Hmmm... I'm a bit iffy about this chapter...Ok, very iffy! :/
I was half asleep writing it and just wanted to get it done so I could move the story along a bit faster. Went very out of character I'm afraid! Apologies!
Will try get next chapter back into line and them back in character. Just remember, neither have been in a serious relationship before and Levi's not used to having someone not only care about him, but fight for him.
So, their reactions are a shade off character hence the new situation (Well, that's my lazy excuse! :P )
Anyway, still hope you can enjoy it, once I get a chapter done, I pretty much to work ASAP on a new one, so won't be long till chapter five!
Enjoy! ;)
Chapter Four
"Here you go, my dear," Hanji sang, passing Petra a bottle of beer.
"Thanks, Hanji. Next rounds on me, ok?" She smiled at her newest friend as she slid into the booth across from her.
"Well, I won't argue there. I need one or two after today's shift. Horrible, a whole family and two men killed in a crash. So many lives ruined," Hanji grimaced, taking a huge swig of her vodka and what looked like a rather small amount of coke.
"Hanji, that's awful! It must make it hard to be a firefighter sometimes because of that, huh?"
Hanji nodded, twirling her glass on the table.
Petra could tell she was upset, she seemed strained in her usual easy going demeanour. Which reminded her...
"Hanji... I know how upsetting your job can be. I'm sorry you had to go through that today. Ah, did anything particularly bad happen a few days ago? Any really nasty calls?" Petra wondered, playing with the label on her bottle.
"Mmm... No more than usual, why?" Hanji shook her head, her dark hair bouncing around her shoulders.
"I noticed when Levi got home one of the nights after work that he seemed upset or something. I asked him, but of course he denied anything was wrong. He just hasn't been himself since," Petra frowned, not sure if she was crossing a line going behind his back like this.
"Oh. I know what you're talking about," Hanji nodded her head, a grim look still crossing her features. She fidgeted uncomfortably and was looking at Petra with a torn expression.
"Look, Petra, you know we're friends. But... This is complicated. I'm not sure if Levi's told you certain things about his past and frankly, it's not my place to tell. I'm really sorry."
"No! Of course I wouldn't put you in that situation. And I wouldn't go behind his back and ask about his past," Petra assured her earnestly. "I've just never seen him so distracted and withdrawn."
Hanji snorted a wild laugh, shaking her head in amusement at her.
"Are you sure you're talking about Levi?" She teased.
Petra laughed ruefully, understating her friends point.
"I know, it's Levi. But, even still," she sobered up, her worry refusing to let up, "He's never been this bad before. I keep catching him miles away and when I snap him back he always goes quiet. I... I don't know what to do."
She looked down at her hands helplessly, her voice quiet with worry.
Seeing how upset Petra was, Hanji felt her heart go out to her. Levi wasn't the easiest to get on with, but they seemed like the perfect match for each other.
To see them struggle worried her. She didn't know how well Levi would react to any bumps in the road, especially one concerning his own history.
"Well, the only advice I can give you is to be honest with him. He may deny everything, or even get angry, but he needs to know he has people who care and are there for him. I worry about him too. Keeping things in isn't good for the body. Stress leads to ulcers," Hanji informed her, her dark eyes shining as they did when her brain started churning out facts.
"So... You're saying to just confront him, despite the possible outcome?" She bit her lip at the suggestion.
"It's up to you, my dear. You, and probably Erwin, know him best," she shrugged apologetically.
"This is your choice."
Throughout college all the next day, Petra mulled over Hanji's advice.
Should she ask him, or drop it and let time heal whatever wound that had clearly reopened?
Hanji's reluctance to, as she'd said, talk about his past had made it obvious this was something he'd been struggling with for a while.
She didn't want to be interfering or overbearing, but she was worried sick.
He was reserved and quick tempered these past few days and Petra had no clue how to deal with it aimed at her.
Not that he was lashing out at her, just more irritable and grumpy. He'd also increased the amount of curse words he used, his sentences peppered with them when he was really bad.
The question was, if she confronted him and he reacted badly, would he become worse?
