeup I see her reflection looking at me expectantly.
"Not really. I'll just start crying again," I tell her honestly.
"What are you doing sitting around in your room by yourself on a Friday night, anyway?" she asks. "You weren't already waiting on me, were you?"
"No, I just felt like being alone for a while," I say, sitting down on my own bed.
"So how was your first week of school? Anything changed this quarter?"
"Not really." Other than the fact that my mother is dead. But that's not what she means. "School's pretty much the same."
"What classes do you have?"
"Sociology and Introduction to Management on Monday/Wednesday/Friday, and Music Appreciation and Macroeconomics on Tuesday and Thursday."
"Still working in the administration building?"
"Yeah, from two to five every afternoon."
"And you're still hanging out with our group?"
"Yeah. Well, I've been eating lunch with them. I haven't really been feeling very sociable this week, but I do plan to go to the study group meeting at Nessie's tomorrow."
"Do you think Eli might be there?" she asks, raising her eyebrows hopefully.
"No, he didn't come back this quarter. Nessie said he had a job offer in Europe and decided to take a break from school."
"That's kind of odd. Did she say what kind of job? It must be really good if he thinks he doesn't need a degree."
"She didn't say, and I didn't ask."
"Well, that's too bad that he's not coming back to school," she says. "He was one of the few guys you liked last quarter who was actually available, and I really thought we might have finally found you a boyfriend."
I shake my head. "He never even called or texted after that day at the study session."
"Well, is there anybody new this quarter? I think Taylor was texting me about a friend of Jake's."
"Yeah, his name is Seth. He's living with Jake and Nessie and the Cullens, and he usually eats lunch at our table."
"Is he cute?"
"I think he's a member of Jake's tribe. He looks a little like Jake, but he's a more normal size, maybe six feet tall."
"He looks like Jake? So he's got to look good, right? Have you talked to him?"
I laugh. "Yeah, he's pretty easy on the eyes. But I looked worse than this when I met him - I went to see Nessie the first night I got back, and he was there. I was a real mess. He left the room as soon I got there – I guess he felt awkward. I haven't talked to him since then other than small talk at the lunch table, and he asked me to share books for the business classes we have together. I've got to finish my homework by tomorrow morning so I can get them to him at the study group tomorrow."
"He asked you to share books? That's a good sign. He must like you!"
I roll my eyes. "No, I think he just needed to save money, and we both happened to be walking to the bookstore at the same time after our macro class. I'd actually rather have my own books, but until I get the estate stuff sorted out and get access to Mom's bank account, I'm pretty low on funds myself."
"Does he sit near you in class?"
"Not usually. He sits with Jake and Nessie. I think he was right behind me this morning, but Jake was in the next row over."
"You haven't tried to talk to him anymore?"
"Brianna, he's gorgeous and he seems nice, but I have a lot of other things on my mind right now. I haven't exactly been in a flirtatious sort of mood. Ya know?"
"Okay. Sorry. It could be a good distraction for you though. You know, get your mind off of things. It's not good to just sit around here by yourself. You need to get out and do something. I hate seeing you look so depressed."
"I'm not depressed; it's called 'grieving,'" I tell her, feeling increasingly annoyed. "I just lost the only parent who's ever been a real parent to me. It's been less than two weeks. And I've only been back at school for four days. I need a little time, okay?"
"I didn't mean it to sound like there's something wrong with you. I know it's normal to grieve. I just think it would be good for you to try to get out of your room some. Hang out with Taylor or Megan or something. I saw Megan on the way in, and she said she's hardly seen you outside of class except in the cafeteria. I'm worried about you because it seems like you're isolating yourself."
"Brianna, I love you, but you really get on my nerves sometimes."
She laughs; we've both said this to each other several times during the months we lived together. I can't even remember which of us started it – probably her.
"You know I'm only trying to help," she says in a tone that indicates she's backing down, as I knew she would. She may have talked me into doing a lot of things last quarter that I wouldn't ordinarily have done, but she knows not to push me past my limits.
