Eyes opened slowly, and the normal world collapsed on him. Dull aching pain from toes to head and David staring at him from only inches away. Eyes closed so he could groan pitifully and not be forced to see the reaction to it.
"You weren't supposed to do that! You could have been seriously hurt."
"So what the hell did I do?" He was displeased at his scratchy voice and lack of elegance.
"You changed, you fool! And you're lucky you changed back! You were just supposed to focus on the spell, not actually transform!"
Once that was established, Severus tuned out the rest of David's tirade, and attempted to raise himself to full consciousness. Whatever had happened, it was worse than recovering from a fleet of bludgers; no thoughts would come easily, and even the smallest movement sent white hot spikes of pain into his skull. The only thing he could really do was shut his eyes and hope for the pain to pass.
"Pain reliever and sleep potion to get you through the worst of it," David's voice informed him quietly, and the cool glass of a flask was at his lips.
He swallowed the liquid poured into his mouth more out of instinct than anything else, and allowed it to take hold of him.
The world revolved around him, but he was the serpent, the beginning and the end, the ouroboros. Simultaneously he experienced life and death, decay and rebirth, and he foolishly believed they had something to do with his life. His body tasted of filth; this was no rebirth, just unending decay. If death could be permanent just one time--
"Enervate!"
And his eyes shot open, shattering the dream into a million forgotten pieces. "What?" he snapped.
David, hovering over him, smirked. "You've been asleep for almost an entire day. We still need to discuss what happened yesterday, so get up, have something to eat--"
"And we can get started," Severus groaned. "Do you ever stop?"
"No, and neither will you. Let's go."
Breakfast was very rich, high protein, more than Severus preferred, but David wouldn't allow him to get by on toast and tea.
"You need to replenish yourself. Sleep can only help so much, and potions do catch up. I know; I've tried. A good healthy breakfast, just like your mother always made you eat. Don't forget you're still recovering from Azkaban as well." David was oblivious to the deadly glare directed at him.
"Thank you for the reminder. I do believe I was beginning to forget." After that, Severus' appetite, not large in the first place, left him completely. "You wanted to talk," he growled and dropped his fork, "so start talking."
Nothing seemed able to shake David's impossibly cheery mood. "Right. So the spell, you said it aloud. Why?" He finished a half of toast in three large bites.
"With that many potions in me I couldn't even think of my name let alone concentrate on magic. What did you think would happen?" Damn, it was so much like trying to deal with Dumbledore. Severus scowled as the other man smiled brightly.
"Obviously I didn't know, but this just proves how easily this is going to go. No beginning student has ever managed a transformation on the first try. I've never worked with one, I've never read about one. This is something special."
Frowning in thought, Severus shook his head. "But Transfiguration--"
"That's where a lot of people make the mistake. It isn't quite Transfiguration. On a basic level, yes, but it's much more as well. In school you learn to change inanimate objects into other inanimate objects, and then living things into inanimate objects and vice versa. It's not really that difficult to do, is it? It takes practice to get the details, but turning a teapot to a turtle, a living thing, well... that's the stuff they make Muggle movies out of. Transfiguration is not that difficult until you get into the issue of control, Dr. Frankenstein. And what process requires more control than the animagus transformation?" David sat back, looking very smug.
Severus yawned. "Fascinating." That managed to wipe the smile from David's face. "Your theory is wonderful, but in the end irrelevant." The words came to his lips and he saw the horrified expression on David's face just before pain lit his body one end to the other. There was no tunnel this time, no feeling of watching himself, just hideous agony. Like Cruciatus, he thought, and that helped, to know his mind was still there and it was something he had handled before.
Control. He had to take control even though it felt he was being crushed, each bone in his body being broken individually. Panic was threatening though. Control of what? The only thing to do was separate himself from the pain. That was how one dealt with the Unforgivable, not take control of it.
Prove him wrong. Prove David wrong because he didn't like the man's manner, always quick with an answer, but never providing any solutions.
Control or separation? Pick something just to make it all end! Finally, just let the instincts take over, as had become so easy when rocked by the Cruciatus, so necessary when he was in Azkaban, so simple when doing Voldemort's bidding. The only person to trust was himself, trust that he would know best how to protect himself.
Protect himself from the world that would see him destroyed.
~
"Not bad, but still bloody dangerous. How do you feel?"
"Ow." His voice was scratchy once more, and his throat was parched. The idea of opening his eyes made his head throb. "What happened? Besides the obvious."
A cool glass was pressed into his hand, and he raised it to his lips, briefly smelling the lemony scent of a restorative in the water before drinking deeply.
"You managed it again, a little longer this time," David said, and took the near-empty glass. "You looked like hell though, not lucent at all. Then after you changed back, you passed out and I brought you up here. I wouldn't recommend trying that any time soon; your energy is dangerously low, and to cope with that amount of pain in your condition..."
Severus opened his eyes, fighting through the gumminess, and looked straight at David. "I'm not looking forward to trying it again any time soon."
[Excellent progress. Initial transformation achieved. Timetable uncertain due to temperament of candidate. Expect next advance within seven days.]
