Day 4
I skipped school today. I didn't have the energy to face them….again. I need to think. I need to get away. They were always in my face, always asking questions. Did I need to talk to someone? Can they lend me a hand? The pity on their faces was driving me insane. I didn't need them.
He didn't notice that I didn't get out of bed that morning…nor do I think he really cared if I didn't go to school. He understands…in his own way.
I couldn't stand being in the house by myself any longer so I drive up to my picnic table at my usual time.
I sit down as I had in the previous days. I prop my head on my knees wondering what today's emotions would be…rage…fear….grief…or just nothing….feeling numb is something that I was getting used to.
The wind began to whip through the trees overhead but I don't move. The numb has me today. I didn't care what happened. It really didn't matter to me anymore.
My mind shuts down and I begin to rock quietly. Dreaming that mom's arms are around me like I was a little girl again when her hugs could fix any problem I might have had.
I had the day off of patrol but I knew that I had to come take care of the girl. She would be back and I would wait for her to go home as always.
Stepping out of my house, I caught the smell of rain on the wind. Would she notice that? Would she care if it did?
Sighing, I picked up an umbrella from my front room. I could care less if I got wet. I can't get sick from the elements but she….she could.
I go back to our place to see her yet again. She never moves from her spot. Her mood was different today. I couldn't sense tears or tension. Instead she rocked quietly.
What is she thinking about? Has she finally snapped?
The rain starts to fall. I do something that I had told myself that I wouldn't. I walk out of the tree line with the umbrella in hand. I make sure to crunch the leaves and twigs under my feet so that my approach was obvious. I open the umbrella and hold it out to her.
"You're going to need this." She takes the umbrella from me without looking up. She continued rocking in her pained silence.
I take a seat under a great pine tree, out of the worst of the rain but still within sight of her. I begin to wonder what made me take on this job. Shrugging that thought off, I cross my arms over my chest and wait.