"I know," I tell her. "It's just that everybody seems to think they know what's best for me. I'm the one going through this, and if I feel like I need some time alone, I'm going to take some time alone. I know what I need more than anyone else does. If I need advice, I'll ask, okay?"
"All right," she says, coming over and leaning down to give me a brief hug. "I just want to see you back to your normal happy self again."
"I guess that'll just take time," I tell her.
"Well, let me know if there's anything I can do to help," she says, still looking concerned. "Later on, when you're feeling more up to it, I could fix you up with Caleb's cousin if you want. I just met him last week, and he's almost as cute as Caleb."
"I'll keep that in mind," I tell her, smiling at how she never gives up. Ever since I'd told her shortly after we became roommates that I'd never had a boyfriend and how limited my social life had been in high school, she'd made it her personal mission to help me in that area. I had excitedly let her try to fix me up with a few different guys last quarter, but I didn't really hit it off with any of them, and I'm not feeling nearly so adventurous now.
"Okay," she says, drawing the word out in obvious disappointment that I'm not more interested in her boyfriend's cousin.
"I really do appreciate it," I assure her. "Even if he is The Perfect Guy, trust me, this wouldn't be the best time for him to meet me – not unless you want me to impress him with my mad crying skills."
"I understand," she says, her voice softening. "That's why I said, 'Later on, when you're feeling more up to it.' I didn't mean it would need to be anytime soon. No pressure, okay?"
"Okay, but it will probably be a long while. I really don't need any extra complications in my life right now. I'm dealing with enough already."
"Okay, Project 'Find Chloe a Boyfriend' is officially on hold," she says.
"Thanks," I say, smiling both at her wording and the fact that I've managed to get through to her.
"Well, I'd better get the rest of my stuff," she says. That's why she's here in the first place, to get all the things she left in our room. She hadn't known when she went home for winter break that she wouldn't be coming back. "Sydney's down in the lobby talking to somebody. I'll text her and let her know she needs to get up here and help me." She pulls out her phone and starts texting her older sister.
"I can help you carry stuff too," I tell her, glancing in the mirror to make sure my face is back to normal by now. I don't want everybody who sees me asking me what's wrong.
"You look fine," she assures me. "I can't even tell you've been crying anymore."
"Thanks. Oh, Nessie said to give this to you," I tell her, taking the scholarship application Nessie gave me in class this morning from my dresser and handing it to her.
"New England Scholarship Trust, sponsored by E.E.C., Inc.," she reads from the form, looking confused. "What's their selection criteria? You know my grades weren't that good last quarter. And I'm not a high school senior. Will they take applications from someone who's already started college?"
"I'm not sure, but Nessie really seemed to think you should apply. She said she had several friends who got scholarships through them. It can cover up to full tuition for any school you get accepted to. Maybe we could be roommates again. It couldn't hurt to apply."
"Okay, I'll check it out," she says, tucking it into a textbook in the stack on her desk. "Thanks."
"I wish you were still here this quarter," I tell her. Despite our occasional disagreements and her continual efforts to push me beyond my comfort zone, she was always someone I could talk to, and I really do miss having her around. It's too bad that her mom lost her job right before Christmas.
There is another knock at the door, and I let Sydney in. She looks almost exactly like Brianna, except four years older and with longer hair. I help them carry what's left of Brianna's clothes, books, and miscellaneous items down to Sydney's car. She took quite a bit with her home for the holidays, and she hadn't brought nearly as much as most people when she moved in, so with the three of us, it only took a few trips to carry everything down.
I go back to my room after they've gone and start on my homework. The room feels emptier now with all of Brianna's stuff gone. She did leave her bedding, which matches mine, as well as the valance for the window she'd bought to complete the look. She said she couldn't use them since they were the wrong size for what she had at home. So at least the extra bed hasn't been stripped bare. I think that would have made the room feel even emptier.