Levi was a delicate operation when complex emotions were involved. She just hoped she was up to the job.
"Petra! Hello, are you in there?" Eld was waving a hand in her face and she realised that he and Günter were standing, bags on backs, ready to head for lunch.
"Yeah, sorry," she mumbled, hastily packing away her things. She trailed out of the room behind her two friends, their easy banter soothing her slightly.
Maybe she should ask them? Günter did know Levi, too. Perhaps he'd have helpful insight.
They were standing in line for the stir fry bar, when the two boys turned to her again.
"Ok, Petra, what is going on? You've been miles away all day," Günter's rumbling voice asked. She glanced between the blonde and brunette, tossing a mental coin.
Tell them? Don't tell them?
Realising this was weighing too heavily on her conscience, she finally decided.
Tell them.
"I have a problem," she admitted, making a face.
After exchanging a knowing look, they promised that she could confide in them and they'd keep any secrets she wanted them to.
With great appreciation, she unloaded her worries on them, feeling a ton come off her chest at just opening up to her friends.
Sure, she'd told Hanji, but Eld and Günter knew her better.
"Now, I don't know what to do. I just hope I'm not making too big a deal out of nothing," she finished, picking through her noodles and vegetables.
"No, it's not just you. I've noticed he's been off, too," Günter agreed, thinking back through the last week. Levi had been extra irritable and short with them all.
"You did? So I'm not overreacting?" Petra breathed a sigh of relief.
"Definitely not," he shook his head.
"What should I do? What if he gets annoyed and pulls away even more?" She worried at her napkin, tearing little shreds off the edge and twisting them round her finger.
"You should talk to him. I don't know Levi very well, but I know he's crazy about you. I doubt he's going to be cross. Well, not for long. And if he is, I've one word for you: Lingerie," Eld grinned at her, trying to lighten the mood as always.
"Eld," Petra growled at him, but she couldn't help a little smile hijack her stern look.
"Seriously though, if this is bothering you so much, you should do it," he unscrewed his vitamin water and took a swig, not breaking eye contact as she pursed her lips at him in thought.
"So you both think I should do it?" She swapped her gaze back and forth.
It was Günter who gave the deciding advice.
"The real question is this; Will you regret it if you let it go and it turned out he needed to open up?"
Realising he was right, Petra knew what she had to do. She just didn't know if she could.
She was making dinner when he got in that night, her body tensing when she realised this was it. She'd decided that she would do it tonight. She couldn't put it off.
She heard him stroll into the kitchen, coming up behind her, the scent of smoke and burnt things among many other smells mixing with the tang of the curry she was stirring.
"Hey, gorgeous," he sighed, kissing her neck and resting his chin on her shoulder. "Smells great."
"Hi," she turned slightly to smile in acknowledgement at his gesture, adding a dash of ginger and five spice to the mild curry. "How was work?"
He slipped his arms from her waist, yawning as he took a glass from the cupboard to get a drink of water.
"Exhausting. The alarm never stopped today. I swear, it was nearly two or three shifts worth of fires in one day."
He gulped down the water, slouching against the counter across from her.
He waited for her to start chatting, her usual easy going catch up a soothing balm after a day of intensity and adrenaline.
Instead, she remained uncharacteristically quiet, her shoulders tense.
"Petra, what's wrong?" He frowned, wondering what had upset her.
"Actually, that's what I'm wondering," she sighed, setting down the spoon and turning to face him. He was surprised by the worried and tense expression she wore, her hands gripping the edge of the counter behind her.
"What's that mean?" He asked slowly, not remotely aware of where she was headed with this.
"Levi, you've been acting so strange the last few days. Ever since that late night shift. I tried to let it pass, but you're so tense and withdrawn and irritable. Just... Off," she gestured helplessly, shifting on her feet.
Levi felt a tug of panic. She was asking about the after affects of his conversation with Malik. He'd tried to brush it all off, to subdue it again, but he'd failed to stop thinking about it.
He was seeing Isabel and Farlan in everything he did now, after years of suppressing it. He just hadn't realised it was showing to others.