"At this rate, you'll have a new agent within the month, Octavius. You can't ask for better progress than that."
Octavius Millner, head of the Ministry of Magic's Espionage division, scowled. "One? I need ten more, Wilthorpe!"
"You get one. I can't do more. No one willingly signs up for this work, and we can't use just any wizard we have leverage over. And no way will I ever employ a witch for such delicate work." He grabbed a mint from the small crystal dish on his desk and ground it savagely between his teeth. "What do you want me to do?"
Face beginning to flush, making the taller, heavier man look even more indignant, Octavius stood. "I want Ministry support! We get nothing from the lot of you pen-pushers. My men, who risk their lives, are using the same equipment they were two years ago!"
"We can't spare--"
"My arse you can't spare any! I can't spare anymore men! It's a handful now. When it's down to one, and then none, what will you do?" He slammed his hands on the desk, making everything on it jump with the force, and leaned close. "Damn it, Arnold. They're as willing as can be asked of them to do the work. I'm just asking you to stop them from dying."
The current Minister of Magic was a much more imposing figure than Cornelius Fudge had been, but at the moment he looked small and tired. "To tell you the truth, Octavius, we don't have anything we can give you. We're using the same equipment, and I'm perfectly aware of how inadequate it is." His nearly luminous blue eyes showed genuine regret. "And for security reasons, I can't just tell the researchers what you need. There are Death Eaters here, pretending to be one of us. We can't give anything away."
"This is ridiculous!" Millner said, then fell back into his chair. "We can't just sit back and let them run all over us. It won't work. We need to go--"
"On the offensive. Yes, I know. That's being done to the best of our ability."
Millner was aware of the identity and history of his infrequent new recruits, and rarely did he approve of the circumstances. "Yes, I've read about it, stealing teachers out of their classrooms. You've got no idea what those aurors of yours do. Not only are my men threatened by Voldemort, but they've got to watch for wand-waving simpletons looking for notoriety and a promotion. If you won't do it, then I want my own researchers that--"
"No. No, I can't do that." Wilthorpe's voice was rising in volume with each reply. "I can't turn over your own political faction within the Ministry. I can't give you--"
"A fighting chance," Millner's voice cut him off cleanly. "I see that, Minister." He stood slowly, calm and dignified. "At least I'll have one man who has some skills. Maybe he'll live longer than the last one. Good day, Minister." Octavius Millner bowed and left.
Indeed his body did compensate, and with some assistance from potions, Severus' animagus transformations were nearly under his total control. The pain still got to him, conversely because he was so experienced with it. The way he was forced to deal with it was completely the opposite.
"Octavius Millner will be paying a visit soon," David said calmly as he watched man struggle to become snake. "You'll be working for him."
A grunt in response.
"He's a good man in my estimation. I know this isn't something you or anyone else would choose, but he does his best for those in his employ. Yes, that's it." He nodded in satisfaction at the snake draped over the chair.
It moved sluggishly, looking left and right with a hesitant flicker of the tongue. This was the first movement of control, of true consciousness. It was terrifying. Everything was different, every sense, every bit of self-knowledge, all bodily controls... Trying to move yielded only his entire body, all of its considerable length, sliding off the chair and hitting the floor.
Surprisingly, it didn't hurt.
"Now here's the rub, Severus: can you turn back?"
David's voice was horribly muffled, almost to the point that he was unintelligible. In annoyance, not quite under his own control, Severus' tail began to quiver.
"You're no rattlesnake, my boy. I'm not intimidated in the least," David said, grinning. He reached down to take hold of the snake.
Sluggish and clumsy muscles were instantly alert, and, under instinctual control, shot Severus forward, under the reaching hands and between the booted feet. One hand almost took hold of his tail, but he managed to pull free of that warm, crushing sensation and his under the armoire. Tongue flickering rapidly now, Severus tracked David as the man moved toward his hiding place.
"Settle down. I don't want to hurt you. Think like a man. Don't let your instincts rule you or you might never turn back." Crouching, David peered into the dark space. Light reflecting off black scales was all he could see. "I'll show you how easy it is." From his hands and knees, David changed, transformed into a completely unassuming starling.
Ruffling his brown and black feathers, he cocked his head to the side to see under the armoire. With a piercing cry of annoyance, he hopped back and repeated the gesture. The bird waited for a moment, then hopped to the side and did the same again.
Finally, the snake emerged, slowly as he still wasn't used to his situation, dragging the parts of his body that he couldn't coordinate yet.
The bird was man again, and this time he did not reach out, to Severus' relief.
"I know it's not pleasant at the beginning, too strange, too many sensations, can't control yourself properly, but you'll learn. Just don't let yourself fall into the trap of thinking like an animal, letting instinct take over for rational thought. Unless you find the idea of spending the rest of your life as a snake." David stood, keeping his eyes on his charge. "Now, I wouldn't recommend too much exploring just yet. Get the transformation under control or you might find yourself in a situation a snake can't get itself out of. I'll go put the tea on."
TBC