Now Petra was calling him out, but he knew he couldn't do that. It was his scar and one he never intended to bare to the world again, especially not the girl he was trying not to mess up with.
So, instead of opening up, he went on the defensive.
"Petra, I've no idea what you are talking about. I'm tired, that's all," he frowned, setting his glass down beside him.
She grimaced and turned to briefly stir the food again before turning back to him.
"Don't try deny it. I know you, Levi, and you're not yourself. And I wouldn't be picking at this, except its getting worse."
Frustration was starting to colour her tone, her golden eyes holding a defiant look.
She wasn't going to back down from it this time.
"Look, just leave it alone Petra. Alright?" He warned, his frown deepening.
"No. Levi, I don't know why you won't trust me. I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm trying to help," she swept out a hand, punctuating her words.
"I don't need help. It's nothing. Now seriously, leave it alone," he pushed off from the counter, unbidden images of his lost friends flashing through his mind.
She quickly snapped off the cooker ring before standing blocking his exit.
"You're not doing yourself any favours keeping it in, you know," she relented.
Levi glared at her in annoyance, something he rarely felt towards her.
She was glaring right back, hands on hips and clearly not backing down.
"Petra, stop. It's nothing!" He repeated.
"Then why are you getting so cross?" She challenged.
Man, she knew how to get to him.
"I came home looking forward to a nice quiet evening with you, but instead you bombard me with pointless questions. Excuse me for being annoyed. And yes, it is nothing," he snapped as he kept up his defensive act and brushed past her, waves of tension and annoyance rolling off him.
"It's not nothing and I'm not the only one who thinks it. Günter and Hanji are worried, too," she said softly.
Levi stopped dead in his tracks and turned slowly on his heel. There was an angry look in his eyes.
"What did you say?" He asked in a dark tone.
Petra mentally kicked herself for dragging the others into this. Well, too late now.
"I asked them if they noticed anything and they said they had. That was it," she reassured him with annoyance.
"So, let me get this straight? You've been talking about me to them - behind my back?" His eyebrows shot upwards in disbelief.
"Oh, for goodness sake, stop making it so dramatic! As I said, I only asked if they'd noticed you were acting strange, too," Petra waved off his accusatory tone. "Levi, just talk to me! I'm not your enemy, I'm your girlfriend!" She begged, exasperated now.
"Well, you sure aren't acting like it right now," he growled. "I'm going for a shower."
With that parting shot, he disappeared up the stairs, ripping his bag from the floor as he went.
Petra stood for a few seconds before sinking into the couch with a groan.
How the hell had that blown up so quickly in her face? Had she been too intense?
She didn't think so and she also knew she'd anticipated a reaction like this from him.
It actually happening though, was a different story. That was their first fight and it left Petra feeling dirty and ill, a sour feeling pooling in her stomach.
She realised that now she'd poked the bear, maybe she should back off and give him some space to think. Maybe that would do him some good, to have time to think things through, to have a bit of peace?
She hoped so, because if he was going to be this angry, things were going to get worse and fast.
Hot water cascaded down from the shower, washing the dirt and grime from his shift off him.
He couldn't believe it. What had happened down there?
Petra had been right, of course, but Levi couldn't believe she'd been talking to Four Eyes and Günter about it.
This was what she was feeling, so it was between them.
Well... Not even, he sighed in defeat. He'd thrown it all back on her, typical him not able to just talk to her.
The truth was, he just didn't feel it was something that needed to be shared. He was fine burying it. It had worked for him... Until now.
Now, he'd upset her as much as she had him.
When he finally came down from the shower, he readied himself for a fight. He braced, expecting flashing golden eyes to turn on him as soon as he stepped off the last step.
Instead, he found her sitting at the table, looking deflated and tired.
He felt a pang of guilt. They'd never fought properly before and he hated it, hated seeing her give him that hurt, accusing look he'd received from nearly everyone in his life but her.
Looking up at him now, she sighed before talking.
"I was thinking I should probably stay at my old place tonight. I haven't been back in weeks to see them and I think..." She swallowed, her eyes glancing up and away from his. "I think it'd be a good idea. Maybe we just need to cool down for tonight."
Levi felt thick, cold dread and fear clog his chest and stomach.
She was running away. Just like that.
He felt the cold, familiar pang of abandonment tapping on his shoulder, reminding him it had never left him, despite what it was.
"Fine, do whatever you damn well please," he snapped angrily at her, his pain and anger swelling up as quickly as he fired the words at her. (Well, he'd used worse language, but Petra mentally switched it out for something less severe.)
Scowling, he marched past her and into the kitchen.
It hurt, hearing him talk to her like that. This was exactly what she'd been worried about.
"Levi, I'm not trying to cause a fight or blow this out of proportion. I just want you to know you can talk to me! Get whatever it is off your chest. You know I'm not prying for the sake of it. I'm worried about you and clearly, from your reaction, I'm right to be," she turned in her chair to where he was bracing against a counter.
When he didn't respond, she sighed heavily and stood, heading to the door.
There was no point pushing him, she was never going to make any progress now, only make him angrier. She wanted to be the one to go, not force him to kick her out, even if only for that night.
"Look, I'll come back tomorrow after your shift if you want. I just think you need time to think this through," she said quietly.
Levi turned to see her by the door already, a small bag in her hand.
Panic rocketed through him. She was leaving. She was walking out the door and he was about to let her, all because he couldn't talk to her.
Damn it Levi! Open your trap now, before you screw this up, you miserable coward! He mentally yelled at himself.
She had just opened the door when he slammed it shut again, standing behind her, hand inches from her face.
She turned to give him a questioning look and he felt himself fall into those eyes again.
No, he had to tell her. He would not lose her, she was the best thing that had happened to him in a long time - possibly ever.
"Don't. Don't go," he whispered, looking down into her eyes, all anger gone from him as quickly as it had come. "Petra, I can't open up. I just can't. My past isn't something I'm proud of, so I keep it buried... But I guess," he reached out to stroke her cheek, "If I'm going to get the future I want with you, I need to learn to start."
Tears brimmed in her eyes and next thing he knew, her lips were pressing softly into his, her empty hand on his side.
"Levi, I'm sorry. I didn't want to ambush you. But like I said, I'm worried. And if I let this slide and it turns out you needed me and I was too scared to ask?" She shook her head, her eyes roaming his face lovingly. "I'd never forgive myself for not being there for you."
Levi stood in shocked silence for a few seconds. Well, that was not what he'd expected this fight to end up like at all.
"And I'll never forgive myself for being such a jerk about it," he grimaced. "I'm sorry. I'm just... Not used to having someone so actively fighting in my corner," he admitted.
"I'll always fight in your corner," she whispered, sincerity shining through her whole being.
Levi felt that overwhelming surge of happiness and something like gratitude and fierce protectiveness for her wash over him, the one he always got when she blew him away like this.
He grasped her face in his strong hands and his lips and tongue came crashing down on hers, over and over.
The rawness from the fight and then sudden opposite emotions had built the tension around them, until he thought he was going to buckle under the heated pressure.
He put all the frustration and longing into the kiss, feeling her respond underneath his touch. He pressed her against the door, holding her tight after he'd nearly sent her away.
With a sigh, she broke the kiss once the tension had been sated.
Glancing down, Levi frowned unhappily at the bag still in her hand. He flicked his gaze to hers before taking it from her grasp.
"You won't need this. I'm not letting you go anywhere," he promised.
Petra gave a small laugh before burying her head in his shoulder.
"Umm, are all fights like that? Because... That was sheer madness," she looked up at him and he shrugged.
"I wouldn't know. You're the only girl who's been around long enough and meant this much to be in this situation with me," he admitted.
"I'm sorry, again. But please promise me, you won't hide anything from me that's important. I just want to be able to help you," she gently pushed.
With a sigh, he led her to the kitchen.
"Well, let's finish this abandoned curry. Then," he turned his gaze to her, his worry and inexperience clear in his gaze, "I'll tell you everything."
See what I mean? Ugh, I'm getting too lazy to fix things... Must stop that! :/
Any thoughts? Still hope you could look past the flaws and enjoy! ;)
Until next chapter guys!
God bless
